Contorting, Distorting, I Am Undone

We played our first show in Vegas. I have to admit, it was really exciting and different from our last show. There was just more spark to it. Halfway we got a surprise visit from Escape The Fate, dancing around in the crowd and waving to us. You could definitely tell the excitement in Sonny's voice.

When we got off we met the guys immediately and we all started talking. I realized that I've become attached to this band... They're better than a lot of other people we've toured with shitty attitudes. We all went to a pizzeria this time, instead of the good old sitting out on the gravel.

I could see Derek watching me closely across the table.

"So, how was your ride here?" Ronnie asked. I tore my gaze from Derek to Ronnie, sitting on my left.

"It was okay I guess. I slept most the time, it got kind of stuffy," I said casually. I know Derek doesn't want me to do anything with Ronnie, so I won't. Just for Der. "What about you guys?"

"We partied a lot on the bus, got fucking messy. Omar's bright idea to bring a can of cheese whiz along, so, you know..." he laughed.

"That's cool," I commented. We started to talk about the new Saw movie. It was coming out soon and we were both excited for the new release.

"We should watch it together," Ronnie said. "That way if I get scared, I could just hide in your sweater. That old guy gives me the creeps," he laughed. I smiled nervously, ignoring his first comment and hoping Derek did too.

"What' so creepy about him? He's too old to do anything, he's attached to wires 24/4," I reasoned, trying to avert the conversation. "If anything, he'd just appreciate your company because he's so lonely."

"Yeah, so lonely and so horny," he snorted. I couldn't hold back the chuckle.

"You're a pervert."

"You like it," he smiled. I let out a small laugh and sipped my coke. Again my eyes flickered to Derek, who was chewing on the end of a pizza, looking sort of ticked off – that is until he was distracted by Bryan, talking to him.

Soon we all finished eating and headed back to the busses. Ronnie and the guys had a show in half an hour and had to go as soon as possible. Ronnie winked at me before leaving, thank god, Derek didn't see. I quickly grabbed his arm and turned him around.

"Ronnie... I need to talk to you after the show," I started.

"Sure thing," he smiled. Suddenly, he leaned in and pecked my lips quickly before scurrying off.

"Nothing to do with Ronnie, my ass!" I turned around to see Derek staring right at me.

"Derek, listen, I was just telling him-"

"Shove it up your ass Matt!" he yelled. Fuck, his stubbornness was getting out of control. He shot me a death glare and stuck his middle finger up. That was it. I grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back as he struggled to get away.

"You know I can break your arms, so just fucking listen to me," I whispered dangerously in his ear. He tried to tug away again.

"Just save it. You can go date Ronnie, consider anything that was ever between us never happened." I froze and let him free, watching him as he turned around and stormed onto the bus. I just stood there, my mouth slightly hanging open. I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me.

I know I cared for Derek, and on some level I sure did love him... But I didn't know he meant this much – I didn't know it would affect me this much. Breaking up was one thing, but saying it as if nothing at all ever happened? That did hurt.

It hurt bad.

Why the hell doesn't he ever listen? He never lets me finish, he's always looking for control. You know what? Fuck that. I don't need this. I don't need him if that's what he thinks.

"Hey Matt, you – oh, man you okay?" I looked downwards to see Sonny, resting his hand on my shoulder.

I nodded. "Yeah. Fine. What is it?" I blinked a few times, just to make sure my eyes weren't teary.

"I was just going to say I was going to see Max's show and I was asking if you want to come, Travis is going too... You sure you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine... And yeah, I want to come. Let me just get my jacket and I'll meet you there." He nodded and went off, while I headed towards the bus. Derek lay on his bed, reading a magazine. I didn't even look at him or even say anything. I just picked up my jacket and left. I saw Travis walking towards the venue.

"Hey, Travis!" I shouted. He turned around. "Wait up!" I jogged over to him. Together we went to the show in silence. "By the way... Me and Derek are over, so you have nothing to keep a secret." I said casually.

"What? Why? What about the band-"

"The band is like it always was, it won't change anything. We were always jerks to each other; it'll be like… Nothing ever happened." Just like he said... He kept his mouth shut and didn't press the matter further as we neared the stage.

Fortunately we were able to squeeze through the people to get to the very front, where Sonny was blowing Max kisses. I thought it was sweet, despite all my mixed feelings, I smiled. I saw Ronnie singing and forced a big smile as he knelt down, singing to the audience.

He pouted his lips at me and stood up, wandering around the stage as he sang.

After a short hour or so, the show was done and my body was aching. Damn, these fucking kids are not as weak they seem. Next time I have to come fully equipped with a cup and mouthpiece. We ran back to the parking lot, where we knew we'd meet them. Unfortunately there were no showering places available. Great, this time I even sweat in the crowd and on stage, I kind of did need this one. I huffed and opened my mouth, ready to complain until I felt a tap on my back.

I turned around to see a very sweaty Ronnie.

"Hey," he smiled. "You wanted to talk?" He was breathing deeply and I couldn't help but watch his chest rise and collapse. "Ma-att... I'm up here," he laughed. I snapped my eyes back up and smiled nervously.

"Yeah um... I just wanted to say..." I glanced at our parked bus, silent and dark. "I uh... I like you a lot." He grinned.

"I like you too Matt," He smiled, pulling me in for a hug. That had to be the sweatiest, nastiest hug I've ever received, but I loved it. He pulled away. "My house is only half an hour's drive away," he smiled. "I want to go home and get a shower... Want to join me?"

"Going to your house or in the shower?" I laughed. He wiggled his eyebrows, slinging his arm over my shoulders.

"Both," he said with a mischievous grin. I smiled and followed him out of the parking lot, quickly yelling to Seth that we'd be back in a few hours. We took a taxi to his house, which was pretty huge.

"Royal," I commented.

"Yeah, it's my parents'," he smiled, leading me to the door. "I only visit time to time." He rang the doorbell and a woman answered.

"Oh, Ronnie baby!" She smiled, stretching her arms. Ronnie smiled and leaned in, hugging her. "You know every time I see you, you're always dragging that smell around with you," she laughed as he pulled away.

"Mom..." he said, his cheeks tinting."This is Matt, he's on tour with us."

"Well hello, it's always nice to meet a boyfriend of Ronnie's," she smiled, shaking my hand. I Gave a small smile... I'm his boyfriend?

"Nice to meet you too Mrs. Radke." I said politely.

"Come on in," she said, stepping aside. We entered his house and said hello to his dad. Afterwards, we made small talk and his parents got to know me a little better.

"Well, guys this has been great but…" Ronnie said, standing up. "If you haven't noticed, we smell like shit." I laughed loudly at his frankness and his parents laughed awkwardly.

"Fine, fine. There's spare towels in the laundry room," his mother said. I thanked her quickly and raced Ronnie up the large marble stairs.

"I win!" he said, raising his fists in the air.

"I'd put those down if I were you," I smirked. My smile grew, remembering that day on the bus.

"Hey," he frowned. "That's not very nice. I don't think I'm going to give you clothes now." I stretched nonchalantly.

"That's okay; I don't think I really need them anyway..." I leaned in and kissed him properly for the first time. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I awkwardly raised my hands to rest on his cheeks. I wasn't used to this... Usually my arms were around the waist; Derek tackled the upper body. But I guess I can try something new.

"Bathroom's right there," Ronnie said, pulling away and smiling. "Go on, I'll be there in a second." I nodded and went into his bathroom. It was pretty big, white tiled floor and black marble counter tops. The shower, oh wow. White and silver, so clean you could eat off it. I grinned and started to pull off my shirt.

"Eager, are we?" Ronnie laughed, stepping in.

"You're already naked," I laughed, pulling down my pants.

"Yeah, well, you see how I roll," he laughed. As soon as my boxers hit the floor he pulled my hand and into the shower, turning on the taps and kissed me. I smiled in the kiss and pressed him against the shower wall. His hands wandered and I relaxed under the water. I opened my eyes for a second, and I swear I thought I saw Derek. I blinked again and opened my eyes wider. It was still Ronnie with his eyes closed.

I pulled away. "Ronnie, we should actually shower because we really do smell..." I laughed.

"Yeah, I guess." We both showered, taking turns under the water. Soon we got out and changed. I borrowed some clothes from him, which fit perfectly, and then we had some drinks.

"Oh crap, we better get back," I said, looking at the clock. He whined.

"I was getting so comfortable," he groaned. I kissed his frown.

"We can get comfortable later," I smiled. He grinned and left the room to get his keys. As I waited for him, I discovered a new pain in my face. I couldn't tell whether it was my jaw, my cheeks… Something hurt. It hurt because, well I think I've been smiling too much. No seriously, it's like I've pulled a muscle in my face. I started to poke my cheek when Ronnie returned.

"Come on," he said, kissing my cheek and taking my hand. "Mom, Dad, we're out of here now. I'll see you in a month," he said, hugging both his parents. I waved goodbye to them and we took another cab back to the venue.

"Why the long face?" Ronnie asked as we got in.

"No reason, my face kind of hurts," I laughed, straining my muscles again. Fuck, no laughing either. He however, continued to laugh.

"You're weird, Matt..." He walked me to my bus. "I'll see you tomorrow morning," he said, giving me a kiss. "Night."

"Goodnight," I waved, getting on my bus. It was dark, everyone was asleep already. I don't blame them, days have gotten pretty tiring. Then I noticed, Sonny wasn't in his bunk.

"Where's –"

"Sleeping over at Max's," Travis answered. "Thanks to him, Seth and I get separate beds tonight!" I could hear them laugh. I walked over to my bed and sat down. Derek's probably right above me, in an angry sleep. That's what he does when he's mad. He ignores everyone and sleeps it off.

I took off my shoes and got under the blankets opening and closing my mouth...

My face still hurt.