Living Like You're Dead

Addie spent the rest of the night and most of the morning injecting Daryl with several medications and even her own blood. She prayed that it would work, she hoped with all she had. If it didn’t work… she wasn’t going to care about anything anymore – she would not lose Daryl.

By the afternoon: Carol noted that Daryl looked and felt healthy. The infection site was warm – but the rest of his body seemed to be fighting it – only that was how it started with Merle. He seemed fine, and the next minute he wasn’t. Daryl tried to keep Addie calm while she tried to work through his mistake. She couldn’t help but want to scream at him – but almost as if he knew, he chimed in: “I figured… we’d all need it at some point ya’ know? Lori… Merle… maybe even you one day.”

She knew that Daryl had the best of intentions. She knew that he loved her – she could see that. So she sighed and kissed him – but only to quietly return to her work. She felt the strain of pressure – the fear of failure, but she wouldn’t let them touch her, as far as she was concerned he was going to live. He had to.

They only took a break to watch the men burn Merle’s body. From the high building they could see the hill where they’d piled sticks and stones a lit a fire to let him rest. Addie comforted Daryl – yet he still stayed calm. Like he somehow accepted Merle’s death, that wasn’t something Addie would’ve thought Daryl to do. He always fought – never gave up, but perhaps it was because he had nothing to fight for. His brother was gone, maybe he thought he would join him soon.

Daryl stopped her in the middle of trying to stick herself with another needle. She was pale – and having trouble getting it into her arm. It’s true she was dizzy and Daryl could see it. He tossed the needle on the ground and stood up. Trying to prove to her that he still could. She pleaded with his to sit down again, but he led her out of the front room away from the couch and lay down on the cedar four-post bed that was in the next room. Addie was slightly pleased with the change of scenery. Less blood, more comfort. Daryl pulled her to him, and she joined him on the soft bed. There were no sheets, no pillows, but together they lay holding each other.

“If I die then this is the way I wanna go.” He said to her.

She could only try not to cry after he said that. He seemed to calm, she wanted to hit him again for being so stupid. She needed him he couldn’t go.

“Don’t cry.” He said to her wiping away some of the tears. “I’m here. I feel great.”

“Please don’t go Dixon.” She was begging now. “You can’t leave me.”

Daryl could relate. Only days ago had he said the same thing. He knew how angry she must feel – but he wouldn’t ask her to leave. He couldn’t he wanted her here.

Daryl softly fell asleep while Addie had been scratching his chest with her fingertips.

Addie waited maybe a little more than an hour before she snuck away from Daryl. Grabbing a pressure syringe she stuck her own arm and waited to see if it would work. She had a strong vein that she had grown to favor all night long. And after sometime it was able to push out the rest of the air in the tube. She had Carol bring one of the soft chairs in the room; she quietly set it down and gave Addie what she asked for. She took some blood thinners and drank a bit of juice before she stuck Daryl’s arm with the other end of the pressure syringe. She told Carol to go be with Sophia – that she’d be fine on her own and if she needed anything she’d radio.

Addie, now satisfied finally closed her eyes and let them rest. She pulled her legs into the chair and tried to warm herself. She finally let sleep take her since she couldn’t even remember the last time she slept. She kept her arm straight even as she slept; she waited for the warm sun to spring up and wait for her skin to absorb it. But she never heard it, and she never heard Daryl stir from his sleep.
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Daryl awoke from his hazy dream. He could see Addie fading from his grasp as he opened his eyes. He found it was unfortunate that her warm body wasn’t next to his. He moved both his arms and found a sharp pain in his right arm. He looked down at his arm and found a silver needle stuck inside. A tube of blood ran to a collective sac and from there it ran to Addie’s arm. She was asleep in an armchair. Daryl pushed some of the black strands out of her face. He noticed the bandage on his hand – and he slowly pulled it off. Revealing an ugly scar.

But it was scar tissue, not a scab.

It had healed, like Addie’s had. They had beaten it.

Daryl tapped Addie’s shoulder to gently wake her – but she didn’t stir. He grabbed some nearby gauze and tape to wrap up the hole in his arm. He pulled the needle out of Addie’s arm and found her skin to be cold. He pulled her to him, cradling her against his chest – and he shook her.

“Addie… Addie…” he said.

She didn’t respond.

“Adeline.” He said.

He couldn’t see her chest rising or falling. He checked her neck – and he still couldn’t feel anything.

Wait, what was that?

Just a soft pulse ran under his fingertips. It was so faint, so soft. He got on the walkie and radioed for help, for anyone to help. Carol had only been in the next room. She sat beside them, she too waited and felt the faint pulse.

“You can’t let her die cause of me.” Daryl told Carol. “She ain’t dying cause of me! Give – Give it back, put her blood back.” He told her.

“Look at yourself. You’re as white as a ghost.” She told him. “I’ll go talk to the others see if anyone’s the same type.”

“Well hurry.” Was all Daryl could tell her.

Here he was again, watching her die. The roles had been reversed so quickly. He didn’t get a chance to tell her he loved her, or tell her he wanted to try for another baby. He wanted another night next to her, and many more naked sessions together. He couldn’t lose her and his brother all in one day.

Daryl looked at his hand, the ugly scar there was her. It was her blood – everything in her – crawled inside him to make this. She saved his life, and tried to save his brothers life. He loved her, more than anything.

Carol came back with no one but Lori. Pregnant Lori. Her belly was rounded now – she looked bigger, it was obvious.

“Carol, tell me what I can do.” she said looking at her dear friends nearly dead body. Carol brought in the same kit Daryl had pulled off himself and Addie – but with clean needles. She strapped them both in and told Lori she needed to stop as soon as she felt dizzy. Daryl had the sneaking suspicion that both of them probably had to argue with Rick to let Lori do this. Of course Rick cared about his baby, Daryl would’ve done the same thing.

After an hour, Lori hadn’t said anything – Carol made an executive decision to detach Lori and let the rest of the blood run through. Once the tube was nearly empty, Carol took it from Addie’s arm, a small bit of blood trickled from the puncture – Carol informed Daryl that it was a good sign. Carol found an IV drip in one of the fist aid kits someone had picked up on the way here. She added yet another needle to Addie’s arm and made sure the fluids were getting to her.

“Now all we can do is wait.” She told Daryl. He didn’t say anything back, he only sat on the edge of the bed holding her hand waiting for her to wake up.