Firedown Sun

Dizziness filled me as I sat quietly in my seat in Sorin's. I felt like the Teacher was watching me the entire time, and I didn't dare look up. But eventually that hope was shattered. I felt a tap on the back of my neck, probably Xentri's pencil, letting me know I'd been asked a question.

I raised my eyes slowly, and Sorin's carefully controlled expression burned in my mind. I felt like my brain was melting, and I couldn't see. I kept blinking, but everything was so fuzzy, so disoriented. The room was spinning, and my fingers itched toward my empty pants pocket. I hadn't brought any matches today! How could I forget?!

"Kitten?" Sorin said softly. "Would you care to answer the question, or do you need a repeat?"

My hands shook. Repeat, repeat! I didn't even remember anything he'd said since the moment I sat down. The only thing I could think of was him shoving Leirre onto a desk and telling him I wouldn't be taken down easily. Something about him loving me.....

The eyes I stared at were empty. There was no love there. Only the gaze of a Teacher. Only a commanding, follow-every-rule, slightly glazed look. Like he would turn me in any moment.

I stood, but I was sure my knees were going to give out. I held onto the edge of my desk, staring Sorin down.

"Kitten?" His voice held the same, uninterested tone, and his lips pursed. "Sit down, please."

I refused silently. I just kept my gaze steady with his, just stood there without so much as an inhale of breath. I didn't even blink.

"Kitten Zigbol, answer the question. Or I can repeat it, if you weren't listening."

WHAT question? There was a part of me that wanted to know. But the other half screamed to just get up and walk away. I didn't want to be here anymore. I was wasting my time. I let out all the air I'd held in and shook my head.

Sorin's eyebrows twitched downward. "No? No, you won't answer the question? Or no, you don't need-"

"I'm not answering," I rushed out. "I don't care whatever the heck you asked, I'm not answering!"

He leaned with both hands over his desk and cocked his head to one side. "Can you explain?"

"I don't need to."

"Well then you have no right to refuse. Answer the-"

"Why do you even CARE?!" I screamed, and the whole class was staring, wide-eyed.

Of course. Why. The why had set them off. It had set them ALL off. They couldn't stop but watch my every move, to see what I would do next. I just stayed put, my fingers curling until they were stabbing my sweaty palms. It hurt, but so did this treatment from Sorin. If he cared for me like Leirre said, then why was he doing this? If he needed to turn me in or whatever the school head or the leaders wanted him to do, then why did he care so much? Why didn't he just do it? He had reason now. I had said something forbidden. I had refused to do work in class. I had yelled at him.

Then again, all my life I'd broken practically every rule. And not one single Peacemaker or Orderman had laid a finger on me. It was like I was untouchable. Unbreakable.

Unstoppable.

I grabbed my bag wordlessly, hearing Sorin's voice drone into my ears.

"Get back in your seat. You will not leave this room."

Useless. What could he even do to me? Call Dasumne? Lune would lie to her and say I hadn't done anything, and Lune was one of Sorin's favorite students. How could he deny his word?

"Kitten, I'm telling you, if you sit down-"

"Whatever. Do what you will. I'm leaving."

His gaze softened. "Kitten. Please. Don't do this."

The please caught me off-guard. But he was a Rules and Regulations Teacher, right? He was convincing in what he did. Charismatic. Brilliant. Ridiculously clever.

And I wasn't falling for it.

"Toodel-oo, Sorin Imbouro," I laughed. "I'm leaving now. And you CAN'T ask why."

With that, I flipped my bag over my shoulder and onto my back and hurried out the door, letting it shut noisily. It echoed in the abandoned hallway, and I felt so FREE. I grinned.

But the joy didn't last long. I felt alone and miserable. How had I let my stupidity and idiotic stubbornness take me over like that? I might as well have stuck my neck out on the chopping block. I was doomed. They could come and get me, right? Dasumne and all her other "friends" didn't need a reason. They could send for my mother and have her stick a needle in me, and then it would be over with. She would be disappointed to have her beauty doll killed at her own hands, but upset? At this point, I wasn't sure if my mother would even comprehend death with her brain in a mush.

I dragged myself through the empty school, bursting through the girl's bathroom door and collapsing there. I hadn't wanted to do it where everyone could peep out the classroom doors and spot me. I was alone here, and no one could bother me as I let my emotions out.

Ugh. I was such an idiot for doing that. I wanted to curl up and disappear, to just seep into the floor and never return. Who would really care if that happened, right? I was just a rebel, just some girl that never did anything right. I was always out of step. Always doing something that could practically lead to the full-blown destruction of the world. I was surprised nothing had exploded underneath my fingertips. It might as well. I felt like I'd killed off half the world.

After a few minutes of drowning in salt water, I got sick of it. I was NOT a crier. And yet I'd cried so much today.

It had to stop. I needed to get my head straight, get my brain to work and stop being stupid. I needed to stop letting myself cry. Maybe I needed to find some way to calm myself down.

My knowing hands immediately coursed through my finger practice. I pressed each finger and let the emotions flow through my mind, letting it all go. They tingled as I released my nail from the skin, and I had to keep checking to make sure I hadn't drawn blood. I hadn't, but I might as well be bleeding to death. A perfect way to die, right? My body draining itself of my lifeblood, my heart glugging to a stop, and then one of the female teachers or students or maybe just a Janitor would come in and find me. Dead in a bathroom. Dismal, morbid and unique. There you go. I would die uniquely.

"No more tears," I mumbled to myself, my hands falling to my lap before I even finished pressing each finger. I groaned wordlessly, slumping down almost all the way to the floor. I wiped my eyes and cheeks, but all the energy I usually felt was just gone. I didn't even care if my face was tear streaked and stained. It wasn't like anyone could see me.

I heard the door open. Oh, well then.

Someone sat beside me, their leg brushing mine and their warm breath flying into my face. "Breathe in, breathe out," she whispered to me. She placed a gentle hand on the small of my back and moved it in a circle, and it helped as I tried to concentrate on controlling my breathing. "That's it," she said, "Inhale. It's going to be fine. Exhale. You're going to get through this. You're strong, Kitten. Really strong. Just let it all pass. Forget about it, and you'll be fine."

I glanced up, still not able to quite see clearly through the remainder of my tears that pooled up behind my eyelids. "Resh?" I asked, stumbling on the name. Why would she skip class for ME? "Resh, how-

"Your robby came and found me. Deactaviss told me to find the owner and give it back to them. She was afraid of it, actually. She kept trying to hide behind Tyeson when..." Her voice faded away, and it sounded like SHE was going to be spilling tears now, too. Her hand paused on my waist, and she sobbed tearlessly, "Kitten, he's with THEM. He's not like us anymore."

I narrowed my eyes. "But he-"

"He took the pills. I guess he was curious." She looked away, and I heard a mangled cry escape her throat. "I'm sorry," she told me after a minute, half in hysterics. "I'm the one supposed to be comforting you, and now I-"

I held her close. "Resh, it's okay. I'm fine now. You have stuff to work through, too. You don't need to hide it from me."

Her emerald eyes were indeed shining with tears as she turned to me. "Thanks." And she hugged me tightly, her sobs soaking the collar of my shirt.

I didn't mind. I just hummed a random tune in her ear to help her feel better. After a few moments, I realized it was Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I smiled. What a perfect song for the situation.

And then a second humming filled MY ears. I saw Baine's flashing green lights by the side of my head and sighed. "I've ignored you, Baine, for the past few days, haven't I?"

He chirruped lightly, brushing up against my neck.

"He loves you, doesn't he?" Resh murmured. The question made me tense, so she added, "Baine, I mean. I've never seen a robby so devoted to a human before. I mean, where did you leave him last?"

I blinked. "In my...bedroom, I think. And he wasn't even ON."

She leaned slightly away and squinted at me. "Does he do that often?"

"Turn on without me touching him?" I shrugged. "Yes, he's done it once or twice before. But.... he's never come so FAR for me." I tapped his metallic head lightly, sorrowfully. "I'm sorry, Baine. I forgot about you for a while. How rude of me..."

"Huh." Resh swayed to the left, and I dropped my arm from her shoulders. I watched her as she slowly got to her feet and reached out to help me stand. I took up the offer gratefully. She was such a good friend.

"Resh, I...." She noticed my expression and waited for me to continue. "I want you to know how.... thankful I am to have you in my life. You really didn't need to do this, you know. Any other person would have laughed at my tears and-"

"That's not true," she interjected. "You have a lot more friends than you think. Now, come on, let's get you back to class."

I pulled back from her hand and shook my head. "No, I can't go back there. I.... I was horrible to Sorin. And......and he's the bad guy now, I guess. He gave me a shot, but I ruined it. He told me not to say those things, not to leave the room. He even said PLEASE. And now he's got to follow orders."

"What orders?" She appeared horrified, and her voice spiked a high note to prove her terror.

"Leirre said.... something about I needed to be taken care of." I looked at her through my dark lashes and shrugged. "What do you think that means?"

She stared, really fighting off the urge to scream, it looked like. "I think it means you need to stay away from him. AND Leirre. And really any adult. No more going alone anywhere. No matter who it is, take someone with you, even if they're not completely trustworthy. You have lots of friends to choose from, or you could try and make new friends..."

"Ha, new friends? That's not likely."

Resh wiped a hand over my forehead, as if to force the ideas she had in her head into mine. "Kitten, whatever you do, do NOT go anywhere alone and definitely do your best to behave. No more bursting out everything you think. Don't say, do or BE anything even CLOSE to rebellious. You'll attract too much attention-"

"Resh, I think it's too late for that..." I glanced at Baine, who fluttered by my ear quietly, as if he were listening to our conversation. I let one, slow breath out, staring out into nothing and feeling my throat tighten... but I forced myself not to let tears flow. No more, remember? NO MORE.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm going to class, whether you're coming or not."

I didn't move. "Okay. I'll go when the bell rings." I stared at the floor.

"Fine. Don't be late." And she left, the door clicking shut behind her.

I dug in my empty pocket, wishing I'd brought matches. How could I have left them at home? I leaned up against the cold wall behind me, exhausted suddenly. I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to take a nap and forget about school, forget about my LIFE. Maybe I shouldn't even go to the Ceremony. Why SHOULD I? There wasn't anything for me to do there. My sacrifice....

Jaz! I pushed myself from the wall and twirled to grab the door handle, then froze. I couldn't go to him now. I had to wait until after school. Great.

Baine chirruped by my head, and I smiled at him graciously. "You're a good friend," I whispered and kissed his head. "Ow!" I pulled away sharply. "You shocked me!"

He spun around and sang, "Burrrheeee..."

I opened the bathroom door and went out into the hallway, still chuckling.

"Kee....keeteen...furr..ennz..." Baine's lights flickered rapidly beside me, and I knew he was trying to tell me something. I slowed, putting my hands in my pants pockets as I tried to decipher what he was humming. "Furr...ennz. Loooooon. Heh.....Hex...uhh. R..re...ess..."

I stared. He spoke clearly, when he really pushed at it. "Yes. Lune, Hexa and Resh are my friends..."

"Yooo...." He dipped a little closer to me, the lights sparking to life like they'd been electrifed. He started making clangs and dings as he tried to speak, and my eyes widened. Was he okay?

He never said anymore. His power suddenly shut off, and I had to reach out and catch him so he wouldn't crash to the floor. Confused, I stuffed him in my bag. What was THAT about?

And then my ears pricked. Footsteps echoed down the hallway toward me, coming from the direction I'd come from. From Sorin's room.

Would he come now? Had he decided to leave HIS OWN CLASS and come after me? Chase me down, knock me out, and carry me off to the leaders? I froze, even though I knew I needed to run, but I couldn't force myself to move. What danger was Sorin to me?

Danger, my mind screeched. Danger, danger, DANGER!

Of course he wasn't a safe guy to hang around. He was a Rules and Regulations Teacher. He hated me.

But he'd fought against Leirre. Hadn't he said that I wouldn't be easy to track down? It was almost like he'd tried to talk Leirre out of it...

Lies, adults are good at lies, that stupid voice in my head reminded me.

He's not on the pills, I thought. He's normal. He's not going to be super friendly, but he's also not going to turn into a monster.

But that also meant he was my worst nightmare right now. As a normal guy, he didn't look so horrible. He didn't look like a threat.

As the footsteps got louder, my nerves finally sparked. I whipped around and ran, letting my survival instincts take over. I was a rebel. Survival was my LIFE.

"Kitten, slow down! I just want to talk!"

No, no, don't stop, don't slow down, don't trust him.

"Kitten, please! Stop running! Don't go through there!"

"Go away," I mumbled to the floor, pushing through the Exit doors.

Oops. Sirens screamed at me, and the door froze. It just... stopped moving. With the momentum that carried me, I slammed into it and my forehead whacked against it. I cried out in pain, and then thought, Stupid Kitten. Exit doors don't open once the sirens go off unless you have a key.

A key. Sorin's key chain dangled from his belt, jingling noisily at me. I glanced up at them, and it hurt. I'd hit my head pretty good on that door. I didn't care, really. I was getting out of here. I just needed that one key.

He advanced toward me, and I didn't have time to think it through. I'd fallen on my back with the impact of the door against my face, and it was actually the greatest place to be. I had the advantage, as long as I could calculate the movement right...

I was ready to roll onto my other side as he ran at me and kick his feet out from under him, grab the keys hanging from his belt and hopefully get out in time... when I saw his face.

No anger. No evil, malicious plan. Just concern and fear.

"Kitten!" He sprinted to my side, helped me sit up and checked my forehead gingerly with his fingers. When I winced he ordered, "Next time you listen to me when I tell you it's the wrong door. That door won't let you through. Poor girl, it really hurts, doesn't it?"

What the heck? What did he mean, he told me it was the wrong door. My eyes narrowing, I spluttered, "What are you-"

Then I saw the crowds streaming toward us, and I sighed. This was an act. Of course he wasn't going to kidnap me because there were too many witnesses.

Oh great. Now it was my turn to practice my acting.

I forced myself to smile as sweetly as I could, "I guess I just didn't hear you. I'm sorry, it was my fault for not listening."

I was a Blaze, not a stupid bubbled-headed teenager popping pills that made your mind fluff. The candy-sweet words spilling from my lips tasted like poison and I hated it. But I couldn't let Sorin down. He was actually helping me. Sort of. But, hey, he could've dragged me off somewhere and called the Ordermen. I'd tried to leave the school. Smart move, right? I eyed the key at his belt again, and sighed. I was such a genius.

"Ah, well, don't you worry about it. Let's go back to my classroom, and we'll get you fixed up. Your head's all-" He broke his own sentence off and just started toward his room, carrying me along like I was a shattered doll made of glass. I stumbled along, muttering how sorry I was for not listening and trying to play it up as much as possible.

Leirre was standing to the left, watching us. His dark, joyless eyes appraised Sorin first, who gave him a brief nod but no smile. This time I wasn't pretending when I leaned into Sorin arms for support. Sure, I was pretending to be a bubbly, mushy-minded sixteen-year-old that just ran stupidly face first into the wrong door- the last part was more than true- but when Leirre gazed at me, the fear and horror were real.

"You'll be okay," Sorin whispered, and I knew Leirre couldn't hear.

Leirre Talma still watched me. I felt, more than saw, his eyes on my face, and I tried not to shudder. It was like his eyes slithered across my cheeks, my hair, my shoulders... like he were trying to force me around, force me into his office so that he could tie me up and ship me to the sun himself.

"Of course," I murmured. "It's your JOB to tell me that..."

Sorin caught on to my emphasis and his voice was unsure when he responded, "Well, yes. It... it IS my job, isn't it?"

I faced him slightly, and his eyes were darker and his forehead was crinkled with deep concentration.

"Um," he mumbled, still puzzled, "Let's just... go clean up your head. You're bleeding, and-"

Really? I reached automatically for my forehead, but he swooped my wrist up in his left hand, the right one pressed firmly at my waist.

"Don't, you'll make it worse. Just... um, don't... don't touch anything or go anywhere." We arrived at his room door, and he walked me in, then froze in the doorway. "I need to... to grab some things to take care of that..."

When I tried to touch my head again, he gave me a dark look. I pulled my fingers back quickly and said, "No touching anything or going anywhere, got it."

He didn't move for a second. Then he cleared his throat and left me.

Abandoned. Once again.

I turned to the back of the room, pretending I didn't care, and I sauntered over to the windows. One of them was open, and I leaned against the wooden sill with a sigh. The cool breeze felt nice, but the warm sunshine was just as lovely. I sucked the air down my dry throat and let the light soak into my body. My forehead stung a little, but I could care less. I just let myself become zoned out in that moment, just listening to the wind whistling past me and through the tree tops outside.

A throat cleared behind me. I whirled and spotted Sorin. He stared for a moment, then lowered his gaze to what he held in his hands. I followed the action. There was a bandage roll and a small bottle of some sort of clear liquid among some other things I couldn't place. White little balls of fluff that reminded me of snow and another container, only orange and rattling every time he moved his arms, as if there were round little objects in there, like vitamins or pills...

I gasped and backed up against the wall instantly, my entire body tensing for an attack. Whether it was my own or his, I didn't know. My glare focused on anything but those pills. The door, his face, the marble tiles, the rows of desks. I let out a mangled cry. "NO!" I screamed, and my voice made it sound like someone was choking me to death. "No, I'm not taking them! I'm NOT swallowing them! You're crazy, you're brain damaged, you're-"

"Shh, shh, it's alright." He advanced toward me swiftly and held up the container. "See, it's just one little pill. Just one. It's nothing dangerous, I promise."

"No," I moaned, and my stomach lurched as the light caught the plastic side of the container. I looked away from it and held my breath, wishing not breathing could make me disappear. I wanted to be anywhere but here.

He screwed open the lid. "It's a truth pill."

The name sparked my curiosity, and I raised my eyes to see what color it was.

A dull gray. What color had Margolo warned me against? Blue. I inhaled deeply. At least it wasn't blue. Whatever that one did, I didn't want to be a part of it. Gray I could handle.

I looked up at him, squinting my eyes to try and figure out what lay behind his. "What does it do?"

Sorin let the pill fall into his outstretched palm. "It forces one to tell the truth and nothing but the truth." He shrugged. "Hardly dangerous, Kitten. Don't know why you reacted so strongly."

I was wondering the same thing. "I'm sorry," I murmured.

"Quite alright. Now open up. I promise it won't harm you in any way or make you muddle-brained. You'll be normal. Except you can't lie. Whatever lie you think of will trigger a reaction in your brain, and you'll immediately speak the truth."

"Immediately?"

"Yes, and you won't be able to stop it. So don't even THINK of trying to lie."

I nodded and slowly opened my mouth. When he raised his hand to my chin, I wanted to pull away. I wanted to scream. When it touched my tongue, I wanted to spit it out.

But he whispered softly, "Swallow," and I felt like I had to obey. I trusted him. Somehow, I felt like it was safe. That nothing bad would happen to me.

And when the pill slid down my throat, I closed my eyes, almost like I expected something to explode or change inside me.

I felt nothing. Just a little embarrassed for freaking out at my Teacher. He hadn't done anything wrong.

"Sorry," I told him again. "I just... sorry."

"No worries," he mumbled. "Now let's take care of that head of yours..." And he shook the bottle of liquid, pulling off the top and covering the opening with one of the fluffy things.

"What is that?" I asked.

"Which, the liquid or the puff?"

"Both."

He smiled. "Curious, are we?"

I shrugged lightly. I remembered what he said the pill did, so I didn't try and tell him I wasn't.

Sorin turned the bottle upside down briefly, then flipped it back up and set it down on a desk, putting the white ball on my left temple.

The prick of pain surprised me. I hissed air in through my teeth and jerked away, but Sorin pressed only harder. "Hold still," he ordered firmly but gently. "The liquid will disinfect the wounds, and the puffs are made of cotton."

"Oh."

"Don't your parents tell you these things?" he said, and there was a bit of humor to the question. It set my teeth on edge.

Instead of answering, I snapped, "Don't Teachers pick a side and STAY on it?"

He didn't even flinch, which made my frustration peak even more. "Oh, usually. But when they're... um... people like me, how COULD they? There's so many different sides to choose from."

"Really?" I winced again as he wiped my forehead with the damp cotton fluff and repeated, "REALLY?" I scoffed and glared angrily at the floor. "Yes, I bet you're so undecided that you can't even figure out how to teach a CLASS these days."

"I don't know why you're so frustrated," he commented, bewildered. "I've done no harm-"

"No harm?!" I slapped his hand away as he tried to care for my head again, and I backed up from him. "I saw you and Leirre! You said you had FEELINGS for me somehow and yet you do NO-" I was going to say "nothing", I really was. But my voice suddenly was sucked away, and I couldn't find it again. I tried to say it again, and nothing happened.

His lips curled upward. "See? Doesn't that pill work amazingly? Wow, it affected your system faster than most people. It usually takes a few hours, hence the fact they wake early in the morning and swallow a pill and-"

I slammed my body into his in a fit of rage and howled, "I HATE you!" He did nothing to push me away, just stepped to the left and dodged my arm as I swung it toward his face.

"It's against the Rules to strike an adult," he mumbled.

"I don't CARE! I'll strike you all I WANT!" I moved toward him again, but he was faster than me. His hands flew under mine and he grabbed both my wrists. Grasping them tightly, he twisted me around until I was pinned against his chest, his arms wrapped at my waist and his breath in my ear.

"I won't give you any second chances, Kitten," he whispered. "I can't. As a Teacher, I'm not allowed to. So do NOT disobey me again. Please, Kitten."

The please again. I couldn't help but relax. My lungs heaved and I wondered how I'd let myself get wound up in his grip. And yet I couldn't work myself free. He was too strong. As I struggled to pull his hands apart, he said something again.

"Kitten Zigbol, I have always loved you. You are a shining star in the darkness, as your great-great grandfather was before you. But do NOT underestimate that darkness. If you fall as he did, this city will never survive. We NEED you, Kitty. I need you. Don't fail me. Don't fail Monten. You MUST listen to me. I have it all figured out, every step of the way. And if you make ONE wrong move, it could all fail. Now do you understand, or must I repeat myself?"

I gulped. What could I say? I didn't even know what I wanted, so what would the pill impress me to say?

Sorin never did let me respond. He just breathed the plan in my ear and all I had to do was listen, his heartbeat rattling at my back and his soft words stirring my hair.

At the end, he asked, "Have you got it figured out?"

His grasp loosened, and I turned around to face him. I swallowed and nodded. I was still afraid to voice my answers, still worried what I wanted to say would be replaced by something else.

He smiled, and it made my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach. "It's good to hear that. Because you're the only one that can do this." Suddenly he groaned. "Kitten, you're still bleeding. You should have let me finish."

And he was cleaning my forehead again and wrapping the white bandage around. I just stood there, just like when my mother had done my hair and I hadn't known what to let my reaction be.

Only this time there would be no tears. I just breathed in and out, concentrating on remembering the plan. Every step had to be correct, he said. Or else what, he hadn't really said, but he'd implied well enough.

I just had one question. When he announced I was all healed and there was no more work for him to do, I faced him once more, clearing my throat before I spoke.

"Who was my great-great grandfather, Sorin?"

Sorin Imbouro's eyes softened, and I narrowed mine, trying to be sure HE would tell the truth.

But he just said, "Check the bottom of your motor scooter some time. You might understand."

"Dragonblade?" I shook my head, confused. "All that hunk of metal ever does is groan and-"

"Then make it happy."

"Sorin, I don't-"

"It's a family scooter," Sorin interrupted, waving me away. "Ask your father, since he's the one with the clear mind. I'm sure he'll tell you what to do. But I'm afraid you won't be asking him tonight..."

I nodded. My hands clenched into fists as I tried to control myself. "The plan will work, right?" I hissed, the words hot on my lips.

He blinked, a slight smirk appearing for a small moment. "Everything will sort of suck if it doesn't."

My hands didn't loosen, and I didn't even look away from his puzzling expression. "Things already suck."

And I hurried out into the hallway as the bell rang.