Tell Me I'm A Bad Man
Strange and Life Altering
“Mikey,” Gerard said after we had eaten breakfast and stuff.
“Huh?” I said, barely paying attention.
“Tomorrow I have to leave,” he responded.
“Mmkay. Where are you going?” I asked.
“Chicago,” Gerard answered.
“Why?” I asked. “Or is it top secret cult business that poor little Mikey can’t be included in?”
“Uh, well it is cult business, but you can be included if you want,” my brother said, shrugging.
“Are you asking me to join The Black Parade?” I asked, suspicious with his answer.
****************************************************************************************************
In Chicago, Bob Bryar’s point of view.
I looked at my face in the reflection of a store window as I passed by it. Somehow, I looked normal. I guess I was just expecting to look different because I felt weird. I felt like something very strange and possibly life altering was about to happen.
Of course, I like strange things, and if they’re life altering too, then that’s cool.
I just don’t like not knowing what’s gonna come next, even though that can make anything more exciting.
I just continued walking down the street, not really planning on going anywhere, I just wanted to get out of my apartment because the lady downstairs was trying to cook again. And that meant the smoke alarm was going off every five minutes. And she was bound to come to my door and ask me if I wanted to try any of her cooking. Once, I had, because I’m a nice guy, and nice guys don’t hurt people’s feelings. But then I spent the entire night throwing up.
When Green Day said nice guys finish last, they weren’t kidding.
So on I walked, smiling as people gave me weird looks. If I was them, I’d probably give me weird looks too. I mean, I was wearing all black, had on weird big black sunglasses; I had all my piercings in, and an emo haircut. But I liked looking like this. Although people tell me I’ll have to stop being freaky if I ever want to get a job. But they’re wrong.
Hey, I have a job. I just got out of law school, but I work part time at a bar, and part time at a florist shop.
The bar is a cool job, but the florist is awkward for me. Mostly people send me to work in the back of the shop, or if I have to make a delivery, it’s always to a funeral. I don’t know why, I guess people associate me with death or something. Or maybe it’s because I curse people out easily. Then again, the one time I delivered flowers to a wedding; everyone was looking at me weird because I had the sunglasses, black clothes, and piercings. I guess I’m just cool like that.
As I turned the corner, I saw two weird guys standing outside a coffee shop, each holding a cup of coffee. “It’s not strong enough,” the skinny one with glasses was whining.
“Oh my god, will you shut up for one friggin’ minute?” the other one said. He was strange looking. And by that, I mean stranger than me. He had short platinum blond hair. And even bigger black sunglasses than me.
As I passed them, I felt like they were watching me. I turned around, and saw the sunglasses guy staring straight back at me. He turned away, so I turned back around and kept going.
Weird, but not life altering.
So later, I went to work at the bar. It was a good night; no one was throwing up, which means I didn’t have to clean up puke for once.
I was wiping down the bar when I felt someone watching me. I looked up, and saw the guy from before. He was still wearing sunglasses, even though it was kind of dark in the bar. He sat down at the bar, still looking at me.
I walked over to him. “Can I get you something?” I asked, not just because that’s just what bartenders do, but also because I wanted to find out why I felt like he was stalking me.
“Uh, just water, please,” he said.
I shrugged and got him the water, wondering why anyone would come to a bar and not drink. I went back to wiping the counter, but I still felt creeped out, like someone was staring at me. I turned around and saw that he was still watching me.
I walked over to him and stared him down. “What?” I asked impatiently. “Why do you keep staring at me? You’re seriously weird.”
The man grinned and took off the sunglasses. “Are you Bob Bryar?” he asked, totally ignoring the death glare that I was giving him.
I paused for a second; surprised that he knew my name. “No,” I answered.
“Sure,” he said. “Anyway Bob, I am going to tell you something that I think you should consider, but I don’t want to tell you here. Can you take a break so I can talk to you?”
I bit my lip ring and thought. On the outside, I was calm, I just probably looked mad. But on the inside, I was freaking out. I didn’t know whether I should go talk to him just to find out what would happen, or not. I really wanted to know who he was and why he was here.
While my mind was racing, my mouth moved on its own and said something normal. “Who are you?” my mouth said. My mind only realized that I had said it after it already came out.
“I’m Gerard Way,” he said calmly. “And I know that that probably means absolutely nothing to you Bob, but I still need to talk to you.”
“Why do you keep calling me Bob?” I asked, remembering that I told him my name wasn’t Bob Bryar.
“Because that’s your name,” he replied simply.
“Well, yeah, it is. But how did you know that?” I asked, confused. “I told you it wasn’t.”
“I know. But it was kind of obvious when I asked you,” Gerard said.
“How?” I said.
“Because,” Gerard said. “When I asked if you were Bob Bryar, you thought about what to say. If that wasn’t your name, you would have just said that and you wouldn’t have to think.”
My stupid got the best of me at that moment, and I took my break then so I could talk to Gerard. We went outside to talk.
“Okay, Bob,” Gerard said. “Have you ever heard of the Black Parade?”
I thought, and came up with nothing. “No,” I responded.
“Well,” he said to me. “Don’t get freaked out, but it’s a cult.”
“Cool,” I said, and I could feel my face light up when he said that. I wasn’t sure why, though. I guess that in the back of my mind, I still had the feeling that something strange and life altering was going to happen.
“Yeah, I guess it is cool,” Gerard said. “Well I heard that you were a cool guy who just got out of law school and might be willing to help us out. Some of your friends told me that.”
My mind was spinning. Did he want me to join the cult? I mean that would probably be really cool and stuff, being in a cult with secrets and stuff, but cult members have to do a lot for their cult.
“Who told you about me?” I asked him, trying to think of who he might possibly be referring to.
“Uh… these two guys that said that they were friends of yours. Frank Iero and Ray Toro,” he responded.
I had to stop myself from laughing out loud. Iero and Toro? In a cult? I hadn’t been expecting that. But they would be the ones trying to drag me into a mess that they had gotten themselves into.
“So what are you saying?” I asked him, basically knowing where this conversation was going but dreading getting to that point.
“Well here’s the thing. Um, some of the members of The Black Parade need lawyers, and-”
“And you want me to join some weird cult and get them all out of prison?” I cut him off.
“Well, yes.”
“Dude,” I told him. “I don’t even know you. This is really weird. I’m not sure if this will work or not,” I said.
“I know, and I’m sorry about that. Maybe you should talk to Frank and Ray about it. You know, so you can find out some stuff and decide if you want to join. You don’t have to, you know. They just thought you’d like to try it,” Gerard explained as he looked down at his shoes.
“I have to get back to work now,” I lied. “But I guess I’ll consider it.”
“Really?” Gerard seemed surprised. “That would be great.”
I went back inside and so did Gerard. I went back behind the bar, and Gerard walked into the crowd of people and pulled someone out of the crowd. Looking closer, I realized that the guy he was pulling by the neck was the guy with glasses who had been complaining about the coffee before. The guy he was pulling away from everyone was fighting to get free, and there were a few girls waving goodbye to him. I went back to work.
Later, I got out of work at around 4:30 am. I started walking home and I took my cell phone out. I went into my speed dial and selected the one that said ‘Toro.’ I heard it ring as I pulled my jacket tighter around me.
“Huh?” I heard Ray’s tired voice on the other end.
“Toro. You’ll never guess what happened to me today,” I said sarcastically.
I heard the sound of my best friend falling off a bed or something. “Bob,” he said, seeming to wake up a little more. “I’ve been waiting for you to call me.”
“Yeah, really nice of you. Anyway, you already know that Gerard Way came to talk to me today?”
“Well yeah,” Ray said. “What did he tell you?”
“Well,” I explained, my voice tired yet sarcastic. “He told me about a happy little club that you and Frank are apparently in. It had a catchy cute little name too. Oh, yeah, it was The Black Parade. And you never told me about it.”
“I meant to tell you about it, but I didn’t because Frank said you would react badly,” Ray explained. “But I figured that you might want to be included.”
“Ray!” I yelled at him. “You and Frank are my best friends. You were supposed to include me in weird stuff like secret cults from the beginning.”
“Well this is your chance to be included.”
“Then I want in,” I said without realizing it.
“Really?” Ray said excitedly. “Sweet!”
I kept walking down the street as I talked to Ray. I saw a column of smoke rising into the sky. But it didn’t look like chimney smoke, more like fire. I started walking faster when I realized that it was coming from near my apartment building. I stopped listening to my phone and started running the last block home when I heard the sirens.
I stopped outside my building and saw that there was smoke pouring out the windows of the apartment below mine. A fire fighter pushed me out of the way and I stumbled backwards. Looking up at my own window, I saw a bright orange light inside my bedroom window.
“Ray,” I whispered into the phone.
“What? Why do you sound so freaked out?” Ray asked, sounding concerned.
“Ray, my apartment’s on fire.”
Strange. And life altering.
“Huh?” I said, barely paying attention.
“Tomorrow I have to leave,” he responded.
“Mmkay. Where are you going?” I asked.
“Chicago,” Gerard answered.
“Why?” I asked. “Or is it top secret cult business that poor little Mikey can’t be included in?”
“Uh, well it is cult business, but you can be included if you want,” my brother said, shrugging.
“Are you asking me to join The Black Parade?” I asked, suspicious with his answer.
****************************************************************************************************
In Chicago, Bob Bryar’s point of view.
I looked at my face in the reflection of a store window as I passed by it. Somehow, I looked normal. I guess I was just expecting to look different because I felt weird. I felt like something very strange and possibly life altering was about to happen.
Of course, I like strange things, and if they’re life altering too, then that’s cool.
I just don’t like not knowing what’s gonna come next, even though that can make anything more exciting.
I just continued walking down the street, not really planning on going anywhere, I just wanted to get out of my apartment because the lady downstairs was trying to cook again. And that meant the smoke alarm was going off every five minutes. And she was bound to come to my door and ask me if I wanted to try any of her cooking. Once, I had, because I’m a nice guy, and nice guys don’t hurt people’s feelings. But then I spent the entire night throwing up.
When Green Day said nice guys finish last, they weren’t kidding.
So on I walked, smiling as people gave me weird looks. If I was them, I’d probably give me weird looks too. I mean, I was wearing all black, had on weird big black sunglasses; I had all my piercings in, and an emo haircut. But I liked looking like this. Although people tell me I’ll have to stop being freaky if I ever want to get a job. But they’re wrong.
Hey, I have a job. I just got out of law school, but I work part time at a bar, and part time at a florist shop.
The bar is a cool job, but the florist is awkward for me. Mostly people send me to work in the back of the shop, or if I have to make a delivery, it’s always to a funeral. I don’t know why, I guess people associate me with death or something. Or maybe it’s because I curse people out easily. Then again, the one time I delivered flowers to a wedding; everyone was looking at me weird because I had the sunglasses, black clothes, and piercings. I guess I’m just cool like that.
As I turned the corner, I saw two weird guys standing outside a coffee shop, each holding a cup of coffee. “It’s not strong enough,” the skinny one with glasses was whining.
“Oh my god, will you shut up for one friggin’ minute?” the other one said. He was strange looking. And by that, I mean stranger than me. He had short platinum blond hair. And even bigger black sunglasses than me.
As I passed them, I felt like they were watching me. I turned around, and saw the sunglasses guy staring straight back at me. He turned away, so I turned back around and kept going.
Weird, but not life altering.
So later, I went to work at the bar. It was a good night; no one was throwing up, which means I didn’t have to clean up puke for once.
I was wiping down the bar when I felt someone watching me. I looked up, and saw the guy from before. He was still wearing sunglasses, even though it was kind of dark in the bar. He sat down at the bar, still looking at me.
I walked over to him. “Can I get you something?” I asked, not just because that’s just what bartenders do, but also because I wanted to find out why I felt like he was stalking me.
“Uh, just water, please,” he said.
I shrugged and got him the water, wondering why anyone would come to a bar and not drink. I went back to wiping the counter, but I still felt creeped out, like someone was staring at me. I turned around and saw that he was still watching me.
I walked over to him and stared him down. “What?” I asked impatiently. “Why do you keep staring at me? You’re seriously weird.”
The man grinned and took off the sunglasses. “Are you Bob Bryar?” he asked, totally ignoring the death glare that I was giving him.
I paused for a second; surprised that he knew my name. “No,” I answered.
“Sure,” he said. “Anyway Bob, I am going to tell you something that I think you should consider, but I don’t want to tell you here. Can you take a break so I can talk to you?”
I bit my lip ring and thought. On the outside, I was calm, I just probably looked mad. But on the inside, I was freaking out. I didn’t know whether I should go talk to him just to find out what would happen, or not. I really wanted to know who he was and why he was here.
While my mind was racing, my mouth moved on its own and said something normal. “Who are you?” my mouth said. My mind only realized that I had said it after it already came out.
“I’m Gerard Way,” he said calmly. “And I know that that probably means absolutely nothing to you Bob, but I still need to talk to you.”
“Why do you keep calling me Bob?” I asked, remembering that I told him my name wasn’t Bob Bryar.
“Because that’s your name,” he replied simply.
“Well, yeah, it is. But how did you know that?” I asked, confused. “I told you it wasn’t.”
“I know. But it was kind of obvious when I asked you,” Gerard said.
“How?” I said.
“Because,” Gerard said. “When I asked if you were Bob Bryar, you thought about what to say. If that wasn’t your name, you would have just said that and you wouldn’t have to think.”
My stupid got the best of me at that moment, and I took my break then so I could talk to Gerard. We went outside to talk.
“Okay, Bob,” Gerard said. “Have you ever heard of the Black Parade?”
I thought, and came up with nothing. “No,” I responded.
“Well,” he said to me. “Don’t get freaked out, but it’s a cult.”
“Cool,” I said, and I could feel my face light up when he said that. I wasn’t sure why, though. I guess that in the back of my mind, I still had the feeling that something strange and life altering was going to happen.
“Yeah, I guess it is cool,” Gerard said. “Well I heard that you were a cool guy who just got out of law school and might be willing to help us out. Some of your friends told me that.”
My mind was spinning. Did he want me to join the cult? I mean that would probably be really cool and stuff, being in a cult with secrets and stuff, but cult members have to do a lot for their cult.
“Who told you about me?” I asked him, trying to think of who he might possibly be referring to.
“Uh… these two guys that said that they were friends of yours. Frank Iero and Ray Toro,” he responded.
I had to stop myself from laughing out loud. Iero and Toro? In a cult? I hadn’t been expecting that. But they would be the ones trying to drag me into a mess that they had gotten themselves into.
“So what are you saying?” I asked him, basically knowing where this conversation was going but dreading getting to that point.
“Well here’s the thing. Um, some of the members of The Black Parade need lawyers, and-”
“And you want me to join some weird cult and get them all out of prison?” I cut him off.
“Well, yes.”
“Dude,” I told him. “I don’t even know you. This is really weird. I’m not sure if this will work or not,” I said.
“I know, and I’m sorry about that. Maybe you should talk to Frank and Ray about it. You know, so you can find out some stuff and decide if you want to join. You don’t have to, you know. They just thought you’d like to try it,” Gerard explained as he looked down at his shoes.
“I have to get back to work now,” I lied. “But I guess I’ll consider it.”
“Really?” Gerard seemed surprised. “That would be great.”
I went back inside and so did Gerard. I went back behind the bar, and Gerard walked into the crowd of people and pulled someone out of the crowd. Looking closer, I realized that the guy he was pulling by the neck was the guy with glasses who had been complaining about the coffee before. The guy he was pulling away from everyone was fighting to get free, and there were a few girls waving goodbye to him. I went back to work.
Later, I got out of work at around 4:30 am. I started walking home and I took my cell phone out. I went into my speed dial and selected the one that said ‘Toro.’ I heard it ring as I pulled my jacket tighter around me.
“Huh?” I heard Ray’s tired voice on the other end.
“Toro. You’ll never guess what happened to me today,” I said sarcastically.
I heard the sound of my best friend falling off a bed or something. “Bob,” he said, seeming to wake up a little more. “I’ve been waiting for you to call me.”
“Yeah, really nice of you. Anyway, you already know that Gerard Way came to talk to me today?”
“Well yeah,” Ray said. “What did he tell you?”
“Well,” I explained, my voice tired yet sarcastic. “He told me about a happy little club that you and Frank are apparently in. It had a catchy cute little name too. Oh, yeah, it was The Black Parade. And you never told me about it.”
“I meant to tell you about it, but I didn’t because Frank said you would react badly,” Ray explained. “But I figured that you might want to be included.”
“Ray!” I yelled at him. “You and Frank are my best friends. You were supposed to include me in weird stuff like secret cults from the beginning.”
“Well this is your chance to be included.”
“Then I want in,” I said without realizing it.
“Really?” Ray said excitedly. “Sweet!”
I kept walking down the street as I talked to Ray. I saw a column of smoke rising into the sky. But it didn’t look like chimney smoke, more like fire. I started walking faster when I realized that it was coming from near my apartment building. I stopped listening to my phone and started running the last block home when I heard the sirens.
I stopped outside my building and saw that there was smoke pouring out the windows of the apartment below mine. A fire fighter pushed me out of the way and I stumbled backwards. Looking up at my own window, I saw a bright orange light inside my bedroom window.
“Ray,” I whispered into the phone.
“What? Why do you sound so freaked out?” Ray asked, sounding concerned.
“Ray, my apartment’s on fire.”
Strange. And life altering.