The Joke's on Me

“Ian! Snoz wants to hang out today.”

“With…”

“You dumbshit. Duh.”

“Right right right.” Ian mumbles. I grin.

“So are you up for it?”

“Yeah, sure. Where are we goin’?”

“Dunno. Anywhere. Meet us at my mum’s house.”

“Right. See you later.”

“Mkay. See you Smith.”

“Bye Watkins.”

As soon as I hang up, I squeal. It’s a manly squeal, shut up. Okay. So I lied bent the truth a bit. Snoz didn’t want to hang out at all. I wanted to and I made Gavin punch Snoz in the nose so that when Ian came, he would say that he did want to hang out.

I’m a sadistic motherfucker, aren’t I?

“Sean Smith? Squealing?”

“Shut up. Ian’s coming you know.”

“No, I don’t want to know. That’s disgusting.”

“Wha-… Oh you nasty pervert!”I yelling punching him. He grins.

“You should totally flirt with him today you know. It’d be hilarious.” Gavin laughs.

“I couldn’t…” I mumble. Gavin’s still laughing.

Honestly, for once he has a good idea…

Half an hour later, the door bell rings. “I’ll get it!” I holler, bolting down the stairs. Mum is already opening the door though. “Goddammit. Ma!” I whine, stopping three steps from the bottom of the stair.

“Ian Watkins! How are you!”

“Hi Mrs. Smith. I’m okay, thanks. The guys just wanted to hang out today since I was in town and whatnot.”

“Oh that’s right. I heard about you doing a song with The Blackout. Right?”

“Yes ma’am.”

I jump down the stairs, trip, and fall on my face. “Goo’ teh see yeh ‘oo.” I mumble, face in the carpet. Ian laughs and mum does too. I scramble up, my face on fire. Way too look like an idiot in front of Ian, Smith. “’m okay fanks.” I mumble, pinching my nose. I grab Ian’s arm and run up the stairs where everyone else is too.

I shove him into my bedroom (not like that. Perverts.) and slam the door shut. Bob hollers. “Oi! What happened to your face!?”

“What’choo talkin’ about? He was born that way. That’s mean Bob.” Rhys jokes. I glare and flick him off.

“What are we even doing today?” Matthew yells, jumping onto my bed. I run over and tackle him off.

“You got your nasty shoes all over my pillow you stupid moron.” I yell, boxing him in the ear. He howls and shoves me off, punching my already throbbing nose.

Gavin grabs me and throws me off. “Act your age, dumbshits.” he grunts, slapping the both of us. I whine.

“I’m being abused.” I mumble, hiding behind Ian. He chuckles and my stomach does a small backflip.

“Oh poor wittle Sean. I’ll protect you, my damsel in distress!” he says dramatically, turning me around and hugging me. I feel nauseous, like, I’m about to puke because my stomach is so nervous. It’s even worse than the feeling I get before a concert. That’s what he does to me.

~

Twenty minutes later, we’re out the door with a, “Have fun.” And “Don’t get into trouble.” And “If I get a phone call from you, it’d better not be from the slammer. Got it?” And a kiss on the cheek. Mum’s hilarious. Isn’t she? (Note my noteworthy sarcasm).

“Get, get in there.” Gavin urges, shoving me into the coffee shop. And there I am, slamming to Ian and making him fall onto a lady’s table. She looks startled and Ian blushes. “Ugh. Sorry ma’am. It was totally on accident.” He apologizes quickly. She rolls her eyes at him with the line of practically ten other men walking in. She gets up and leaves. Ian turns and glares. “Gee thanks.”

“Sorry man. Gavin made me.”

“Don’t Gavin made me. I didn’t do jackshit.”

I box his ears and push my way into the small shop.

I haven’t forgotten Gavin’s “little practical joke”. I’m still going to flirt with Ian. Maybe he could get the hint. Maybe. Just maybe.

When everyone’s got their food and coffee or tea, The Blackout complete with Ian Watkins have completely taken over half the shop. Snoz is laying on the floor and Gavin is sitting on his chest with a book in his hands. Matthew has taken over an entire booth on his own, spreading his jacket, food, tea, and shoes all over the benches. Asshole. Rhys is sitting at one of the little tables with Bob, flicking little paper balls around the shop. I’m sitting at a booth with Ian on the same side.

Ian looks around him at the ridiculous scene in front of him and snorts into his coffee. This is the perfect time to flirt. No one’s looking.

“You guys are absurd.”

“But that’s why you love us so much.”

“Right.”

“No, not right. You do.” I say, getting up in his face. He backs away a little, a weird look on his face.

Okay, I’ll admit, that was a bit weird. My apologies Ian.

“Sean Smith, it’s called fuckin’ personal space.” He jokes, giving me a little shove. I grin back at him.

“Oh Ian, but I’m in love with you.” I say flamboyantly, waving my arm limply like a fish. He laughs. “You’re so beautiful.” I sigh dreamily, and play with his hair. He gives a little nervous chuckle and pushes my hand.

“Stop Sean. You’re such a weird person.” He jokes.

“But Ian!” I squeal, laying my head on his shoulder. I look up at him and bat my eyelashes. He blows in my face and I scrunch my nose. “Gross. You have coffee breath.” I giggle. He rolls his eyes.

“So do you. I don’t see why you’re complaining.”

I stick my tongue out at him. He grins.

“I’m not complaining. I think it’s sexy.” I grin, putting my hand on his knee under the table. He flushes slightly and I smirk. Then I start inching my hand towards his inner thigh, my thumb stroking lightly. He gulps loudly.

Honestly, this might actually wor-

“JESUS.” Ian yells suddenly. I jump and pull my hand away. “I-I… I need to… I forgot… T-there’s that thing… y-yeah. I’ve got to go.” He mumbles quickly, scrambling out of the booth. “I-I had fun, but uhm, I f-forgot that… t-thing. I’ll see you all l-later.”

And with that he’s gone.

Gavin gets up from Snoz’s chest and walks over. “You didn’t.”

“I didn’t what?”

“I didn’t mean for real flirt with him, you stupid moron.” He scolds. “I was only joking. Now you’ve gone and fucked things up.”

“I did not.” I say indignantly, crossing my arms. “He said he had a thing to do!”

The last thing I see is Gavin’s stupid little paperback book come swiping towards my face.

“WHAT IN THE HELL!?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Look mate, you didn’t have to go and smack me in the fac-“

“Excuse me, but I think you boys need to leave now.” An elderly looking lady wearing an apron says, looking worried. “I think you’re scaring all my patrons away.”

“Look what you’ve done!” Gavin accuses, shoving a finger at me.

I bite it.

He screams and smacks me a couple more times with the book before the lady herds us out of her coffee shop.

“Where’s Ian gone?” Rhys asks.

“Ask idiot over there.” Gavin grumbles.

“I didn’t do anything.” I retort.

Honestly. A bit of flirting never hurt…