The Dating Rules of a Record Label

"I think we should do it."

"But...but-"

"Yes you do have a butt. Hurry up! Okay ready?"

"Kaya, no I'm not ready!" Yumi exclaims nervously. She tugs at her choppy blonde hair, making her black and brown highlights more visible than they already were.
"Not ready? Girl you were talking big smack about wanting one last night!" I reply tucking a strand of brown hair behind my ear.

"Well...I...but..."

Dear lord. She's now going to start to have a stutter spasm. I think I'll let her babble and pout like a fish before we go on and get this over with. "I...erm...blu...bu...bum...uh...what...ta..."

You have got to be kidding me. Please say she's just joking? I sigh and re-adjust my tank top and then I walk and put the fan on high speed. That speed is like equivalent to my nanny fanning herself REALLY slowly. I look at the fan spin in slow motion, bored, as I wait for Yumi to finish. "Yumi, are you done?" I ask. This is taking longer than I had anticipated. We should be roaming around the island right now, not be cooped up inside...and having stuttering parties.

"I...well...I'm nervous! Will it hurt?" She turns her light brown eyes into puppy dog eyes. Her puppy dog eyes look like she's trying to squint and flutter her lashes at the same time.

"No, Yumi needles don't hurt, of course it will! That’s why they call it a 'piercing.'"

"But I heard that naval piercings hurt a lot!" And this is coming from the girl who had her lip pierced, took it out, then got her tongue pierced, took it out and then got her ears pierced-for the fourth time.

"Yes they do hurt a lot." I sigh and put the needle down, "Fine, you don't have to get one now. Just don't say that you want one next time because if you do, Liam and I are strapping you down and putting it in." I smile and collect my needles and jewelry.

"Isn't that what they did to you when you got your naval pierced?" Yumi asks, rolling off the bed and opening a window to a view of the beach and water...and a big old guy wearing a Speedo. Talk about gross.

"Shut up, no..." I shift around on my bed, "They put me to sleep." Yumi laughs at me and I throw a pillow at her. Heck yes baby! Square in the face!

"Let’s go. It’s beach time!" Yumi grabs a towel.

"You mean sun burn time." I mumble. Yumi pinches me where it tickles and I do this sort of spin/turn thing and whack the wall with my sum 41 bag.

I'm fresh out of high school in the United States! I plan on having one year of just chillaxing to let things get into place in my life- that is, if they ever do. You see, I wouldn't say I had the most calm of lives. You can thank my name and family. Sambora. Yes, I am the one and only daughter of Richie Sambora- lead guitarist of Bon Jovi. Yes my mom is Heather Locklear. Yes they're divorced. No my dad isn't dating Denise Richards. And no, I don't want to talk about it.

So the typical life for me: Home-schooled...well more like tour bus schooled-until I was 13. Then I went on to a normal high school in Los Angeles. Mom said my exposure to rockstars, sex, drugs, and alcohol will have a bad influence on me. Bad influence? WHAT-EVER! I think it's a great life! I mean, my mom married my rockstar dad and things turned out alright! Besides the divorce. Anyways! After four years of a grounded and boring life without seeing my busy parents or any A list people for that matter, I decided to move to London. A rockstar capital itself.

What to say about Yumi? Like I said, she's my cousin and best friend. She only went to school because she loves socializing. No Yumi is not Asian or anything. Just British. She just happens to have a Japanese name. Yumi's parents were in Japan, wanting some oriental influence for their film and book. Her dad is a director and her mom or mum-as she says- is a novelist. So while in Japan, Yumi's mum broke her water thingy! So Yumi was born in Japan, thus receiving the name- Yumi: Helpful Beauty.

Yumi and I like to go on little adventures. Ei: Midnight trips to the local McDonalds, raiding my dad's tour bus while we're all together as a family, drawing eyeliner faces on Jon Bon Jovi's face while he's sleeping at our house during the summers, and riding the scary ponies on the merry-go-round (that's Yumi's adventure). I would like to be in films like my mom and perhaps be on some TV shows or maybe help produce a platinum album for an artist but at the moment, I'm balancing the life as a Rockstar's daughter-which if you must know-is very hard. Parties, burps, parties, drunks, parties, red carpet, concerts, cameras, and yes-say it with me- parties. Yumi is going to attend some fashion school in London but at the moment, she's not at school or anything. She's taking a gap year and is uber busy, working at Universal-Island Records. Something about connections on how she easily got the job.

Two weeks! Two weeks of water, freedom, sun, beach, and water guns! Yumi and I...plus her parents are in the Caribbean for some 'fun in the sun.' Originally, Yumi and I were only going to go...along with my boyfriend Liam, but Yumi's dad had a childish fit back in London.
"If Yumi gets to go to the Caribbean then so do I!" He even pouted. So...instead of two people, it was four, plus secretly one more. Yumi and I (at least we get our own room together), Yumi's Mutti and Vati (not much of an embarrassment- we just not want to be near their over-animated laughs), and then Liam (took a plane from Los Angeles and arrived late last night). Thank you Santa that the parents didn't see! The consequences of letting Vati go: No boys. No boys. And yes- no boys. My poor baby had to crawl through the tropical bushes around the resort to get to me without letting Yumi's parents see.

As Yumi and I walk to the beach, Liam calls. "Hey." I smile. I look at Yumi. She's making kissing faces and pretending to make out with someone by turning her back to me and hugging herself. I roll my eyes.

"Go the other way to the beach. The paparazzi are waiting around the corner." Liam says. Man he sounds like my agent. I stop walking.

"But I never told them I was here. No one knows. Not even my dad."

"Well then why are they here?"

"I don't know. Where are you?" I ask and look around. I ignore Yumi's stupid kissing faces. Maybe I should pull her single pink strand of hair to stop her...

"Somewhere. You look hot in that swimsuit." I can sense him smirking. Now I feel self-conscious of my outfit. I usually don't wear small swimsuits but I don't wear Nanny’s baggy tee-shirt either.

"Liam stop it! Where are you?" I laugh.

"Nice tattoo. Tell Yumi to stop making kissing faces. People are looking at her in an odd way." Liam chuckles.

I look at Yumi. She looks like a fish at the moment. "Nah I'll let her make a fool out of herself."
Yumi looks at me and stops her kissing face. She blushes.

I laugh and turn around to find Liam smiling, "Hello."

"Liam!" I laugh and jump in his arms. I quickly kiss him. Liam and I have been dating for about a year. He's a great dude...although we do fight a lot. Yumi, Liam and I head to the beach via not my paparazzi and take over three spots to lay our towels.

"Where are your parents Yumi?"Liam asks taking off his shirt. I look at him and his nice body and smile. He catches me looking at him and winks.

"They're touring the island." Yumi sniffs. Yeah- touring like any other person over the age of 35 would. I look at Yumi. She and Liam aren't the best of friends. But they are good enemies! I don't know why but she just never really liked him. She said once on the phone that he's too cocky...and too Abercrombie for me. Yeah so I'm not the preppiest of girls and I'm of Rock n Roll/glamour blood. So what? I'm attracted to my opposites! But Yumi doesn't get that. She only goes after the funny musician types.

Okay Yumi whatever.

"Right, I'm going to hit the waves for a bit. I'll be back." Liam says.

"Okay." I smile and kiss him. He walks off to the board rentals and I look at Yumi. I can just read her mind. She does this little inner cheek biting and clicks her tongue whenever she disapproves.

"I'm not trying to make you like him." I roll over to Yumi who is lying on a beach towel consisting of a tweedy bird picture.

"I know." She says. She's leaning back, propped up by her elbows, checking out her guy options. She does better in life when she dates around but never having something serious.

"I love you!" I use my puppy dog eyes and get up in her face.

"I know."

"I'll take you to Pacsun when we visit California and I'll buy you all the O'NEILL merchandise."

Yumi loves skate/surf apparel. So do I- Love it mucho! Yumi glances at me quickly, "Really?"

"Really." I smile and roll over her, "Oops. Sorry pardon me. I have a big butt." and I begin to scroll through Yumi's iPod on the other side. I try to ignore the blazing heat on my head.

"Kaya please. There's nothing there!" She points to my bum. My bottom swim piece is covered in sand.

"Well! Yumi you're my first cousin NEVER removed! So therefore you got diddly squat too!" I laugh.

I thought sunbathing in big dramatized sun glasses and ignoring screaming kids would ease my restlessness. But of course, I'm Kaya- there's no such thing as restlessness. Ignore that I sleep in past noon on weekends. I roll over on my stomach and sigh. Oh my goody god I'm bored. I lay on my side and watch Yumi head bounce to some music- most likely pop. Yesterday, she was infatuated with rock. Today her lover is pop. And tomorrow will probably be metal. I'm okay with her changing her favorite genre of music...I just don't want her head banging in an invisible mosh pit while listening to heavy rock at two in the morning...for the fourth time this week.

I'm bored.

Will Yumi get mad if I pour cold water on her back? Her eyes are closed. How about her butt instead? Back or butt? Hmmm... Right now, I'm mentally slapping myself. I'm thinking just like Yumi. Back or butt...she would think like that. After five minutes of drawing circles in the sand that remind me of Zen, I decide, "Butt."

"Sorry?" Yumi opens her eyes. I love her English accent. I tried speaking like Yumi once. Ha! I sucked at it.

Crappers I spoke my thoughts out loud again.

Ah oh well.

"Butt." I say simply. I open a water bottle and take a sip. Ah refreshing!

"But what?" She asks.

"Butt- a target." I smile and pour ALL of the COLD water on Yumi's bummy (which there is hardly any if you ever happen to look). Yumi jumps up like there's a spider on her. She's full of shock.

"Kaya!" she says dramatically and loudly.

"Yes darling?" I laugh, "You look shocked. All you need is a balloon to rub on your head so it can stand on end and-"

Then I'm splashed with water. But it's warm. And no it's not pee! Now Yumi's laughing. I had, of course, stopped. But then I laughed too. She laughed because she thought she got me back. I laughed because she looks like an animated uh...thing with scrunched up small eyes, wide nose, and a large open mouth. At least she's not laughing like a hyena...yet.
I got bored pretty easily after our water incident. Since I'm bored, I'm more likely to cause trouble. I look to my left. That melting ice cream cone looks pretty fun to start something. But whose is it? I look at the closest person near it. Hmmm...I'm sure the very skinny lady in a white bikini wasn't eating it. I can see ribs. I take the ice cream and smile. It's my 'I know something you don't know' smile. Yumi knows it well. That smile equals "uh-oh run away now!" Yumi scrambles up since she's like all leg (yet no butt) and stammers away in the sand. I run after her naturally. Why is she running so fast? It's not like I'm some crazy person...heh...

As I run after Yumi, determined to stick the chocolate delight on her swimsuit, I feel the sand fly behind me. ow ow ow!!! Damn! Yumi led me to the sandy part with the annoying and hurtful pebbles.

We run past the surf rentals "Hey Liam!" I say running past him. I'm panting. Wonderful, yes? Gosh Yumi runs fast. Shit I feel my halter becoming loose. Oh dear...

Finally! After like a million years, I catch up to my non-butt friend. "AHA!" I yell.

"Shitters..." I hear her mumble. I pull her bikini bra strap. She twirls around and wham! The ice cream cone hits live center in between her um...girlies on her chest. Hehehehe....hee.
I officially rock more.

I'm laughing my ass (that I have) off and walk backwards, pointing at the annoyed Yumi.
"Look! Your nose is flaring! Yumi you look-ahahahahaa!" I squeal and not pay attention to anything except Yumi. I forget that people are looking now. And I also forget that I have sand in my hair and my top is about to fall off at any second.

"Kaya! You got it on my swimsuit!" Yumi whines. Yes sometimes she can be a bit of a fashionista. Aren't we all? I watch and laugh as Yumi does her whining dance consisting of stamping, 'hmphing', and cross-arm folding.

"Hey babe at least it's not on your bummy! Cuz the icecreams chocolate!" I laugh more. Yumi looks out towards the water. I look towards the boardwalk.I stop laughing. Crap it's
paparazzi. And I thought I wasn't of interest this summer. I don't mean to sound conceited. It's just that I've been in front of cameras all my life and sometimes it's a bitch. I always embarrass myself. One time I tripped over JLO's dress. "Hey Yumi?" I yell over the beach noise, "Can we get out of here?"

"What?" she yells back and looks back to the water. Something caught her attention. I'm too busy re-adjusting my top to notice.

"Let’s get out of here!" I respond. I walk backwards, still trying to get deaf Yumi to hear me.

"Hang on! I think I know someone here! Hey! It's - “Yumi begins but I'm cut off by a huge group of kids screaming and playing football (soccer). Most of them stamp on my feet.
Wonderful. Bruises are the best. I'm trying to listen to what Yumi said. She said something like...uh McFit? My dye? McHigh? I know she said McHOT but the other started with an F.

"McWho?" I yell back and walk backwards.

"Kaya watch out for-" Yumi tries to warn me but too late; I trip over a stupid lawn chair. Had someone been on it, they would think I was molesting them. I laugh my ass off because as I fell, it tickles instead of hurt. Yes...I'm weird. Feel free to feel sorry for me.

"Are you alright?" Someone asks me. No doubt he's English.

"Ow!" I laugh and shake my head. I'm still lying in the sand. My shell necklace pinches the skin on my neck. I look up and see-

OH.MY.GOODYGOD! The definition of gorgeous.

The guy looks at me and waits for me to talk...if I ever do. I blink, "uh yeah. Yeah I'm fine...yeah." Oh can I get any freakier? Dude this boy was like steaming gorgeous. He's also CUTE!!! VERY CUTE!!! Those Blue-gray eyes- Perfection! That mouth- Scrumptious!

Yumi runs over to me and McScrumptious, "Dude you totally made dork records!" She laughs.
Thanks Yumi. I'm quiet. Too quiet to be Kaya. A gaggle of other good looking boys come over too. One guy with a chiseled jaw line speaks to McScrumptious.

"What are you doing?"

McScrumptious talks, "She fell as I was walking by to see Yumi."

Smexy! I rate him...over ten!

"Dude every girl falls over when you walk by." Chiseled boy says.

Um...like I'm not here?

"Well actually I tripped because I'm a klutz." I reply. But I bet girls DO fall over at the sight of him. He's so...so...wow...

"Yumi?" A guy of about 27 comes up.

"Oliver? Oh my god Oliver!" And Yumi hugs this random dude. Well..Random to me. But she jumps in his arms- I guess not random?

"Oliver?" I ask.

"Yumi!" Two more guys come along. One a brunette and the other is blonde.

"Tom! Danny!" Yumi hugs them. I'm in clueless-ville.

"Hey what about us?" McScrumptious asks.

"Dougie! Harry! What are you all doing here?" She asks. How did she manage to clean the ice cream off in three minutes?

"Vacation. Then back to work." The brunette says. They're all British.

"Um...Oliver? Wait- is he that guy your god brother or something?" I ask. I don't like being clueless.

"Yeah and he manages McFly," Yumi smiles.

"Oh." I have no clue about who she is talking about.

"This is McFLY." Yumi points to McScrumptious and his friends, "And you met Oliver when we were thirteen."

"Oh." I think it's coming back to me.

"Yeah you look different. You don't have pizza in your hair." He smiles.

I blush, "Good times eh? Yumi doesn't throw pepperoni at me anymore...it's cheese now." I reply. Everyone laughs. Oh- was it supposed to be funny? I was being serious.

Okay this is hard to explain but I'll say it in the simplest form:
McFly's manager, Oliver, just happens to be the godson of Yumi's daddy, therefore making Yumi and Oliver god siblings. So Yumi knows McFLY really well. But I don't because I was deprived from the British music scene for a while when I lived grounded in Los Angeles and Yumi lived in England with her American mother and British father. Her mother is my father's sister. And whenever we've visited each other, she's never bothered to mention McFLY at all because she-

"Sorry I never mentioned McFLY to you." Yumi laughs at my confused face. It was the only face I could pull off at the moment. I don't want to blush in front of McScrumptious whose name is Dougie. Dougie Poynter.

AH! He's looking at me!

"I thought it wasn't a big deal." Yumi adds. Whatever. Eyeroll...

But guess what- It is a BIG DEAL! Their...bass player- from what Yumi just told me- is gorgeous! And he has a cute mischievous smile! I try not to blush anymore. I always do that in front of boys who are good looking.

"So Kaya- this is Danny, Tom, Dougie and Harry. Boys- this is my cousin Kaya."

"Hi." I say, gaining my Kaya-ism again, "Nice to meet you." I shake Dougie's hand...ah so soft.

"Kaya...cool name." Dougie says,

"Thanks...my mom gave it to me." Oh my god I did not just say that!!!! Mortifying on an epic scale! I think I'll go drown myself now.

"Uh yeah Kaya's mum is Heather Locklear." Yumi saves the awkward tension I called upon us.

"So you're Richie Sambora's daughter?" The guy named Tom asks.

"Yup." I say. I sound confident. But I'm slamming my head on a brick wall inside.

"Sweet!" Danny cheers.

"Hey baby what’s going on?" Liam appears by my side with an ice cream for me.

"Baby?" Yumi lifts an eyebrow.

"Oh Yumi ran into some friends." I say as he slides an arm around my waste. I can tell he's getting protective because Yumi's friends are of male species. And I'm talking to them with only a bikini on. What? Liam I'm not going to like throw myself at him...I mean them. Not him. Them.

"Now we know why paparazzi are around." Liam says.

"Huh?" I ask.

"It's for them," He refers to McFLY, "Since you were on the down low. But now that you're hear near them, you're not going to have peace today."

"Okay how did you know who they were but I didn't?" I ask.

"My sister when to England last winter and fell in love with you guys." Liam says to Harry. I feel stupid. And lost. And musically deprived.

"Well Kaya, for your well being, you should go back to the hotel for a couple hours." Oliver says to me.

"Good idea." Yumi says, "Okay lawn chair tripper, back to the cave! Come on you too pretty boy." She ushers me and...My boyfriend away.

"Bye!" Yumi yells to Oliver.
"Bye!" I also say to them. Particularly Dougie. He smiles slightly.

Then I remember. My boyfriend is right next to me. I grab Liam's hand and follow Yumi. "Back to the cave!" I cheer.