The Joke's on Me

Holy shit. Holy shit a brick. What the fuck was that? What the fuck was Sean doing?! Well, it’s kinda obvious what he was doing. Playing with my hair, resting his head on my shoulder, calling me sexy, sliding his hand up my thigh…oh that hand…he was flirting with me. I actually only left because I started to get hard and that would’ve been embarrassing to explain.

“Oh yeah, don’t mind me Sean, I just have a raging hard-on because of you.”

Yeah, that wouldn’t have gone down well. I’m just glad I don’t live far from that coffee shop. Walking while I was throbbing wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. I even had to jerk-off to relieve some of the pressure as soon as I got in my flat. What? It was painful! After I'd satiated my dick, I laid down on my sofa, just thinking about Sean and what the fuck he was up to.

Was Sean just having a laugh? Was he just messing around to embarrass me? That sounds like something Sean would do. He’s always playing pranks on Rhys and Matthew, but he’s never done it to me before. Or was he acting on a bet? Gav probably bet him he couldn’t give me an erection or something like that. That sounds like Gav. I really hope that isn’t true – then the whole of The Blackout would laugh at me when I next see them in the studio. I couldn’t handle that. I’d probably turn and fucking run if that happened.

But what if it wasn’t? What if he was serious?

How do I even feel for Sean? He’s always been the closest friend I have outside of LostProphets. We know each other as well as brothers do. I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that I think he’s attractive. How could I not? He’s grown that moustache again, but with his hair styled in that punk way with the roots showing…he looks simply edible. And I’ve seen him walk around in his boxers enough to know that he has a great body. It’s just recently that I’ve been getting butterflies around him, but is that really such a bad thing? No, I don’t think so. He’s attractive, funny, talented, ambitious and adorable – my perfect kind of guy really.

There is one major problem though.

Sean’s a hopeless romantic. With the boyfriends he’s had, I know Sean’s gone out on gag-inducing dates like a walk on the beach (it was raining, but that’s not the point) or a candlelit dinner, and he loves receiving flowers and chocolates. To be honest, it’s a wonder why he didn’t come out when he was 12. He’s always been into that mushy crap. Me? Well, I don’t go into relationships unless I’m 100% sure about them. That means no dates to test the waters. No gifts (not even bloody flowers) unless it’s an anniversary. Nothing romantic whatsoever. I don’t know what Sean hopes to achieve from flirting with me, I really don’t. We’re two very different people when it comes to the other sex. He has a lot of short-ish relationships, while I have very few long relationships. And while he’s got his head in the clouds, I like to have fun. By that I mean bedroom fun. Or shower fun. Or in-the-corner-barely-covered-by-dark-shadows fun. But you get my point.

I fuck and chuck, Sean falls in love almost instantly. I’m not saying I’m proud of how I treat guys and girls, but until I find that special someone that makes me want to been serious with them, why can’t I have some fun?

Sean…Sean is someone I could never hurt. Not only is he one of my closest friends, but he’s also a sweetheart. So this flirting can’t go too far, or he’s going to end up with a broken heart. I can’t commit to anyone right now and I can’t change that. I just hope Sean doesn’t get the wrong idea.

So what am I going to do? There are a few options. I could ignore him and pretend like I didn’t realise he was flirting with me. Or I could try something serious with him. Or I could just flirt back and see where he takes it. The first option is stupid. Sean knows I know – he was inching his hand up my thigh and rubbing circles with his thumb, for fuck’s sake! And the second option is pretty stupid too. I don’t want to lead Sean on when I don’t really want a relationship with him or anyone for that matter. So the third option? Just flirt back and see if he bites the bait? I guess that makes the most sense. All I want is some fun, so I’ll leave the ball in Sean’s court to see if he wants that too. Yeah, I like that idea.

It’s weird, I never thought I’d think about Sean this way. He’s always been a friend rather than a possibly sex buddy. It’s fucking scary at the same time as being strangely exhilarating. I wonder what he’ll do. I wonder if he actually wants me.

Oh Sean fucking Smith, what have you done to me?

*

Four days later, I pulled up outside the studio. I’ve spent the time since the coffee shop incident just thinking more about Sean, and my possible options. And I’m still on the same conclusion. I’m going to flirt back and see how he takes it. Who knows? I might get a little fun out of this. Like every time I’ve been in the recording studio building, I can hear the members of The Blackout from the other end of the corridor. I smiled to myself at the familiar laughs and voices especially Sean’s, before I knocked on the door twice and opened it.

“I-AN! We thought you’d vanished off the face of the earth, mate,” Gavin said cheerfully.

My eyes flicked to Sean before I shook my head, smiling slightly.

“Nah, just haven’t been feeling well. Stomach bug thing. Didn’t want to pass whatever I had onto you guys,” I lied smoothly, shutting the door behind me.

“I told you he was fine,” Sean said triumphantly, sticking his tongue out.

Oh if only he knew.

“So what did I miss?” I asked, sitting down in a spare seat.

As the group gave me a run-down of all the work they’d done in the past few days, I could barely keep my eyes off Sean. There’s no point denying that I’m attracted to him any more. He looks so good today, not that he doesn’t normally. His t-shirt is just on the right side of tight, and his jeans look like they’re painted on. Perfection.

“…and that’s pretty much it!” Snoz finished.

I found myself nodding, even though I hadn’t really paid attention. For some reason, I think Sean knew this, his lips curling into a small smile.

“Not too shabby lads,” I grinned.

They agreed raucously, Bob and Matthew getting up to start their work. I chatted to Gavin for a little bit, just catching up (he was worried that Sean had done something to ‘upset’ me in the coffee shop, I reassured him otherwise), until I noticed Sean had moved over to the back corner of the room and was pouring himself a cup of water. Perfect. I excused myself from Gavin and slowly walked over there, Sean not realising I was standing next to him until I cleared my throat.

“Hey, Sean,” I said smoothly, flashing him a dazzling smile.

“H-Hey Ian,” Sean said with a uneasy smile.

Time to have a little fun.

“Do I make you nervous, Sean?” I asked softly, smirking a little as I raised an eyebrow.

“W-What do you mean?” Sean stammered.

“You stutter a lot when talking to me, you blush all the time, you avoid my eye contact when we’re alone…” I listed, trailing off as he blushed.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Sean mumbled.

So he’s going to play it this way, huh? With a quick glance over my shoulder to see if the others were looking – and they weren’t – I lightly brushed my hand across Sean’s hip, smirking as his breath caught in his throat. Oh this is definitely going to be fun.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you were doing in that coffee shop. You need to work on your flirting skills, Smith,” I murmured in his ear.

“I-I, uh…well, y-you see…I-I…”

I quickly glanced over my shoulder again to see if any of the other were watching – they still weren’t – before taking Sean’s earlobe between my teeth and tugging lightly. Sean made a soft strangled noise of shock, snapping his head towards me with wide eyes. Two can play at this game, Sean. With another smirk I walked backwards until I reached the door.

“I’m gonna go get coffee. Does anyone want anything?” I asked loudly, breaking through the noise.

Gavin, Snoz, Bob, Matthew and Rhys all shouted their orders at me, Sean still staring at me with those beautiful wide eyes.

“Is something wrong Sean?” I asked innocently, the corner of my lip curling into a teasing smirk.

“N-No, I’m fi-fine,” Sean choked out.

All his bandmates laughed, only making me smirk harder.

“Suit yourself,” I shrugged, winking at him when no-one was looking.

With that, I left the room. As soon as I shut the door behind myself, I leant against the wall, tilting my head back with my eyes closed. I don’t know what Sean wants from me. I can usually read him so well, but not right now. Sure, Sean’s a flirt, but that romantic side of him also makes him vulnerable. I can't hurt him and I don’t know what he wants, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun, right?