You Left Me

I sat with Claudia at the park, watching Cadence as played in the sandbox with Danny, who also happened to be Claudia’s nephew. She grabbed her Route44 cherry limeade that she’d gotten at Sonic before making an appearance at the park and took a sip before she decided to make conversation. “Cadence is getting so big!”

I nodded. “She’ll be three next month.” I knew that she was about to exclaim that we should have a party for her. “But we’re going to be gone for that week… Taking her to meet her grandparents… And her uncle, if he’s even home.” I nodded to myself, hoping that Ryan wasn’t on tour still.

I looked over at her. That was my first mistake. I’d never mentioned that I had a brother or even that my parents were alive still. Claudia’s eyes were huge and I could see hundreds of questions in her eyes.

*

I wrote down the phrases that I’d been turning over in my head for the past few hours. Ryan, Jon, and Spencer were busy eating. I closed the bound journal when Ryan looked over. “Are you gonna eat that?” he asked, nodding to the fries on the side of my plate.

“Go ahead,” I shrugged as a short girl with dark hair walked by. I sighed; she reminded me of Ryan’s sister. It had been over three years since I’d last seen her. And then she disappeared.

I glared at my food. I wasn’t hungry anymore. “Something wrong?” Spencer asked curiously. I shook my head.

“I was just thinking.” The girl walked by again and I picked out everything about her that was different from my Beth. This girl was wearing skinny jeans; something Beth would never be caught dead wearing. Not to mention the fact that her hair was brown, not black. She also had noticeable dark scars on her right wrist; Beth was right handed and her scars were lighter than her skin tone. Her chest was flat and her eyes were green, she had freckles on her shoulders and she had angel bites.

I realized Ryan had said something that I completely missed and everyone was staring at me now. “Are you checking her out?” Jon asked, nodding to the brunette I’d been comparing. I shook my head; I was still set on finding out what happened to Beth.

Ryan smiled. “So what are you gonna do after tour is over?” I was about to open my mouth and give some lame story when his phone rang and I saw her name flash on the phone screen.

*

Claudia stared at me, making me feel awkward. “Call him. Right now. I want proof that you are related to him.” I rolled my eyes and pulled out my phone and tried to show her a picture of us together from the last time I’d seen him; Claudia had watched Cadence for me because I told her I was just going to get some training for my job. She shook her head. “Pictures don’t count. You could still be lying.”

I rolled my eyes again before I slowly dialed his number. I hadn’t been this nervous since I found out I was pregnant. I put the phone on speaker since Cadence and Danny were taking naps in the living room and we were in the kitchen. Instead of having Claudia attack me with questions at the park, I suggested it would be a better conversation behind closed doors.

“Beth?” Ryan asked in a confused tone. Normally, he was the one calling me; making sure I was okay. He was still clueless about Cadence and I’d already warned Claudia not to say anything about her.

“Hi Ryan,” I said in a shaky voice. “My friend… Okay, I’m just gonna get this all out so just listen and don’t say anything till I’m done please.” I waited for him to agree. I had a way of rambling when I was nervous. “I told my friend that I was coming to visit mom and dad and how I was hoping you would be there because I have someone really important that I want you to meet but then she asked me who my family was because I never talked about it and it was just a completely new topic…” I mentally was preparing everything I said before it came out of my mouth and I announced something that even Brendon would be able to figure out by himself. “And she’s a huge fan of the band but she doesn’t believe I’m related to you, so will you just like… I don’t know.”

I smiled at his response. “What’s your name, Beth’s friend?”

I watched her reaction; I was sure she knew it was Ryan just by his voice. She giggled. “Um, Claudia.”

“Well, Claudia,” he said her name slowly; “I certainly hope you’ll be accompanying my little sister when she comes to visit. She has a habit of getting in trouble—or she used to. Maybe she grew out of it, maybe not. If you would like, we’ll pick you up from the airport.”

“NO!” I shouted. Claudia glared, but I could tell that she was close to fainting, having just had a guy from her second favorite band just talk to her on the phone. “I mean, Dad is picking us up,” I amended.

I nodded to myself. “Okay, then. We can be waiting at my parents’ house… So will you come?” Claudia giggled and nodded before she fell backwards onto the floor.

I sighed. “Ryan, you overdid it. She just fainted. But um, yeah… See you soon?”

He chuckled. “Brendon wants to talk to you.”

I shook my head. I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t mature enough to deal with him again. “Beth? Are you there?” I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “If you are,” he said, though I hadn’t said anything aloud, “I just want you to know that I miss you and…” He trailed off. I didn’t know if he was going to say anything. “And I hope your flight is nice.”

The line went dead. My breaths were shallow and the room was spinning. I collided with the floor and everything went black.

*

I anxiously filed into the house behind the guys. I hadn’t been here since we were practicing in the garage. It didn’t seem like much had changed. Mrs. Ross hugged her Ryan and then he excused us and we escaped to the garage.

I smiled to myself; it was almost exactly the same. There was still the beat up couch on the far side of the garage with various posters. The book shelf that used to be at the back of the garage was gone, and there was a loveseat there now. There wasn’t much else, but I still felt more relaxed. I sat on the loveseat, but didn’t bother to make conversation with anyone.

*

I stared out the window and smiled to myself as Claudia played twenty questions with Cadence in the back seat. Dad had bought a huge stuffed bear for Cadence I told him everything; I was ninety percent sure that she was still hugging it in the back seat, and ninety-nine percent sure that it was bigger than her.

“Well,” Dad said, pulling into the driveway as the garage door opened. Ryan was standing there and he smiled and waved. “Here we are.” He stopped the car before we were at the garage. I froze when I saw Brendon.

“I give up!” Claudia exclaimed. “What is it??” I turned in my seat.

“I can’t do it, Claudia!! I can’t. He’s here.” I shook my head. “I can’t do it!” Dad was oblivious as he got out, went to the back and got our bags.

Cadence giggled. “It’s Mommy!” A huge smiled spread across her face; she looked just like him. I drew in a deep breath.

Claudia unbuckled Cadence for me. “Can’t do what? Who’s here? Is your mom making a welcome home cake? I love cake!”

My eyes widened as my door opened. “Beth!” Ryan exclaimed. I unbuckled, jumped out of the car, and hugged my older brother. Claudia got out on the other side of the car, walked around after closing her door.

“What am I?” Claudia asked. “Chopped liver?” She frowned. “I thought what we had was special!!”

I rolled my eyes and busied myself with getting Cadence out of the car. “Claudia?” Ryan chuckled. She giggled and nodded as I grabbed the pale, dark haired toddler from her carseat and then grabbed the stuffed toy that was bigger than her. “Nice to meet you.” He smiled and hugged her.

“I didn’t even faint!” Claudia exclaimed, doing her I love life dance. I turned and closed the door.

Ryan smiled. “Is this your special someone?” I nodded; Cadence turned and a look of shock crossed Ryan’s face. He held out his arms and she grabbed for him. He took her from my arms and held her. “And what’s your name, Little Missy?”

She giggled and hid her face. He looked up at me. “Cadence.”

He tickled her stomach. “Is that your name?” he asked her. She giggled and nodded. He looked at me. He knew. “Do you want to meet some of my friends?” She looked towards the garage, then turned and looked at me.

“No!” she yelped.

Claudia stopped dancing. “Friends? As in… The guys… As in…” Spencer walked out of the garage and Claudia squealed, falling on her ass. “Breathe, Claudia. Get a hold of yourself. Don’t get your panties in a bunch! Act natural!”

I rolled my eyes. “Sorry, she’s a little crazy…

*

Jon followed Spencer. I stayed on the loveseat. “Awh! Who’s this little girl?” Spencer asked. Ryan whispered something to him, then Spencer turned and looked at me. “Hey, Bren! Come here!”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I don’t feel like it.”

Jon grabbed the child from Ryan. “You’re a cutie. You look just like…” His expression changed.

Ryan walked over, grabbed my arm, and pulled me towards everyone. “Stop being such a baby!” he shouted.

“Imma big girl!” the child shouted, sticking her tongue out at Ryan. Jon and Spencer laughed.

Ryan stopped a foot away from Spencer. Beth looked so different; her long hair was gone, and instead she had a pixie hair cut. The tips of her black messy hair were blonde. Her nose was pierced now, and instead of wearing baggy jeans and Converse, she was wearing black skinny jeans and a pair of combat boots. She was skinnier, which I honestly had never even thought possible; she had always been small, though. She was as pale as ever. There was a colorful tattoo that looked like a name on her collarbone that was covered by the strap of her shirt.

She smiled sheepishly. “Hey, Brendon.”

“Come on, guys. Let’s go inside… I think they need some time…” Ryan said. “Do you wanna go meet your Granny, Cadence?” She giggled and nodded, reaching for him. And slowly, they all disappeared into the house.

Lizz leaned against the car and sighed. I just stared; I didn’t even know what to say. All those hours that I’d spent trying to come up with something.

*

I stared out the ground, hoping he’d say something; anything. I wanted him to say that he missed me and could never hate me for leaving with our child—or that he had even figured that much out—and that he wasn’t mad.

I finally looked up. He was just staring at me. A smile broke out on his face; he took two strides forward, and wrapped his arms around me, hugging tightly like I would disappear if he didn’t. He was just as warm as I remembered, and he smelled so damn good. I buried my face in his chest and hugged him back, just as tight.

We stayed silent. I still didn’t know what to say.

I forced myself to inch away from him and look up at his expression. And then he kissed me; I felt like a fifteen year old again.

*

I glanced at my watch. I was already late. The guys were going to kill me. I walked faster until the house was in sight, then I sprinted the last few feet. The garage door was open so I just walked in. Ryan was sitting on the couch with a cute girl beside him.

“Hey,” I gasped, trying to catch my breath. “Sorry I’m late.”

Brent nodded. “At least you showed up this time.”

Ryan nodded. “Have you met my sister?” he asked. I shook my head. “Beth, this is Brendon. The new singer.”

She nodded. “I heard you guys from my bedroom last time.” She was wearing camo cargo pants that were probably from the guy’s section in whatever store she bought them, along with a black Fender shirt, and classic Converse. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail; she looked like a female version of her brother.

“Hi,” I mumbled, blushing.

She smirked as Ryan got up from the couch and she tried to take up as much room on the couch as possible for someone that 5’3”. Ryan tuned his guitar.

The end of practice was more pleasant than usual, because when the guys went in to get something to eat and drink, Beth nodded to the foot of the couch. “You’re pretty good,” she said casually as I sat by her feet.

I smiled, glad that I had impressed her. The extra effort I put in today definitely worked. “Thanks.”

She nodded. “No problem.” She yawned then got up. “I’ll see you around,” she said, then winked, before she went inside. And that was when I knew that Beth Ross was the girl for me.

*

I knew everyone was watching from the front door. I didn’t care as long as he didn’t let go of me. “You left me,” he whispered. “Why?”

I drew in a deep breath and started giving my lame explanation. And then, at the end, I whispered, “She’s yours, you know. She thinks you’re the greatest thing since Play-Doh.”

He kissed my forehead. “I love my girls,” he said softly. “Elizabeth Ross, will you be my girlfriend?” My eyes widened and I blushed; I thought I’d come up with all possible scenarios that could happen. I nodded once before he kissed me.

The front door opened and someone came out. “Moommmaaa!!! CAKE!” Cadence squealed. Brendon pulled away and chuckled, grabbing my hand and lacing his fingers with mine.

The curly haired child ran over and jumped on my legs, climbing up. Brendon picked her up with one arm. He watched the giggling toddler. “Did I mention she looks like you?” I giggled.

“I think you forgot to mention that,” he chuckled before he kissed my cheek