What If?

I smiled as he held his smooth, cool hand ran across my cheek and he smiled that beautiful smile down at me. His deep, dark eyes looked into mine with caring and loving and I felt my heart swell as I smiled right back at him.

“You’re so beautiful…” he whispered, his velvety voice surrounding me, and my smile widened.

I ran my hands through his soft, messy bronze hair and pulled his face closer.

“Not as beautiful as you…” I whispered before going to press my lips to his.

Beep, Beep, Beep!

I woke with a start, gripping my sheets and groaned, slamming my fist down on the snooze button and closing my eyes softly.

“No, no, no…” I whispered as I lay there, the dream running through my head again and again, a deep-set feeling of dread filing into my gut at my sheer stupidity of letting myself dream of something like that. To dream of… him.

I pushed myself into a sitting position and sat back against my headboard, burying my face in my hands as his beautiful gold eyes and smile filed right back into my head, and shaking my head to try and force it away.

“Stoopp,” I scolded my brain before standing and going to get ready for the day, finding myself extremely and unconditionally disturbed, shocked at these sudden thoughts filled me and wondering where in the world they could have come from, even though I’ve been making sure that I didn’t have any thoughts even similar to any of those form.

I mean, sure, he was attractive. I’ve known that since I first laid eyes on him. Anyone with eyes could see the extent of his sheer gorgeousness. With that beautiful bronze hair, and those eyes that could go from the most light of honey to one of the darkest shades of brown I’d ever seen, and that wonderful pale skin…

“No.” I said, stomping on my own foot and then yelping in pain.

“What did you do?!” I heard Jacob yelling to me from somewhere in the house, causing me to grimace, leaning against the wall and pursing my lips briefly.

“Nothing!” I yelled back and then sighing, running a hand through my hair and walking towards the bathroom, closing my eyes tightly once I got there and leaned against the sink, biting my lip and shaking my head once more before splashing water on my face and looking into the mirror.

My brown eyes looked back dully at me and I saw a small grimace on my face.

“You do not like Edward Cullen.” I said, mouthing the words quietly to myself while staring at myself in the mirror, watching my reflection say it to me and trying to get my brain to know it was true, though something in my heart was trying to pull it to believing the complete opposite of what I was saying.

I stood there, mouthing that to myself in a whisper for a few minutes before a knock on the door and a suspicious, “Dakotah,” was said through it, causing me to jump and then sigh, shaking my head once more.

“I’m almost done, Jacob! Just.. doing my hair!” I yelled, hoping that he’d go for that. And I knew he did when I heard a deep scoff through the door and his telling me to hurry up. “Yea, yea…” I muttered, running a hand through my curls one last time before heading towards the door, opening it to see him standing there, and his brown eyes looked down at me almost instantly as the wooden door swung open.

“It took you that long to look like that?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Yea, Jacob, because it takes time to look beautiful, you should try it sometime,” I teased, sticking my tongue out at him and heading past him and towards the kitchen. I stretched as I walked in and smiled at my dad as I got in. “Morning, daddy.”

I kissed his cheek softly before heading over and grabbing a pop tart.

“Morning, Koti,” He said as he continued to flip through the paper, but glancing at me briefly to give me a smile. I smiled back and jumped up on the counter, tearing open the wrapper and taking a big bite out of my pop tart.

“Don’t sit down, we’re gonna be late!” I heard Jacob yell and I rolled my eyes before jumping off and heading out to the car, yelling a ‘bye dad!’ before closing the door after me.

I had only finished my pop tart when we’d pulled up to the school, having been thinking about my dream the whole way there.

“Now get outta my car,” he teased, sticking his tongue out at me and I rolled my eyes, smiling and I stuck mine out at him, causing him to giggle. “Ewww, pop tart spit!”

I giggled and rolled my eyes before hopping out, “Bye, bye, Jakie-boo!”

And then I skipped towards the school, tossing away my pop tart wrapper as I headed in.

“Boo!” a voice said beside me and I looked over, smiling upon seeing Alice and then a nervousness growing in me as I saw Edward and Bella beside him. “How are you on this beautiful and wonderfully raining morning?”

I shook my head, looking away from Edward and to Alice, smiling brightly and saying, “Absotively and posilutely amazingful! And how about you, my beautiful little pixie?”

She giggled and went into full detail about her morning as we headed towards our locker, telling me about how she was extremely and profusely happy and all about a hunting trip she’d been on just the night before and such.

As we walked, I kept daring peeks at Edward, who looked at me each time I looked at him, that being the only thing that got me to look away from him. The final time I glanced at him before we had to split, I saw him kissing Bella’s temple and glancing at her with big, loving, honey colored eyes.

A guilt filled me even more as I remembered walking in on Jacob and Bella kissing once again yesterday, reminding me of just how unworthy she was of him, and a small pang wishing that I was the one he was kissing anywhere.

‘Because Bella doesn’t deserve him. Not with her and all of her cheating and mean self.

And, as every last of those thoughts filled me, my eyes widened and I looked back to see Edward looking back at me, causing me to freeze in my tracks and him to copy the action.

“What?”

And as that word left his lips, I was quick to turn back around and hurry towards the door of the school, thinking of just about anything that had to do with anything other than Edward, Bella, Jacob, or any of it.