Living Like You're Dead

“Why’d you leave her?” Merle asked Daryl.

“She fuckin’ told me to!” he yelled back at him. His fists seemed like they were about to rip out his hair. Daryl didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to leave her, but it seemed that she wanted him gone.

She wanted to protect them that’s what she wanted to do.

“Your just gonna sit there, and let her change!?” Merle yelled at him.

“How the fuck am I supposed to prevent that Merle?! Please let me know if you have some magical cure for the disease running rampid throught the entire worlds veins!”

“You can’t let her walk around like one of them! You have to end it.”

“I’m not going to end shit!”

“You have to!”

“I CAN’T!” Daryl yelled into Merle’s face. God everything was so heated. Everything was so raw, Daryl couldn’t feel the tips of his fingers, his ehad throbbed in pain, his legs shook, and his fists found nothing but drywall.

Merle put his left hand on Daryl’s should and squeezed it. Trying to comfort him, Daryl jerked his arm away. He hesitated on doing something reckless; throwing himself into the middle of a hoard and killing as many zombies as he could. Merle would stop him in a heartbeat.

Daryl walked to the end of the hall and kicked in the glass of a vending machine. He filled a backpack full of chips, cookies, and gum. Then he kicked in another and gathered all the water and juice.
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Twenty minutes later Merle found Daryl sitting in the truck. Waiting for him. He was chewing on his nails. Merle walked over and saw the truck was loaded. The only thing different was the stack of file folders on the ground. Merle reached down and picked them up and held them in his right arm.

“They’re not going to do any fucking good.” Daryl said. Merle reached in through the passengers window and grabbed the silver handgun and walked away from the truck.

“Merle.” Daryl called out.

“MERLE!” he said again when Merle ignored him.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Daryl was out of the truck and now bounding after his brother. Daryl entered in through the double doors and didn’t see where Merle had gone. He checked around corners and in rooms, but it was like he simply vanished. Although Daryl hadn’t checked the one room he knew Merle had probably gone to.

He turned the knob slowly and found Merle sitting on the floor, flipping through files. Addie looked asleep… or dead: Daryl didn’t want to know. But he felt strangely calm here with his brother. He didn’t know why but he did.

“She’s out cold.” He said, assuring Daryl she was in fact still alive. “Well I mean sleeping, or not sleeping just… she’s not dead. That’s what I mean.”

“Okay.” Daryl said. He took a seat next to Addie on the edge of the couch and took her hand once again. He had left because she asked him to, but know he could feel how he had never wanted to; he was trying to please her, even as she was dying.
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As always, Addie dreamed. After Daryl left she felt exhausted, and she felt so much pain. She let that wave of darkness take her completely as she thought about all the things she would miss.

It started when she thought of the others, and their old home. She remembered the bathtub. She remembered that it had been her real home. And for some reason her mind let her picture her mother in all her beauty, and in all her madness. Her black eyes nearly stole Addie’s soul right then and there… but she held on even as she was held under the water.

She fought to take another breath, but couldn’t. Even after her mother was pulled away from her she still couldn’t breathe.

Then she could see her grandfather, the man who had been her savior. Only instead of back home in France, she was still at home, in Georgia.

She admired how good her grandfather looked. He still had a touch of color in his hair and a bit less wrinkles on his face. Adeline couldn’t remember a time when he looked so young. She was picked up out of the tub and wrapped in a big fluffy towel. She felt fear as she was carried to the kitchen by her grandfather – she thought it was because she could see her mother being dragged away by men in medical masks, but then her attention was drawn to what she had actually been looking at: a large hypodermic needle sticking out of her arm.

She felt tears on her face, warm sticky tears. Alderic wiped one away with his thumb.

“It’s okay Alley Cat, this is the last one. I promise.”

Alley Cat.

That was what he used to call her when she was young, when she was so young.

“Jesus!” she said sitting up. She could barely move because Daryl was sitting on one of her legs, and it was asleep.

“Get off!” she said trying to clutch her leg, her slight movements had begun to bring it back and it was not pleasant at all.

“Merle knock it the fuck off!” Daryl said.

Addie now realized there had been a gun in her face while she had been swatting away at Daryl. The only reason Merle didn’t fire was because she had spoken.

“Jesus save you girl.”

“No no.” she said remembering her dream vaguely. “Someone else did.”

“What?”
“What?” They both said in unison. It was so obvious they were brothers.

She snatched the paper from Merles hands. No. No what I need.

She remembered a paper she’d seen when she first looked at the file, but it didn’t make sense until now, until she had an assumption, and that was herself.

She was on her knees now, her wound hurting, her asleep leg nearly back to normal. He had spread out the papers across the floor, and they were in order by page number. And the only was she needed was the one that made the least amount of sense to anybody.

“How’re you feeling?” Daryl asked her. He was obviously fishing for the amount of time she had left.

“Quite fine actually.” She replied. Merle and Daryl seemed to look at each other, wondering what direction this infection was going to go.

ADLM (00) INJ. 1A
ADLM (01) INJ. 1B
ADLM (02) INJ. 1C
ADLM (03) INJ 1D
-Status: Complete-

TOMS (00) INJ 2A
TOMS (01) INJ 2B
TOMS (02) INJ 2C
TOMS (03) INJ 2D
-Status: Complete-

There were forty pages attached to this one, and they all said basically the same thing except for only slight variations. Adeline assumed that they were a series of tests, but no, they were records. ADLM stood for her. ADL – Adeline, M – Mimeux. She had left her mother at the age of three… there were four shots: one at birth, year one, two, and three. It all started to connect in her brain; she thought it was going to explode.

“Don’t you… don’t you… “

“Don’t what… baby, stay with us, keep talking.” Daryl said.

“SEE! DON’T YOU SEE?”

“See what?” Merle asked.

“This, she pointed at her initials, this is me.”

“What?” Merle asked confused.

Addie took a seat next to Daryl, “See! See!” she said again. Daryl took the papers from her and flipped through them. Addie removed the new bandage on her leg.

“What are you doing? It’s not time to change that yet, Don’t mess with it.” Daryl told her.

Addie took it off anyway.

The wound was closed, and healing.

“Daryl.” She said clutching his arm, “look.” But Daryl was preoccupied with the papers.

“Addie what does this mean?” he asked pointing to several test subjects, underneath they all read

–Status: Failed, Deceased- except for the very last one,

-Status: Failed, Rabid-

“This was the beginning…” she whispered.

“How… how is that possible?” Daryl finally looked at her leg and exclaimed, “How is THAT possible?”

“I – I dunno!”

“But – but so all these people that were ‘complete’” Merle said, “They had the same stuff the failed ones did?”

“I guess so, it all says INJ., just different numbers.”

“What was it for?” Daryl asked.

“I don’t know, super soldiers, healing, bio warfare, experimentation? It could be anything. I don't even knw if its the same syrum, just different people, or a different composition each time.” She said.

“But… complete… do you think that means… you’re immune?”

“I don’t want to give my hopes up Daryl…”

“Damnit girl! No fucking way!” Merle said. “You’re gonna be just fine, I can feel it!”

“No Merle…” she said, looking at him with saddened eyes,.

“Addie… no really, you’re face… Merle! I need your knife quick!” Daryl held out his hand waiting for Merle’s knife to reach his finger tips.

Her face, her poor beautiful face.