I Can't Stay Away

Bree walked into my room that next morning with some breakfast not realizing Jon was in there. “I made you some breakfast since you’re back now… who’s in your bed!? She was freaking out.

“Shh, you’ll wake him up.” I said awkwardly.

“Too late!” Jon said lifting his head off the pillow.

“Jon! Why is Jon in your bed? And in our apartment for that matter!” Bree never approved of Jon, she always knew he’d end up being a prick but she dealt with him for me.

“He was the one who drove me to the airport and kept me company on the plane. When we got to California it was really late/early and I told him I’d drive him home in the morning.” She rolled her eyes she knew how easily Jon could get me.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asked setting down the food and walking out of my room as I followed her. “Kennedy are you stupid? It’s Jon! What happened to that Eric guy you kept talking about? Or even Ollie? Did you really have to bring home Jon?!” She was disappointed in me and it hurt.

“I’m not back with Jon so cool your tits. Ollie was never meant to be special and Eric and I didn’t really work out he’s kind of the reason I needed to leave.” I frowned and she left me alone. I walked back into my room to see Jon eating my food.

“Thanks for eating my food asshole. Just for that you have to help me unpack!” I said and he agreed. Once he was done eating my food we sat down on my floor and opened my suitcase and spread the things out in different piles. I was pretty sure this was the longest Jon and I had gone without fighting in a long while and I loved it.

“What’s this?” he chuckled as he pulled out the lingerie I had bought.

“Oh just something, nothing special.” I said super awkwardly.

“Well I know it’s new to your wardrobe since I’ve never seen it before. Who’d you buy it for?” He questioned I didn’t like him being nosey.

“Well I bought it for myself to wear, duh.” He gave me a look. “It doesn’t matter who I bought it for, they don’t matter anymore.” I frowned slightly

“You could always wear it again for someone who could matter.” He said twirling my hair with his fingers.

“You can’t get me that fast.” I stated

“That’s what you think.” He said leaning over and kissing me passionately it was the best kiss I’d had in awhile but it didn’t mean anything to me. Even though it didn’t mean anything to me I wanted more and I knew that couldn’t be good, Jon was the last thing I needed right now.

“How about I take you home now?” I said standing up awkwardly.

“But I like your bed better than mine.” He whined as he hopped on to my bed

“Jon stop this, I can’t do this, you need to go home.” I was frustrated I couldn’t give in to his shit everything with him was an act he couldn’t just be nice all of a sudden and I needed to realize he was just a prick trying to use me.

“You know I love you when you’re frustrated you’re sexy as hell. You know if I saw you in that cute outfit I would appreciate you more than the dumbass you bought it for.”

“He isn’t a dumbass!” I didn’t know why but I was defending him. “He just didn’t want me I guess.”

“Then he’s a dumbass Kenny, anyone who can get you should never let you go. I made that mistake and I regret it all the time you are the kind of girl who deserves a guy who knows what he’s got when he’s with you.”

“What’s come over you Jon you’re actually being sweet. I mean it’s not a bad thing It just confuses me. What came over you?”

“You, its you. When you said you cheated on me it hurt like a bitch and when I saw you leave Bring Me the Horizons bus I felt my heart drop. Kennedy it’s you I want. I don’t know why I ever cheated on you and I then knew how it felt when I did that to you and it didn’t feel good. I’m sorry I put you through all of that and I acted like a prick about it and then you broke up with me and I was crushed and I realized I can’t be that prick if I wanted to be with you and I don’t want to be that anymore because I want you.” He was pouring his heart out and I wasn’t sure what to do and I knew I didn’t quite feel the same way.

“Jon you need to go home,” I sighed “You’re obviously crazy tired once you run through your thoughts then come back and tell me.”

“Kennedy I’m not tired I know what I’m saying, don’t tell me I don’t. I’m smarter than you give me credit for I’m not just going to say something because I’m tired.” It was too much for my brain to process and at this moment I remembered what I did on tour to clear my mind.

“Jon do you still smoke weed?” I asked feeling stupid but praying he’d say yes.

“What the fuck Kenny why do you want to know that right now?!”

“I just need to clear my head do you have any?” he looked disgusted.

“I can’t believe you smoke especially after giving me so much shit for it. No, I don’t have any I quit on Warped tour.” He didn’t realize he’s the reason I started smoking, to clear my mind of him.

“I know it isn’t right for me to do and I’m sorry I gave you shit for it I should stop too but I only do it when I need to clear my head.” I looked at him “I’m sorry I’ll take you home now.” I grabbed his bags and walked out of the house with them and put them in my car.

“Kennedy you know I don’t care and you are what I want so don’t say sorry.” He said getting into the car. It was a very awkward, very silent car ride. Once we got to his apartment he kissed me on the cheek before getting out of the car. Then he just stood there looking at me with the door open, he looked upset and it was killing me.

“Kennedy I love you I hope you know that.” I couldn’t stand seeing him that hurt mainly because for Jon it was rare. “Just call me later Kennedy.” He said finally closing my door and walking into our old apartment.

I drove away sulking in my life why did this all have to happen to me? Yea I have it better than most people but wanting one guy and having another one being in love with you wasn’t easy. I would always have feelings for Jon just not really romantic feelings and the guy I do like was being weird and I couldn’t even figure out what was up with him.

I got back to my apartment and went directly to the fridge and grabbed a beer. I yelled Bree’s name to get her attention and she came out of her room with a questioning look.

“Lets go out tonight yea? We need to hang out anyways.” I said taking a large swig of my beer.

“Kennedy I work at 10 tomorrow.” I laughed that she thought that was early.

“You’ll get enough sleep don’t worry.” She gave me a look of distrust but agreed anyways.

At around six I started getting ready. I pulled out my tight black dress that I bought for dinner with Eric and slipped it on it looked amazing and with how low cut it was I would hopefully be getting looked at a lot tonight. I put on my black heels with the bows, did my hair and my make up and walked into the living room to see Bree in just a cute t-shirt and some skinny jeans.

“Who are you trying to impress tonight?” she joked.

“I’m single ad on the prowl” I said laughing joking with her. “But do I really look good cause I want to impress tonight.” She answered me with a nod

I texted Jon and invited him to the club we were going to and then we were off to LA I hadn’t gone out like this in a long time and I missed it but I think I missed Warped parties more. We got into the club and went straight to the bar, I was in the mood to get shitfaced. I started with just a beer as the guy next to me started talking with me. I then just drank whatever he suggested he was a nice sweet guy and I was glad he was there since I didn’t know much about alcohol. I was on a high buzz as I left my new friend Gerard.

I danced around the club up on every ‘attractive’ guy I could find and then I saw Jon. “Hey sexy!” I yelled at him as I hugged him.

“Are you drunk?” he asked confused.

“No I’m just buzzed, Just REALLY buzzed.” I laughed “You look mighty handsome tonight.” I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He stared at me like I was crazy. “Maybe I’ll wear my lingerie for you tonight,” I winked “I mean I’d loooooveee to sleep with you.” I dragged out my words. He smiled at me he knew he was going to get what he wanted.

“I don’t think you need any lingerie I could work off of this.” He said trailing his finger down my chest till the end of the v. I kissed him and I couldn’t figure out if I liked him, was too buzzed, or just wanted more than just a kiss.

“How fast can we get out of here?” I wanted pleasure and this was easy to get so why not, it was definitely the alcohol talking.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the club. We got into his car and started to leave he asked me who’s place we should go to and I said mine. I knew we should go to his since I share an apartment with someone but she wasn’t there right now and my apartment was much closer.

He drove with one hand on the wheel the other on my thigh rubbing it ever so slightly. I wanted him and I wanted him then and I prayed he wouldn’t think I wanted him back after this.

When we got to my apartment we relieved our sexual tension and oh it felt good. Jon was easily the best he was just amazing at it, he knew all the tricks and he knew all my favorite spots. We finished and were laying next to each other, he smiled as I laid there shocked at what I had just done. “Bree will be home soon we should at least get dressed.” I said awkwardly.

“How bout I put my boxers back on and you can put on your lingerie since I never got to see you in it”

“How about no what if I have to get up and do something just let me put some clothes on at least.” I said getting up and threw his boxers at him and then put my underwear on and his t-shirt. I was too lazy to go get something out of my closet.

“You look cute in that” he smiled “I miss when you ran around our apartment wearing only my t-shirts, it’s my favorite outfit for you.” He even made me smile. I felt bad for not caring about him like that and I figured all of this meant more to him than me. I tried to fall asleep but lying in bed with him made me feel gross and I couldn’t sleep because my brain wouldn’t stop thinking. Jon had already knocked out so I quietly got out of my bed and went into the living room to sleep on the couch instead. Not being next to Jon helped ease my mind and I knocked out almost right away. I was sickened by myself and couldn’t believe what I’d done.