Denial

At the end of the day, I was sitting by the fountain that was in front of the school. I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for, but I just felt like sitting around. My house was down the street, so I could walk at any time. I watched as the buses loaded with people were passing by, and crowds of walkers were running in every direction. I continued to sit with my earbuds planted within me. Tabitha was a bus rider so she was long gone by now. I was just stalling for no reason. I just didn’t feel like going home I guess. As the crowds of people began to grow less and less, I felt more peace in mind. I was never a fan of crowds, and when I was in them, my adrenaline would fly around in my stomach and I’d get the urge to start a fight. I don’t know why, but that’s just how I feel. It’s most likely because I’m always caught in the fucking mosh pit at concerts. I fucking hate them. I always get stuck on the floor with a drunken chick who thinks she’s black dancing on my face. That’s the only time it’s okay to hit a girl, in my opinion.

It was growing silent around me, so I turned the volume on my iPod down. I yawned, cracking my neck and rubbing my eyes. I was incredibly tired. I wish school was at night. It would make things so much easier for me. Everyday, when I leave school, whatever I learned is just a big blurry vision of angst. I don’t get anything out of it.

I got myself up, slinging my backpack over my shoulder as I started to walk down the path. I decided that it would be time to go home since my mom would be on her way soon. As I walked, I grew tired of trying to keep the earbuds in my ears, so I took them out completely and put my iPod in my pocket. Everything was silent except for the cars in the background.

There was the sound of someone walking close behind me as well, but I wasn’t sure why. Every time I turned around, no one was there. I was starting to grow uneasy, since I get paranoid like shit over small things. The sounds of sticks cracking was stuck in my head. I could hear myself being murdered by a criminal who follows teenage boys. That’s how fucked up I am. What if it was a pedophile? What if they would rape me? What if they would rape me and then kill me? Or worse… what if they would kill me and then rape me!? I started sweating in my mind. It was too cold to get worked up like that in reality. I turned back several times and still, no one was there.

I decided to try and ignore it. It was probably my imagination, after all. Either that or a small animal trying to fuck with me. Either way, I planned to take a long nap when I got home. I started humming to get the footsteps out of my mind. I kept my eyes closed for a long moment… but the footsteps got closer and louder with each second. It was getting to the point where I was so annoyed with it, I wasn’t even scared anymore. I was going to snap.

“What the fuck!?” I turned around, my face red with both anger and fear. I looked around, and then to my side. My jaw dropped and my eyes widened. I wanted to go to the nearest tree, scrape some sharp bark off of it and slit my throat. I wanted to take a rabid squirrel and have it bite face off. I really just wanted to fuck shit up and kill something. I felt a swarm of anger overbuild in my system as my eyes widened to that blue eyed boy who was walking on the side of the road in the same direction as me. When I stopped walking, so did he. He didn’t look at me though. He was obviously teasing me.

“Are you ever going to say anything?” I crossed my arms, “Don’t you ever feel like screaming?”

He turned to me, raising an eyebrow. He was obviously confused to why I was asking.

“You never talk to anyone. Don’t you have any fucking friends? A girlfriend? Family? Someone to talk to other than the teachers?”

He had a smug expression across his face. He seemed to be enjoying this. I was getting more agitated by the minute.

“Honestly, say something. Your smug attitude annoys me to shit.”

“You have a horrible mouth,” he crossed his arms. He finally spoke. He actually spoke. And his voice was just as perfect as his appearance. This only made me even more ticked.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I glared.

“You have quite the dirty mouth, don’t you? I find it quite amusing, yet so immature,” he smirked.

“Shut the fuck up before I make you.”

“I’d like to see your pansy ass try,” he raised his other eyebrow. I’m tired of this fucking kid. The more he speaks, the angrier I get. I’m sick of his face, his voice—I’m sick of his entire existence.

“The way you look at me, I wonder if you even have the guts to face me. Are you sure you’re as brave as you think you are?” he sneered at me.

I honestly wanted to murder this kid. I forget to take my pills for one fucking day, and that’s the day he decides to speak to me and fuck with me.

I couldn’t help but start walking in his direction. I stopped several feet in front of him with crossed arms, watching him with an aggressive expression. He continued to smirk at me.

“Is that really what you want to say? Are you really bluffing?” I murmured.

“Bluffing? I’m not bluffing at all. You’re obviously too much of a pussy to do anything about it. If you aren’t, I’ll take it back. But it only seems that your bark is worse than your bite at the moment,” he chuckled.

“I swear to god. I am fucking sick of your attitude.”

“Why? I’ve never done anything to you before today? What is there to hate about me?”

“You know very well what you do to people. Your appearance says it all.”

“My charming appearance, you mean? My, my… are you jealous?” he continued to sneer.

“Far from it. You won’t have a charming appearance after tonight, either.”

There was a different expression in Xander’s eyes suddenly. I couldn’t explain it. They suddenly got gentle, but they were teasing me at the same time. He leaned in slightly, moving against my ear. My eyes widened in confusion as he began to whisper something.

“I honestly believe that there’s something far different about you, Cadence… and I’m sure you’ll find that too,” he purred as he backed away. He then turned and began walking away.

I stood for a long moment, watching him. I couldn’t believe what the fuck he just did. I honestly want to move out of this town and go back home to Detroit. Things were so much easier there. Everything about this boy made me hate everything around me. That was something I wouldn’t forget.