The Joke's on Me

I woke up slowly the next morning, as I always do. A yawn here, popping joints there, and stretching everywhere. But when I went to stretch my arms, I found myself unable to do so, due to them being wrapped around something.

Change that to someone.

Sean was lying by my side, his face tucked into my neck and his legs entwined with mine. I blushed when I realised we were both stark naked, our bare flesh pressed up against each other in a way that was far too intimate to be ignored. Did we fuck last night?

Then I remembered. I remembered walking in on him in the bathroom. I remembered stripping and watching his eyes light up. I remembered kneeling between his legs and sucking him off. I remembered Sean wrapping his hand around my dick and jerking me off. I remembered finally getting a taste of his lips before we came back to my bedroom.

Shit, was this really a good idea? Bringing him back to mine in the first place? This will only complicate things, I know this much. Shit. I can’t bring myself to get out of bed at the moment though. He really is so perfect, in every way. Beautiful body, beautiful face, beautiful personality, beautiful dick…what more could I want? Oh yeah, I don’t want a boyfriend, let alone anything more serious than one night stands. Sean would never be a one night stand though. But we could never be anything serious.

I’m just not the type of person to jump into something like a relationship without seriously thinking about it before.

Sean wriggled in my arms a little, bringing me out of my thoughts. Fuck, I’m going to have to kiss him again, even if it’s the last chance I get to. I swallowed heavily and ran my tongue over my lips to wet them, before pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, soft and sweet. Mm, his lips are the perfect balance between plump and thin, not too much of either. So I kissed him again. And again. And again. All just soft short kisses, until Sean’s hand suddenly moved to the nape of my neck, not letting me pull away from the kiss.

Sneaky bastard.

A strange fluttering sensation happened in my stomach as I felt him smile against my lips, but I ignored it. I’m probably just hungry. Sean’s back arched, pressing him even closer to me, before he broke the kiss, tiredly looking up at me with a shy smile on his lips.

“Morning,” he whispered.

Fuck, he’s adorable.

“Morning,” I smiled back.

“Last night wasn’t a dream, was it?” Sean asked, his eyes wide with apprehension.

Like I said, adorable.

“No, it wasn’t. We crossed a line, Sean,” I said simply.

What? It’s true! Sean bit his bottom lip, looking up at me nervously.

“Do you regret it?” Sean asked softly.

I’m not going to lie.

“No, I don’t,” I said, shaking my head.

Sean grinned, seeming at ease. Strange guy.

“So what are we doing today?” Sean asked cheerfully, looking up at me with those pretty eyes of his.

We? What are we doing today? Shit, I have to get that idea out of his head. And fast. But how can I do it without hurting him and looking like an asshole?

“I, uh, have to meet up with Lee and Mike later today to talk about rehearsals for tour,” I said as smoothly as I could.

And there goes his cheerful expression. Literally, the grin faded off his lips, his eyes dulling a bit. Shit, do I really affect his mood that much?!

“Oh. I guess…I guess I’ll just see you in the studio, right?” Sean said with a weak smile.

The dejection and hopelessness in his eyes made me sting with guilt. I didn’t mean to upset him. I just can’t be what he wants me to be. I can’t be in a relationship with him. I just wish I knew what to do so I wouldn’t hurt him – I care too much about him for that.

“Sean, it’s not like I don’t want you physically, I think we proved that last night. I just can’t be anything serious,” I told him softly.

“Is there any chance I could change your mind?” Sean asked.

My silence gave him the answer he didn’t want. Fuck, this is not how I expected this morning to end up. Come on, Ian. Think!

“We’ve still got a week of recording, right? And then two weeks until tour starts?” I said quickly.

“Well yeah, but…”

“How about we meet up a bit in that time? Test out the waters, if you will. That way we can still spend intimate time together without making a big deal about it to everyone else,” I interrupted, holding my breath while I waited for his response.

“Like our own little secret,” Sean murmured, his eyes lighting up.

I feel like I’m taking advantage of his eagerness – but there’s no way I’m going to give up a chance to have some fun before tour. Fuck knows I don’t want anyone else knowing about us.

“Mm, something only you and I know. You can’t even tell Gavin,” I nodded, cupping his face with my hands.

“I’ll only keep it a secret if you agree to think about us being more than just friends with benefits,” Sean said, anxiously biting his bottom lip.

I guess I could think about it – it’s not like I have to change my mind, is it? So I nodded, pressing a slow kiss to his lips to seal the deal. Sean whimpered in my touch, only encouraging me to kiss him harder now that I know he’s been wanting this as much as I have. Fuck, a month or so ago I would never have thought I’d be making out nakedly with Sean in my bed, especially not after a night of shower debauchery. But this feels too amazing to let go. Especially when he pushes his tongue into my mouth and grips my hips with his hands. He’s got me hooked already.

And I can’t get hooked.

If I get attached to anything, I mess it up. I can’t ruin my friendship with Sean, or corrupt his childlike innocence. He’s too precious for that. I’ll just have to make sure I keep my emotions behind a steel door, and just enjoy this time that I get with Sean while I can. Fuck knows what will happen when tour starts. I’m just not going to think about that for now. I’ll just focus on me and what’s important.

What could possibly go wrong with that?