I Have Only Myself to Give, Nothing More

He falls asleep beside me, hand slipped in mine, slumped over in his chair with his head resting against my arm, and I’m not sure if realizes it but he’s breathing in time with the beeps of my monitor.

“Sit tight,” I sing to him in a half-whisper. “I’m going to need you to keep time. Come on, just snap, snap, snap your fingers for me.”

Brendon shifts in his sleep, mumbling under my breath.

“Good, good,” I croon. “Now we’re making some progress. Just tap, tap, tap your toes to beat.”

“Ryan,” he breaths and I wait a couple of seconds to make he’s still asleep before continuing—

“And I believe this may call for a proper introduction. And, well, don’t you see?” I pause and gently touch his silky hair. “I’m the narrator and this is just the prologue.”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Swear to shake it up, if you swear to listen,” I sing, tangling my fingers in his bangs. “Oh we’re still so young and desperate for attention. I aim to be your eyes.”

He sighs in his sleep and I carefully prop myself up, leaning over to press a kiss to his temple. “Trophy boy,” I murmur.

And suddenly his brown eyes are wide open, staring at me. “I want …” he says in a trembling voice.

“What do you want?” I ask gently, feeling as though I’m in a dream.

“I want to kiss you,” he whispers, and I find myself frozen, petrified.

Please, my mind is begging. Oh god, please. Please. Please.

Brendon takes my hand in his and, staring me hard in the eyes, leans over to press his lips to the back of my hand. “Princess,” he murmurs under his breath and I wonder if this is some sort of sick payback for calling him a trophy boy.

“Are you my knight in shining armor, then?” I ask with a giggle and a smirk, trying to play this off as just another joke between best friends.

He opens his mouth, eyes serious, then sees the clock. “Ah fuck!” he exclaims. “I better call Jon. See you later, Ry!”

And the he’s gone.