The Dating Rules of a Record Label

Yumi was right. I needed rest big time. The moment we got to a hotel in Lancaster, I bought my own room and went straight to bed. I didn't even care if the sheets had ciggy stains or if Yumi called to check in if I didn't kill myself. I just saw the bed, stripped down to some shorts and my bra and jumped right under the covers. I was asleep within two minutes. I slept in as well. It was noon by the time I got up and two in the afternoon by the time we were on the road again.

It was awkwardly quiet in the car as we traveled to Leeds. Dougie sat in the fixed third row seat. I never acknowledged his existence.

In Leeds, we spent the rest of the day stopping at literally every pub in the city. For some odd reason, every bar tender had a ghost story to tell. After Harry dragged us to some cricket stadium, Tom and I annoyed the rest of the group (Dougie was quiet instead of complaining) by spending two hours at a jewelry shop, trying to find the right kind of ring for Giovanna if you catch my drift. I enjoyed it actually. I picked out my dream ring too but walked away when I realized I was staring at the ring's beauty way too long.

After we ran into the McFLY tour bus, which then turned into a wild chase of manager hunting band, we got away from Oliver and the honking bus (both Dougie and I couldn't help but laugh at the same time) and arrived in Manchester for a pee stop, snacks, and gasoline.

I'm being blackmailed at the moment. Dougie is too. Everyone promised that they would stay out of our mess, but, of course, what do they do? They stay in it! What's the point of promising to mind their own business when they're not going to in the first place?

Once we stopped at the gas station, I tried getting out because my new annoyance towards Dougie was about to get out of control.

How could he stay so quiet like nothing was wrong with this trip? If he wasn't going to leave, then I would. I'll call Oliver and he'll pick me up! When I tried getting out, Yumi said no, took the car keys, and locked Dougie and I both in my own car! She knew if I tried unlocking the car from the inside, the alarm would go off and I knew she wouldn't press the alarm button to turn off the sirens. Plus she took my phone so I couldn't call the police.

Of course.

It's like they want Dougie and I to try to kill each other.

Anger is already boiling in my chest! This is when the On Star car emergency would come in handy.
Dougie huffed impatiently as everyone took their time outside or in the store. I just kept quiet and never acknowledged that I knew he was behind me in the third row. I run my fingers through my hair and lean on the door window with a small thud.

The silence was killing me!

This trip is taking way too long. It's a fast car and England isn't that big but Tom is a careful driver. I think I might take over next and speed. And since Danny was in the car, Yumi couldn't help keeping away from him! Together, they wanted to take the long route and drive along the coast of England, outlining the island and then go back home to London. Yeah with my problems with Dougie and Harry's demand for food and Tom's pee-pee-all-the-time problem, that trip won't happen at the moment.

"So you don't love me anymore, eh?" Dougie asks lightly as if it were a joke.

I try ignoring him. I acknowledged my feelings in my head before I left the hotel and I had came to the conclusion that even though Dougie may be extremely gorgeous, that feeling where my legs felt numb, my head felt light, and my heart kept twisting as if it wanted to come out of my body means that I loathe him. Not love him.

"I just want an answer from you, Kaya."

I watch rain slide down the window and then I turn around in my seat and face him.

"No. I don't...feelings change."

Dougie gazes at me and I stare back. I never could read his expression properly. He frowns and a twinge of guilt formed by my rudeness takes over.

I shift around uncomfortably and look at Danny signing autographs outside. "How's Zukie?" I swallow.

"He's good. He's fat and old now." He sighs.

I nod. "And Jazzie?"

"She's like you now - cold and heartless." He looks out a window.

It felt like I was just punched. My eyes narrow at him. I want to say so many fowl words to him. How could I have ever loved him?

"Do you hate me as well?"

"Sure." Dougie mumbles.

I dig my nails into the skin of my palm. "Good, we're on the same page then." I then turn around swiftly just as everyone piles into the car.

*****

This time I drive and we quickly get to Liverpool. During the drive, I kept on thinking "How did this all happen? At least we feel the same way. We can't stand each other!" My heart kept falling deeper and deeper though- like regret.

"Park here. This is my uncle's bed and breakfast. We can stay the night for a considerable price."
Tom directs me to a decent parking space that was actually meant for tiny cars.

"Tom!" A man in his fifties greets us outside a nice old-fashioned building.

"Hi, Uncle Berry," Tom smiles and they man-hug.

"And the rest of the lads I see," he peers at them with a twinkle in his eye. "Last time you four were here, the kitchen nearly exploded. I trust that won't happen again?"

"No it won't." Danny laughs.

Yumi and I stand there awkwardly until Danny introduces Yumi to Berry.

"And the girlfriends!" Berry claps. "Hello I'm Berry," He waves at Yumi and then peers at me.

"Hi." I smile.

"I know you." He gives me a warm smile.

"I'm just Yumi's friend tagging along." I reply, hinting that I'm not a girlfriend anymore.

"You all need tea. You look exhausted." He grabs my hand and takes me inside. I look back at Tom who motions for me to follow.

"We're not that tired." I say to Berry quietly as everyone follows me inside where it was warm and cozy. The theme of the house made me want to plop down on a sofa with a blanket, book, and a cup of tea. Everything was wooden and very neat and tidy.

"No you're definitely tired." He nods. As he makes tea, he looks down a Tom.

"How long will you be staying?"

"Just the night."

"Why? Why not a couple days?"

Everyone looks at me. I look away, slightly guilty.

"I have an important event I need to prepare for back in London." I look away from everybody. Gosh, if everybody wanted to stay longer, they can!

"You know, you can all stay as long as you want." I look at everyone. "Transportation is really easy."

"No!" Yumi runs at me and throws her arms around me dramatically. I topple back a bit and blush.

"Yumi!" I struggle as blonde hair gets in my mouth.

"You're my cousin! You're not supposed to leave me!"

"Oh honestly..." I grumble. "Fine! I was just offering an alternative!"

I actually really wanted the alternative. I would let Yumi take care of my darling.

*****

That night, after the best baked chicken I've ever eaten; rooming arrangements were to be dealt with. This was awkward in a sense.

"Obviously Kaya and I will room together." Yumi says as we all sit in the living room. I smile and stretch all over her on the sofa until she swats me away.

"Sorry Danny. I keep stealing your girlfriend." I giggle. Berry's tea was magical I think. It made me very content and stress free. I begin to braid Yumi's hair. Dougie was sulking in a corner like a loser.

"Nah its fine I got her last night." Danny grins. Harry, Tom, and I wolf whistle and Yumi rolls her eyes.

"Get some!" I cheer.

"When was the last time you got some then?" Danny presses as he and Harry fall on Yumi and I on the couch.

I blush, "Erm..."

"Two months ago..." Yumi coughs loudly.

"Yumi!" I exclaim, "Ow Harry you're elbow is pressing on my tummy! No, Yumi, that was all an accident. For the last time I didn't sleep with him. We were just talking." I said truthfully.

"Slut..." Dougie mumbles.

"Excuse me?" I snap.

"I'll stay in my uncle's room!" Tom pipes up.

"Yeah and I'll room with Danny!" Harry nods vigorously as I stare daggers at Dougie.

"Jealous." I mumble at Dougie. I'm single. And I can talk to anyone I want! And if I felt like it, I could do anyone I want also!

"I'll get the third floor loft." Dougie says and walks away. I immaturely stick my tongue out at him when he turned his back.

*********************

We were all preparing for sleep which took about an hour. Half the time, I ran around all over the upstairs with a towel around my body after a shower because Yumi stole my pajamas. I couldn't help but blush when Dougie saw me wet and only in a towel. I mean...I guess I shouldn't since he's saw me without clothes on before but its different now.

The other half of the time, Tom wrestled Harry for the last good pillows. I was referee!

"Kaya don't forget the nightlight!" Danny calls after me.

"Blankets for me and a nightlight for Danny because his room is haunted which Harry likes- got it!" I laugh and continue down the stairs. But just then, Dougie, who was going up stairs, shirtless, I may add, runs into me.

Not physically though.

"Shit, sorry," I say awkwardly as we try to get out of the way of each other.

"Oh...sorry I didn't know you were walking down the stairs..." Dougie and I continue to try to evade each other, only to keep on accidently getting in each other's way. I tried not looking at his body that I once remember touching. It was more toned now...

Dougie suddenly grabs my shoulders and moves around me and walks up the stairs.

"Yeah..." I mumble, feeling weird. My heart pounded because his hands were soft against the skin on my arms.

"I'm also light headed because he's still wearing my necklace...I nearly fall the last three steps when Dougie calls me.

"Kaya?"

"Yeah?" I say trying to breathe. I turn around to find him at the top of the stairs.

"Could I possibly have my bracelet back?" He asks curiously as if it was just a random object.

I blink, unsure of what I was feeling. "Yeah. Yeah sure." I look at my wrist and fumble to take it off. My hand lightly shook and the quiet between us was very awkward. I took off the bracelet and softly threw it to Dougie who caught it.

"Thanks." He walks away, but never looks at me.

"No problem..." I stay glued to the spot.

My wrist feels naked. I realized I didn't like it. I was half tempted to run back upstairs, tackle Dougie and take the bracelet back...just so that I can feel comfortable again.

This doesn't feel like hate. But it should be hate. Or it should be nothing; I should feel unemotional at least.

After I got Danny's nightlight and my wad of blankets, I close the bedroom door and jump in the second bed by the window. Yumi was already trying to sleep.

"Are you okay?" She looks at me.

I nod my head and get under the covers. I turn my back to her and close my eyes, feeling as if I wanted to scream at the world. What is going on with me?

My relationship, if you could call it that, with Dougie just got deeper. Deeper where we could drown.

Where I was drowning now...

"Are you asleep?" Yumi mumbles.

I turn and look at the ceiling. "No. You?" I ask.

"Obviously not," she snorts. I lightly laugh.

"True," then I turn to her, "I know you think that I think that I regret everything that's happened with Dougie - like me not loving him - but I don't."

I see Yumi turn her head in the dark.

"Is that so?"

I nod, "Yeah, it's just one of our many adventures." That's when I realized that she and I have both grown up a lot in the past two years. I look at her. She looks older. I know I look older too. The last time we were both extremely wild would be when we went on that trip to Barbados. Despite my situation, things in my life are quite calm and adult like I would say.

It gets quiet for several minutes. I can faintly hear a car or two passing by outside.

Yum makes a dramatic snore, pretending to sleep.

"You snore well." I smile and close my eyes.

Yumi snores more. "I had practice," she snores again, "And experience." Then she snores one more time.

***************

I slowly turn my head to look at the digital clock. It read two in the morning.

I groan, stuffing my face in my pillow.

"Go to sleep!" I whisper to myself. I should be sleeping; this bed is so comfortable, but I can't. I literally stared at the ceiling all night. Yumi has been in her deep slumber for quite some time now. She was snoring softly.

I admit that I get a little jealous of her. She's so happy with Danny. They're both so weird that they're perfect for each other. And I'm left to live life alone. Yes I have family and friends to be with, but I now think that everyone needs arms to hold them intimately; everyone needs a kiss or two to wake up to in the morning. I thought I didn't need that...

"Water should help," I mumble and silently get out of bed. It wasn't that cold tonight so I just wore a long sleeved shirt and shorts.

I feel my way silently through the dark hall, thinking of ghosts.

"I should've brought a flashlight," I whisper to myself. It took me two minutes to feel my way down the stairs. I wanted to be extra careful because if I fell, I'd probably hurt myself and I really don't need the attention.

I felt stupid for gingerly stepping down each step, not knowing where the staircase ended. But I guess my toes got a workout for poking and feeling each step!

Once I got through that obstacle, I silently pass the living room where we all left our mugs on the coffee table.

The kitchen was full of moonlight and I wish that I wore some slippers because my feet were cold from the tile.

"Shhh!" I tell the water faucet as I fill a glass with water. Everything seems extra loud now that the whole house was asleep. My ears strained for any noise. I could even move them!

I sipped my water in silence, resting my elbows on the kitchen island counter. I couldn't help but think that everybody has someone to love. Except me.

And what about Dougie? Did I really hate him? I remember I loved him so much. That I would rather die than leave him. Well I didn't die. It just feels like it. Every day my heart gets heavier. Every day, my feelings hurt me more. I thought I knew what love was but I don't anymore. I have a faint idea of it, but do I love Dougie? Do I have the courage to tell him if I do? Love can be hate and hate can be love. I just don't know which one I'm feeling. I don't know anymore. But I do know that Dougie was the only boyfriend to ever treat me right. It was only with him that I could see myself with.

I groan and slide my water away and rub my temples. I close my eyes as if that was the only way to make the pain go away.

"How did this happen?" I ask myself quietly. I either want to be with him or I'm trying to destroy myself which for some sick reason, I don't mind at the moment.

But no! Life without him is easier! I don't have to worry so much. But without him, there would be no life. Right? That's the problem. Like I said before: We're in too deep.

"Damnit I'm confused..." I take a deep breath and cover my face with my hands. I slide them up to my hair and run them once threw the brown strands. That always calmed me down.

I either love him or I simply don't. I'm so scared to find the right answer. Both could ruin me. If I ask for him back, we could fall down again. I'm not sure if should take that chance.

"You look like you're beating yourself up."

I turn around swiftly, heart racing. "Oh...it's just you." I look away from Dougie. "I'll leave." I finish and begin to walk out of the kitchen.

"What are you so confused about? " Dougie gets in my way. I stop walking lest I run into him.
"Nothing you should worry about." I gulp. "Why are we talking? We shouldn't talk to each other." I snap and avoid his eyes.

"Why can't we talk?" Dougie blocks me again. I look up at him. He was shirtless, still wearing my necklace.

"Well Dougie, if you haven't noticed, we're aren't on the best of terms." I said like it was obvious which it was. "And why are you wearing that? You don't have to wear it." I look at the necklace.
Dougie looks at me like it was obvious. "I thought you would have realized it by now."

"Realized what?" My heart feels as if it stopped beating. A weird sensation spread though out my body.

"I lied. I don't hate you," Dougie frowns. His eyes were bright in the moonlight.

"Oh..." I say, "Why lie in the first place?"

"Well because you hate me. I didn't want to make you run away again. I love seeing you, even if times are bad; but it makes my day better."

After an awkward silence, I decide to try to leave again. I should be given time to think about this.
"Please don't leave me again." He says out of the blue, grabbing my arms.

"What? What's gotten into you?" I whisper quickly, nervous by his gesture.

"I can't continue like this. For the past year it's been pure hell," he swallows, looking into my eyes, "It hurts to let you walk away like you don't know me."

My heart begins to beat at a nasty quick paste; my legs become weak.

"I don't care if you don't love me anymore. I can't ignore the fact that I love you. I see it in your eyes - you're hurting because of what I accused you of and whenever I tried getting you back during the past year, I would look into your eyes and see that when I drove away that night, I hurt you so much. And I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it all back." He starts walking towards me and I walk backwards until I'm leaning against a counter, unable to gather confidence from his sudden outburst.

"Dougie..." I frown, "What are you doing? How do we know everything will be okay? We were supposed to trust each other then. How can we do that now? You hurt me and I don't want to be hurt like that again. Be realistic, Dougie. Do you honestly believe that we'll be okay? That nothing bad could happen. We let a simple blog get in between us. That's nothing compared to nastier media."

"So you're scared?"

"Of course I'm damn scared! I don't know what I should do! What I want! I'm feeling all these emotions that could make me go mad. It hurts so much to look at you and know what so much happened and that we let people run our life. "

"But I won't let that happen again," he says. I avoid his gaze, heart in my throat. My chest is in a constant pool of electric shock.

"Do you hate me?" He asks.

"I did once." I shake my head honestly. "But that doesn't mean that I can trust you again." You can't hate a person and feel breathless and light. And hate brings violence. If he ever got hurt...I don't know what I would do to cope.

"You made me promise to chase you if you ran away. And I'm keeping that promise. I'm not letting you go this time."

I look up at his as he walks closer to me. I'm too shocked that he remembered his promise he made to me at a park.

"You remembered?" I try to breathe.

He nods. "Honestly tell me if you love me. Kaya I won't let anything get in between us again. No record labels, media, stupid rumors. It's only about us. We make this relationship."

Wow...

"You were happy once," He says.

"I know," I reply as Dougie touches my hair with his left hand and takes my hand. It felt so soft in mind. His fingers perfectly entwined with mine, like a missing puzzle piece.

I love him.

I loved him then and I love him now.

"Kaya..." he says, inches from my face. I look up at him. His soft features...his lips...his entire self.

"I love you," I whisper.

Dougie's face seems to light up and I couldn't help but make a small smile. I wasn't sure if I should cry or not. I tried smiling more, proud to finally know what I want.

"Dougie, I love you." I say again and lean my face up to kiss him.

He slowly kisses me, letting the feeling sink in, and presses his body against mine. It felt so right; I was shocked to feel all these bodily reactions spring back into life.

My emotions filled every kiss as I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him more fervently.

"I'm sorry I said those mean things to you," I say in between kisses as Dougie holds me tighter.

I feel Dougie shake his head. "Let's forget everything. We're together again."

I nod and continue to kiss him. Dougie holds my face in his hands, caressing my neck and cheeks. I felt so relieved now. I actually felt alive again. His touch felt so right.

Dougie stops and leans his forehead against mine. He smiles. I smile back, running my hands through his hair.

"I'm never leaving you again..." He kisses me again and puts his bracelet back in my hand.