One Way or Another

Nicole’s POV

After two whole weeks of just laying in bed, alone for most of the time, I have finally been able to walk normal again. The casts have been removed and I now laid in bed, again.

Though, it wasn’t the bed I laid on everyday. It wasn’t that bed that was covered in light blue sheets and fitted into a tiny room. It was much bigger then that one. It was covered in black sheets and in a perfect sized room.

I pulled the covers off me, stretching and yawing as I did so, before standing up. My barefoot made contact with the cold wooden floor and I hurried down the hall and down the stairs.

As I hit the lower floor, an amazing smell with the air, coming from the kitchen.
I tiptoed to the room where I spotted Gerard really concentrated pouring some white liquid into a hot pan. And then he grabbed something from a near by bowl sprinkling into the pan as well.
It took me a while, I’d say 10 to 15 seconds, to realize what he was making.
Pancakes.

Better yet.
Chocolate chipped pancakes.

“So, how did you sleep?”

I almost jumped at the sound of his voice, still with his back on me.

“How did you…?”

He chuckled softly before answering me, this time, facing me.

“I just know…..I heard you walk down the stairs”

I walked into the kitchen, towards him, my feet getting colder by the minute.

“Wow, you’re a good listener.”

He smiled and pulled me into his arms.

“Yeah…guess I learned it from you” he pecked my lips and then let go of me, returning back to the elaborated task of making us breakfast.

******************************

I had just stepped out of the shower, after taking a very well needed bath. I pulled a towel tightly around me and looked at myself at the huge wall mirror.

I have really changed

I used to be……so young and carefree.
Now I looked so boring and old.
All the opposite of Gerard. He looked so young. I think people could easily think he’s younger then me.
I had to do something with my self.

I opened the drawer underneath the counter to look for some eyeliner. I had forgotten mine at my apartment, but I’m sure he had to have some.

Lucky me, huh?

How many girls, get to borrow eyeliner from their boyfriend.

I didn’t find what I was looking for in that drawer, so I pushed it closed and opened the one next to it.
I saw a little plastic recipient, an orange recipient. I pulled it out and examined it carefully, reading the label.

Anti-depressives

I drop it to the floor, unaware that it wasn’t well closed, and all the pills splattered on the titled floor.
I heard steps on the wooden floor in the hall, as he walked closer.

“Are you ok in there?”

I threw myself to the floor to pick the pills as quick as possible and put them away. But as I searched the room on my knees for the missing medicine, an unpleasant feeling took over my body.

“Not now” I murmured to myself as I tried to stand up and make my way to the toilet.

“Babe, are you okay in there? Please answer”

I bent down on my knees in front of the all to familiar piece of ceramic and waited for it to just end.
I felt the feeling grow inside me as an unfamiliar pain emerged from my stomach.

“Ahhh….oww….” I couldn’t help myself and ended up moaning in pain.

“That’s it. I’m coming in!”

As the pain grew inside me and I felt the food I earlier had eaten make it’s way up, the door was pushed opened.

“Oh, god. What’s wrong? Tummy cramps?”

I nodded and got as close as possible to the toilet as I resumed my now routine.

After pulling away, I got handed a towel and cleaned my mouth with it before being helped up on my feet.

“It’s ok, shh, it’s over now. Come here” I was pulled once again into his warm and tight embrace as I calmed myself down.

“What are my…..have you been looking around my stuff?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I was looking for some eyeliner…..why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, with my head still rested on the crook of his neck and his arms still tightly around me.

“Cause I……I…..didn’t want you to think I was some crazy guy with auto-esteem and suicide problems…”

“Suicide??”

I had now pulled away. I wanted to talk to him face to face.
Literately.

His eyes met mine as he let out a low sight.

“I was suicidal. Was. I’m not anymore.”

“How did….why?”

He brought his hand to caress my face softly.

“You. Not being able to be with you was depressing enough. That was kind of the reason I started to go to therapy and got…the pills. But, when I didn’t see you at all, and being alone all the time…..Mikey didn’t want anything to do with me. I was all alone. I just didn’t feel I had anything to live for….”

“Stop it! Please. Just, don’t keep going. Forget I asked, I’m sorry I asked….just hold me tight, pick me off my feet, carry me to the bed, and let’s forget about all of that happening”

“I’m not taking those pills now.”

“What?” I was caught off guard. Was way to distracted staring into his eyes.

“I thought you should know. I don’t need them anymore. I have you. You’re my medicine”

There were no needs for anymore words as he followed my early instructions.