Tell Me I'm A Bad Man
Hypothermia and Horror Movies
Okay. So I was digging through my crazy/unpredictable/thoroughly annoying brother’s suitcase. He had just told me the most ridiculous news of my life: that he was the Conductor, the leader of The Black Parade. So I figured I’d find something weird in his suitcase.
But there goes Gerard, throwing me off again.
I dug through his stuff, pulling stuff out and putting it on my bed so I could see all of it. I was slightly disappointed with the results.
There was normal stuff. More clothes, still all black like the outfit he was wearing then, boxers, toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving razor, hairbrush, for his weird blond hair that didn’t look like it was long enough to need to be brushed, and a wallet. No gun or anything like I would have expected from a cult leader.
I picked up the wallet and opened it. There was some money. A lot of money, actually. About $300. A couple credit cards, and his license.
I took the license out of the wallet and looked at his picture. He still had the short blond hair in the picture, but he was blushing a little bit and smiling as if someone had said something funny. I could tell that he’d just been flirting with the girls at the Department of Motor Vehicles before they had taken his picture. I rolled my eyes. That would be just like Gerard.
There was nothing else interesting in the suitcase, so I put all the stuff back.
I walked out to the living room, and sat down on the couch to eat my pizza and read my book.
I woke up later, but didn’t remember falling asleep. I picked up the book off the floor and sat up to look at the clock. It was 2:47 am. I didn’t think I’d be able to go back to sleep, so I got up to go for a walk. I grabbed my cell phone, keys, wallet, and coat and headed out the door. It was cold outside, but I was okay. I walked through my apartment building’s parking lot, but stopped when I saw a car that I recognized. It was Gerard’s, the one that we had gone to Starbucks in.
I figured he had just left it there and would come back for it when he came back for his suitcase. I was about to keep going when I saw something move inside the car.
I froze, not knowing what was in there. My stupid got the best of me, and I stepped forward to look through the car window. I saw that it was a person, my brother, to be exact. He was lying across the black seat sleeping. He had his leather jacket covering him as a blanket, but he kept shivering.
I couldn’t decide whether I should feel bad for him because he was freezing out here, or to still be mad at him and let him stay there. I saw him shiver again, and felt sorry for him. As he had said before, I still couldn’t stay that mad at him for a long time. Hesitating slightly, I knocked on the car window. Gerard sat up with a confused look.
He turned to face the window, and when he saw that it was me, he turned the car on so that he could open the window. “Mikey?” Gerard said as he stuck his head out the window to talk to me. “What are you doing out here? I thought you hated me.”
“Well,” I began. “I was going for a walk but I saw your car was still here. So then I saw you were in it. Why exactly are you sleeping in your car with no heat on in the winter?”
“Well you see,” Gerard said. "My brother kicked me out, which I deserved, and I had no money, because my brother had it, so I came out here to sleep in my car. And the whole winter thing isn’t my fault.”
“Stupid,” I said. “Gerard, you truly are retarded.”
I sighed as I looked down at him, all tired and shivering. “Fine. I’ll let you stay the night with me. I wanna hear more about your crazy life of stupid anyway.”
“Mikey,” Gerard said. “You don’t have to let me. I don’t actually deserve to hang out with you.”
“No,” I responded. “You really don’t. But we’re still brothers, so technically I still have to help you. That, and if you die of hypothermia, it would be my fault.”
My brother got out of the car and locked it. “Love ya, Mikey,” he said.
“Yes, well you should,” I replied. “I just saved you from dying a very cold death in a really nice car that doesn’t need you dying in it.”
He looked at me weird, but then smiled. “Don’t think I forgive you, though,” I said darkly. Gerard nodded and we started walking back inside.
Once we got back to my apartment, Gerard started humming while I was unlocking the door. I gave him a strange look, and he stopped. “Was I humming just now?” he asked.
“Yeah. What, you didn’t notice?” I said.
“No. I always start randomly humming without realizing it,” Gerard said cautiously. “Nervous habit, I guess.”
“Why are you nervous?” I asked as I turned on the lights and took my coat off.
“I just sort of feel like you’re gonna yell at me or something,” he said simply as he closed the door.
“Well I wasn’t going to,” I said as I started making coffee. “What, you want me to?”
“No. I just thought you might. Why are you making coffee at three o’clock in the morning?” he asked.
“I want it,” I said rolling my eyes. “And if I hadn’t woken up because I had too much caffeine before, then you would be freezing to death.”
“Oh, so your weird addictions benefit me?” Gerard asked in his weird teasing voice.
“Yup. Wanna watch a movie?” I asked, not wanting to have to go back to sleep.
“Ahh… let me guess. Horror movie?” Gerard asked, teasing me again.
“What else,” I replied, pouring us both coffee.
“My strange little brother,” he commented, shaking his head and grinning.
We watched one of the horror movies that I had. By the end of it, I was sleeping.
I don’t remember seeing what happened at the end, but I had seen it before anyway. Later, I felt someone pick me up and carry me to my bed. I knew it was Gerard. He took my glasses off and covered me with my blankets.
“I love you, Mikey,” he whispered. I fell back asleep, subconsciously glad that my brother didn’t act like a freaky psycho cult leader all the time.
I woke up the next morning and realized I had slept in my clothes. I put my glasses on and went out into the living room where Gerard was sleeping on the couch. He didn’t wake up when I came in, so I went into the kitchen. I made coffee, I really needed caffeine. Finally, he woke up.
“Oooh… I want some coffee too,” Gerard said as he walked into the kitchen.
“Say please,” I said, holding the coffee pot away from him.
“I want lots of coffee please,” he responded childishly. I poured a mug of coffee for each of us, and I started drinking mine. Gerard just sniffed it and made a face. “Dude,” he said. “This is really strong. How much coffee ground did you put in this thing? And how do you drink it plain?”
“Taste it. It tastes fine,” I said, shrugging. Gerard cautiously took a sip of it and gagged.
“Mikey,” he said. “You have a problem. This coffee is way too strong. It’s inedible.”
“Could coffee ever really be called edible, though?” I wondered.
“Doesn’t matter. You’re still a caffeine freak,” he said.
“Meanie.”
“Four-eyes.”
“Cult leading retarded loser.”
Gerard frowned when I said that. I had probably crossed a line, but it must have been one of those retarded invisible lines that no one ever sees until they cross it. “Touché,” was all that he said.
But there goes Gerard, throwing me off again.
I dug through his stuff, pulling stuff out and putting it on my bed so I could see all of it. I was slightly disappointed with the results.
There was normal stuff. More clothes, still all black like the outfit he was wearing then, boxers, toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving razor, hairbrush, for his weird blond hair that didn’t look like it was long enough to need to be brushed, and a wallet. No gun or anything like I would have expected from a cult leader.
I picked up the wallet and opened it. There was some money. A lot of money, actually. About $300. A couple credit cards, and his license.
I took the license out of the wallet and looked at his picture. He still had the short blond hair in the picture, but he was blushing a little bit and smiling as if someone had said something funny. I could tell that he’d just been flirting with the girls at the Department of Motor Vehicles before they had taken his picture. I rolled my eyes. That would be just like Gerard.
There was nothing else interesting in the suitcase, so I put all the stuff back.
I walked out to the living room, and sat down on the couch to eat my pizza and read my book.
I woke up later, but didn’t remember falling asleep. I picked up the book off the floor and sat up to look at the clock. It was 2:47 am. I didn’t think I’d be able to go back to sleep, so I got up to go for a walk. I grabbed my cell phone, keys, wallet, and coat and headed out the door. It was cold outside, but I was okay. I walked through my apartment building’s parking lot, but stopped when I saw a car that I recognized. It was Gerard’s, the one that we had gone to Starbucks in.
I figured he had just left it there and would come back for it when he came back for his suitcase. I was about to keep going when I saw something move inside the car.
I froze, not knowing what was in there. My stupid got the best of me, and I stepped forward to look through the car window. I saw that it was a person, my brother, to be exact. He was lying across the black seat sleeping. He had his leather jacket covering him as a blanket, but he kept shivering.
I couldn’t decide whether I should feel bad for him because he was freezing out here, or to still be mad at him and let him stay there. I saw him shiver again, and felt sorry for him. As he had said before, I still couldn’t stay that mad at him for a long time. Hesitating slightly, I knocked on the car window. Gerard sat up with a confused look.
He turned to face the window, and when he saw that it was me, he turned the car on so that he could open the window. “Mikey?” Gerard said as he stuck his head out the window to talk to me. “What are you doing out here? I thought you hated me.”
“Well,” I began. “I was going for a walk but I saw your car was still here. So then I saw you were in it. Why exactly are you sleeping in your car with no heat on in the winter?”
“Well you see,” Gerard said. "My brother kicked me out, which I deserved, and I had no money, because my brother had it, so I came out here to sleep in my car. And the whole winter thing isn’t my fault.”
“Stupid,” I said. “Gerard, you truly are retarded.”
I sighed as I looked down at him, all tired and shivering. “Fine. I’ll let you stay the night with me. I wanna hear more about your crazy life of stupid anyway.”
“Mikey,” Gerard said. “You don’t have to let me. I don’t actually deserve to hang out with you.”
“No,” I responded. “You really don’t. But we’re still brothers, so technically I still have to help you. That, and if you die of hypothermia, it would be my fault.”
My brother got out of the car and locked it. “Love ya, Mikey,” he said.
“Yes, well you should,” I replied. “I just saved you from dying a very cold death in a really nice car that doesn’t need you dying in it.”
He looked at me weird, but then smiled. “Don’t think I forgive you, though,” I said darkly. Gerard nodded and we started walking back inside.
Once we got back to my apartment, Gerard started humming while I was unlocking the door. I gave him a strange look, and he stopped. “Was I humming just now?” he asked.
“Yeah. What, you didn’t notice?” I said.
“No. I always start randomly humming without realizing it,” Gerard said cautiously. “Nervous habit, I guess.”
“Why are you nervous?” I asked as I turned on the lights and took my coat off.
“I just sort of feel like you’re gonna yell at me or something,” he said simply as he closed the door.
“Well I wasn’t going to,” I said as I started making coffee. “What, you want me to?”
“No. I just thought you might. Why are you making coffee at three o’clock in the morning?” he asked.
“I want it,” I said rolling my eyes. “And if I hadn’t woken up because I had too much caffeine before, then you would be freezing to death.”
“Oh, so your weird addictions benefit me?” Gerard asked in his weird teasing voice.
“Yup. Wanna watch a movie?” I asked, not wanting to have to go back to sleep.
“Ahh… let me guess. Horror movie?” Gerard asked, teasing me again.
“What else,” I replied, pouring us both coffee.
“My strange little brother,” he commented, shaking his head and grinning.
We watched one of the horror movies that I had. By the end of it, I was sleeping.
I don’t remember seeing what happened at the end, but I had seen it before anyway. Later, I felt someone pick me up and carry me to my bed. I knew it was Gerard. He took my glasses off and covered me with my blankets.
“I love you, Mikey,” he whispered. I fell back asleep, subconsciously glad that my brother didn’t act like a freaky psycho cult leader all the time.
I woke up the next morning and realized I had slept in my clothes. I put my glasses on and went out into the living room where Gerard was sleeping on the couch. He didn’t wake up when I came in, so I went into the kitchen. I made coffee, I really needed caffeine. Finally, he woke up.
“Oooh… I want some coffee too,” Gerard said as he walked into the kitchen.
“Say please,” I said, holding the coffee pot away from him.
“I want lots of coffee please,” he responded childishly. I poured a mug of coffee for each of us, and I started drinking mine. Gerard just sniffed it and made a face. “Dude,” he said. “This is really strong. How much coffee ground did you put in this thing? And how do you drink it plain?”
“Taste it. It tastes fine,” I said, shrugging. Gerard cautiously took a sip of it and gagged.
“Mikey,” he said. “You have a problem. This coffee is way too strong. It’s inedible.”
“Could coffee ever really be called edible, though?” I wondered.
“Doesn’t matter. You’re still a caffeine freak,” he said.
“Meanie.”
“Four-eyes.”
“Cult leading retarded loser.”
Gerard frowned when I said that. I had probably crossed a line, but it must have been one of those retarded invisible lines that no one ever sees until they cross it. “Touché,” was all that he said.