Tell Me I'm A Bad Man
Reunions and Explanations
Once I realized who the man was, I seriously felt like I was about to pass out. I mean, I had a reason to. Because of who he was. And he was a man who I had not seen in years. A man that I had not really wanted to see for years. This man was my one and only brother, Gerard Way.
This moment, in which I met him again, was my dreams and nightmares all rolled into one. A part of me wished he never left, but a part of me wished I’d never seen him in the first place. I mean, did he realize how difficult it was for me to explain to people, “Yes, I have a brother, but he ran away because he never stopped acting like a five year old”? No, he never really cared what his actions did to anyone else.
I stood there staring at the man who had once been my brother. I didn’t really know who he was now. It was all very weird for me, seeing Gerard, who used to be my best friend, and now was just someone of the past. I couldn’t read his expression as he stared at me. Finally I spoke to him.
“Gerard,” I started, looking down at the ground. “Why are you back?” I folded my arms and looked up at him. He was still just standing there, no longer smiling, but looking like he was trying to hold back tears.
Well at least we had one thing in common.
After a long pause, Gerard took a couple steps toward me and wrapped his arms around me. I just stood there, and let him hug me, but I didn’t hug him back. He was just so different. I mean, he looked different, he no longer had the long black greasy hair that my mother always asked him to cut because he would sometimes refuse to wash it. He even smelled different, probably because he took a shower recently.
Once he let go of me, he jus looked like he was trying to think of something to say. “Um, do want to go get coffee or something?” Gerard asked me with nervousness evident in his voice. “Or are you, like, trying to stop being addicted to caffeine?”
I shook my head. “No,” I said, sighing. “I could never give up coffee.”
“Me neither,” Gerard said, grinning slightly. He led me over to his car. It was a nice car, too. Looked like it was new. Wasn’t very Gerard.
We drove a few blocks to Starbucks, which was our favorite coffee place. When we sat down with our coffees, I just looked at him for a while. When he realized that, he looked up at me and frowned slightly. “You’re probably wondering why I’m here,” he mumbled.
Thank you, Captain Obvious! I thought. “Sort of,” I told him. Gerard nodded and took a deep breath.
“Well,” he began. But I cut him off.
“Do Mom and Dad know you’re back?” I asked him, totally ignoring the question that had been running through my mind since the second I saw him.
He took a sip of coffee and slowly shook his head. “No,” he said quietly. “I wanted you to know first. I’m not sure if I want them to know at all.”
“Gee,” I said. “That doesn’t make sense. Why wouldn’t you want them to know? And why would you tell me first?”
He looked down at his coffee and sighed. “I wanted you to know because you won’t hate me.”
I didn’t want to admit to myself that he was right. I mean, I had wanted to make him pay! I should make him pay. Really! He stole my car! “How do you know that? What if I do hate you, Gee?” I asked him as I mentally slapped myself across the face.
“Because,” He said, looking back up at me. “You’re Mikey. You’re my little brother, and you’ve never been able to be mad at me for longer than like, a few hours. And also, when you’re mad at me, you don’t call me ‘Gee.’”
“No,” I said, protesting childishly. “Once you stole my cookie and I hit you and then didn’t talk to you for an entire day.”
“True,” Gerard said. “But then you came in the middle of the night and apologized for hitting me.”
I was surprised he’d remembered me apologizing. “I thought you were asleep then,” I half whined.
Gerard grinned at me. “I know you thought I was sleeping. I had woken up as soon as I heard you come in my room. I thought you would like attack me or something.”
I grinned back at him. This was my brother, the way I’d always known him. He had always been able to make me forget that I was mad at him. It was kind of an annoying quality, actually.
“So,” I said leaning back in my chair. “What’s with the change in hair? It’s not very ‘you.’”
Gerard shrugged. “I guess I just needed to do something different.”
I nodded. “So, Gee,” I said, as if we were old friends at a high school reunion. “Tell me about yourself. What have you been doing?”
“Ummm… Well I don’t really want to talk about that here,” Gerard said, suddenly nervous. “I’d rather talk about that somewhere else.”
“Alright,” I said, shrugging. But inside I was suddenly even more suspicious of him. What couldn’t he talk about here?
“Where are you staying?” I asked him, once again ignoring the bell going off in my head that said “DON’T TRUST HIM!”
“Um, I guess I’ll just stay at a hotel,” Gerard said, looking like he hadn’t thought of that before at all. Yeah, he never exactly planned anything well. Kinda stupid, really.
“Stay with me,” my mouth said before my brain thought about it. Immediately, I wanted to take it back because I didn’t trust him, but it was too late.
“No, I don’t want to inconvenience you. I’ll find somewhere to stay,” Gerard said, shaking his head.
“Gee,” I said looking at him. “You’re staying with me. If you won’t tell me stuff here, you’ll tell me at my apartment.”
“Fine, fine,” Gerard said, pretending to be giving in to what I wanted. But I could see the relieved smile spread across his face.
So we went home. Well, to my home, at least. Gerard only had one suitcase, but he had a really cool hat in it that he said he would let me keep. So I was happy.
When we got there, I realized it was getting late, so I ordered us a pizza. While we waited for it to come, I decided to go talk to Gerard. He was in my living room, running his fingers down the stings of my bass that was on its stand.
He turned around when I came into the room. Gerard walked over to me and smiled. “Mikey,” he said. “You’re so cool. Thanks for letting me stay here.”
I looked back at my big brother. I still loved him, even though I felt like I barely knew him anymore. I had always looked up to him, wished I was him, even, and now he thinks I’m cool.
“So, Gee,” I said to him. “What have you really been doing this whole time?”
I watched as his face fell and he took a deep breath. “Well, Mikey, I’m about to tell you something that may make you hate me.”
“Tell me,” I whined, growing more frustrated with every passing second.
Looking back up at me, Gerard studied my face. I gazed back at him, not letting myself be intimidated by the intensity of his stare. “Have you ever heard of The Black Parade?”
This moment, in which I met him again, was my dreams and nightmares all rolled into one. A part of me wished he never left, but a part of me wished I’d never seen him in the first place. I mean, did he realize how difficult it was for me to explain to people, “Yes, I have a brother, but he ran away because he never stopped acting like a five year old”? No, he never really cared what his actions did to anyone else.
I stood there staring at the man who had once been my brother. I didn’t really know who he was now. It was all very weird for me, seeing Gerard, who used to be my best friend, and now was just someone of the past. I couldn’t read his expression as he stared at me. Finally I spoke to him.
“Gerard,” I started, looking down at the ground. “Why are you back?” I folded my arms and looked up at him. He was still just standing there, no longer smiling, but looking like he was trying to hold back tears.
Well at least we had one thing in common.
After a long pause, Gerard took a couple steps toward me and wrapped his arms around me. I just stood there, and let him hug me, but I didn’t hug him back. He was just so different. I mean, he looked different, he no longer had the long black greasy hair that my mother always asked him to cut because he would sometimes refuse to wash it. He even smelled different, probably because he took a shower recently.
Once he let go of me, he jus looked like he was trying to think of something to say. “Um, do want to go get coffee or something?” Gerard asked me with nervousness evident in his voice. “Or are you, like, trying to stop being addicted to caffeine?”
I shook my head. “No,” I said, sighing. “I could never give up coffee.”
“Me neither,” Gerard said, grinning slightly. He led me over to his car. It was a nice car, too. Looked like it was new. Wasn’t very Gerard.
We drove a few blocks to Starbucks, which was our favorite coffee place. When we sat down with our coffees, I just looked at him for a while. When he realized that, he looked up at me and frowned slightly. “You’re probably wondering why I’m here,” he mumbled.
Thank you, Captain Obvious! I thought. “Sort of,” I told him. Gerard nodded and took a deep breath.
“Well,” he began. But I cut him off.
“Do Mom and Dad know you’re back?” I asked him, totally ignoring the question that had been running through my mind since the second I saw him.
He took a sip of coffee and slowly shook his head. “No,” he said quietly. “I wanted you to know first. I’m not sure if I want them to know at all.”
“Gee,” I said. “That doesn’t make sense. Why wouldn’t you want them to know? And why would you tell me first?”
He looked down at his coffee and sighed. “I wanted you to know because you won’t hate me.”
I didn’t want to admit to myself that he was right. I mean, I had wanted to make him pay! I should make him pay. Really! He stole my car! “How do you know that? What if I do hate you, Gee?” I asked him as I mentally slapped myself across the face.
“Because,” He said, looking back up at me. “You’re Mikey. You’re my little brother, and you’ve never been able to be mad at me for longer than like, a few hours. And also, when you’re mad at me, you don’t call me ‘Gee.’”
“No,” I said, protesting childishly. “Once you stole my cookie and I hit you and then didn’t talk to you for an entire day.”
“True,” Gerard said. “But then you came in the middle of the night and apologized for hitting me.”
I was surprised he’d remembered me apologizing. “I thought you were asleep then,” I half whined.
Gerard grinned at me. “I know you thought I was sleeping. I had woken up as soon as I heard you come in my room. I thought you would like attack me or something.”
I grinned back at him. This was my brother, the way I’d always known him. He had always been able to make me forget that I was mad at him. It was kind of an annoying quality, actually.
“So,” I said leaning back in my chair. “What’s with the change in hair? It’s not very ‘you.’”
Gerard shrugged. “I guess I just needed to do something different.”
I nodded. “So, Gee,” I said, as if we were old friends at a high school reunion. “Tell me about yourself. What have you been doing?”
“Ummm… Well I don’t really want to talk about that here,” Gerard said, suddenly nervous. “I’d rather talk about that somewhere else.”
“Alright,” I said, shrugging. But inside I was suddenly even more suspicious of him. What couldn’t he talk about here?
“Where are you staying?” I asked him, once again ignoring the bell going off in my head that said “DON’T TRUST HIM!”
“Um, I guess I’ll just stay at a hotel,” Gerard said, looking like he hadn’t thought of that before at all. Yeah, he never exactly planned anything well. Kinda stupid, really.
“Stay with me,” my mouth said before my brain thought about it. Immediately, I wanted to take it back because I didn’t trust him, but it was too late.
“No, I don’t want to inconvenience you. I’ll find somewhere to stay,” Gerard said, shaking his head.
“Gee,” I said looking at him. “You’re staying with me. If you won’t tell me stuff here, you’ll tell me at my apartment.”
“Fine, fine,” Gerard said, pretending to be giving in to what I wanted. But I could see the relieved smile spread across his face.
So we went home. Well, to my home, at least. Gerard only had one suitcase, but he had a really cool hat in it that he said he would let me keep. So I was happy.
When we got there, I realized it was getting late, so I ordered us a pizza. While we waited for it to come, I decided to go talk to Gerard. He was in my living room, running his fingers down the stings of my bass that was on its stand.
He turned around when I came into the room. Gerard walked over to me and smiled. “Mikey,” he said. “You’re so cool. Thanks for letting me stay here.”
I looked back at my big brother. I still loved him, even though I felt like I barely knew him anymore. I had always looked up to him, wished I was him, even, and now he thinks I’m cool.
“So, Gee,” I said to him. “What have you really been doing this whole time?”
I watched as his face fell and he took a deep breath. “Well, Mikey, I’m about to tell you something that may make you hate me.”
“Tell me,” I whined, growing more frustrated with every passing second.
Looking back up at me, Gerard studied my face. I gazed back at him, not letting myself be intimidated by the intensity of his stare. “Have you ever heard of The Black Parade?”