The Dating Rules of a Record Label

February

I am completely anti-Valentine's day (thanks to Liam for ditching me for a baseball game that day). And Dougie, out of the goodness of his heart (that he said I kept), agreed not to celebrate it. Even if I did enjoy lovers' day, we couldn't celebrate because McFLY is in Ireland for the week for some major charity fundraiser. I wanted to go too because I like listening to cancer stories and helping the children but Galen had something else planned for me. Something about a director. Yumi was a bit disappointed about no Valentine’s Day. She and Danny both love the holiday! You should see all the little cupid cookies in the kitchen.

I observe Yumi for the longest time, watching her fold clothes perfectly, her blonde hair falling over her eyes.

"What Kaya? Stop looking at me," She quickly changes the channel of the television and gets back to work.

"But it's amazing!" I sit up with bright eyes, "You fold clothes so simply and quickly!" I play with some of her already folded clothes.

"Kaya no you’re ruining them!"Yumi snatches away her now unfolded shirt. I can't fold. My clothes turn into wads of fabric.

"Oops, sorry." I softly put them back in the laundry basket. But they're already messed up anyway.

"Kaya do some other chore." Yumi tries shooing me away.

"Me? Dude you know I suck at that stuff!" I start counting with my fingers, "I can't cook, and I can't do laundry. I can't work a hoover. I sneeze when I dust. I would be a horrible house wife. Hell I'd suck at the whole wife thing in general!" I put my hair in a messy bun and fall back on the sofa. I stare into the large ceiling light. Yumi and I have been inside all night, trying to do chores. Well actually Yumi did that. I just went through some publicity stunts with Natasha.

"Hey look Kaya, you're on the television!" Yumi laughs.

I look at the screen and see myself acting like the villain bitch I played on a soap opera. I was supposed to have problems with some of the girl characters on the show. Yeah Yumi said I was one hot bitch.

"Oh god change the channel!" I moan.

"Hey you have improved on your British accent! Needs work of course though."

"Channel it!" I cover my eyes.

Yumi chuckles and channels it, "Hey you're on a talk show!"

"Damnit Yumi turn it off!" I throw popcorn at the screen. I hate watching myself on television. And why am I all over the BBC network tonight? I'm never on the TV at home.

Yumi ignores me and watches it with amusement. I stick my fingers in my ear and go "La la la!" and walk to the windows to look at some Londoners.

As I'm thinking of how I blame Karlie for scheduling some film meeting with Galen, I get a light bulb moment and jump and twirl myself around. I feel...mischievous.

"Oh Yumi I have an idea!" I cheer. It's so brilliant. I think I love myself.

"What is it?" She asks, still folding laundry. I picture her in an apron and Danny singing "Honey I'm home!"

"Karlie is on a date with Galen after years of him trying to court her! They're going all over the city!"

"Okay?" She forgets how sneaky we quite are.

"Let's spy on them! And video tape them and make them embarrass themselves! Ah it'd be so fun! We can stalk them!" I jump in Yumi's lap.

She gives me a blank stare for a moment, "Are you serious?" she raises an eyebrow. I'm surprised she didn't push me off her lap yet.

"Uh...Yeah Yumi duh!" My eyes are big and bright. This is what happens when we're cooped up at night. She looks at me, blinking stupidly. Then she gives me a goofy smile, "I'll get my video camera."

"Heck yes!" I fall off her lap, "Ow! Ha! I'm so wearing my knee-high heel boots! It's so spy chick!" I laugh and skip to my room, "we have to hum the James Bond theme song while we spy!"

**************

The next day, I'm so tired from a long fun night of stalking Karlie and Galen. They went everywhere! First to dinner at a posh place. I had to look like I wasn't some stupid celebrity and more of a normal person plus we had to split the bill and eat right next to the kitchen while we watched them talking about nerdy adult things like science and books. I kept getting slapped in the shoulder by the kitchen door! Then we followed them to a film. I had to hide my face behind a popcorn bag while Yumi kept being a camera woman. Then they went to walk around the area where the Buckingham Palace is. Our feet were screaming murder after that. But Galen tripped over a homeless man. That was funny.

What I do to get revenge.

Yumi is editing the film now.

Speaking of film, I'm surrounded by film industry people and Karlie and Galen and John my lawyer. I feel small and dumb.

And plus it is freaking freezing in this meeting room! The director, Ted (a very cool and laid back cool young dude) personally talks to me and only me, treating me like the adult I should be when I act. His people are behind him, waiting for his proposal for me.
I have to act like I didn't know what he wanted from me.

It’s not my hand in marriage if you’re stupid enough to think that.

"Kaya I am making a movie, filming starts this June and we - the film label and I- have been watching you lately and quickly decided that we would like you to be one of our lead roles,"
He leans forward and tells me straight-up. His blackberry rings but he ignores it.

"He's very straight-forward eh?" I hear Karlie mutter to John.

I put my game face on- the one I inherited from my father- since Ted gave me the opportunity to be grown up, "What's this film about?"

"Someone give her a script!" Ted motions to a lady. She hands me a script. I quietly thank her and Galen and I look over it together. He can tell what a good script is a mile away.

"Lead part huh?" Galen asks taking off his sophisticated glasses, "You're usually supporting actress."
"Galen, Kaya is not meant to be support anymore! She's supposed to be the lead."

He's such a suck up but keep talking!

"It's a comedy- different from the soaps you've been on- set in an English prep school. If you choose to accept, you'll have to go through more intense language skills because you’re accent is a bit to erm...American. So there are two nerds-" Ted sips his tea in a Styrofoam cup and leans back, "who make a bet that nerd #1 can get into this fit, popular bird's preppy skirt by the end of the semester examinations. It has that "American Pie" movie effect with an English twist. However this movie is strictly for the teen youth of our society. I think the queen would hate it…Boris Johnson might think it’s a bit funny…it is a bit out there but we’ll see what happens. "

"Yeah that's indeed very different. The type of movie and the offered roll." I smile and browse the script more. Life would be hectic. I would be scared to do this because I'm not sure if everybody else besides teens would like it. Would older people not think it as appropriate? Of course they won't think it's appropriate! I'd be away probably, filming in different parts of England and Scotland I guess.

Would this be a good idea?

I look at Galen for his input. His eyes say yes of course.

"This is a funny script," I smile at the screen writers, "Very creative. How long will filming be?"

"Possibly no more than seven months, then two months promoting and a total of three premieres in three weeks- one in London, New York City, and Ontario. So by the time you get to settle down again, it would be about a year or so.

"Hmmm..." I briefly nod as I pretend to think. I want them to feel the suspense! I feel so important too.

"Ted, of course I'll work with you." I smile.

"Yes!" He smacks the table with his fist in triumph, "We'll sends the contracts to John and we'll have to get all the paper work ready..." and Ted goes on and on.

Galen, Karlie and John immediately take over and start the business part of it while I try to listen because I really want to learn how to work with contracts. I was tired but happy. I was half tempted to put my feet on the table and yawn but I knew Karlie would kill me then and Ted would have no actress! I sigh in delight. I feel like a respected adult now! Not some young socialite who shops all day! But I'll be that socialite tomorrow.

*********

"I miss you, Dougie," I whine and fall on my bed. I switch ears and put the phone on my right ear.

"I miss you, too," He replies. I sense him smiling which makes me smile.

"How's Ireland? I have never been there before."

"It's good. Raining of course but we managed to get some work done," then he laughs, "a group of girls showed up to the charity gig. You know that bomber jacket Danny has?"

"Yeah." I reply and smile. Danny is obsessed with it. It's rumored that he sleeps with it!

"During the show on stage, Danny took it off and just threw it out to the crowd!" He laughs.

"He did what?" Yumi loves that jacket too. She'll try to sleep in it WITH Danny.

"And there was this girl who caught it. Later, we saw her at a restaurant, covered in our clothes. Danny's jacket, my beanie cap, Tom's tie and Harry's leather belt. She was so proud of herself!" He finishes. We can hear Harry in the background lightly playing a beat with pens, "Then we had to run from a stampede of screaming older fans. Women in their thirties...wanting to snog young boys." He shudders.

I laugh, "I'm glad you had fun." Then I yawn.

But it was only...midnight! Not that late wouldn't you say?

"I hear you're going to be in a movie?"

"Yeah," I say and get under my covers, "Too bizarre to think about it. I'll have to tell you in person next to me."

I hear Dougie yawn as I roll around the bed.

"Okay I should let you sleep; you have to play with children tomorrow." I begin to yawn again.

"No," Dougie replies, "I miss your voice."

"But rule number eight," I tease.

"What rule is that?" Dougie never memorized the rules.

"Never get in the way of each other's careers. Thus you must sleep," I say with authority.

"I'd rather sleep with you right next to me," Dougie says. I hear Tom in the background, singing to himself.

"I want that too Dougie but for now, you have to sleep! I heard Tom getting ready for bed!" I giggle.

"Yeah he's saying goodnight to his guitar."

*******

"Jazzie! Jazzie, no! No! Bad Jazzie!" I laugh and scream at Jazzie whom was flash dancing in front of my window for passersbys below us outside on the street.

"Woohoo Jazzie!" Yumi laughs and she starts flashing the whole world too.

Oh no. I'm with the freak show.

"Yumi!" I scold.

"C'mon Kaya, have fun! Stop babysitting us!" She shakes her ass. I roll my eyes and wipe the sweat from my brow.

I'm teaching myself how to clean.

It's very hard work.

So while I cleaned all day, preparing for an in-home interview with Teen Vogue, Yumi and Jazzie stripped down to their undies and bra on my roof top, had a pillow fight on MY bed (Okay so I joined in on that one), and now are auditioning for "Girls Gone Wild" UK edition!
Help me!

I leave the two strippers alone and head to my room.

I feel like a maid.

I'm even wearing an apron over my jean shorts and tanktop. Jazzie took a picture of me with her mobile phone and sent it to Dougie. He immediately called and asked how come I don't wear an apron for him when we're alone.

Jazzie hung up on him then.

"Kaya!" Yumi and Jazzie sings.

"Crap!" I mumble and hide under the covers of my bed. Maybe if I pretend to sleep, they'll be thick enough to leave! I hear my door bang open as I close my eyes and my sheets are quickly tugged of me, revealing myself in tight ball.

"Don't go to sleep yet!" Yumi begs. Jazzie climbs into my bed and steals my biggest pillow. She lights a cigarette.

"Dude don't burn my bed to ashes okay?" I smile and scoot over into the middle so Yumi can get in. She makes my bed squeak. Or is that me?

"Does your mum know?" Yumi looks at Jazzie quickly before stealing my cute eye mask. I never wear it but it's still mine so I don't want to share my cute items of course.

Yumi used to smoke. Then she quit. Now she's just a "casual" smoker. Is that still considered quitting?

Jazzie takes a puff, "No not really. I stole some of Dougie's old packs."

Dougie's a casual smoker too. But he rarely does it.

"I'm going to fall asleep now," I announce and motion for Yumi to turn off the light. When she does all I can see is the soft burning glow of Jazzie's cigarette.

Yumi makes a nervous giggle, "Kaya, I'm afraid of the dark."