Operation Beautiful

We’re sitting on the floor still. We sat there through the long silence as we hear the bathroom door shut and then open again maybe three or four minutes later. We sat there through the cat-calls and wolf-whistles when Emmaleigh finally made it back downstairs. They all wanted to know who she made out with, but Jessica insisted, very loudly, that it was just a kiss, it just took her a while to set it up right.

“Do you think she wanted to kiss me?” Trust Matt to ask that question. Regardless, I give him a straight answer.

“No. I think she was a little more upset about the fact that you’d rather have kissed a horse. That kind of stuff hurts you know.”

“Please! You were the one who said you’d rather kiss a moose!”

“I didn’t mean it offensively! It’s just a...Belgian expression...” Oh my God. Could my excuse get any lamer?

“Hey, I wasn’t saying she’s ugly. She’s kinda cute and she’s only a year younger than us. It’s just...I mean, come on! She’s been Jess’s best friend for ever! Thinking about her like that is just...revolting.” There’s a knock on the door and Jessica pokes her head in.

“I just wanted to thank you for not kissing her, Matt,” she says. “Emmaleigh’s really shy and just asking you guys...well, let’s just say she’s not the life of the party right now. So if you had actually kissed her, she probably would have freaked out or something.” Matt waves a hand.

“Wouldn’t dream of it. Trust me.” She smiles and shuts the door. There’s a long awkward silence as Jessica’s words sink in. Not the life of the party, huh?

“We’re going to have to do something,” Matt says finally. I nod.

“But what?”

When the whispers finally die down, we start tiptoeing down the stairs. The moonlight shines through the window, lighting up some of the faces.

“Found her!” Matt whispers. I walk over.

“Okay, now what?” I whisper back.

“Pick her up.”
“What?”
“Just do it,” he hisses. I sigh and lean down. She’s wearing sweatpants and a hoodie to shield from the cold night. Thank God she didn’t go for short-shorts and a tank. I probably would’ve dropped her. I was getting nervous as it was and I haven’t even touched her yet. I slip my arms under her, a light floral scent wafting into my nose.

“She smells nice,” I whisper to myself.

“What?” Matt asks. I just shake my head and lift her up. She wakes up slightly.

“Wait. Put me...blueberries...” she falls back asleep. I try not to laugh. Blueberries?

We put her in the car and start driving. Matt parks outside some 24-hour fast food place.

“What the hell?” I ask, tapping his arm. “You don’t apologize to a girl with fast food!” He snaps.

“What the hell do you want me to do, then? It’s flipping three in the morning and here we are dragging out some girl we don’t even--” I slap a hand over his mouth.

“Shut up, you’ll only make things worse,” I snap. Matt ruffles his hair and yawns.

“Sorry, man. I’m just hella tired, you know?” A delicate hand taps on my shoulder.

“Excuse me?” Emmaleigh’s awake. And even though she’s completely disoriented, her voice is quiet and polite. “Can I ask where we are?”

“We are trying to decide whether to take you to a fast food place or...” I trail off. “Actually, I don’t think there are any other places open right now.” Matt throws his hands up in the air.

“My point exactly!”

“Why are we at a fast food place?” She asks again. Matt and I turn around and face her.

“We wanted to apologize for being complete jerks earlier.”

“When were you guys jerks? Oh! You mean when you said you’d rather kiss various hoofed mammals as opposed to me,” she slaps a hand over her mouth. “I, uh, I guess that was pretty tactless of me to bring up.”

It was also a pretty nerdy way of putting it, I think to myself, but I don’t say anything.

“It’s fine,” Matt says. “Honestly, we were the jerks. We don’t mean you’re unattractive or anything. I mean, I’m sure you’ve had more guys chasing after you than me and Corey combined,” Emmaleigh giggles. “But I kind of see you as Jess’s best friend and I see Jess as my baby sister, so...the idea of kissing you was pretty repelling.”

“And...I...” I’m not sure what to say. I don’t really see her as a sister. “I guess I just over reacted. You really are extremely pretty. It’s just, I mean, you’re one of them.” Matt and I shudder in unison.

“Them?” she asks, confused.

“The yelling, screaming, confusing, hormone-crazed, 17 year old girls who get a kick out of stealing guys’ boxers,” I say. She wrinkles her nose.

“I am?”

“Well, I don’t think you’re like that very much,” I say, thinking about it. Damn it, I’m getting too honest with a girl. Girl’s are funny when it comes to honestly. They tend to read too far into it. “You’re definitely cooler than them, but I didn’t realize that until today, so...” Where am I going with this? “Essentially, I would rather kiss you than a moose. But I’d rather kiss a moose than one of the Rangler twins.” I wrinkle my nose and Emmaleigh’s eyes get wide.

“You don’t think they’re pretty?” she asks. “I thought all guys did.”

“All guys haven’t seen them go insane at a sleepover,” Matt says with a groan. “They’re the ones who started truth or dare, attempted to trick us into play 7 minutes in Heaven last time, and...they’re just insane!” Emmaleigh thinks about this for a minute. Then she turns to me.

“So you’d rather kiss me than one of the Rangler twins?” Her eyes say she doesn’t believe it. I don’t know why the words slip out of my mouth, but they do.

“Well, yeah, but I mean, I’d rather not be in a situation where I’d have to choose.” Damn me and my mouth again. She’ll probably get upset. Damn girls.

“Anyway,” Matt says quickly. He probably has the same idea I do. “The point is, we’re sorry for being jerks. We didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” Emmaleigh nods and leans back.

“It’s fine. I mean, it’s not like I wanted to kiss either of you anyway, it just hurt to come third to a horse and a moose. I mean, they don’t even brush their teeth!” We all laugh. Everything is funnier at 3 in the morning.

“Do you want anything?” Matt nods to the fast food place in front of us. Emmaleigh licks her lips and then thinks for a second.

“Yeah, can you get me some fries? I’ll just go to the bathroom and wash my hands.”

We order a monster order of fries for us to share and another monster one for Emmaleigh.

“Awake?” Matt asks when she comes back.

“Yup,” she says with a smile. “Thanks. Now for the fries!”

We get home an hour later, slightly drunk on lack of sleep. “Pudding,” Matt says, trying to put his keys into his pajama pocket. He doesn’t have a pajama pocket. Emmaleigh giggles as she steals the keys.

“You’re an idiot.” She starts giggling again.

“You’ll wake them up,” I say, feeling a huge smile come over my face.

“Pudding,” says Matt again. We all start laughing as quietly as possible. Apparently there is a point at which your brain is so tired that the word “pudding” becomes hilarious.

“All right, let’s go to bed,” I say finally. “Bye, Emmaleigh.” Matt goes over and gives her a hug.

“Call me if you need anything, Em.” She smiles.

“Thanks so much, Matt. The food and stuff. It was awesome.” He shrugs as she pulls away.

“All in a day’s work.”

“Um, you too, Corey. Thanks for everything.” She stands in front of me awkwardly.

“Thanks for what? Saying he’d rather kiss you than those twins?” Matt asked wickedly. I thought we’d agreed to drop the subject. Emmaleigh blushes a bit and looks down.

“It was a definite moral booster.”

“That’s what she said,” I say, thinking of Haley and when she looked at the post-it note. It’s only when Emmaleigh’s eyes bug out and Matt starts howling with silent laughter that I realise what I’ve done.

“No!” I say, a little too loudly. “I meant that literally. As in, I had a friend who said the exact same thing earlier.” We all start giggling.

“Okay, that's enough. Bye, Em,” Matt says finally dragging me up the stairs.

“God I’m tired,” I say, collapsing onto my bed.

“Tell me about it,” Matt exclaims. “Hanging with Em was pretty fun, though. She’s a cool kid.”

“Yeah,” I say, nodding in the dark. And before I can say anything else, I’ve fallen asleep.