One Way or Another

I made it.

Yes, I made it through another year. Only this one had been way much worst than the last one. This year on the first days of September when I got to school things weren’t the same. Well I had Ally with me like the last year, but someone else was missing.

At first I just thought they were avoiding me, like they had the past 8 months. But when days passed, weeks, and eventually months passed without seeing Mikey in the halls or at class, and not even seeing any of them go in and out of their house, I started to worry. I started to feel worst. With each day that past, I started questioning myself more and more if I would make it through.

But I did.

And now I was still wondering if I could make it through another year. Another lousy and miserable year. I started to worry again. How many years would I have to go like this? How many years would I have to feel what I feel every day since I lost the two most important people in my life?

I tend to cry by just thinking about that. By just thinking about “them“. And at the same time, I just can’t seem to do anything but blame myself for all of it. For falling for Mikey. For having feelings for his brother. And yes, why not, for being a whore.

But now, all I can do, all I “have” to do is keep moving. Just keep going and hope to bump into something, someone who well change things. Luckily I bumped into Ally just in time. I don’t know how I would have gotten through all of the stuff I did, if it weren’t for her.

Ally.

Where to begin? She’s loud and fun. She’s always looking for something crazy to do. And yes, she’s always looking for a way for me to do just the same. Though now by all the time we been together, you ought of think she just lets me be. But no.
Till this very day, she’s still trying to get me to go to a party or a date she sets me up on now and than. Which of course I don’t got to. Not any of it. I mean, what for?

At this point it seems to get quite obvious that I’m more than lacking in the dating department. But I have no problem at all with that. Ally on the other hand, does. She can’t seem to stop wanting to “hook me up“, as she calls it, with someone.
Well….more like anyone. She makes it seem like I’m desperate. And actually, I kind of am. Just not for “anyone“. More like for “someone”. More like for “someones”. And yes, I’m aware that that may not be a word, but in my case it is. I just confuse myself when I think about them, at the same time. I still confuse myself thinking about who would I choose, if I could. But, doesn’t thinking like that make me a “whore, like they said?

All I know is that, I got to keep moving forwards. I can’t stop now. I have a whole life to live, I’m just starting. I’m gonna finally do what I love to do.

Art.

Yes a three letter word can go a long way, when it comes to my happiness. I has been the only thing that could calm me down a bit, make me loose my worries this whole time. And let me tell you, that I was more than thrilled when I got that green letter in a white UPS envelope. My parents were happy too. But kind of surprised since they didn’t even know I had applied for it.

But I did. Just not with them, someone who I loved very much at the moment had helped me fill out the form and mail it to the New York’s School of Visual Art.

Too bad, that someone broke my heart.