you're still an innocent

I couldn't believe my eyes at what I read. What the hell could he have done to get himself in there?

I got into my car and just drove from Windsor to London. It was over a two hour drive, but there was hardly anyone on the highway and it caused me to drive a little faster than I wanted to. But I kept my distance and stayed safe.

A Tim Horton's was in my sights as I passed the London sign. I had never been here before so, I was beyond lost. I pulled into the parking lot of the coffee shop and phoned Kenny. It rang a few times before he picked up.

"Ally, are you here yet?"

"Yes. Where do I go?"

"We're staying at the holiday inn, it's on the main stretch, so just keep following the road until you see the hotel. I'll meet you outside so we can go get him."

I sighed deeply as my stomach was turning, "Okay."

Another deep sigh passed my lips as I pulled out of the parking lot and followed the main road. I tried to think about what could've caused him to snap. Was all his strength just a lie to keep me sane?

"Kenny!"

He gently hugged me before we both got into my car. I let him drive this time since he knew where to go. He didn't say much as we drove towards the police station. I was nervous as hell as I stared out the window, hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst.

"Where is he?"

I stormed into the station as a woman police officer looked at me. I scrunched up my nose at her. Her hair was in a disgusting tight bun and her uniform was clearly too small for her.

"Who?"

"My boyfriend. Ryan Ellis."

"Oh." She snorted. "My chief is talking to him, he'll be out soon."

"You mean he can go?"

"Yeah. I'm sure you have a long drive home. It should give him enough time to explain."

I pursed my lips and walked away from her. Great. Just great. Kenny was sitting down on a couch in the hall and I sat beside him.

"He's getting released."

"Well, that's good, isn't it?"

"I guess. I just wish I knew what the hell he did ..."

As I said that, I looked up and saw him standing beside the door I has just walked out of. He looked horrible. His eyes were tired looking with dark circles. His skin was beyond pale, his hair was a disaster. All I could do was run up to him and hold him for dear life.

"Thank god you're alright." I breathed as I held the side of his face. His eyes weren't as bright as they were yesterday, and that scared me. I dropped my hand from him as I continued to eagerly stare at him.

"Ryan? What happened?"

"I don't ... I don't want you to be mad at me."

I crossed my arms in an angry state, "I will be if you don't tell me what the hell is going on."

"Fine. After the game last night ... I went out to a bar. I felt like I needed to forget about the game, and ... I just kept drinking." He quietly said as he swallowed a lump in his throat. "Then some guy make a smartass comment to me about losing the gold medal game and I lost it. I punched him, and then it led to a full on fight. Last thing I remember was smashing a glass over his head and then getting pulled into a cell."

"Oh my god ... Ryan. You fucking idiot." I spat, as I took a step back from him. "That's really childish of you. I hope you learned your lesson."

"It won't happen again, I swear."

"How can I believe you? You promised me nothing would happen, now look where you are."

"I'm not getting charged, I just got thrown in the drunk tank. I'm fine."

"I don't care!" I yelled, "You still got yourself here."

I was so angry I couldn't even look at him. My chest was rising rapidly as my face burned. Suddenly, I turned on my heel and walked out of the station and over towards my car. I buried my head in my hands and started to cry silently. This wasn't my boyfriend. This was a demon taking over him.

"Ally ..."

I lifted my head and looked up at Ryan. The one guy I would do anything for. He was turning into something he promised he wouldn't. I understand bad things make people do stupid stuff, but it hurt worst when I've lost him before. I didn't want that to happen again.

"Ally, I'm so sorry. I swear to god it won't happen again." He said as he got closer and rubbed my shoulders, "I just lost it. You have to understand this wasn't easy for me to deal with. It's gunna take some time to get over it. But I promise it won't be like last year."

"I just don't wanna lose you again ..."

"You won't. I feel like the biggest dumbass right now and I hate it. I'm not proud of myself either. Just please ... forgive me."

"I do forgive you. We've been through worse."

"Okay, good. So lets put this past us and move on?"

"I can't simply forget what happened." I replied as I looked up at him, "but like you said, it was a mistake. I have to learn to love those about you."

"That's all I want."

"I just want you to know, you're not the only one who is hurting right now. It's not your fault either. Stop being so hard on yourself. I want the old Ryan back."

He just deeply sighed as he pulled me into a hug, I buried my nose into his shoulder, "I haven't gone anywhere. I'm right here"

Pretty please, I know it's a drag
Wipe your eyes, and put up your head
I wish you could be happy instead
there's nothing else that I can do
but love you the best I can