Baby Doll

After Jason bought some stuff for Neko (he refused to let me pay) we brought it all back to my place and I set up a corner for my new kitten. I also tried to show Neko how to use his scratching pole. It involved a lot of crawling on the ground and dragging my nails down the pole to show him. Neko just meowed then went to his navy blue bed which was covered in pictures of bones and went to sleep. I’d freshened up and Jason had dropped me off at my therapy session in his car since his motorcycle was getting a tune up before he headed home to get ready for work. My therapy took place in Henderson way across town. I’d tried to find a Psychiatrist closer but Ciara Bynes was the only one who I felt comfortable with so I made the long trip to her office three times a week. Jason dropped me off in front of her house with a parting kiss that left the lingering feel of his lips on mine then drove away. I exhaled to steady my nerves and hurried up the steps and into her small town home. A small gold plaque by the door had her name printed neatly on it and I knocked lightly then waited patiently. Ciara’s secretary Olivia answered the door with a smile.
“Hello Stephanie Dr. Bynes is waiting for you in her office.” I nodded and headed down the familiar route to Ciara’s office. When I came in Ciara was sitting behind her desk writing something down. I knocked lightly on the open door and she looked up and pulled her glasses off hr face as she smiled. Ciara was thirty two with two kids and a husband who was serving in the army. She told me this during one of my sessions.
“How can I expect you to tell me about yourself if I can’t do the same?’ She’d said staring at the picture of her husband and children that rested on her desk. Right now she stood and motioned me toward the black love seat I’d grown accustomed to as she settled in across room me in her own chair. I sunk into the love seat that was overflowing with cushions and watched her as she got herself settled. She pushed her light black hair from her brown eyes which where so dark they seemed black. I hoped one day I could have her life. Maybe not the same job or a husband in war but I wanted a family with a husband who loved me and never raised a hand to me or our kids.
“Well Stephanie where did we leave off last time?” She asked.
“Well actually I wanted to talk about my blackouts.” She nodded.
“Okay.’ I took a deep breath and told her about my newest one and about my incident with Jason I even let hr in on how I’d heard voice from time to time. She listened then sat there for a second digesting my words before she spoke.
“You said that night you had sex with Jason you’d been drinking right maybe the drinking just made you forget.” I shook my head.
“Jason said I did a lot of other things that I should remember like conversations we had and when he let me ride on his motorcycle.” I said.
“Did you ever wonder if anyone had slipped anything n your drink?” She asked and I pulled a cushion to my chest.
“Well I ended up in the hospital the following day and they didn't’t find traces of drugs in my system. So even if I thought about it didn't’t happen.” I explained. She already knew how I’d ended up in the hospital. She was actually the only person who knew the existent of Matt’s abuse. From the rape to the one time he’d stabbed me she knew almost everything except for the one thing Matt had taken from me that had made me try for my third suicide attempt. I bit my lip as my mind wondered. How many times had I tried to kill myself? Too many to count. Ciara recrossed her legs after a few minutes.
“Have you noticed anything else weird?”
“Beside voices in my head?”
“Yes.”
“Such as….”
“Has anyone ever called you anything but your name or nicknames?” I shook my head as my brain thought about anything that had happened to me in the past few months. Then I remembered the shirt I was wearing. I’d pulled it on this morning not looking at it but when I’d gotten back from the pet shop I looked at it and realized I had no idea where it had come from. That had happened every so often since I moved into my own place. I’d found other clothes, food, make up and a few other things I couldn't’t remember buying or someone buying it for me.
“I’ve noticed stuff in my apartment that I don’t remember buying.’ I said and Ciara’s eyes flared.
“What?” I said pushing the cushion from my chest.
“Nothing. I’m just trying to help you work through your problems.” She said smiling but I just stood up.
“Look if your not going to tell me what you think is wrong I’ll just leave.” I said and Ciara stood to but she stood way taller then me. She walked over to me and gently pushed me back down before sitting beside me.
“Stephanie I have an idea I’ve been thinking about for a while but psychiatrist don’t like to diagnose people with this syndrome until they’re really sure.” I pulled away from her and rubbed at my eyes which where watering.
‘Okay then what do you think is wrong with me?’ Ciara sighed.
“Stephanie I want to wait a little longer before I officially diagnose you. . .” She trailed off when I tried to stand again.
“Okay Stephanie. I think you may have DID or Dissociative identity disorder.”