This Is the End

John

Don’t you just hate it when you have everything you want to say lined up in your head, but then when it actually comes to saying it all without any hesitation, it just disappears completely. Annie was sat beside me, her face soft and unsure. I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans, biting my lip unsure of where to start. Trailing through my gibberish thoughts, just to get some words out…

“I love you.” Those three words slipped out easily, I hadn’t know I’d said them until it was too late to stop. But fortunately after that, the words just came flowing out.

“So don’t think for a moment that I never did, not even after all this shit happened. That night was never suppose to happen, it was a huge mistake. I know you’re expecting some good reason- an excuse whatever, but I don’t have one. It just happened. I’m being honest with you, Annie.”

I couldn’t lie to her and say I was drunk, because I wasn’t. A part of me wanted to go through with it. I took her hand in mine, rubbing my thumb over her warm palm. I hadn’t looked up at her, I didn’t have the courage but I knew she was crying. The warm salty drops fell onto our entwined fingers, my heart strained for the pain that I caused her. I pulled her small petite body into my arms, holding her tightly to my chest.

“I’m so sorry, Annie. If I could take it all back, I would” I whispered into her hair, slowly rubbing my hand up and down her back to sooth her down.

Her sobs grew louder, and her tears began soaking through my shirt but I just held onto her. Her head was resting between my neck and shoulder, her hands tightly gripping onto my shirt which was pulled up to her face, her legs were thrown across mine. It looked as though I was holding an innocent little baby in my arms, which let my thoughts drift off into the famous ‘what ifs’. After a while, her sobs had stopped and her breathing was at a soft and sturdy pace. I could feel the warmth of her breath on my neck, and her chest rising. I looked at the beautiful girl in my arms, her eyes red and puffy from crying, but her face was peaceful. I let my hand stroke away the pieces of her that covered her face, before I forced her body and mine from the couch. Carrying her bridal style from the living room up the stairs to her room was little effort, she was as light as a feather. I knew this was the effect of what I had done, she hadn’t eaten. I could feel her back bone clearly on my arms, and her ribs were sticking out more than what they had originally. I pulled back her duvet quickly, then laid her gently on the bed before I removed her shoes and pulled the cover over her fragile body. I kissed her softly on her forehead before I headed out the room, stopping once to look back at the girl who stole my heart, and the girl whose heart I had broken. I prayed that she’d forgive me, that she’d give me one more chance to make things right. But there was that one person in the back of my mind that I just couldn’t forget, that one person who could screw this all up for me with just a small amount of words. Eliza.