The Joke's on Me

“I can’t believe we’ve finished recording,” Sean said quietly.

I just hummed, stroking his hair absentmindedly. We’re lying in my bed in my apartment completely butt naked, having just heatedly made-out and Sean blowing me. He has sinful lips, I’ll tell you now.

“When are we going to tell people about us?” Sean asked, looking up at me.

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Like, when is this going to stop being a secret? Before we go on tour? During tour? After tour? When?” Sean asked.

I swallowed heavily. I really don’t have an answer for him, because I don’t know what to say. There’s something holding me back from telling people about us messing around and until I figure out what that is, this can’t be anything more than a secret.

“Not yet,” I said eventually.

“Oh. Okay,” Sean said softly.

I sighed and pressed a slow kiss to his lips, before pulling away and lying on my back like I was before.

“I like you, Sean, but I can’t take that next stage yet. I’m not ready for that,”

“Y-You like me?” Sean said shyly.

Fucking adorable.

“Yeah, I thought you’d figured that out by now,” I chuckled.

“I was hoping that you did, but I find it so hard to read your emotions sometimes,” Sean blushed, “and I lo…like you too,”

Woah, did he nearly say what I think he nearly said?!

I lo…like you too.

lo...

LOVE?!

No, it couldn’t be. Right? Shit, if Sean feels that strongly about me with just a week of us fooling around…then fuck, this is moving too fast. Way too fast. I’m not ready for commitment in any form, and Sean’s practically screaming that he is. Fuck, what do I do?! I can’t hurt him!

“Are you okay?” Sean asked.

“Y-Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I replied as calmly as possible.

“Because you stiffened up, and not in the way I like either,” Sean pointed out.

I blushed slightly. He can be blunt sometimes.

“I’m fine. I just remembered that I’m going to be busy over the next few days with tour rehearsals. Seeing as I’ve been recording with you and the guys, I haven’t been rehearsing with the rest of my guys,” I rambled.

How did I pull that out of nowhere?!

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you from rehearsals,” Sean frowned.

So gullible. So so gullible. Fuck, I hate what I’m doing to him already. He feels guilty over something that I just made up. Shit.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve got two weeks to rehearse with them. I’ll just call you when I’m free and we can hang out some more,” I smiled.

Sean’s lips pressed together tightly, indicating that he wasn’t happy with the plan, but he nodded anyway. God fucking damn it. Why did he have to get so attached already? This only makes everything harder for me. The last thing I was to do is hurt him, but it’s already looking inevitable. Fucking damn it!

“I guess I should go then, huh?” Sean said quietly.

Uh…think, Watkins!

“Well, I think we both need a shower…and why not conserve water?” I said smoothly, trailing my hands down his sides.

Sean shivered in my touch, making me smirk a little, even more so when he grabbed my hand and dragged me to my bathroom. I’m glad my housemate is a heavy sleeper – I don’t think anyone wants to see Sean and I naked first thing in the morning!

*

“You have skills, man. Fucking skills,” Sean grinned, kissing my neck lightly where he had me bracketed to the wall.

I groaned softly, tilting my head back. Maybe I should make him stay longer so he can continue…no he needs to go.

“Mm, and if you don’t leave now, all my skills will be used up in one day,” I murmured.

“You wish,” Sean winked.

I snickered and placed my hands firmly on his ass, squeezing harshly. Sean squeaked and batted his hands against my chest, wriggling until he was out of my grip.

“I guess you don’t like my skills so much after all,” I smirked.

“Oh I do, believe me. I’ll be back for your skills. Call me when you’re free, yeah? I want to see you before we go on tour,” Sean said with a grin.

I smiled weakly and nodded, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. Who knows? This might be the last time I kiss him. I told myself that I wouldn’t get attached and he’s already starting to, so the healthiest thing is to sever ties now, right? Don’t lead him on before it’s too late. That’s what’s best for Sean. I think.

“Later,” Sean said softly, still smiling as he pecked my lips lightly, before he left the apartment.

I immediately closed the door and groaned, running my hands through my hair. This was not supposed to happen. Not. At. All. I can’t do this anymore. Yeah, I like being with Sean physically, but I don’t want anything more than that. The fact that he almost said he loves me proves that he’s already getting in too deep. I can’t do this. I’ve got to stop this messing around. So he has time to heal before tour. Pulling out my phone, I called the one person that I knew would keep me busy for the next two weeks.

“Hey Mike?”

“Yeah I-An?” he said happily.

“When’s the next rehearsal for tour?” I asked.

“You’re finished with The Blackout then?” Mike said.

“Yeah, I’m finished with them,” I said quietly, hoping he didn’t sense any double meaning.

“Great! Well we’re rehearsing now down at our usual studio, so come now with coffee!”

“Typical,” I chuckled.

“Eh, you would’ve got some for yourself anyway,” Mike teased.

True. He’s got a point.

“Oh, before you get here we need to book rehearsal time. Are you going to be seeing Sean or Gav or any of the others in the next two weeks, or will you be free every day?” Mike asked.

I hesitated slightly. This is now or never. What should I do?

I lo…like you too

“I’m free every day, man. Sign me up,” I said as cheerfully as I could.

“Alright! See you soon, mate,” Mike said happily.

“Yeah, see you,”

I ended the call with a sigh. What’s done had to be done. For Sean’s sake.