I Woke Up Naked with a Headache...and a Husband?

It’s been about two days since I talked to Zack. No texts, no phone calls, hell not even an email. I’ve gotten a couple of random texts from Val, Jimmy, and Matt telling me about what’s going on, on their side of the country. I figured if I haven’t heard anything by the end of the week, then I should probably be expecting a call from my lawyer soon. Right now I was at home taking care of my laundry and trying to clean my condo a little. I have a really nice place right on the oceanfront where I live. Seeing how it was a really nice day I had all the doors and windows open to let the warm salt air in. I made sure that the screens were closed though because I let my two California King snakes out to stretch and wander around. They’re both female and I’ve had them since they first hatched. An old friend had some also and she first thought she had two females only to find out that one was male and the other female when her girl got pregnant and laid the eggs. As soon as it happened she called in a friend who was a herpetologist. She helped us take care of everything and confirmed for me that the two snakes that were gifted to me were girls before I took them. The girl’s names are Lila and Rose. They are both three years old, but Rose is bigger than Lila by about two inches long and two and a half centimeters in width, while at the same time Lila is darker in color. They are the most gentle and loving snakes I have ever been around. They love attention and whenever I come home or they see the neighbor’s kids, they start nosing at the glass of their tanks to be let out. Rose likes to be curled up around people’s necks, while Lila likes to curl around wrists. I had just put my last load into the washer when I felt one of them brush against my foot. I saw that it was Lila.

“Hi baby! I know, I know, you and sissy missed mommy while I was gone and I’m sorry, but you know I have to work.” I said to her while I was picking her up. She flicked her tongue out at me while I was speaking before allowing her body to wrap around my forearm and wrist. I walked into the living room to see Rose curled up in front of the screens sunning herself naturally. Rose lifted her head when I walked into the room and tasted the air to see it was me, before lowering it back down. I grabbed my phone of my kitchen counter and was about to sit down when it started to ring.

“Yellow?” I asked not looking at the caller id.

“Duck. “ A familiar lisp replied.

“Hi Jimmy! What are you doing up at-“ I looked over to my wall clock to see that it was only eleven here on the east coast, so that meant it was “eight in the morning over there? Isn’t that like early as hell for you guys?”

“Yeah but I wanted to call you and talk to you on Skype. See how you were doing and stuff like that.”

“Okay give me a few. Let me go grab my laptop.” I put my phone down and walked back to my room grabbing the computer and the charger cord with it. Once I had everything set back up in the living room along with Skype up, I grabbed the phone again to let Jimmy know.

“Hey Jimmy, I’m all set on my end. You ready?” As soon as those words left my mouth my computer started ringing. I clicked the accept button to see a shirtless Jimmy in front of me.

“Morning Jimmy!” I said hanging up the phone.

“Morning. What’s that on your wrist?” I looked and saw that Lila had raised her head and kept flicking her tongue at the onscreen Jimmy.

“Oh, Jimmy meet Lila, Lila meet Jimmy! Sorry Jimmy, she’s trying to get your scent because she doesn’t know who you are.”

“Dude that is fucking cool! She’s all wrapped around your arm and wrist. I haven’t seen shit like that since we were in like India and the other Islands like that shit. That is fucking awesome.” I was laughing at him because of the way he was acting.

“Well if you like Lila, wait until you meet Rose.” I said standing up and walking over to her in her spot. I started to pick her and she jerked a bit before she caught my scent and then relaxed. I put her around my shoulders, with her tail end curling around my upper arm. I sat back down and adjusted the laptop screen so that Jimmy could see all three of us.

“Jimmy, meet my girls. You’ve meet Lila who is on my wrist, and Rose is the bigger one on my shoulders. Oh and I swear to god if you make a reference to-“ I was cut off by Jimmy yelling out.

“I have had it with these motherfucking snakes, on this motherfucking plane!” before he burst into a fit of laughter. I just sat there not amused. I had heard that line be quoted to me so many times, that I started to smack people when they say it.

“Next time we’re in front of each other in person Jimmy, be prepared for a smacking.”

“Oh baby. But seriously the snakes are fucking amazing. I can’t wait to meet them in person. Wait, they’re not going to try and kill me are they? They’re not poisonous or anything right?”

“No. The most that might happen is if you pick them up wrong they might try to squeeze the life out of your arm. They’re very gentle.”

“Jimmy!” I heard a faint yell on Jimmy’s side of the screen. It sounded like Matt.

“In hear guys! I’m talking to Star. Hey Matt and Brian are over. Is it okay if they chat with you for a few?”

“Yeah. I’ll be right back though. I’m going to put the girls back into their tanks.” It took me a few minutes to get the girls to let go but they did eventually go back into the tank. When I went back to the screen I saw that Matt and Brian were sitting there also with those big cheesy grins on their face like they were plotting something.

“What are the three of you plotting?”

“Nothing.” They said in that sing song voice you would hear when you knew the kids were up to something.