I'll Keep You Safe

He was cursing, his movements quick and frantic. He glided across the room then knelt at her side. “Let me see,” he demanded. She didn’t react. She just sat there hiding in her hoodie. He said her name and she blinked at the sound of his voice. She was staring at the blank wall in front of her as if there was something fascinating there. Maybe to her there was… She was always making up stories and living in made up worlds inside her head because the real world just wasn’t safe. “I’m going to fix it for you,” he tried again.

She looked like a porcelain doll sitting there unmoving, so fragile… Finally, she nodded and turned to look at him with her sad hazel eyes. He pushed the sleeve up and exposed her tiny twig like arm. To him it always felt like if he wasn’t careful with her, she’d break into a million pieces.

“What happened?” he questioned. He wiped away the red that dripped down her smooth skin. A hand towel from the bathroom was pressed to her wound and pressure was applied as gently as possible. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.

“I didn’t mean to,” She spoke so quietly he could barely hear her words. “It wouldn’t stop bleeding. I didn’t know who else to call.”

He took the cloth away and placed a large band-aid on her instead. He tugged her sleeve down and said “I think you’ll be alright.”

She climbed into his lap and buried her face against his chest. “I was scared,” she mumbled. He was surprised by her actions. He usually had to coax her into doing anything.

“It’s okay,” he rocked her gently and rubbed her back until she became calm. He picked her up and placed her in the bed, lying down with her. He watched her and let her rest. Her eyes were closed and her chest rose and fell slowly but rhythmically with her drifting into dream world. A half an hour passed before her eyes opened again. She yawned slightly and rolled on her side like him so they could face each other. She stared at him until he broke the silence. “You have to stop this.”

“I’m in control of this…it helps,” she explained slowly.

“You can’t go on like this. Your life is passing you by!”

Her eyes widened. It was the first time he’d ever raised his voice to her. She sat up abruptly and climbed off the bed, ready to leave. He hurried after her and grabbed her wrist to stop her. Tears rolled down her face and his heart broke to think he was the reason for it. “Please,” she begged. Her voice sounded unsteady and desperate, like she was on the verge of a break down. “Don’t be mad at me. You’re all I have. I need you.”

“I’m not mad,” he assured. “Just promise me you won’t hurt yourself again. I understand. I really do. I know what it’s like to not feel in control. I also know you don’t give yourself enough credit. You can do this. You’re so strong, you just don’t realize it.”

She shook her head, her hood falling to show off her short messy brown hair.

“Look at me,” he told her. When her gaze met his he continued. “You trust me, don’t you? You believe in what I tell you, right?” She nodded. “You are beautiful. You are smart and talented and brave. You are strong. You are amazing. You are brave. I’m telling you the truth. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

She sniffled. “Okay,” she sounded hoarse from crying.

“I’m going to take care of you. I know you feel alone but you will always have me no matter what.”

“Promise?” she asked hopefully.

“I promise,” he told her seriously.

She hugged him tightly. He hugged her too and brought her back to the bed. It was so very late and darkness was the only thing visible outside the window. He kissed her forehead lightly and smiled at her. She relaxed there with him, her eyes beginning to close again. “Gerard?”

“Yeah?”

“Will you hold me?”

“Anytime,” he replied as he did exactly that. She snuggled against him, her small frame fitting so perfectly into his arms. He was warm and smelled of cigarettes and coffee. She could feel his heart beating and hear him humming her favorite song. She never wanted it to be any other way. She wanted this moment to go on forever, just her and her Gerard.

He had given her hope and she would be okay because of him. Tonight all she had to do was lie in his embrace and catch up on her sleep because she was with her hero. She clung to him like he was the air she breathed. Nowhere else in the world could she feel like this. He was her safe place.