Operation Beautiful

I slam the door shut behind me and sink to the floor. In hindsight, running away before she could react was the worst possible way that could have gone.

She likes Matt, I tell myself. She has since sophomore year. And now she’s probably really pissed at you.

I stay in the game room upstairs, playing video games with Matt until she leaves.

“So...what happened?” he asks.

“W-what are you talking about?” Have I mentioned that I’m a God-awful liar?

“Well, Jessica came down crying, Emmaleigh came down, like, three hours later and you didn’t come down at all. What did you do?”

Ah. “Uh...well, Jessica told me that she liked me.” Matt sits up suddenly.

“And?”

“And I told her that I didn’t feel the same way.”

“Oh.” He leans back against the beanbag and goes back to bashing zombies on screen. “That...sucks.”

“I thought you’d be happy,” I say, confused.

“Oh, I am,” he replies, never taking his eyes off the screen. “I meant for her.”
***
We arrive at school the next day and I don’t see Emma at all. I mean, I see her from the corner of my eye in the hallway but I don’t dare go talk to her. Especially with a pretty upset-looking Jessica next to her.

When break comes, I remember to swing by the locker. A pink post-it is stuck to the inside of the door.

Um, I’m okay, I guess. Okay, this is a horrible question to ask, but I’m feeling horribly confused and I need someone’s honest opinion. I figure since you don’t know who I am you could answer honestly? Hopefully you can. Anyway, here it is:

If you confess to a guy and he turns you down, is it a jerk move for him to go kiss your best friend that night and then leave without saying anything? Regardless of whether or not he likes her?

Oh. And for some reason I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with that here. But as I read the words over one more time, the reality of what I’ve done hits me. I was a jerk.

I stumble through French and into math class.

“Are you okay?” Haley asks.

“Yeah,” I say. “I just feel really guilty.”

“Oh. Well, try apologizing to her. You made a mistake, but she’ll forgive you.”

For a second I stare at her blankly. How does she--oh. She must think I didn’t see Emma after the downtown fiasco. But the advice seems comforting. “So I should just walk up to her and be like ‘sorry’ and hope she accepts it?” I complain, hoping for more direct advice.

Haley looks at me like I’ve grown a second head. “Of course. When you do something wrong, you apologize.Tell her what you did wrong, ask her to forgive you, and promse not to screw up like that again. Keep it simple, but sincere,” Haley says, patting me on the back. “And do it next time you see her. Or else I may just push the two of you into the janitor’s closet.”

“Didn’t Clarice get locked in last time you did that?” I ask with a laugh.

She nods. “Yes. So don’t chicken out.”

I notice the necklace she’s wearing and decide to change the subject. “That’s a nice necklace. Where’d you get it?”

She gives me a funny look. “Well, Trevor said he found it when you guys were out shopping yesterday?”

“Yeah. Just trying to make conversation. He couldn’t keep his eyes off it. Must’ve reminded him of you.” It’s funny to see Haley blush like that.

“Just make sure not to bail,” she says as we exit the classroom. But as we pass Emmaleigh and Jessica in the hallway on the way to lunch, I can’t do it. Haley sighs and grabs my sleeve and Emmaleigh’s. “Jess, mind it I borrow her? These two have issues.” And before Jessica can say anything, Haley drags us off and throws us into the janitor’s closet. “Call me if you get locked in,” she calls. We hear her footsteps fade away as the door shuts.

“Oh, uh, Corey...hi,” Emmaleigh says tentatively.

“Yeah, um...” I scratch the back of my head, not sure where to start.

”Tell her what you did wrong,”

“I’m sorry for kissing you,” I begin, keeping Haley’s advice in mind. “I know you like Matt and Jessica probably told you about...what happened between us and it was just...it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing,” I say in a rush. “I’m really sorry.”

“Yeah, Jess doesn’t really want you to know, but she was really upset about it. And kissing me right afterwards was a pretty jerk move.” Her eyes widen as she looks at me. “I’m sorry. I kind of...ramble when I’m nervous.”

“No, it’s--it’s okay,” I say, though hearing what I know to be true come out of her mouth like that makes me feel even worse. “It was pretty horrible of me. I don’t even know why I did it.” Maybe because I like you a lot?? “Um...why don’t we just pretend it never happened?”

NO! That was not what I wanted to say at all. Oh, shit. Why can’t I just be a guy version of Haley? She never would have said something this stupid.

“Uh...” Emmaleigh stares at me for a few seconds, her mouth opening and closing in various positions as she searches for something to say.

“I mean, it’s not you like me and considering Jessica...” I suddenly realize that this will make her come to the obvious conclusion that I like her and my already embarrassment-addled brain steps up the solve the problem. “...and it’s not like I like you or anything, so..”

Oh my God. Isn’t that just icing on the cake? I kissed her after more-or-less dumping her best friend and then I tell her that it meant nothing in the first place.

“Oh,” she says.

I feel like kicking myself.

“Then maybe,” she continues. “Then maybe we should just forget this ever happened.” And she leaves.
***
Haley gives me a curious smile as I approach the lunch table, but I don’t comment. I sit down and lean my forehead on Matt’s shoulder.

“Is that offer to go gay still open?” I ask.

“Woah! More than I need to know!” Clarice says, jumping up.

“First of all,” Matt says, putting a hand on Spike’s shoulder, “the offer was for Spike.” I can see in his eyes that he’s enjoying the girls’ reactions. “Secondly...” He looks me over. “No. Not even if Hell were to freeze over, no.”

“Why not?” I joke.

Matt rolls his eyes. “I have no desire to be mauled by girls.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Puh-lease. It’s not like girls are crazy about me.”

“You’re serious?” Matt just stares at me.

“What?”

“He’s serious...” Clarice says, staring at me and waving her arm around until she’s smacking Janice’s over and over. “He’s actually serious. Corey, you--”

“Stop,” Janice says, putting a hand over Clarice’s mouth. “It’s better when they don’t know.”

I have a vague feeling I’m being complimented on my looks, but I’m not sure.

“It’s true,” Haley says with a smile. “So don’t say anything.” The girls laugh at some private joke I don’t understand.

I look over at Trevor who just shrugs. “Just let it go,” he mouths.