Precaution

I placed the black mascara wand underneath my lashes and pulled slowly, coating them in the makeup fully before taking a step back and looking in the mirror. I brushed a piece of hair out of my face before leaning back into the glass with an eyeliner pencil in hand.

It was the night of the benefit and for some reason, I felt the need to look like I wasn’t a surgical intern who sleeps on stretchers in the hospital basement most nights. My rich, dark brown hair was twisted and pulled into an up do by Lucy’s hair stylist and my makeup managed to cover up my now fading bruise. I looked normal—I would even venture to say that I looked better than normal. My eyes were carefully done and my makeup was pristine to hide the purple and I for the first time in a long time, I felt amazing.

I ran over my lips with a neutral lipstick, dumped it in my clutch and moved out of the bathroom. My dress swayed against the carpeting as I moved out, the heels of my black Manolo stiletto’s piercing sinking into the floor. My dress wasn’t too complex or impressive— a simple black floor length gown with broad straps, a cut in the back that extended down to my mid back and a nice V neckline. After the incident, Derek had been bringing back gifts as a way to soothe over the residual fire from that evening. Around my neck, I wore a thick strand of pear shaped diamonds that extended down near my cleavage. It felt like it was too much, too magical and too glittering when it accompanied my large engagement ring.

Derek smiled up at me and went over to kiss my cheek, looking absolutely fantastic in his black Prada suit. I hated to admit it but if you fixed the obvious commitment issues with him, he wasn’t a bad catch. He was handsome—tan, tall and athletic with thick brown hair and a white smile—wealthy, and if you gave him your utmost attention he would put you first. That was something I was learning to do. I loved him, but I wasn’t completely sure I was in love with him.

“You look beautiful.” He said, taking my hand before the two of us walked towards the door.

“You clean up pretty well yourself.” I replied as he opened up the door, the two of us wandering into the elevator hand in hand. As we descended down front, with a driver opening the door of his black Maserati, I couldn’t help but feel like this was all too sparkling and wonderful to be real. That we were living a lie, despite it being blissful and surreal.
We drove in silence, sitting together quietly as we approached the Ritz-Carlton. From the tinted windows of the car, I could see a small red carpet in the front and several players descending down it. I caught site of Marc and Lucy at the front, making their way out of the car and towards the carpet to enter the building. It felt like there was too much press there for a benefit, but then again, when you put athletic superstars together for a charity benefit, press would soon follow.

The driver pulled our door open as we stopped, with Derek exiting the car first before taking my hand to help me out. I saw the camera flash out in the dark and frowned quickly. I always forgot about this part of his life, about the cameras and the media and the publicity. Of course they would take pictures of him, at a hockey event crawling with Canadian media. I heard them shout his last name as we stepped out of the car, and I craned my neck around to look for Lucy. I saw her stop and tug at Marc’s arm, pointing back to us and waving.

She looked absolutely beautiful in her light, cream colored dress that spilled out elegantly on the carpet and made her stand out in the night. Her golden hair was pinned up in a wavy updo, her makeup absolutely flawless. She moved towards me gracefully, tugging Marc along. He smiled at me and glared at Derek, something to be expected after our last run in. Lucy and I embraced, moving towards the carpet together.

Here is where I’ll admit something I probably shouldn’t. It was wrong and horrible, especially with the night going so perfectly with Derek, but I couldn’t help but turn briefly and look around for Sidney. I couldn’t find him, only spotting Kris and Liz along with Matt Cooke and his family on the carpet and Evgeni and Oksana getting out of their cars.

We moved into the building swiftly, giving Kris and Liz a swift embrace that gave me a disapproving shake of the head from Kris when he saw Derek. As we entered the door of the Ritz and moved through the lobby, I heard a rough voice behind me.

“Damn, Africa.” I heard and turned around to see Jordan and his date standing there. I let go of Derek’s hand briefly and embraced him, shaking my head with a wide smile. He just shrugged.

“We watched Mean Girls in the limo. You look great, Vi.” He said as we pulled away.

“I think I need a drink.” I said, taking Derek’s hand once more. “Do you guys want to come?” Jordan nodded and gave his date a kiss on the cheek.

“I’ll get you something, go mingle.” He said before the three of us moved up the large, marble grand staircase. People were mingling at the very top and as we reached the platform, Derek pulled away to talk to an investor he knew. I remained close, watching the crowd below. It didn’t take me long to find him out of a sea of people.

I inhaled sharply, watching him look around with Chloe attached at his hand. She was talking to a group of people, her delicate hand enveloped in his. As always, she looked amazing but tonight she looked even more beautiful.

His eyes landed on me and he pulled away from Chloe, watching me as I stood on the top of the grand staircase. It was inevitable seeing him here, I knew that, but after what had happened at Kris’s house, I wasn’t prepared to see him, I wasn’t prepared to have him look at me like that.

I felt an arm wrap around my waist and pull me in and I tore my eyes off of Sidney and looked at Derek, who had also been looking at Sid down below. I exhaled slowly and smiled at him before he turned back to say goodbye to the investor. I looked over my shoulder to Sid who was still watching me, but was now being pulled away by Chloe.

I shrugged one shoulder lightly and smiled at him softly, turning back around with Derek. We eventually moved to the bar to get our drinks, stopping to talk to a few people before going back downstairs where people were dancing.

Derek and I moved towards the ballroom, the music soft and steady. I could see Sidney and Chloe dancing, her body enveloped in his as they swayed to the music. I rested my head on Derek’s shoulder as we too danced.

I recognized the song, Valse sentimentale by Tchaikovsky. It was one of my favorites and I found myself easing in Dereks arms as the smokey sounds of the piano integrated with the melancholy cries of the violin. I opened my eyes, my head resting on Derek’s shoulder as we danced, and there he was. I felt Sidney’s stare when I tried to look away, the darkly sweet notes of the violin reverberating through the golden room slowly. Our eyes locked, the two of us fastened in stare as we swayed lightly. It felt like the whole world had slowed down, like we were the only two people alive.

I felt it again—the struggle to breathe, the rush of blood and the wild heartbeats as we looked at one another from behind our partners. I felt my body tighten and my skin grow cold as I tried to steady my breathing, my heart beating relentlessly against my chest.

I pulled away from Derek with a smile, my hands on his arms. “I feel a little…hot. I’ll just be a second, I’m going to go to the bathroom. Splash some cold water on my face.” I said, and he nodded. I moved through the ballroom, seeing Sidney pull away from Chloe. My pace quickened as I moved down a corner and through an empty hallway, dark and void of people. They were all blissfully dancing or drinking, unaware of the two of us as we rushed through.

“Leave me alone.” I said painfully as I hurried through, feeling him behind me.

“Violet” He said but I continued, tearing open the door of an empty dark conference room. He followed, shutting the door behind him. I stood behind the large oak table, watching him as he stood on the other side of it.

“I just wanted to see if you were alright.” He said, watching me with the same intent and soft look as before.

I felt my heart race as he spoke. “No, I’m not alright.” I hurled back at him, clutching the table with my hand. I felt my engagement ring brush against the polished oak, it’s heavy reminder pressing against my finger. “I’m not alright because you’re engaged and Derek hit me and now you’re chasing me down in hallways and wanting to know if I’m alright and I can’t take that, Sidney. So stop it. Stop chasing me. Stop looking at me. ”

“I’m not looking at you.” Sidney said, his voice harder than it was before. He moved around the table, coming closer to me and I moved too so that we stayed apart and facing each other. “I am not looking at you.” He repeated more rigidly.
“You were looking at me and you watch me and I can’t breathe.” I fire back at him, leaning across the table. “I can’t breathe with you looking at me so just stop.”

He watched me for a moment, the two of us staring at one another in the darkness from across the conference room table. His voice lowered, became rougher.

“You can’t breathe when I look at you?” He asks, his voice coarse. “Violet, I can’t think around you, I can’t touch my fiancée because all I see is your face. I can’t sleep because the thought of another man touching you with his hands makes me sick. I don’t want to look at you.” He said, moving around the table so that we were near one another. I didn’t move, my chest thundering wildly as I felt him near me. We watched one another again, our eyes locked in the silence.

And then I felt his hands pull my face to his, running through my hair as we kissed. Pulling each other closer in a tighter embrace, I felt the world stop as his lips pressed against mine and his hands ran along my leg. I leaned back against the table, feeling the warmth from his body as he held me. I closed my eyes, our bodies tangling together as the sounds of the Valse lightly spilled into the room and hummed through my ears.

And there, with his arms tightly wrapped around my body as we laid against the table, I felt completely at home.