The Dating Rules of a Record Label

"Oh my crapping goody god...oh my crapping good god!"

"Calm down okay?"

"Oliver, you expect me to calm down?! I lost Kaya Sambora! I lost her!" Yumi cries, "I don't know where the fuck she is!"

"Well you didn't exactly lose her. After all, you never really looked for her after..."

"Kaya punched that cockhead in the face." Dougie added.

"Oh shut up will you; both of you!" Yumi snaps at Oliver and Dougie. She plops down in her seat and covers her face. Oliver, being the god brother, puts an arm around her. Yumi leans on his shoulder, still covering her face. Tom, Harry, Danny and Dougie were with Oliver and Yumi. They all sat together in Oliver's hotel room. After Kaya ran away, the only thing they thought of that made some sense was to tell Oliver immediately.

Five minutes pass.

The guys (being normal guys) just sit there on the couch, not sure what to do, and definitely deciding not to say much for the fear of Yumi biting their heads off. So they just sat there doing nothing whereas Yumi was doing something. She was freaking out.

Oliver looks at the guys, "Is she crying?" He whispers to them, as Yumi was still covering her face.

"No I am not crying you twit!" Yumi snaps and gets out of Oliver's arms.

"Well I just thought-"

"Well you bloody thought wrong!" Yumi snaps more. She's exasperated and her blondish/brownish/pinkish hair is messy. She begins pacing up and down the length of the room.

"I'm dead. So dead..."

"Yumi come here. It's okay...okay?" Danny gets up and put his arms around her. Yumi lets Danny's arms surround her and she pouts, looking like a sad child.

"What exactly happened?" Danny asks.

"Liam started chasing after Kaya and Kaya tried getting away then once Liam caught up, they started screaming at each other and Kaya looked like a pissed off murderer it was so scary and then they started physically fighting and them Liam actually slammed her against a brick wall twice and then they're whispering to each other and then Kaya punches him and runs away!...And you guys saw Liam leave the scene once you all showed up." Yumi says in one breath.

"...wow." Danny responds.

"Yeah I know!" Her voice is muffled because he's hugging her and she's burying her face in his chest.

"Go to the police then?" Tom asks.

"Follow the paparazzi?" Harry offers.

Yumi quickly declines both ideas. Having the Po-po involved is just too dramatic. Nobody wants to even think about tomorrow's headlines.

"Oh I can see it now- "KAYA SAMBORA: MISSING IN BARBADOS!" Yumi is getting a bit dramatic.

She looks at Dougie, "Anything you want to say?"

"Me?" Dougie asks. He clearly wasn't in the zone, "Uh no I can't come up with anything."

"Well..." Oliver says.

"Oh no." Yumi rolls her eyes.

"...Kaya did cut her foot with glass...from what you told us earlier. So she ought to be bleeding. All we need to do is follow the foot prints made out of blood."

"Oh lord, help me I'm going to strangle someone!" Yumi cries, "Don't say that Oliver!" Yumi allows Danny to comfort her more. Danny acts completely normal. He's absolutely okay with a damsel in distress in his arms. Makes him feel more chivalrous.

Oliver looks at Tom, "What? What did I say?"

*****

My feet are cold. I have a killer headache too. I hear birds chirping. And I know I'm in a familiar bed. It smells like lavender; my current preference of bed scent. I slowly open my eyes. Well...I'm definitely in a bed. My bed, thank goodness. However, I haven't the slightest clue on how I got here.

I look to my left. Yumi's bed is empty. Then I look to my right. The clock read 7:42 AM. I groan. It's too early for me to be awake right now.

I rub my knuckles, finding them bruised. I look at them and my eyes get wide.
"How did I get that?" I ask myself out loud. Then, last night's events flood back into my memory. Liam, our fight, our breakup, and then me running away. Then I remember faint details of me drinking some beverage and singing "it's a pirate’s life for me" with a biker.
"That better not be a real tattoo." I mumble to myself as I look at my wrist, "I do not love Billy Bob."

I sink deep into the pillow and bed sheets and groan.
Why does this happen to me? Why can't I ever find a nice, caring boy? WITH NO SECRET LOVERS? I mean, come on now! What did I do to deserve this? Was it the fact that I snuck out a lot? Or that I got a tattoo last year without dad's permission?
WHAT.DID.I.DO.TO.DESERVE.THIS?!

As I'm buried beneath about ten layers of blankets, cursing myself, I hear my door open and in comes Yumi. I can tell it's her by the pitter-patter of feet. Her loud voice drowns out all other possible noises.

"Go away." I mumble, still under the covers.

"Kaya! Do you know how worried I've been?" She jumps on my bed.

Ouch.

"How worried are you, Yumi?" I ask in a dead tone.

"Jesus Christ Kaya! You scared me half to death! I didn't know where you were!" Yumi tries lifting the blankets.

"Well...from what I think happened, I had this biker dude bandage up my foot with a hot pink band aid. Hopefully he only gave me a fake tattoo that says "I love Billy Bob." I got drunk based on the fact that I think my head is going to explode, and then I guess I staggered in here sometime last night or this morning."

It's quiet for a moment except for the crashing waves outside and the screaming in my head. Yumi stops trying to lift the blankets off me. I'm waiting for her to explode and start scolding me. I admit, she's sometimes crazier than me, but when I don't have another adult around, say a manager, parent, assistant, agent or publicist, Yumi steps in and makes sure things don't get out of control...because half the time- they do.

"KAYA SAMBORA! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE RUN OFF! YOU KNOW WE ALMOST CALLED THE POLICE?!"

I groan, "Yumi stop referring to yourself as 'we.' Usually, people, weird or normal, refer to themselves as 'I' or 'me.'"

This is a rare time when I sound smart so remember it.

I feel Yumi slap my leg, "I know that you dimwit. We- as in Oliver, Tom, Danny, Harry and Dougie."

"...oh." Well now I feel stupid again. I completely forgot about the guys, "Well go tell them you found me so nobody will worry- not that they should worry. While you phone them, let me sleep- okay thanks." I bury myself deeper into my bed, trying to make a little cave indent.

"Nah Kaya she doesn't need to do that. We're already here!"

I freeze. I shift around under the covers, "Uh...Yumi I know Oliver's your god brother therefore not related by blood but I swear you sound like him."

I hear Yumi groan, probably wanting to hurt me in some way.

"You know I'm going to take that as a compliment." She sounds like Oliver again.

"Harry and Dougie- don't you dare touch my diary!" Yumi screams.

Oh my goody god...

Oliver and McFLY are in my room. Dougie is in my room and I just made a complete twit out of myself!

"Yumi, I didn't dare touch it. I DID touch it!" I hear Dougie laugh.

I lift the blankets off me and what did I see? A messy-haired Yumi, Oliver, Danny, Tom, Harry...and Dougie all crowded in the hotel room.

Dougie Poynter is in my hotel room! And I probably look like a druggy because I can tell my mascara is smeared under my eyes. I'm only wearing last night's tee shirt and from what I feel- only underwear, and to make matters worse- I feel dried saliva on my chin.

Perfect.

Wonderful, yes?

Now everybody will think of me as some stupid loser girl who can't keep a decent boyfriend.
I look around, trying to find an escape from all this embarrassment.

AH! Dougie is looking at me!

What do I do? Do I hide under the covers? Or do I just allow him to look at me looking like something pathetic.

...I think I'll hide...

"I hate life." I mumble and pull the blankets over me again.

"Kaya don't say that." Yumi crawls next to me. She smells of air freshener. The apple scented one.

"It couldn't get worse can it? Thank god neither my parents nor anyone else found out." I pout.

"Um...well actually Kaya-"

"Shut it Danny!" Yumi snaps. Oh? She actually snaps at him?

"What?" I ask. I sit up, despite the fact that I look like a freak, "Oh no- head rush..." I shake my head. I think I should lie back down.

"No nothing." Yumi fiddles with a cheap looking magazine, also known as a tabloid, in her hands and begins to get up with it.

"No! Yumi! Here! Now!" I command. Heh...like she's my dog.

Yumi sighs and slowly hands me the tabloid. I snap it away from her and scan the cover.
My eyes easily find the tabloid cover title:

"BONJOVI DAUGHTER GONE WILD!"

Wait! It gets worse...

And I see my picture. I'd like to burn it even though it would be classified as gorgeous but drunk: Total rockstar.

"I don't remember that." My cheeks turn pink. There I am, in some car with some middle aged biker dude and his whore who looks like Amy Winehouse (not making any nasty remark towards the singer. I'm just saying the girl has a resemblance to Miss Winehouse). I'm sitting in the front seat, on the lap of another young man, with a half empty rum bottle in my hands. I look completely drunk, but I'm laughing at the paparazzi.

"Oh my god..." I throw the tabloid back at Yumi and I feel like I have to puke. My guilt gut is twisting around too much for my liking.

"You could see my Victoria secret panties!" I whine, "...And that's not even my skirt! I don't wear leather!"

"Kaya listen to me," Yumi shakes me to stop my fidgeting and freaking out, "The press in the states and the UK will soon get a hold of this."

"I can't believe I did this!" I say. I think I'm going to have a panic attack. And I want to cry too. I feel like my head and heart is being ripped. Humiliation and heartbreak all in twelve hours.
Fuck!

"The first thing we need to do is call your parents-" Oliver begins.

"No!" I scream, "Not them yet! And I'm 18. I'm an adult."

"But Kaya-"

"No...Uh how about my agent. Call him. He'll deal with the press." And I just said I'm an adult?

"And your parents." Yumi adds.

"Yeah them too." I begin to bite my nails. I look at Dougie then look away quickly. I avoid everyone's gaze. It's embarrassing for me to let them see this emotional breakdown.

"Damn Liam..." I shake and cover my head.

"You're not staying in this bed." Oliver says.

"Why not?" I say stubbornly. I forget that Oliver is a brilliant manager. Yumi quoted him as "fatherly yet brotherly and extremely adult-like and responsible" He deals with mean, cold people, and rumors, and the paparazzi all the time.

"Because that makes the press think you're vulnerable and scared."

"Shit do your parents read the tabloids?!" I ignore Oliver and shake Yumi who was sitting in bed next to me.

"No! My parents are weird remember?" Yumi snorts.

"Good...okay everyone out. I'm going to sulk and punch myself for a bit." I push Yumi off the bed. She quickly falls off and hits the floor at Tom's feet.

"...drunks...so abusive." She mumbles.

****

Two hours later, after a long, hot shower, someone knocks on the door. I'm still wet...and uh a bit naked.

"Hang on!" I say and wrap one of those boring white hotel towels around my body. I walk to the door and look through the peep hole. It better not be Liam. I'll go Kung-Fu on his ass.
Well not really but I'll say I will.

But it's not Liam.

Dougie Poynter!!!

Oh my god...
Crap...
Uh...

Should I open the door? But I'm only in a small towel! Heck this isn't a towel! It's a hand cloth! And I can't keep him waiting...can I?

And I'm soaking wet...

He knocks again.

Well shitters.

I bite my lip, curse cupid, and open the door...and yes, only in a towel.

"Dougie?" I ask like I didn't know it was him, "What are you doing here?" I ask surprised. After all, a hot dude like Dougie doesn't show up at my door very often.

And I sound like I was never broken hearted eh?

"Uh...hi." He looks at me...only in a towel. I guess he wasn't expecting uh...such little clothing?

"Hi." I reply.

Awkward...

"Um...can I help you?" I lightly smile. I'm freezing because the hotel hallway is a nasty 52 degrees Fahrenheit and I feel uncomfy with my wet hair causing water droplets to slowly run down my bare back. It tickled.

"Oh um yeah...well uh I was wondering if you wanted to check out this new skate park on the other side of the island. I knew you would probably need something to take your mind off of...well." Dougie looks away, not wanting to mention last night.

"Off of Liam and his Jack Ass personality. Yeah I know." I roll my eyes and smile.

"Yeah...that."

EEEK! Is he asking me out on a date? No...He’s just being generous.

"...And Yumi offered actually but no one else knows the ropes and tricks of skateboarding besides me so she sent me up here."

My heart sinks. So it was Yumi's idea.

But I'll take what I can get.

"Yeah. Yeah sure I'd like to." I smile.

"Cool! Uh I'll meet you in the lobby in an hour?" Dougie smiles.

"Yeah that'd be fine. I'll just uh...get more clothes on..." I laugh and blush. I should shut up.

"Uh...okay." Dougie nods and smiles.

Awkward....

And I did not just say that I'll get more clothes on! I mean, of course I'll get more clothes on its kind of obvious! I don't have to actually acknowledge it!

"Well bye." I wave.

"See ya later." He walks away. I secretly watch him. I observe his walk. Very boyish.

I shut the door and slide down the wall, leaving a water streak down the fancy wall paper. I bury my head in my hands.

Could I be more of a complete stupid Dum Dum head? I was practically naked in front of a very gorgeous guy! And I acted like I didn't know how to talk!

I need a vacation.

And this isn't a vacation. This should be classified as a nightmare.