Wednesdays

Wednesday.

Finally

I stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and out of habit tying it around my waist- it wasn’t likely there would be anyone but me in my apartment, but habits die hard. Speaking of habits...

I looked into the full length mirror, I know I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help it. I was defiantly getting fat, I was pretty sure my hips had been thinner last time, and that my stomach didn’t stick that far out. My eyes wondered around the rest of my body, my arms were fat, my hands were fat, my neck was like that of a chickens’... and my face. .I wondered sometimes who my parents had been, I wonder if they threw me out because they knew I would be hideous. They knew that they couldn’t stand the shame of a son like me, even my foster parents couldn’t.

Even I couldn’t.

My chin was too pointed, my eyes were too out-of-touch and washed out, my hair was too messy, too dark brown. Cheeks bones; too prominent. Cheeks; too sallow. Lips; too thin. Forehead; too big. Nose; just not...right. I let out a hiss at my reflection and all let myself fall backwards onto the shower door, head tilted back. Don’t look at the mirror, never look at the mirror.

Wednesday, remember?

With that thought only just pulling me out of some kind of self-hating phase, I peeled myself off the shower-door and slid into my bedroom, trying to ignore the way I felt brittle all over. I tugged at my wardrobe door and brought out a pair of grey ripped jeans, a plain white v-neck with a black cardigan. The clothes were a little baggier than I remembered; probably my fat stretched them out, then the diet lost the weight.

I really craved a cigarette.

A sigh escaped from my lips and I slipped on my pumps, switching off the CD player and making my way out the door, checking my pocket for change. Comfortingly, my hands came in contact with the cold of coins. I wouldn’t usually check; but I had had one of my unusual mornings. The mornings that started bad, that started with a mirror. Sometimes I forgot things, so I checked.

For some reason, it always seemed colder on a Wednesday. I don’t know whether it was because I expected it to be warmer, or if it simply was just colder than usual, but it always was. In the winter, anyway. I didn’t like the cold, even if it made Joes seem like heaven.

The moment I stepped out of the apartment building I lit up a cigarette and pressed it to my lips, enjoying the feeling of smooth smoke rolling into my mouth. It was almost as good as coffee, speaking of which, Joes...

Cigarette still in mouth I pushed myself away from the cold brick of the apartments and into the crowded streets, following my feet with my eyes as I went. I wasn’t particularly worried about walking into people, most would notice my lack of communication with the outside world and move, others would think I was being rude and stay on their track till the last minute when they realised I wasn’t going to move at all.

I passed a featureless building and almost sighed in relief when Joes came into sight next to it, a beacon of warmth in the dreary, cold streets. The dreamy smell of real coffee wafted up to my nose, warm sugar-rich air twirled around my skin and away again as I shut the coffee shops door and cold air rushed inside.

Now walking with a purpose I stepped up to the counter, and waited for the cherry-red girl who worked here to appear.

“Let me guess, black coffee?” she asked when she peaked out of the curtain behind the counter, her long red locks twisting around in corkscrew curls.

“You know me well” I answered, letting a smirk pull at my lips as she went about making the coffee. I slipped the money out of my pocket and let it skim across the side of the gold wooden counter. As usual; the coffee shop held all the regulars, and the wonderer or two who decided to try out the place, if they had any taste, they would enjoy it.

Only a few people were talking in the coffee shop, in small whispery tones, quiet music played slowly in the background, another reason I liked Joes. The noise; there was hardly any, so differing to other coffee shops or any other social meeting place. But Joes was just a simple coffee shop, and I liked that.

“There you go” said the red haired girl sliding the drink across the counter and collecting up the coins, she smiled merrily at me and returned behind the curtain, a little bounce in her step. I circled my hand around the china cup and retreated back to my usual table in the corner of the shop next to a window. For some reason, no-one else ever sat here, not that I was complaining.

And as expected the moment I was comfortably sat down with a coffee in hand, last night’s phone call drifted into my thoughts.


“Hey, it’s Lewis”

“Oh, Hi” If I was honest, I didn’t expect him to call tonight, maybe in two days or so, people usually insisted on that sort of thing so they didn’t seem desperate. Not that Lewis seemed desperate, with looks like that he couldn’t be.

“So, about that coffee, how’s Friday?” Not Wednesday, good. I couldn’t deal with Wednesdays

“Yeah, I’m free then...”

“twelve at Starbucks, you know the one by Hammond Way?” You mean the one I go to when I’m not at Joes

“Alright then”

“That all good?”

“Yeah”

“See you Thursday then, Kristian...”

“Bye”

First off, I had found it odd he knew that I didn’t work Wednesdays, then I remembered the way he followed me around the room with his large blue orbs, and realised it was probably he quite obvious. He could have easily asked someone, my boss was a little lightweight with details about his employees. Actually; my boss was a little lightweight about everything, half the time it was like he was living in wonderland, the poor guy.

My eyes closed automatically as I raised the cup to my lips, savouring the bitter taste as it swept through my mouth. I felt my shoulders visibly relax and I leaned into my chair a bit more, content with the world, the only bad thought on my mind with the date with Lewis.

What if he suddenly realised how lifeless and deadweight I was? Would he cancel the date? And so what if he did?

I frowned.

So what if he did?

And for some reason; I didn’t want to think about it.