Let Me Know

"This has been the worst day ever," I cried as I slumped in my seat in the car. The school day had finally ended, and after much agony I was away from the mass of students staring at me. Word of Justice's announcement got around quick, and by the end of the day everyone in the building was turning their heads to catch a glimpse of the pregnant girl. What intensified the curiosity was that no one really knew if it was true, so by the end of the day there were about ten different stories going around. Plus, Justice seemed to be everywhere I went, giving me ugly, satisfying smirks before turning and gossiping to whoever would listen, which was everyone.

Worse was the fact that I hadn't said a word to anyone after our confrontation in the classroom. They were the only ones who weren't stealing a glance at me, though I wish they would. I needed someone to talk to, to make it look like I wasn't an outcast. The only support I got, however, was a few pats on the back from the twins as we passed in the hallway. Other than that, I spent my time cowering in humiliation, something I hadn't done until now.

"Quit worrying about it, Bre," Matt said as he turned around in the car to face me. "Sure, it wasn't the greatest way for everyone to find out, but they'll forgive you eventually."

"Matt, I don't think you understand. The entire school, every person associated with that place is talking about me right now. And it's not because I won an award."

"Yeah, today. I'm sure it'll all blow over by next week.”

"Yeah, until I get fat with child, then it'll all begin again. It's completely different from falling down the stairs or getting arrested. I would much rather choose those options right now."

"Well, if it's any consultation, Michael doesn't hate you. He's actually amazed with the fact that you were stupid for once in your life."

"And with Waeden!" Louis interjected, "I never would have guessed he had it in him. When did this even happen? He wasn't with Chloe was he?"

"Don't be stupid, Matt, I'm not that kind of person. It was at your birthday party, before they were even talking."

"On our birthday? Damn, I didn't even get lucky, and it was MY birthday."

I rolled my eyes, "You guys are pigs."

"Wait until Dad finds out you're fathering a Sorenson, he'll have a heart attack."

"Thanks for the kind words, Louis, it's really helping me cope with the situation."

"I'm just kidding, Bre. Besides, he won't find out until you tell him."

"That's where you're wrong. Did you forget who also attends our school? Noah and Abby."
"So?"

"So, I'm sure they've already told Aunt Katie, and it won't be long before she contacts the entire family. I'll bet you ten dollars she's already been on the phone with mom by the time we get home."

"You're on. Aunt Katie may be a gossip, but even she can't spread news that fast."

Sure enough, when we walked in the house, We found our mom in the kitchen, holding the phone in one hand and a knife in the other, a look of complete annoyance and frustration on the other.

"Yes, Katie, I've known about it...Well, it's not the best situation, but there's nothing we can do about it...Yes, Katie, she's taking vitamins. I've done this many times, remember?... We'll, I'd like to not blow everything out of proportion."

I turned and watched as Matt pulled a 10 out of his wallet and shoved it in my hand, "Use this on diapers or something," He mumbled before the two of then disappeared upstairs.

I turned back to my mother, and she gave me a small smile as she continued to listen to my Aunt Katie. I grabbed water before sitting down at the island and waiting for her to hang up.

"Well Katie, it's been nice talking to you, but I've got to go run errands...No, Katie, I don't need you to come over, Aubrey is seventeen and is perfectly capable of taking care of herself...well, if there's an emergency she knows how to use the phone...yes, Katie, I'll see you on Wednesday. Alright, bye."

As she tossed the phone on the counter, my mother ran her hands through her hair before muttering, "That woman is insufferable."

Normally, I would make a sarcastic comment or join my mother in an aunt bashing session, but my heart wasn't in it. Instead I just gave her a half smile before staring into space.
She didn't say anything at first as she came over and sat across from me. I was mentally and emotionally drained, and as much as I wanted to talk to my mom, I couldn't think of anything to say.

Finally, my mom cleared the silence by speaking first, "Aubrey, what happened today?"

"A girl that doesn't like me saw my sonogram picture. She told everyone at lunch. I was going to tell Chloe and everyone tomorrow, but I was a day late, and Chloe hates me."

She grabbed my hands from across the counter, "I'm sure she doesn't hate you, Aubrey, she just needs time to think. Whether she found out today or two weeks ago, it was going to be like that. But Chloe's not stupid. She wouldn't throw your friendship away over something that you haven't even explained. Just give her some space, and she'll come around."

“I hope you’re right,” I replied, staring depressingly into my glass. I knew that when I told Chloe, it wasn’t going to go over smoothly. What I wasn’t expecting was for it to go over this badly, and for not only her, but for me to also feel this awful. I couldn’t help but feel that maybe if I had said something sooner, just told all of them before I gave Justice the chance to ruin my life, it wouldn’t be like this. But it was too late to fix that. It was too late to fix everything.

“Well,” My mom said after a few moments of silence as she got up from her seat, “I have a few errands to run, so I’ll be gone for a few hours. Are you going to be okay?” The glare that I gave her told her that she didn’t even need to ask, “Okay then, I just wanted to make sure. Answer the phone at your own digression, but if it’s Aunt Katie I forbid you from picking up, no matter how many times she calls.”

“Trust me, mom, Aunt Katie’s the last person that I want to talk to right now.”

She smiled before walking over and engulfing me in a warm hug, and I smiled as I clung onto her. “I’ll be back soon,” She said once more before leaving me to drown in my sorrowful thoughts.

As I spent the next two hours vegetating on the couch and flipping through the multiple soap operas midday television had to offer, the phone rang a total of seven different times. Four of them were from Aunt Katie, and she left four very long voicemail that made me want to drill a nail in my ears, just so I wouldn’t have to listen to her. Two were my Aunt Heather and Uncle James, which didn’t entirely surprise me because I was sure Michael had mouthed off about the entire thing as soon as they got home. What did surprise me, however, was that their questions were filled with nothing but concern, asking me if I was okay and reassuring me that everything would end up on the positive side. Brandon’s parents were my favorite and closest aunt and uncle, and while I appreciated their kind and sympathetic nature, it did put me off bit. I’m sure that if it was their daughter who came home pregnant, my Uncle Joey wouldn’t be nearly as soft-spoken as he was with me.

The last call was Ryan, and it was a voice that I was actually excited to hear. Apparently Chloe’s little brother Alex had told her parents, who in turn told Olivia, who told Ryan. He tried to cheer me up by being humorous, joking that it was insanely difficult-for him to act completely shocked by the whole endeavor, but it didn’t entirely work.

“So what’s going on with Chloe?” He asked after a few minutes, “Olivia said that she came home all depressed and went straight to her room.”

I pressed the mute button as I took a few moments to swear vigorously and pretend to smash the phone against the coffee table a couple hundred times. Ryan always had to go and ask the questions I never wanted to answer. I thought about telling him that it was because I slept with her boyfriend, because over the phone I could just silence his shouting and reprimanding. In the end I decided against it, not for me, but because I didn’t want him or anyone else in the family to turn around and interrogate her. It was obvious that she was taking this just as hard as I thought she was going to, and the added publicity wasn’t want she needed.

“I don’t know. I think she’s just upset about the whole situation and the fact that I didn’t tell her,” I lied.

“Hmm. That’s unlike her.”

I didn’t respond. It was true that Chloe’s plan of action wasn’t usually to hide quietly in her room. Her expression of emotion involved screaming and shouting in faces. Then again, she never had to worry about another girl being involved with her boyfriend, much less a relative. Not only did her feisty personality and unique confidence lure them in, but the threat of having a handful of cousins beat down on them kept them from straying. The only way Chloe got out of a relationship was when she broke it off.

“The only thing I can do now is wait for her to come to me. If she’s ignoring everyone, she’s a rocket waiting to be set off, and I don’t want to be the one to light that match.”

“I guess you’re right. Either way, I want to make sure that you’re doing okay. You know that if you ever need anything you can call me, right?”

I wasn’t doing ‘okay’, as he would describe it, but I knew that this wasn’t the end of the world. Sure, I was pregnant at seventeen, all of my friends hated me, and I was the laughing stock of the school. But eventually, either everything would blow over and return to normal, or I’d simply grow immune to it.

“Thanks, Ryan,” I replied genuinely. Even still, it was nice to know that there was someone there to stand by you.

Ryan and I continued to chat idly for a little while longer. He told me that while the official date wasn’t decided yet, Olivia and he and decided to have the wedding in May. It was something to look forward to, despite the fact that it was Ryan who was tying the knot with someone other than me, but I couldn’t help but realize that, at seven months, I would be a whale by then. He continued to ramble on about other prenuptial details, and I tried to listen attentively, but it was hard to be excited when my life was at an extreme low.

Eventually we said our goodbyes, but not before he reminded me what seemed like a thousand times to call if I needed to. I reassured him that I was fine, but if I suddenly fell into an irreversible depression, I would be sure to come to him. As I clicked the phone off, I leaned back against the couch and sighed, alone once more to wait for my mom’s return.

It was amazing how my mother knew exactly what to do to make me feel better. One would think that after raising six boys, she’s be completely out of tune to what a girl needed and leave me to play video games in my room. That was certainly how my father treated almost every teenage crisis I went through. If I had a problem, he’s tell me to go shoot some hoops, kill aliens, or my least favorite, ‘talk to your mother’, just as long as he didn’t have to listen.

My mom was different, however, and when she returned home after a few hours, she had a pint of ice cream, the newest tearjerker that the movie rental had to offer, and the ingredients to make her infamous feel-good brownies in hand. It was remarkable how such cliché items could make one feel better, but my eyes immediately lit up as I saw the tub of chocolate cookie countdown sitting on the counter. Even more exciting was the simple fact that it was all for me, and I didn’t have to share with Matt or Louis.

So, an hour later, the two of us were perched on the couch, covered in the softest blankets mom saved for special occasions. Whimsical music was emitting from the love scene on the television, and the empty ice cream tub sat on the coffee table, along with a half-eaten pan of brownies. For the most part, we had been left alone in our female despair; the twins flew down the stairs once the smell chocolate reached their noses, but after realizing the fight for even a crumb was a losing battle, they immediately ventured back to their room.

Not long afterward, my dad came home, but neither of us would have realized if we hadn’t heard the front door close upon his arrival. Whether he had caught word of my ordeal at school and decided to keep out of it as usual, or if he simply sensed the toxic levels of estrogen permeating from the living room, he threw his keys on the counter and headed straight to the basement.

My thoughts had been temporarily halted by my escape into the world created by the film industry. As I both laughed and cried with my mom, the thought of Chloe, Waeden, or anyone I went to school with never crossed my mind. It was almost like I was a normal teenager again, with nothing to worry about except passing my English test. But as soon as the credits began to roll, I was thrust back into reality once more.

Sleep was hard to come by that night. I laid in bed, wide awake, staring intently at my phone on the nightstand. It was nearly two in the morning, but I half hoped that it was suddenly light up with a call from Chloe. I knew that this was going to happen once she found out, and I thought I had been preparing myself for the despair that was to come, but it was a lot harder now that I was really facing it. It was hard to even imagine going through this for more than a few days. It was unlikely, but I hoped that it wouldn’t take long for Chloe to understand and come back to me.

After what felt like a few hours, I finally felt my eyes get heavy, and before I knew it I had fallen asleep.

Saturday wasn’t a better day for me by any means. The only reason I got out of bed at a decent hour was because my bladder was telling me too, and by then my stomach had joined in with the complaining. I made my way to the kitchen, where I found my parents, papers in hand. Once again, my dad didn’t say anything to me about what happened yesterday, and I was sure that my mother had at least mentioned it to him by now. Still, he wasn’t exactly one to talk about his feelings, unless it was anger, so I was sure that my father was just avoiding any situation that meant he had to face my emotions.

While I had planned a day of doing nothing except curling up on the couch, I found that even on a Saturday afternoon my plans weren’t going as I had hoped. My mom was continuously asking me to help her with things around the house, forcing me to get up and travel. At one point Ethan stopped by, and while his excuse was that he needed to ask my dad a question, but I knew that Ryan had told him about yesterday, and he was secretly trying to check on my well-being. Even Matt and Louis were being extraordinarily kind, going as far as inviting me up to their ‘Den of Manhood’ for some ‘bonding time’, but after twenty minutes of watching them kill each other with video games, I decided I would rather bathe with a lion then sit there any longer.

Throughout the day I continued to check my phone repeatedly, hoping to find some form of contact outside of my immediate family. But it stayed blank, only flashing the background picture of Chloe and me one summer day. I wasn’t surprised that Chloe was still angry with me, as I really hadn’t expected anything less, but that didn’t stop me from being upset about it deep down. All this time, I was hiding the truth because I didn’t want to ruin her happiness, but it was because of my secrecy that she was unhappy now. If only I had told her that day in the mall, before I even knew her and Waeden were dating, things might have turned out differently.

What disturbed me more, however, was that I hadn’t heard a word from Brandon. I had sent him a message early that afternoon, asking how the game had went, but he had yet to answer me. While Michael could lose his phone for days, it was unusual for Brandon to ignore contact, especially with me. He didn’t seem mad that day at school, and the only reason he left me in the classroom was because Chloe needed his kind words more than I did. Plus, Brandon was a lot more rational than the others, and he would understand not only why I hadn’t told anyone, but how everything happened in the first place.

Even still, as the night drew to a close and my phone remained blank, I began to worry. What if I really had broken the family apart? Chloe and Brandon had been in my life forever (literally), and I couldn’t imagine losing them when I truly needed them the most.
Stupid Waeden. If he had stayed out of the picture, none of this would have happened. If I had known that on the Friday night, his black shirt and bright, gleaming eyes would ruin the rest of my life, I would have ran. Or I at least could have warned Chloe not to get involved with him, because I would be the one to break her heart only a short time after. It’s not like I got myself into this mess.

So, for the second night in a row, I slowly drifted off into sleep, hoping that tomorrow would bring answers.

_______________________________________________________________________

Sunday night I was in my room trying to complete my homework, but my mind kept drifting away. Both Brandon and Chloe had yet to contact me. I thought about calling one of them, or at least sending a message, but then I thought about my mom’s words. If it was space that Chloe needed, I would give it to her, just so that our friendship wasn’t completely ruined.

What worried me just as much, however, was the fact that I also hadn’t talked to Waeden since our blowup in the classroom. I didn’t exactly expect him to immediately jump to the role of caregiver, but after telling me he wanted to play a part, he wasn’t living up to his words by not even talking to me. Maybe it was because he decided he needed to fix things with Chloe before he fixed them with me. And while I was glad, as that reinforced my decision to give the baby up for their sake, it also made me a little upset. Regardless, I wanted nothing more than to figure out what was going on in that mind of his.

I’d know soon enough, however, because the school week started on Tuesday, and I’d have to face not only my family but the entire population that was only three days ago gawking as I walked down the hall. I was feeling more confident, having time to assess the situation. Who cared if the entire school knew that I was pregnant; they were going to find out as soon as I started to show. I’d almost rather have it so everyone knew at once instead of countless rumors spreading around. Besides, I was pregnant; it could happen to anyone. I just had to get through the next six and a half months and my life would go back to normal.

“Aubrey?”

I looked up as my mom opened the door just enough to peek her head in, “You have a visitor.” The door opened completely as Chloe stepped through.

“Hi,” She said sheepishly.

“Hi,” I replied, staring at her in shock. I had no idea what to do. She was supposed to be at home sticking knives into a homemade voodoo doll, not standing in my bedroom.

“Do you girls need anything?”

“No thank you, Aunt Anne,” Chloe replied, turning to smile at my mom. She returned the gesture before closing the door, leaving the two of us alone.

Awkward tension filled the air as we stood at opposite ends in silence. There were so many things that I wanted to say to her, but now that she was here in front of me, my mind went blank. Instead, I decided to wait and accept all the anger and accusations I knew would come.

“Well,” She started after a few moments, “I had a speech all planned out, but now that I’m here I sort of forgot it all,” I would have laughed if the situation weren’t so serious. The two of were too similar. “So I’m just going to go with it, “She took a deep breath, “I’m sorry.”

Flabbergasted, I blinked as I continued to stare at her, “What?”

“Oh, Aubrey, I’m so sorry,” She flounced over and jumped on my bed next to me, “I’ve been a terrible person to you, especially when you needed me the most. I stormed off without even giving you a chance to explain what was going on. I’m sorry, Aubrey.”

“Sorry? Chloe, you have no reason to be sorry. You had every reason to angry, explanation or not. In fact, I thought you’d be so mad you wouldn’t speak to me for days.”

“Oh, I was mad,” She replied, her voice getting more somber, “God, Aubrey, I was so mad at you I thought I never wanted to talk to you again. Then I talked to Waeden, and he explained everything, but I was still upset. Not because of what you did, but because I had to find out with everyone else. Only after I settled down and thought about it for a moment did I realize why you felt you couldn’t tell me,” She then looked up at me, and her eyes were filled with a hint of sorrow, “Even still, Aubrey, why didn’t you just tell me sooner?”

“I wanted to, Chloe. It’s just that I hadn’t told a single person about Waeden and me. It was supposed to be a one-time thing, no repercussions or worries. Then I found out I was pregnant and everything changed. I was going to tell you the day we went to the mall, but you had just told me the two of you were dating, and you just seemed so…happy. I didn’t want to ruin that for you.”

“Oh Aubrey,” Chloe cried as she wrapped her arms around me, “You know it shouldn’t have mattered. You being pregnant has complete superiority over me getting a new boyfriend.”
“I know. It was stupid of me and now the whole world knows thanks to Justice and her big, stupid mouth.”

“How did she find out anyway? Justice is evil and conniving, but not smart enough to have figured it out.”

“I was an idiot and dropped my sonogram photo right in front of her. Probably not-“

“You have a picture?” Chloe sat up on my bed excitedly, “Can I see it?” I smirked as I got up and grabbed it off my desk where it had sat for the past week.

Chloe stared at it for a few moments before looking at me sheepishly, “Does it make me a terrible person if I have no idea what I’m looking at?”

I laughed, “No, because I’m not entirely positive either,” I moved to lean over her shoulder, “You can't really see anything, but the doctor says it's there, so...”

“Wow,” Chloe gasped as she continued to look at it, and the same reaction came over her face that my mom and Hillary had when they were at the hospital with me. “Promise me I can come to the next one.”

I smiled as happiness came over me. It was so nice to have my best friend back, knowing that she didn’t completely hate me for my actions, “Of course.”

“What am I to this baby anyway?”

“Second cousin? Cousin once removed? I’m not sure.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter. It’ll just have to call me Auntie.”

“I don’t think we’ll have to worry about it. I’m giving the baby up.”

Chloe looked up at me in shock. Apparently Waeden didn’t tell her everything when they talked. “Really?”

“I mean, think about it Chloe, I’m not exactly the perfect candidate for teenage motherhood. Besides, it would put a wedge between your relationship with Waeden, or any relationship I have for that matter. Look at the mess this has caused between us now; it’ll only get worse."

“Funny you should mention that,” She continued nervously, “I’m breaking up with him.”

“What? Chloe, you can’t! You were just telling me how happy you were!”

“I know, but you’re not,” She replied as she smiled softly at me, “and if you want to get technical, you had him first. Besides, you two will always have this…connection.”

“Chloe, just because we had sex and weren’t smart about it doesn’t mean we have a connection,” I lied through my teeth, “There were never any feelings between us and there never will be.”

“I just wouldn’t feel right, Aubrey.”

I mustered up all my courage before replying, “Chloe, he’s yours. If he makes you happy, then you should be with him.”

I could see the happiness in her eyes as she gazed up at me, “Really? Are you sure?”
“Yes, Chloe.”

She leaned over and wrapped her arms around me, “Thank you, Aubrey.” She then pulled back, “You’re sure you don’t mind?”

Of course I minded. Her, my cousin and best friend, was dating Waeden Sorenson, the father of my child, the first boy I ever slept with, and the only person whom I wanted to kiss and throw into a wall at the same time, “Not at all.”

We exchanged a few more pleasantries before she decided it was time to go, a skip in her step. Even though I told her everything was okay, and I tried to tell myself it was, my heart refused to agree. So, as she closed my bedroom door behind her, I couldn’t help but feel like I just made the biggest mistake of my life.