Absolution
Chapter Six
“This is getting ridiculous.” I told myself, staring at my reflection in the mirror of my bathroom. “He’s sixteen anyway. What the fuck do you care?”
I couldn’t even kid myself. I moaned miserably, fighting the temptation to kick and pout like a small child. Instead I opened the bathroom window and lit a cigarette, holding my head out of the window.
“Gerard, are you smoking in there?” Mom called accusingly.
“No.” I lied. What was I, fifteen years old? Sorry, mom. At the age of twenty-one I’m fully capable of choosing to smoke.
“Yes, you are! I thought we discussed this! You were quitting!”
I closed my eyes, putting out my cigarette. “I’m not smoking!”
“I wasn’t born yesterday, Gerard Way. I hope you aren’t planning on being late to school. Colleges don’t look highly on tardies.”
I hadn’t been to school in two days, but she didn’t know that. I’d been leaving the house, driving through downtown and walking into the various shops. I had been like a zombie ever since Frankie left, and I still felt the same way today. “I’ll be right out, mom!” I groaned, rolling my eyes.
I heard her retreating steps and sighed in relief, spraying the air freshener after closing the window. Sometimes--times like these-- I really wished I'd moved out when I turned eighteen. When I went into the hall, Mikey was walking down it and tugging a brush through his hair.
“Hey, Gerard.” He smiled at me.
“Hi, Mikes.” I waved unenthusiastically, following him into the living room. “Bye, mom. Bye, Mikes.”
“Bye, honey.”
I walked out, this time without even pretending to be going to school. I got into my car and took a deep breath before pulling out of the driveway. I felt weird, like something was about to happen. I was sick of driving down town, I’d probably been through the entire thing three times over the last few days.
New York.
And why not go to New York? I hadn’t been in ages—since I was fourteen years old. I was completely capable of finding my way; it wasn’t hard at all. A grown adult could leave the state on his own. That is what grown people did anyway. Or something like it.
No. I couldn’t. I didn’t even feel like going to New York, for one. Especially alone. I really didn't feel like doing anything, to be honest. I pulled off of the street and put my head on the steering wheel, trying to decide what I was going to do all day…
“What have you done to me, Frank?” I muttered into the empty car after several long minutes of silence. I shook my head, pulling out once again into the road without even thinking twice about my actions. I was being very careless on the road, it was a miracle I hadn't gotten into an accident yet.
I was not going to let some sixteen year old boy keep me from my life, I told myself firmly. I drove to school, driving as fast as my old Taurus would go. Needless to say, it went about as fast as it's ancient age would let it; not very fast. It took me twenty minutes to get to school, but I arrived to my second class, Art 2, managing to only be ten minutes late. I slipped into the class silently and slightly nervously, taking my seat at our usual table in the front. Frank looked at me for a brief moment, and then quickly looked down at his desk. All I could see was a mass of jet black hair and the back of his red T-shirt.
“Mr. Way!” Mrs. Howell said excitedly, rushing over. Her gray hair was just as wild as always, her eyes matching. “Where have you been?”
“Sick.” I muttered. It wasn't technically a lie. Love sick counted, didn't it? How about broken hearts? I sent a mean look in Frank's direction, but he hadn't looked up.
“Can I speak to you at my desk? You’ll be thrilled, I’m sure. Just come up when you get a second. It’s very important.” she then bustled off, towards a group of giggling girls who were working on glass sculptures.
“Yeah, sure.” I shrugged, brushing some of my hair behind my ear. Had I even brushed my teeth this morning? Why was I thinking of this now? I mentally kicked myself, reaching into my jacket pocket and pulling out a mint. Thank God I had everything in the world stuffed into my jacket pockets, today could have been pretty embarrassing.
A few minutes after Mrs. Howell was seated at her desk, I made my way over to her.
“Ah, Gerard!” she smiled upon seeing me. “I needed to talk to you. This is short notice, but you missed last class. There is an art festival being held at a gala. There will be art from college students in the central area, and it generally has a very wide turn out. I’m allowed to have three students enter and you were, naturally, the first student to come to mind.”
“I don’t think—.” I said, looking down embarrassed. I could feel my cheeks getting red.
“You can’t turn this down.” She said a little louder than necessary. Several kids looked back at us curiously, but after deciding nothing big was happening they went back to their work. “Mr. Way, you are one of the best art students I have had since I began teaching and young man… that was before you were born.”
I looked up. “I just don’t think I can.”
“Why not? Your self confidence holds you back from too much. Don’t think I haven’t noticed, I’ve taught you for three years… you are extremely gifted.”
I swallowed, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know.”
“The show takes place in three months… but I’ll need a decision within a week… please seriously consider this.” She pleaded.
I nodded. “I’ll think about it, Mrs. Howell.”
“Mr. Iero will tell you what we’re working on. I need to go check on Trevor; you know he’s very… well, I like to keep an eye on him around sharp objects.”
With that said Mrs. Howell passed me and strutted to where Trevor, an anger-prone 25 year old high school drop out, was carving something into wood.
I sighed softly, walking towards my table. I sat down and Frank looked up, his eyes meeting mine.
“Hi.” He whispered uncomfortably. That was the only word for how he looked. Well, he should be uncomfortable after leaving me like that.
“Hi.” I said coolly, glancing down at his hands. He had already gotten my supplies, but he wasn’t out of trouble yet. “What are we doing?”
“Carving… anything, really.” He explained shakily. “S-She wants a sketch first… then they’ll transfer it using graphite paper…”
He looked nervous and was extremely jumpy.
“Are you okay?” I asked, my voice softer and kinder. I couldn't stay mad at him, especially when he looked like he would have a panic attack any minute. I couldn't be making him this nervous.... could I?
He shook his head, tears filling his big green eyes. “I’m not… I’m not okay.”
“What’s wrong?” I whispered, my eyes widening. Had someone else died?
“A lot’s happened in three days.” Was his response as a few tears slid down his pale cheeks.
“Frank." I hissed, leaning towards him. I urgently whispered What?”
He stood up, walking out of the classroom. I got up, following him. I was so sick of having to chase after him like this.
“Quit running off! I deserve fucking better than that!” I called childishly.
He quit walking, waiting for me to catch up. Without looking up he muttered, “I didn’t know you followed me. Sorry.”
“Well I would have last time if I’d known what in the hell you were doing. I thought you had to piss.” I said, sounding hurt.
He grimaced. “Sorry…”
I nodded. “All is forgiven… if you tell me what is going on. Did your mom say something to you? Did—.”
“Nothing like that.” He sighed, sitting down in the middle of the hall. He scooted until he was against the wall and titled his head back, looking at the ceiling. “I just… thought. A lot… That’s never a good thing, either, by the way. For future reference.”
I smiled softly.
“I thought about… this.” He gestured his hand between the two of us. I sat down by him and his right knee leaned against my left one. “I’m so scared… I’ve never been with anyone, Gee… never felt so attached. These days without you were hell! I was so ashamed for leaving you in the woods but… I freaked the fuck out! I couldn’t breathe; I had to get away so I could think…”
This time I reached out, grabbing his hand. “We can… take it slow… if you want to take it at all…”
He leaned his head on my shoulder, closing his eyes. “I do want to take it somewhere… that’s why I’m scared…”
I titled his chin up, kissing him gently. “You’ll never have to be afraid of anything with me here.”
He opened his eyes, smiling. “I figured as much out actually. You just weren’t here.”
“Sorry.” I apologized, smiling back sheepishly. “But if we’re going to do this, we have to start out right. By me not letting you miss anymore classes… so c’mon… let’s get up.”
He got up immediately, only to throw his arms around me the second I was standing. I wrapped my arms back around him in a hug, whispering that I loved him in his ear.
I couldn’t even kid myself. I moaned miserably, fighting the temptation to kick and pout like a small child. Instead I opened the bathroom window and lit a cigarette, holding my head out of the window.
“Gerard, are you smoking in there?” Mom called accusingly.
“No.” I lied. What was I, fifteen years old? Sorry, mom. At the age of twenty-one I’m fully capable of choosing to smoke.
“Yes, you are! I thought we discussed this! You were quitting!”
I closed my eyes, putting out my cigarette. “I’m not smoking!”
“I wasn’t born yesterday, Gerard Way. I hope you aren’t planning on being late to school. Colleges don’t look highly on tardies.”
I hadn’t been to school in two days, but she didn’t know that. I’d been leaving the house, driving through downtown and walking into the various shops. I had been like a zombie ever since Frankie left, and I still felt the same way today. “I’ll be right out, mom!” I groaned, rolling my eyes.
I heard her retreating steps and sighed in relief, spraying the air freshener after closing the window. Sometimes--times like these-- I really wished I'd moved out when I turned eighteen. When I went into the hall, Mikey was walking down it and tugging a brush through his hair.
“Hey, Gerard.” He smiled at me.
“Hi, Mikes.” I waved unenthusiastically, following him into the living room. “Bye, mom. Bye, Mikes.”
“Bye, honey.”
I walked out, this time without even pretending to be going to school. I got into my car and took a deep breath before pulling out of the driveway. I felt weird, like something was about to happen. I was sick of driving down town, I’d probably been through the entire thing three times over the last few days.
New York.
And why not go to New York? I hadn’t been in ages—since I was fourteen years old. I was completely capable of finding my way; it wasn’t hard at all. A grown adult could leave the state on his own. That is what grown people did anyway. Or something like it.
No. I couldn’t. I didn’t even feel like going to New York, for one. Especially alone. I really didn't feel like doing anything, to be honest. I pulled off of the street and put my head on the steering wheel, trying to decide what I was going to do all day…
“What have you done to me, Frank?” I muttered into the empty car after several long minutes of silence. I shook my head, pulling out once again into the road without even thinking twice about my actions. I was being very careless on the road, it was a miracle I hadn't gotten into an accident yet.
I was not going to let some sixteen year old boy keep me from my life, I told myself firmly. I drove to school, driving as fast as my old Taurus would go. Needless to say, it went about as fast as it's ancient age would let it; not very fast. It took me twenty minutes to get to school, but I arrived to my second class, Art 2, managing to only be ten minutes late. I slipped into the class silently and slightly nervously, taking my seat at our usual table in the front. Frank looked at me for a brief moment, and then quickly looked down at his desk. All I could see was a mass of jet black hair and the back of his red T-shirt.
“Mr. Way!” Mrs. Howell said excitedly, rushing over. Her gray hair was just as wild as always, her eyes matching. “Where have you been?”
“Sick.” I muttered. It wasn't technically a lie. Love sick counted, didn't it? How about broken hearts? I sent a mean look in Frank's direction, but he hadn't looked up.
“Can I speak to you at my desk? You’ll be thrilled, I’m sure. Just come up when you get a second. It’s very important.” she then bustled off, towards a group of giggling girls who were working on glass sculptures.
“Yeah, sure.” I shrugged, brushing some of my hair behind my ear. Had I even brushed my teeth this morning? Why was I thinking of this now? I mentally kicked myself, reaching into my jacket pocket and pulling out a mint. Thank God I had everything in the world stuffed into my jacket pockets, today could have been pretty embarrassing.
A few minutes after Mrs. Howell was seated at her desk, I made my way over to her.
“Ah, Gerard!” she smiled upon seeing me. “I needed to talk to you. This is short notice, but you missed last class. There is an art festival being held at a gala. There will be art from college students in the central area, and it generally has a very wide turn out. I’m allowed to have three students enter and you were, naturally, the first student to come to mind.”
“I don’t think—.” I said, looking down embarrassed. I could feel my cheeks getting red.
“You can’t turn this down.” She said a little louder than necessary. Several kids looked back at us curiously, but after deciding nothing big was happening they went back to their work. “Mr. Way, you are one of the best art students I have had since I began teaching and young man… that was before you were born.”
I looked up. “I just don’t think I can.”
“Why not? Your self confidence holds you back from too much. Don’t think I haven’t noticed, I’ve taught you for three years… you are extremely gifted.”
I swallowed, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know.”
“The show takes place in three months… but I’ll need a decision within a week… please seriously consider this.” She pleaded.
I nodded. “I’ll think about it, Mrs. Howell.”
“Mr. Iero will tell you what we’re working on. I need to go check on Trevor; you know he’s very… well, I like to keep an eye on him around sharp objects.”
With that said Mrs. Howell passed me and strutted to where Trevor, an anger-prone 25 year old high school drop out, was carving something into wood.
I sighed softly, walking towards my table. I sat down and Frank looked up, his eyes meeting mine.
“Hi.” He whispered uncomfortably. That was the only word for how he looked. Well, he should be uncomfortable after leaving me like that.
“Hi.” I said coolly, glancing down at his hands. He had already gotten my supplies, but he wasn’t out of trouble yet. “What are we doing?”
“Carving… anything, really.” He explained shakily. “S-She wants a sketch first… then they’ll transfer it using graphite paper…”
He looked nervous and was extremely jumpy.
“Are you okay?” I asked, my voice softer and kinder. I couldn't stay mad at him, especially when he looked like he would have a panic attack any minute. I couldn't be making him this nervous.... could I?
He shook his head, tears filling his big green eyes. “I’m not… I’m not okay.”
“What’s wrong?” I whispered, my eyes widening. Had someone else died?
“A lot’s happened in three days.” Was his response as a few tears slid down his pale cheeks.
“Frank." I hissed, leaning towards him. I urgently whispered What?”
He stood up, walking out of the classroom. I got up, following him. I was so sick of having to chase after him like this.
“Quit running off! I deserve fucking better than that!” I called childishly.
He quit walking, waiting for me to catch up. Without looking up he muttered, “I didn’t know you followed me. Sorry.”
“Well I would have last time if I’d known what in the hell you were doing. I thought you had to piss.” I said, sounding hurt.
He grimaced. “Sorry…”
I nodded. “All is forgiven… if you tell me what is going on. Did your mom say something to you? Did—.”
“Nothing like that.” He sighed, sitting down in the middle of the hall. He scooted until he was against the wall and titled his head back, looking at the ceiling. “I just… thought. A lot… That’s never a good thing, either, by the way. For future reference.”
I smiled softly.
“I thought about… this.” He gestured his hand between the two of us. I sat down by him and his right knee leaned against my left one. “I’m so scared… I’ve never been with anyone, Gee… never felt so attached. These days without you were hell! I was so ashamed for leaving you in the woods but… I freaked the fuck out! I couldn’t breathe; I had to get away so I could think…”
This time I reached out, grabbing his hand. “We can… take it slow… if you want to take it at all…”
He leaned his head on my shoulder, closing his eyes. “I do want to take it somewhere… that’s why I’m scared…”
I titled his chin up, kissing him gently. “You’ll never have to be afraid of anything with me here.”
He opened his eyes, smiling. “I figured as much out actually. You just weren’t here.”
“Sorry.” I apologized, smiling back sheepishly. “But if we’re going to do this, we have to start out right. By me not letting you miss anymore classes… so c’mon… let’s get up.”
He got up immediately, only to throw his arms around me the second I was standing. I wrapped my arms back around him in a hug, whispering that I loved him in his ear.