Status: it's like a disease....it makes me want to give up on life.
Unrequited love
For the girl who guides me through insanity
Every day I walked in the door my throat turned to stone and my lungs filled with poison. Her angle face nearly killed me every time I tried to sleep at night. I suppose the worst part of it all was that no one knew. I hadn't even told one soul that I was gay, even though I most obviously was.
She was my 7th grade English teacher. Her name was Charlotte Bone and she was 28. She liked the Beatles, warm tea, teaching and she had a sister that I had never met. I knew everything about her. I could go on listing things about her, even her address. I refused to believe it was an obsession because each and every day I managed to continue on. If I was insane then I would give up on life. But I wasn't and I didn't, although I felt like I was at times.
There's no way for me to explain the loneliness that comes along with knowing you are gay. A certain sense of dread crosses your mind whenever you think about. I had gotten good at hiding it, but the more Miss.Bone fueled my love the worse it got. The more I longed to profess my undying love. But I knew she would never, could never understand.
Unrequited love was possibly the worst thing I had ever encountered. To be forced to see your person each day and face the fact that it would never happen. But you know you are lost when you begin to avoid that fact. When you begin to feed in to your mind the thought that maybe it could work. When you begin to relate every song to their eyes, their smile. When you think about them your world begins to float out into space and you're suddenly alright with that.
Our world is strange, and although I may get over my true love someday, not one soul will ever out-win her shining beauty.
Like so many others, I loved someone I could never have.
And it kills you in the end.
She was my 7th grade English teacher. Her name was Charlotte Bone and she was 28. She liked the Beatles, warm tea, teaching and she had a sister that I had never met. I knew everything about her. I could go on listing things about her, even her address. I refused to believe it was an obsession because each and every day I managed to continue on. If I was insane then I would give up on life. But I wasn't and I didn't, although I felt like I was at times.
There's no way for me to explain the loneliness that comes along with knowing you are gay. A certain sense of dread crosses your mind whenever you think about. I had gotten good at hiding it, but the more Miss.Bone fueled my love the worse it got. The more I longed to profess my undying love. But I knew she would never, could never understand.
Unrequited love was possibly the worst thing I had ever encountered. To be forced to see your person each day and face the fact that it would never happen. But you know you are lost when you begin to avoid that fact. When you begin to feed in to your mind the thought that maybe it could work. When you begin to relate every song to their eyes, their smile. When you think about them your world begins to float out into space and you're suddenly alright with that.
Our world is strange, and although I may get over my true love someday, not one soul will ever out-win her shining beauty.
Like so many others, I loved someone I could never have.
And it kills you in the end.
♠ ♠ ♠
This goes out to my best friend, the one person who perhaps understands this disease the most. If there's anyone who gets me right now it's my madison.