Wednesdays

I hate Saturdays.

I was adopted on Saturday; fucking lot of good it did me. I think it would have done me better to stay in foster homes, getting moved around then maybe I wouldn’t be so messed up. So fat.

For some reason, I couldn’t stay still. I’d moved positions on the couch at least six times, my current one being vaguely normal, my head resting in my hands. I couldn’t get it out of my head today, god knows why, but it just wouldn’t leave me alone.

The sight of food hadn’t made me hungry, it disgusted me. I hadn’t gone out for coffee; I remembered what my foster mum used to say about coffee and calories.

But I loved coffee.

I loved food, too

No, no, no. Coffee keeps me sane, coffee can’t be bad, coffee can’t be making me fat. Coffee was everything.
My apartment was dead silent. No music played, no coffee brewed; I hated making my own coffee anyway, but I liked the smell, so I usually made some. It would taste disgusting, but it was coffee.

Coffee.

I really needed some coffee.

A sigh escaped from my lips. As I pulled myself up from the sofa and made my over to my bedroom, giving the door a more violent push than necessary push. I stepped into the room and made a beeline for the already open wardrobe. I didn’t like what I was wearing at the moment; the trousers were too tight; the t-shirt was too tight. It made me feel fatter than I was.

A good twenty minutes later I stepped out of the apartment building and started towards the direction of Starbucks, on my way to coffee.

The phone in pocket vibrated violently and I slipped my hand into my pocket to silence it, bringing it out with my hand.

Lewis;

Tuesday, starbucks, after work? X

I pushed it back into my pocket resolving that I would answer later, if indeed I remembered later. My phone was far from the centre of my life and I only checked it when it went off.

Surprisingly, that wasn’t often.

I made very few friends, being exceptionally unsocial and having a liking to slow, comfortable silences with coffee and cigarettes- but silences on their own were good. Liking silence was something I’d never really questioned- it was something that just... clicked. There was no particular reason that sprung to mind, no traumatising past which silenced me and people around me alike- I just liked silence. I liked the feeling of the world passing by.
Veronica always used to say how it wasn’t normal. But Veronica didn’t like me, and I didn’t like Veronica. She gave me a home and everything, but we didn’t go together. I got out of that godforsaken house and all its memories the moment it was legal- Veronica wasn’t sad. I wasn’t sad. Everyone was happy.
Except for Leon. But he would be fine, Veronica would make sure of that. Leon liked her, so it would be okay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Kyle was being such an idiot, jumping up and down...”

His voice droned on and on, and I couldn’t help but feel a little bored. Well, more than a little. Spencer kept catching my eye from across the room and smiling, raising a coffee cup towards me with a wink. It wasn’t really that busy today, and all he had to do was amuse me with quirky antics.

The best thing was his winks and smiles were silent and calming, and made me feel more comfortable with Lewis. Lewis was in a talkative mood, and the blonde was apparently very happy to talk for two and kept ranting on about something stupid kyle had done.

Kyle being the one and only “Kyle<3” he had written in on his phone. It felt funny to think he was having coffee with me, when he could be out with Kyle, doing stupid things people like him did. I mean, he had to be younger than me. So he would be doing things young people did, like get drunk.

Only coffee for me. It made me feel so old.

I needed coffee, though.