Leave Me Alone
Six.
Funny things, dreams are. They appear at the worst and the best times. Bringing up memories that have been kept hidden in the back of your mind, only to put them front in centre for you experience all over again. My dreams though, are never good. In fact, they are always the same thing. Over and over. That one day. The day that almost killed me. Sometimes I think it would’ve been better if I had just died then and there. I’ve had that thought way too many times over the past year, but some days I actually would prefer to be dead than deal with all the shit that has come from the past. I mean, I was actually scared to come back to rehab this year and rehab is possibly the most important place to me, in the entire world. But when I think about it, I couldn’t kill myself. That would give him too much satisfaction, knowing he completely took over my life and ultimately ended it. No. I would never do that. I would never give him a reason to smile again. It took me by complete surprise when I woke up from a dreamless sleep for the first time in the past year, to open my eyes and see Max smiling at me.
“I’m so sorry. I cannot believe I just feel asleep.” I felt like such an idiot. Here he was going out of his way to help me, and what do I do? I fall asleep in his car. Very smooth Cori, very smooth.
“It’s not a problem, really. I was actually just going to wake you up cause we’re at the hotel.” He said, slightly laughing.
“Anyways, you’re cute when you talk in your sleep.”
“I do not talk in my sleep... Do I?” Oh my god, what if I did and I said something about last year. Shit, shit, shit. I was not ready for him to know that yet, knowing he’d be like every other person and just leave me once I tell them.
“Are you okay? I was just kidding. I actually had to check on you a couple times to make sure you were still breathing, you were so quiet. I promise you. No words were spoken by you when you were in the state of sleeping.” He said with his hand over his heart.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re the biggest dork.” I couldn’t help but laughing at him. He seemed like a nice guy, and I was debating on whether not I should give him a chance.
“Ouch. Do you hear that sound? That my heart breaking into two, because of you. You made me rhyme out of sorrow, is there another heart somewhere I could borrow?” We were both almost crying from laughter and I hadn’t noticed until then that he was holding my hand.
A sudden wave of memories came flooding back to me. Looking into his eyes. Laughing with him. The feel of his arms around me. The way he would grab my wrist so tightly it would bruise. How he would scream at me, then tell me he didn’t mean it and I would believe it every time. Snapping myself out of my memories I pulled my hand away from his a little too quickly.
He seemed shocked at first which then changed to embarrassment.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...” I knew he was going to apologize so I cut him off.
“It’s actually me. I’m not ready. Not after the things I’ve been through. Please don’t take this the wrong way because I do like you. More than I thought I did. Which is why I really can’t do this right now, I don’t want to mess everything up again.” I had to look away from him because I could feel the water pooling up in my eyes.
“It’s ok. Believe me, I really like you. A lot. But could you please tell me what happened to you?” He was almost begging.
“I can’t. Not now. I can’t take another person walking out on me after I tell them.”
“Oh. Okay. I respect that, but just so you know for future reference. You won’t be able to get rid of me that easily.” I looked up into his eyes and could see that he genuinely meant what he was telling me and I couldn’t help but smiling at him.
It suddenly hit us both that we have been sitting in the parking lot of the hotel for about ten minutes; we both caught each others eye and burst out laughing for no reason in particular.
“Might as well go see where we’re going to be living for the next while? Shall we?” Max asked as he opened my door.
I had almost forgotten how famous Max was until we had walked into the lobby of that hotel and had every pair of eyes following us. I could see the headlines now. ‘Max and Mystery Girl! Who is she? How did they meet? Turn to page 55 for the full story.’ Awesome. Just awesome.
As it ended up, I was sharing a room with none other than Mr Talbot for the entire summer. As I see it, it could be worse; I could be living with Malkin. When I told Max that he almost cried from laughing so hard.
It’s funny, this thing between us. I mean, I’m not ready to be with anyone after last year, but he makes me feel so differently than Mike did. Mike was always either super nice, or... uhm we’ll get to that later. With Max it’s so different. So much better. He doesn’t seem to have radical changes in emotions 24/7. Then again I’ve only known him for less than a day. Maybe I was ready to be with someone. Someone good for me. Someone not like Mike.
Well anyways, let’s just say having Max as a roommate, was definitely not going to ruin my summer one bit.
“I’m so sorry. I cannot believe I just feel asleep.” I felt like such an idiot. Here he was going out of his way to help me, and what do I do? I fall asleep in his car. Very smooth Cori, very smooth.
“It’s not a problem, really. I was actually just going to wake you up cause we’re at the hotel.” He said, slightly laughing.
“Anyways, you’re cute when you talk in your sleep.”
“I do not talk in my sleep... Do I?” Oh my god, what if I did and I said something about last year. Shit, shit, shit. I was not ready for him to know that yet, knowing he’d be like every other person and just leave me once I tell them.
“Are you okay? I was just kidding. I actually had to check on you a couple times to make sure you were still breathing, you were so quiet. I promise you. No words were spoken by you when you were in the state of sleeping.” He said with his hand over his heart.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re the biggest dork.” I couldn’t help but laughing at him. He seemed like a nice guy, and I was debating on whether not I should give him a chance.
“Ouch. Do you hear that sound? That my heart breaking into two, because of you. You made me rhyme out of sorrow, is there another heart somewhere I could borrow?” We were both almost crying from laughter and I hadn’t noticed until then that he was holding my hand.
A sudden wave of memories came flooding back to me. Looking into his eyes. Laughing with him. The feel of his arms around me. The way he would grab my wrist so tightly it would bruise. How he would scream at me, then tell me he didn’t mean it and I would believe it every time. Snapping myself out of my memories I pulled my hand away from his a little too quickly.
He seemed shocked at first which then changed to embarrassment.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...” I knew he was going to apologize so I cut him off.
“It’s actually me. I’m not ready. Not after the things I’ve been through. Please don’t take this the wrong way because I do like you. More than I thought I did. Which is why I really can’t do this right now, I don’t want to mess everything up again.” I had to look away from him because I could feel the water pooling up in my eyes.
“It’s ok. Believe me, I really like you. A lot. But could you please tell me what happened to you?” He was almost begging.
“I can’t. Not now. I can’t take another person walking out on me after I tell them.”
“Oh. Okay. I respect that, but just so you know for future reference. You won’t be able to get rid of me that easily.” I looked up into his eyes and could see that he genuinely meant what he was telling me and I couldn’t help but smiling at him.
It suddenly hit us both that we have been sitting in the parking lot of the hotel for about ten minutes; we both caught each others eye and burst out laughing for no reason in particular.
“Might as well go see where we’re going to be living for the next while? Shall we?” Max asked as he opened my door.
I had almost forgotten how famous Max was until we had walked into the lobby of that hotel and had every pair of eyes following us. I could see the headlines now. ‘Max and Mystery Girl! Who is she? How did they meet? Turn to page 55 for the full story.’ Awesome. Just awesome.
As it ended up, I was sharing a room with none other than Mr Talbot for the entire summer. As I see it, it could be worse; I could be living with Malkin. When I told Max that he almost cried from laughing so hard.
It’s funny, this thing between us. I mean, I’m not ready to be with anyone after last year, but he makes me feel so differently than Mike did. Mike was always either super nice, or... uhm we’ll get to that later. With Max it’s so different. So much better. He doesn’t seem to have radical changes in emotions 24/7. Then again I’ve only known him for less than a day. Maybe I was ready to be with someone. Someone good for me. Someone not like Mike.
Well anyways, let’s just say having Max as a roommate, was definitely not going to ruin my summer one bit.