Precaution

When we got to my building, Sid insisted on taking me up. We climbed the 16 flights of stairs to get to my apartment gladly, talking about Marc and Lucy all the way up.

“You should see him at practice, Vi. She’s all he talks about.” Sid said as we walked across the fourteenth floor platform before ascending again.

“You should see her in the mornings. ‘Marc said something so funny to me the other day..’ I quoted, shaking my head with a smile. “And Lucy barely makes an effort for anyone, I mean the only time I’ve seen her in full on makeup was at my wedding, but she’s been trying every day just in case. It’s actually kind of cute.” I shrugged and shook my head. At the mention of my wedding, Sid got quiet and I could tell he hesitated for awhile as we begun the last flight of stairs.

“How is Derek?” he asked quietly, turning his head to look at me. I tensed up instinctively, not really sure how to answer that. I’ve been avoiding the ICU for two weeks now and I didn’t want updates from Kat. As a doctor, I wanted him to live and get better but as the woman he screwed over, I couldn’t help but feel that the accident was justified. Every time I thought about him, I felt the guilt rush through.

“He still hasn’t woken up. It’s common though, for the patient not to wake up for about a month or so after a critical accident like that. A coma helps the body to recover and heal. If he didn’t go into one, we probably would have put him under a medically induced coma.” I said, refusing to give any emotion away and filling my sentences with medicine. I made it seem like business, cleanly cutting myself away from all the feelings I had about the accident and Derek.

I unlocked my door and swung it open, taking a step in. “Come in, it’s freezing outside and I bet Lucy wants to see you too.” I said, moving further into the house. Sidney shut the door behind him and followed me through the apartment.

“Lucy?” I yelled taking off my coat and tossing it on the couch. Sid was standing by the bar in the kitchen and waved me over. “Violet, she left you a note.” He said, handing me a piece of green stationary, covered in little images of pine trees. I read it and sighed. “So passive aggressive of her. She went to the mall, and I bet it was with Marc ” I told him, crumpling up the note. That meant the sneaky little bastard left right after we did. We both moved out into the living room and Sid sank down in the armchair. I stood in front of the couch with my hands on my hips, thinking for a moment. I finally turned to him and stared for a second. “Want to watch a movie? We can stay here and ambush the two of them when they come back.” I asked and Sid nodded with a wide grin. “Oh yeah.”

I popped in Step Brothers without a hint of indecisiveness and wandered back over to the couch, sinking down in the corner closest to Sidney. “It was either this or Lion King, or some Johnny Depp movie. I feel like this was the superior option.”

“Johnny Depp?” Sid asked, giving me a curious grin.

“Lucy. We each brought in our favorite movie and then we split the cost of buying Lion King.” I responded and Sid laughed, shaking his head. “Of all the movies to collaborate on, you guys chose The Lion King?”

“Hey. Don’t bad mouth the King. It’s a classic.” We turned our attention to the screen and watched the movie, not feeling the time slip on by. As it turned out, Sidney actually liked my movie choice, despite never have seeing it before. I couldn’t believe it but then again, neither had Lucy.

“I’m getting Anchorman next. Please tell me you’ve seen that one.” I said, sitting criss-crossed on the couch and turned to face him. Sid nodded and grinned. “Of course I have. I would have hoped you had a little more faith in me than that, Violet.” “Hey, you’ve never seen Step Brothers. “ I said, putting my hands up to object. I fell back on the couch, digging my phone from my pocket to look at the time. It was almost five and Lucy still hadn’t come home.

“I swear, if she gets into some sort of accident or does something stupid, I’m going to go to the hospital and save her life, just so I can kill her myself.” I said and placed my blackberry on the coffee table. Sid adjusted himself in the chair and looked at me.

“Do you ever feel…like its too much? Being a doctor?” He asked and I removed my hand from my eyes to look at him. “I mean, my job isn’t nearly as significant but it feels overwhelming already, to control the moods of thousands of people. “ He shook his head. “I can’t imagine what it would be like to control the lives of that many people.”

I exhaled deeply, feeling my chest rise and fall as I thought about the question. I could tell he was asking both as a way to pacify his own worries about his career and to genuinely know how I felt.

“Remember what you told me earlier today when we were skating? You said don’t think about it.” I bit my lip and took another second to think. “It’s like that. I don’t think about having somebody’s life in my hands, I just think of the procedure. Cut, suture, close. It has an order and if you don’t think about it, if you don’t think about the emotions involved, it’s easy.” I responded, rubbing my forehead.

“But sometimes that’s too hard. “ I leaned against the arm of the couch, my eyes flickering between him and my lap. I looked down, thinking about the accident. “Like the night where we crashed. There was a shard of glass in Derek’s chest, and it pierced his aorta and cut straight through his chest. His ribs were broken and ready to cave into his heart. I had to stop the bleeding and try to keep the heart moving—his heart was literally in my hands and I could feel him dying. That was hard because I couldn’t compartmentalize. “ I shrugged, feeling myself get too carried away.

I could feel Sidney’s eyes watching me intently. I smiled up at him, finally looking up. “It’s easier if you just break it down and not think. Over complicating anything is overwhelming.” I finished and Sid reached out to touch my hand, moving over to sit next to me on the couch. There was something about him that just calmed me down, whether it was his relaxed nature or generally optimistic personality and I immediately felt more composed as he sat by me.

I leaned back against the couch, running my hand through my hair. “It makes it easy.” Sidney said, breaking the silence. “Keep it clean, keep it from getting too messy and push it out of your head. You deal with the now so you don’t feel like you’re drowning.” I glanced up at him, surprised at his answer. “I tried that for so long. I only thought of the game at hand, keeping everyone and everything out. “ He shook his head. “It doesn’t last, Violet. We can’t compartmentalize like that.”

And then, I lost track of what happened. Of who moved first, of what was last said, of everything—logistics was gone and I was doing something that I told myself to stop. I was acting on emotion and the next thing I knew, we were together in a sudden kiss.

It lasted for too long and I could feel myself gradually losing control with each passing second. But then, the sound of keys in the lock and laughter pierced through the whirlwind and we pulled away just as the doors opened and the lights turned on. It was Lucy, with Marc and the two of them were holding hands and leaning against one another. I bit my lip and we exchanged looks, both equally surprised to see one another.

We were both busted.