Glide With The Breeze

"Wait, what?" Alex asked after a minute of silence.

Cassie stared at him for a few moments before drawing in a breath and letting it out. "I think we should move home. Back to Maryland. Near our families," she said.

"Why?" he asked after more silence.

Her eyes had shifted from him to the floor somewhere amidst the periods of silence. She lifted them back to his face as she turned her entire body toward him, indicating that this was a topic open for discussion, not a decision she had made on her own. "I want our parents to be a part of our child's life," she said. "And I think they would be a great source of support."

"Are you saying this because of what we just talked about? You don't really think we're going to just give up and break up out of nowhere? After the things we've been through and how much work we've put into this?" he said. "Do you?"

Cassie sighed softly and stood up and took a few steps toward him. "No. Of course I don't. I already told you I'm not going anywhere. This isn't about that," she said, stopping inches away from him and reaching for his hands. He reluctantly allowed her to take hold of them. "It's something I thought about a lot before I even decided if I wanted to mention it to you," she continued. "This is a huge change for both of us. As much as I said for years that I wanted a baby- which I did, and still do- I don't know the first thing about being a mom. I had a hard enough time just being pregnant while you were on tour. And I can't ask or expect you to just give up your career for me or the baby. I think being close to our families will be beneficial for both of us, for all three of us," she said, glancing down quickly at her stomach, then back up to his face. By the look he had, she could tell he wasn't convinced by what she was saying.

"Is this something you've already decided and you're telling me we're doing?" he asked.

"Absolutely not," she said, shaking her head side to side. "We're a team," she reminded him. "We make the important decisions together. And I'm sorry I just blurted it out like that. It's one of those things I couldn't stop thinking about. I think it deserves real consideration.

He nodded slowly. "Alright. We'll talk about it. But can we go to dinner first? I'm starving," he said.

A smiled spread across her face and a quiet giggle escaped her. "Yes," she said. She dropped one of his hands so he could lead the way out of the room, but kept her hold on the other one.

It wasn't until the middle of dinner that the subject was brought up again. Out of nowhere, Alex all but dropped his fork and his plate and stared at Cassie for a minute. She thought nothing of it at first, but when he didn't resume eating, she met his eyes across the table.

"What?" she asked.

"What about your job?"

She raised at eyebrow at the question. "What about my job?" she asked.

"If we move," he said, "What about your job? You're just going to leave the magazine? After everything you've done there."

Cassie set her fork down on her plate. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "It's just a job, Alex," she said. "I have a degree in English and a degree in Journalism and I'm about a semester away from a degree in Communications, if I choose to pursue that. It's not a big deal. I could get a teaching credential and become a teacher. I'll find another job. That's the least of my worries. And honestly, there's a possibility I would leave the magazine after the baby is born even if we don't move. We can't both have jobs that require us to travel."

He nodded and picked his fork up again, poking at the food on his plate. After a moment, he looked up at her again. "You really think moving back home is the best thing for us?" he asked.

"I really do."

"You're sure?" he asked.

She nodded. "You're not?" she asked when he didn't say anything in response and the silence had settled between them.

"I just think it's a big decision," he said. "And you have a life here that you're talking about walking away from."

The conversation suddenly became familiar. They'd had this conversation before, but now they were each on the opposite side of the table.

"I'm not walking away from anything. I ran, as fast as I could, away from Maryland when I was sixteen. I will admit that. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. And I started a new chapter of my life. One where I was independent and responsible and in charge. And then you came along, and even though I didn't want you to be part of my life, you wormed your way in. And I started a new chapter with you. Now, we have this little one on the way and it's time to start another new chapter. I don't love Los Angeles," she explained. "I came here to go to school. While I was in school, I got an internship. And that internship turned into a job. That's the only reason I've stayed here for so long. There are so many other places I would have rather lived. But this worked out. So, to me, leaving isn't walking away from the life I have here, it's keeping stride with the life I have with you," she paused. "All that said, it is a big decision. And that's why we don't have to make it right now."

When she finished, Alex just stared across the table her. But this time she didn't wait for it to bother her.

"What?" she asked him.

A small laugh escaped him before he answered her with a question. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?" he asked.

"Not lately, without me being mad at you first," she said.

He lifted his eyebrows at her and let them fall quickly with a smile on his face. But he said nothing. They went back to eating in relative, comfortable silence. They finished eating and were on the way home, Alex driving and Cassie in the passenger seat, when Alex brought the subject up again.

"You know," he began, "If we move, or even if we don't, you could be a stay at home mom," he said.

"Absolutely not," Cassie said abruptly.

"I can support our family," he began, but she interrupted.

"Out of the question entirely."

"Just hear me out," Alex said.

"It's not open for discussion, Alex," she said.

He sighed. "Just hear me out," he repeated. And when she didn't argue, he continued. "I'm not saying forever. Just maybe for a year or two. Being a parent is a full time job. And I can support our family and you can have all the time in the world to be the best mom any baby has ever had. Then you don't have to be go, go, going all the time. Don't you think it makes sense, especially since, like you said earlier, my job requires me to travel."

"I can see how it makes sense, but I can tell you that it doesn't make sense for me. Obviously I would take time off after the baby is born. But I can't imagine not working for an entire year or longer. I understand that being a parent is a full time job. But I don't want to be one of those people who has a child and all of the sudden the only way I can identify myself is by saying I'm a mom. I want a career. I want to be able to say I'm a journalist, or a teacher, or whatever career I choose after the baby is born and I have children. And I want, I need to contribute to our household as more than just a mother. Does that make sense?" she asked.

Alex nodded and fell silent. Cassie reached over and rested her hand on top his, which was resting on top of the gear shifter. She gave it a little squeeze and smiled at him, though he didn't see because he was focused on the road in front of him.

When they got home, Cassie immediately went upstairs and changed into pajamas, also removing her contacts and replacing them with her glasses. When she came down, Alex was sprawled across the reclining chair in the living room, flipping through channels on the TV. When he found nothing interesting, he turned on a video game. Cassie watched him play for nearly an hour before picking up a book that was on the table between them and getting lost in the pages.

"Whatcha reading?" Alex asked, bringing Cassie out of her trance and startling her.

She looked up at him and saw that he had turned off the video game and had also gone upstairs and changed his clothes. She turned the book so he could see the cover and said, "It's about this guy who knows the exact day and time the world is going to end." Alex nodded and she closed the book and set it down and then rested one hand on her stomach.

"Can I say something?" Alex said. "And it has nothing to do with what we were talking about earlier because I decided to put that topic to rest for the night.

Cassie giggled. "You can say anything you want," she told him.

"It sucks that I can't bond with the baby."

Her forehead wrinkled with confusion. "What do you mean?" she asked.

He sighed. "Before it's born. You know. She's inside of you and she moves around and you feel it all the time and you're constantly bonding with her. But I'm out here. And I can't bond with her."

"Yes you can," Cassie said. She lifted her shirt so her bare stomach was exposed. "Come here," she said to him, taking hold of his hand and pulling him toward her. "Lay down and put your head on my stomach." He did as instructed and waited for her to continue. "Now, you can do any number of things. You can just lay there. You can rub my stomach. You can talk to her, sing to her. Anything you want. Pretend I'm not here, as much as you can. This is Daddy time. It's all about you and her."