Speechless

The two weeks we had were spectacular. We took it slow, yet passionately. Every minute with Brendon was heaven, but all good things come to an end, right?

It was a beautiful afternoon. The sky was clear as the sun shone brightly above the trees. Brendon and I walked the streets, hand-in-hand, and flamboyant as any gay couple would be. We always got funny looks thrown at us, but I didn’t care. I was happy. Suddenly, my phone vibrated in my pocket. Ugh, shit, no. I knew this would be one of my very last days with Brendon, but I hadn’t known which day would be the very last. Today was that day. I shot him a worried expression, and he cringed at the tenseness of my fingers, knowing exactly what it meant.

My fingers cautiously flipped open the phone. Dying battery. That’s all it was. A dying battery. Relief washed through me. I held the glowing screen up to Brendon’s face so he could see. That same relief smothered his face as he kissed me with more feeling than usual. It was an innocent kiss but a kiss filled with love, nonetheless.

Someone spat on the ground at our display of affection. I looked up for a moment, only to see that Pete had returned. “Hah, I always knew there was something wrong with you, Ross.” His laughter was filled with hatred, so was my mind. “Didn’t expect you to be gay when I saw you, though. Must have been this kid, he ruined ya,” he continued.

I lost it. I fucking lost it. My mind went blank, and I lunged at him. My fist connected with his face, leaving marks all over.

“Ryan!” Brendon called out, pulling me off of my defenseless victim. The rage flowing through me was undeniably endless. I tried to calm down, but nothing worked. I didn’t speak, though. My tongue was frozen in place, unable to move for the weak fool that crossed me. I wouldn’t give him the pleasure of my sweet voice. No, he didn’t deserve that. I only spoke for Brendon.

“Bastard,” Pete murmured under his breath while making a hasty retreat. Once he was out of hearing range, I flipped a shit.

“I’m the bastard?” I scoffed. “He’s the one being an ass.”

“Calm down, Ryan. I’m used to things like this, you know.”

“That doesn’t make it right.”

I sat down on a bench near us, pitying Brendon and myself. It was my fault, though. Just for knowing Pete, just for taking Brendon out and showing him off to the world.

“You know, he didn’t always used to be like that,” I said.

“Huh?”

“Well…” I started, “when I was really little, like… before my mother left, I was the same as any normal child you’d see. I laughed, I played, I had friends, I talked quite a lot. Pete was sort of my best friend.”

“You were friends with that kid?” he gave me a disapproving laugh.

“Yeah…” I continued, “anyways, so that night she left, I vowed to myself that I’d never talk again. I kind of… broke that because of you,” I hesitated for a moment, but finally said it to him. “I only broke that silence for you.”

The pressure of his hand squeezing my own was reassuring in a way. “So, Pete came up to me at school the next day, as any normal friend would. But… I refused to talk to him. I wouldn’t even interact with him. I began to write down my words on the paper, you know? I told him quite frankly that I didn’t want to be friends anymore. I told him I didn’t want to talk to anyone ever again. Not even him.”

Brendon let out a small gasp. “Ryan…” he started.

“I know, I know. I was being stupid. I was just a stupid kid at the time. I wasn’t thinking. You know, I kind of miss him.”

He gave me an apologetic stare for a moment. “Well, it is what it is.”

“Yeah,” I said.

It was a funny feeling, being so open to someone, so trusting. How did I ever let it get this far, I wondered. Some things are better left unknown, yet I continued to ponder the fact. There was just something about Brendon that made me want to tell him every little detail of my life. The silence. I wanted to tell him about it. About how lonely it had been, and the trouble it got me in. But I didn’t.

I noticed things had gotten real quiet after that. “So, we should probably head back. Don’t want any more people showing up.”

“There’s more?”

“I was a real bitch, you know.”

He just laughed and we continued walking back down to his house, watching other people stare at our interlaced fingers. It was pure bliss, honestly. As we walked, it began to rain. Our legs pushed harder for his house as the rain began soaking our clothes. Finally, we made it as thunder clouds began to roll in. I could make out streaks of light making their way from the clouds to the ground in the distance.

I cursed under my breath. I loathed storms. They were rare around here, which was nice, but this is the second one this month. I really hated storms.

“Everything alright, Ry?”

I shrugged at him and looked away from the sky and towards Brendon’s porch. The stairs creaked when my weight landed on them, one at a time. A sigh of relief escaped me the second I entered his home.

“Ahh, that’s right,” he said. “You hate storms.”

I mechanically nodded in agreement, not bothering to give him a real reply. I was too petrified by the loud crash of thunder in the sky. A vibration went off in my pocket. Shit. I checked my nearly-dead phone, again. There was a new message from none other than, you guessed it, my father.

My stomach churned in pain at the nervousness filling me. I could barely breathe, let alone speak. He would be home in less than 10 minutes.

“Ryan? Is it…?”

I nodded again, this time even slower. I felt my stomach heave and I rushed towards the bathroom.

“Ryan, you alright? You could just like… not go home.”

I didn’t answer. I mindlessly walked out of the bathroom in a zombie-like manner, only to tell him no. I had to go back. The longer I waited to face him, the worse the punishment would be.

“I have to go home, Brendon,” I said. I didn’t even wait for him to reply. I just pushed for the door, running as hard as my body could handle. I could hear the thunder, see the lightning. The fear was an electric current running through my veins, waiting to kill me with a single shock of death. I quickly made it to my house, sprinted up the stairs, and found myself huddling under the blankets in the fetal position, awaiting the arrival of a demon who would soon be looking for my soul.