The Forbidden Fruit Always Tastes Sweeter

It wasn’t the prettiest sight in the hospital. Being in the ICU, only two were allowed in at a time. The news was on the TV in the waiting room, continuously showed the footage of Lucy’s fall. The anchorman always left the update with that she was stabilized for now, but things were still touch and go for the young surfer.

Brian rubbed the small beard that had developed over the last few days from lack of care. It had been touch and go, causing an emotional rollercoaster. The numerous tests – he had lost count – she had came back fairly normal strangely enough. At least that’s what the doctors kept reassuring them. Though, the problem was the fluid overload that showed on her chest x-ray and labs, causing stress on her heart and kidneys.

They would give her medicine to get the fluid out and then her blood pressure would drop. Brian barely understood what was supposed to be normal.

“Go on in, Brian,” Lucy’s aunt Kai instructed him. She had been amazingly supportive for everyone. Brian felt like it should have been the other way around, though he was grateful nonetheless. Lucy was right too, her food was incredible, but he wanted to experience it with her, not like this.

Brian nodded, and waited at the door. He didn’t even need to press the doorbell anymore, the staff knew them by heart and unlocked it right away when they saw them waiting. Passing the few open glass doors, he avoided glancing at what was inside. He knew that the ICU meant critical condition, but it was one thing to see how controlled it was on TV compared to the instability that he had seen.

He went to the corner room. Room 11. The image will always haunt him as he stood in the doorway, letting the nurse and aid finish reposition Lucy to protect her skin.

The worse part was the large machine that was breathing for her. Due to the amount of water that went in her, they couldn’t get her oxygen levels to stay under control on anything noninvasive. Once the x-ray of her chest came back clearer and she showed signs that she could breath on her own, they would consider extubating her.

He learned more hospital terms than he ever wanted and didn’t think he could ever watch House again. He thanked the nurses and walked closer to the bed sitting in the chair next to her. Every once in a while, the ventilator would alarm, scaring the shit out of him. But, apparently it was no big deal because no one would ever go running in.

And, since she was ventilated, they kept her fairly sedated so her body could heal better. He wondered what she was aware of. They say that patients are aware of their surroundings and are still sensitive. Her nurses always told him that and had always encouraged him to talk to her.

“Hey, Lucy,” he smiled softly, despite what he was feeling, and grabbed her hand. It was still soft and warm. “You look good today. The doctor said that it’s been one of your better days. They’ve been giving you medicine to make sure you don’t get an infection with all of this.”

Apparently, one of their worries, among many, was her getting pneumonia, especially while on a ventilator.

“God, you look gorgeous,” he whispered. He never saw all the tubes and wires attached to her. Instead, he saw her golden skin and her light brown hair. She looked so peaceful.

All of a sudden, a nurse came in quickly to get vitals, even though they were routinely taken every 15 minutes.

“Everything okay?” Brian asked, trying not to panic.

She smiled and nodded. “Her heart did a little funky rhythm and I want to make sure her BP hasn’t fluctuated.”

“Funky rhythm?” Brian swallowed, hearing the cuff inflate with air.

Sara pointed to the screen with the green squiggly line in the middle. “This is considered sinus, or regular. That’s how her heart should be conducting. What her heart just did was that the bottom chambers pumped a little too fast before letting the rest of the heart to pump.”

“Okay,” he said slowly, trying to keep up.

“Basically,” she paused to write down the measurement. “It’s okay when it’s only a small amount, but when it keeps up, you just have to worry how much the heart can handle.” Sara saw his face pale and bit her lip, knowing that sometimes too much information can do more harm than good. “All that happens now, Brian, is we keep watching for if it happens. When it’s only a few off beats, it’s usually nothing to worry about. She was probably happy to hear your voice.”

Brian hoped that was the case.

“Did you get the update from Kai today?” She asked, hopefully some good news would help him calm down. Brian shook his head. He had just gone straight to the room, not being able to wait to see her. “The respiratory therapist is coming to trial her and see if we can get her off the vent.”

“I hope so,” he sighed as she left the room. It was never a good sign when someone came practically running into the room. He squeezed Lucy’s hand and brought it to his lips. “This is a cruel payback, Luce,” he teased. “I’ve been kicking my ass ever since I saw you sitting at the juice stand. God, you looked so hurt after I ended things. It took everything in me, not to get of the car and go after you. I wasn’t a man. If I had done things in person, I would have never been able to get the words out and things would have never gotten this far. When you wake up, I’m going to make it up to you.”

Kai came in and put a hand on his shoulder, “Brian, go home and nap in a decent bed. Or, at least take a shower.”

“I can’t do that,” he shook his head. He had bunked out in the waiting room in the chair since he flew in with Danny. They had been taking turns staying, wanting to be there in case something changed. But, Brian never left.

“You can’t take care of Lucy, if you don’t take care of yourself,” she patted his back encouraging him to get up. “I’ll call if anything changes,” she handed him the keys.

He walked slowly to the elevators, hoping that she would change her mind and let him stay. But, he realized that wasn’t happening and stepped through the doors. Walking through, the lobby he saw so many happy faces. Couldn’t they tell that he was so miserable? There was nothing to be smiling about.

He sighed and made his way across the lot and to the car. It was such a beautiful day. Any signs of the storm that was coming the day of the accident had long passed by.

It was so beautiful here. The ocean was still along the coast. You would have never thought it to be the monster that almost took Lucy’s life.

Once he got back to Kai’s house, he passed Danny and Teasha sleeping on the pull out. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed some fruit to eat, figuring he’d start there.

“How’d she look?” Tim asked, leaning in the doorway.

“Good,” Brian smiled softly, sitting at the breakfast bar. “They’re going to trial her today and see if she can come off the vent.”

“Thank God,” he breathed out a sigh of relief. “It’s so hard to see her so vulnerable.”

Brian nodded, agreeing. “I just can’t wait to hear her voice again.”

“She really missed you, you know,” Tim admitted.

“I did too,” he said quietly, picking at the pineapple.

“Danny told me why you did it,” he said casually, grabbing a piece of the sweet tropical fruit. “It was stupid not to talk about it with her first. But, I can understand why you did it. You had good intentions.” He patted him on the shoulder, letting him know that he harbored no ill feelings towards him.

Brian just nodded and finished up his late breakfast in peace. Brian laughed at himself in the mirror at the beard. It looked so foreign. Grabbing the razor, he finally shaved. The warm water felt good against his muscles too. He had been so tense, always bracing himself for bad news. Sleeping in award positions for the last few nights didn’t help either.

Brian went down to the guest room that he had been crashing in. Apparently, Lucy was staying in this room before all this happened. He could tell without anyone ever telling him, though. It still smelled like her, and, he was grateful for that. He needed to feel close to her.

Taking Kai’s advice, he laid down. Timing it correctly, he could go around dinnertime back to the hospital to relieve Kai. It felt so good being able to stretch out his entire body. As guilty as he felt for leaving Lucy’s side, his body demanded rest and his eyelids closed against his will.

Brian did his routine, sitting next to Lucy, who unfortunately was still intubated. He even read some Cosmo and Marie Claire articles to her from magazines that they had left over. Though, today he wondered if Lucy was starting to fight an infection. Her hand was clammier than usual and not as warm. The nurse reassured him that her vitals were stable and she was afebrile.

The sinus rhythm the nurse had pointed out to him yesterday still looked normal, though every once in a while there would be a wide beat. However, as he paused from the magazine, the monitor began to alarm loudly. The normal heart rhythm was now only wide beats, going really, really fast.

About six people rushed into the room, pushing him to the side. A large cart was pulled in with them. He watched as the quickly ripped off the covers and unsnapped the gown in order to attach a pad to her left chest and back. They slid a board under her back and disconnected the ventilator as they attached a bag to her tube instead. Her nurse jumped on her chest and began to do compressions. A sickening crack was heard as a few ribs broke.

Dozen of different alarms were going off and all Brian could do was watch in horror not knowing what to do.

“V-tach 170’s and increasing. BP dropping at 88 systolically.” Someone said over the chaos.

“Pulse is weak and thready.” Another person at her groin announced.

The man in the lab coat that Brian recognized as the doctor of the team in the ICU began to shout out weird names that must have been medications that they were administering.

She didn’t respond to it.

The doctor charged the zoll, setting the jewels, and told everyone to stay clear as they defibrillated her. Brian stood paralyzed as they increased the jewels and repeated the shock in between compressions.

And, then after maybe 15 minutes, he heard it, a long pause that stood out over everything else.

“She’s going a-systole,” the one documenting the event shouted. They tried again with the CPR, defibrillating, and the medications. But, after a few single beats it remained flat lined.

“Time,” the doctor asked as the room quieted.

“2145.”

“Okay,” he sighed. It was never fun to be unsuccessful and lose a patient. “Time of death, 2145.” The anesthesiologist extubated her since there was no need for the ventilator any more.

“No,” Brian said quietly to himself, shocked at what just happened. His voice was hoarse. “No,” he kept repeating. This couldn’t be possible. She can’t be gone.

Everyone filed out of the room as the nurse finished disconnecting Lucy from all the different wires and tubings. “Brian,” she put her hand on his arm. “Why did you leave her?”

“What?” He looked down at the nurse, confused at her words, but walked towards Lucy. He grabbed her hand and brought it to her lips. It was still warm, but he knew that would fade soon. He already felt her fingers begin to stiffen with the lack of circulation.

He felt his hand get squeezed, making him jump. He looked at Lucy’s face, and saw her blue eyes starring at him, glazed over. “Why’d you leave me, Brian?”

Brian gasped sitting up, holding his chest. His heart was beating a million times a minute. He looked around his surroundings to see that he was still in bed. It was just a dream.

He grabbed his cell phone to see that it was the next day, 9:45 in the morning. He couldn’t believe that he had slept through the night. Pulling the covers off, he ran into the living room to see Kai sitting there, drinking her coffee.

“Lucy, she’s okay, right?” he panted, like he had been running a mile.

She looked at him confused, “They weren’t able to extubate her last night, but she’s fine, Brian. Her blood pressure is in the 100’s now.”

“Not 88?” he asked from his dream.

“Nope,” she smiled. “Come sit.”

He collapsed on the couch next to her, not being able to shake the dream. It was so real. He watched as she died. He felt her hand in his. It was just so real.

“Are you okay, Brian?” Kai asked softly, breaking the silence.

He shook his head explained his dream, not going into detail of coarse. “I really though I had lost her,” he let out a shuttered breath. He pinched his nose, feeling that familiar burn.

“C’mere,” she ushered him into an embrace. She felt a few tears hit her shoulder as she rubbed her back.

“I can’t lose her, Kai. I just can’t.” Brian was surprised to find himself crying, but he didn’t care or hold back. He had been through so much already and was too tired to hold his shield up any longer. “I need Lucy. I love her.”