Let Me Know

Dinner at my grandparents Monday night was exactly what I had expected; a living hell. By then, everyone in the family except my grandparents had caught word of my pregnancy, so even amongst relatives the looks followed me wherever I went. Thankfully, no one said anything to me about it. Even Aunt Katie kept her mouth shut and greeted me with a half-hug, afraid of crushing my baby or catching the disease that was apparently pregnancy, I wasn't sure, though, that the big, obnoxious elephant in the room couldn't be ignored.

My grandma and grandpa, however, were completely oblivious to the tension that followed my arrival and greeted not only me but everyone with cheerful smiles and spleen-crushing hugs. I was sure that no one had told them about me, because let’s face it, it was one thing to gossip with your siblings, but completely different playing field to break the news to your parents that their granddaughter is a rotten egg. Either way, it was nice to escape back into normality for a few moments. They treated me like they usually would, disapproving frowns not included.

Eventually, everyone settled down to eat, and I got a break from the adults for a little while. There wasn’t enough room at the main table for all of us, so the younger kids were sent to a smaller table in the kitchen to eat. It was almost like a safe zone, where no one really paid attention to me. All ears were focused on Louis, Matt, and Michael, who were engaged in a heated discussion about what color looked best on men.

“I think it’s blue. I mean, not only is it the symbol of our gender, but it shows that you’re confident yet relaxed.”’

“True, but red gets you noticed first. It says ‘look at me, I’m fun and looking for adventure’. Red wins, hands down.”

“No way, black’s the real winner here. Why do you think suits are made out of black and not red? Because not only is it dashing but slimming as well, and that’s what you two need.”

Laughing, I turned to Brandon to see what his reaction was, but my face went blank immediately when I saw that he wasn’t even paying attention. Instead, he was locked in a conversation with Chloe’s younger brother, Alex, about which teachers were the best.

By that night, I still hadn’t heard from Brandon since school on Friday. While it concerned me, I just assumed that he had a busy weekend and had forgotten about my messages. But when I arrived at my grandparents, I knew that something was going on. He did everything in his power to avoid me, and I hadn’t received as much as a glance from him.

To say that it bothered me was an understatement. Brandon wasn’t like Chloe, who could hold a grudge until her dying day if it made her angry enough. He was more of a ‘forgive and forget’ type, and if a fight was started with him, it usually only lasted a day before all was well again. But Chloe had forgiven me, proof being that she was by my side the whole night, and I felt like I had hurt her the most. So why was he still angry?

“I think we need a female’s opinion. Bre, what color do you think looks best on men?”

Michael drew me out of my thoughts and back to the table. “What? Oh, I don’t know…” I tried to search my brain for an answer, and an image of Waeden on the night of the twin’s party appeared. “Black,” I replied, thinking of him standing there with a smile on his face. That was where everything started, “definitely black.”

Michael threw his fist up in victory as the twins turned to glare at me, “traitor sister,” Louis mumbled as he sulked in defeat.

Soon enough, dinner was over, and everyone congregated to the living from for cake and presents. Although my Uncle James was turning 50, he still acted like a 9-year-old. He made sure that he got the biggest piece of cake out of everyone, and each present was opened one-by-one so he could show them off to the rest of the family before sticking the bows on his head. It was obvious where Michael had gotten his immaturity from.

After a while, the family was seated together as my father and uncle were reliving their glory days while the rest of us listened. It seemed that as the night went on, everyone ignored my situation and instead focused on the reason why we were together, which was a relief for me. It was nice to not feel awkward around my family.

“Brandon!” My uncle called out, and I turned my head in his direction, “Go out and grab the GPS your mom got me. I need to show Nick how to use one so he doesn’t get lost again.”

Brandon nodded before getting up, and I nearly jumped out of my seat. Now was my chance to corner him and find out why he was avoiding me. He was all alone, and there was no one else to turn his attention to.

“Me? You’re the one who needed it to get here, What, losing your memory with old age, James?”

I quickly excused myself as I saw Brandon exit out the kitchen and chased after him.

“Brandon, hold on!” I said as I stepped out into the cold January air.

He turned around and looked at me in shock, “Aubrey, what are you doing out here without a coat, you’ll catch a cold.”

Oh. I looked down at my bare shoulders and shivered. No wonder it felt a thousand degrees colder than earlier. Oh well, if I went back in, not only would the scene lose its dramatic effect, but I might lose my chance to talk to him.

“I’m chasing after you, what does it look like I’m doing?”

He faked a smile before turning around “I’m just running to the car, It’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Brandon James, stop right now!” He stopped for the second time, but didn’t turn to face me, “Do you really think I’m an idiot? I haven’t heard from you since Friday, and you haven’t even looked me in the eye the whole time we’ve been here.” My voice softened not only because of the bitter cold, but also out of sadness, “Look, I know why you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be. I just want you to talk to me.”

He turned around and walked over to me, hands buried in his pockets, “I’m not mad at you Bre, It’s Waeden I’m upset with. I haven’t talked to you or even Chloe for that matter, because I didn’t want to have it brought up, and my distain shown.”

If he weren’t a spitting image of his father, I would think Brandon was adopted. He was by far kinder and more innocent than anyone else in the Hughes gene pool. If it was me, Chloe, or even Michael, we wouldn’t hesitate to lash out the truth.

“I don’t quite understand. Why are you upset with him…but not me?”

“Because I feel like he’s playing not only you, but Chloe as well. I mean first he picks you up for a one-night stand, totally abandons you the next day, then hounds in on your best friend? He’s acting like a total tool.”

“Brandon, he didn’t use me. It was a mutual decision to be together that night, and it was a mutual decision to forget about it. If I had any reservations about him and Chloe dating, I would have told him.”

“Yeah, but now you’re pregnant, and he’s going to have to go back and forth between the two of you. It’s not fair to you or Chloe.”

“I told Chloe yesterday to not let go of him. There is no choosing and I can do this without him.” I took a step closer to him and looked him in the eyes, “Chloe’s forgiven him, why can’t you?”

He looked at the ground before turning away, “Because he was my best friend before any of this. He hurt me too.”

Brandon. I knew that this wouldn’t be easy for him. That’s the reason Waeden and I kept our affair a secret in the first place. I never would have guessed, however, that it would hit him this hard.

I walked over and placed my arms around him, “I’m sorry, Brandon. I never meant to hurt you.”

He turned to face me and smiled genuinely, “I know.”

“Besides, he’s all Chloe’s now. I’m giving this baby up, and in a few short months it will be like Waeden and I never even had sex.”

“Excuse me?”

I turned around to find my dad standing in the doorway. This was not good.

“You’re…you…a Sorenson?” The emotions on his face quickly shifted through confusion, understanding, and rage.

“Really, dad, it’s not like that.”

“Like hell it isn’t! I told you a long time ago to stay away from him, and now he’s gone and knocked you up! I swear if he forced you-“

“He didn’t force me to do anything, dad! I wanted to sleep with him, so I did!” I didn’t realize how loud we were until the entire family was crowded around the door. I didn’t really care though. These were the questions everyone wanted answered, and I was angry. “What does it matter if he’s a Jones or a Sorenson?”

“It matters! They’re all the same! His grandfather and father have always been terrible to us, and he’s the same!”

I laughed crudely as my anger escalated, “What proof do you have? You know nothing about Waeden.”

“No, but I know who his father is.”

“Dad, why can’t you let go of the past and accept that Waeden is a completely different person than his father? Uncle James has, and so has Uncle Joel! They’ve accepted him and allowed him into their homes, why can’t you?”

“Because he didn’t get their daughters pregnant!”

“Well you don’t have to worry, because I’m giving it up.”

“That’s probably the best decision you’ve made so far.”

Everything went silent immediately, and both physical and emotional exhaustion swept over me. Tears started to well in my eyes as I buried my face in my hands. I knew that my dad wasn’t happy about this, but I thought that after our talk in the way back from the airport, we had an understanding. Apparently, I was wrong. This whole situation was hard enough, and now my dad was adding in his anger and prejudices.

“Chloe, let’s go inside,” Brandon came up behind me and threw his coat around my shoulders, “You’re shivering.”

“No,” I shook my head. “I need to go home. I can’t take this any longer, especially not now.”

I strode past him with my head down, not only to avoid making eye contact with my father, but also to hide the tears that were brimming. I wiped them away on my sleeve as I approached the door, knowing that the rest of my family waited on the other side. Whispers and scrambling was heard as approached, and I could only guess that everyone was scrambling away, trying to pretend like they weren’t listening to what was going on outside. It didn’t really matter to me, though; they could hear whatever they wanted, I just didn’t want to listen to their criticism.

Suprisingly, everyone had made their way back to the dining room by the time I entered the house, but my mom was standing in the doorway, waiting. Her eyes were soft with empathy, and she walked towards me, “Aubrey-“

“Can you please just take me home, Mom?” I interrupted her. I loved my mother, but I wasn’t in the mood to be comforted, “I just want to go.”

She observed me for a moment before nodding her head, “Let me go grab our coats and my keys.”

As soon as she left the room, Ryan had taken her place as he made his way to me. As he approached, I couldn’t tell whether he was in shock or belligerently angry, “Chloe, I don’t understand-“

“Look, Ryan, I know what you want to say, but please, don’t,” I pleaded with him, “I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. I just want to go home.”

He looked like he was going to argue with me for a moment, but eventually he sighed and agreed, “Alright, but don’t think I’m forgetting. I’ll be over another day to check up on you.” He then gave me a soft smile before leaving.

I took a few deep breaths as I stared at the doorway that separated me from everyone else. I really didn’t want to face another confrontation, but I couldn’t just walk out the door. My Uncle James at least deserved an apology and a goodbye, considering I did ruin his birthday, and my grandparents were innocent bystanders stuck in our family problems. Plus, it wasn’t like I could avoid the rest of my family forever.

As soon as I entered the dining room, everyone at the table got silent as they looked up at me. Thankfully there were a number of people who had migrated to the living room, including Aunt Katie, but I still felt like a delinquent facing the jury.

Refusing to make contact with anyone else, I walked over to my grandparents, who got out of their seats as I approached.

“I’m sorry, Grandma, but I have to go,” I said as she wrapped her arms around me.

“That’s alright, dear we understand,” She replied, smiling at me. “Make sure you get rest, and don’t worry. Everything will be okay.”

I gave her a small smile as I hugged her once more before turning to my grandfather who suffocated me with his body. I then turned to my uncle, who grinned at me.

“I’m sorry I ruined your birthday, Uncle James,” I mumbled as he pulled me in.

“What are you talking about? You know I love a bit of excitement in my life. Besides,” He continued as he pulled away to look me in the eyes, “you know how your dad can’t let go of the past, and he’s needed someone other than your mom the scream some sense into him for a while. Go home and relax, and I’ll try to talk to him.”

I knew there was a reason I loved my Uncle James the most. Not only did he always seem to understand what I was going through, but he was the only one, other than my mother, that my dad listened to when it came to situations like this.

My mom then arrived with coats in hand, and after giving a few more half-hearted goodbyes, we headed out on our silent right home.

******

The rest of my family arrived home a few hours after I was dropped off, but I still wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, so I threw my covers over my head and pretended I was asleep.

My anger at my father had escalated in the moment, but now that I had time to think about it, I wasn’t so sure why I had gotten so angry. To a point, my dad was right. I didn’t really know what Waeden’s father was like. For all I knew, he was a charming devil who got some girl knocked up in high school.

At the same time, however, my dad knew absolutely nothing about Waeden except his last name. He was basing all of his assumptions on the person that he knew, but they were two completely different individuals. It was the same as saying that Brandon and Michael were the same all because they shared some genes, when anyone who knew them could tell you that they were complete opposites. Plus, if the stories my dad told us about Waeden’s father were true to his character, then he was wrong. I had never seen Waeden shove someone to the side, much less outright attack them.

But, despite the fact that I was second guessing myself, I wasn’t going to walk over and apologize to my dad. He was the one who had started everything, and I was just defending myself. Besides, he wasn’t going to forget this for a while, and neither was I.

Unfortuantely for me, it was my brothers that I had heard, and they weren’t fooled by my game of pretend. As soon as they opened the door and turned the light on I got up, preventing them from causing a commotion.

“Oh my god, Bre, what you did back there was amazing.” Mat exclaimed gleefully as him and Louis sat on the edge of my bed.

“Yeah, as soon as you left, everyone started fighting with each other. It was like we were on a tv show.”

“Grandpa and Uncle James got into dad’s face and-“

“Look, guys, I’m really tired and don’t want to listen to this right now. Let me go to sleep.”
Both of them immediately stopped talking and turned to stare blankly at me. After a few silent moments, Louis huffed defiantly as he stood up, “You’re no fun.”

“Yeah, who will we tell the story to now?”

They looked at me in hope that I would change my mind, but the strict glare I gave them showed I wasn’t giving in. Eventually they got up and walked towards the door, and I was ready to pass out as soon as the light turned off. At the last moment, though, Matt stuck his head in the door, his hand on the light switch.

“By the way, Bre, we’re on your side.”

As the room turned to darkness and their footsteps echoed in the hall, I smiled for the first time that night, thankful to have the two of them for my brothers.

******

The next morning was filled with awkward silences and nervous tendencies. My dad had already left for work by the time I had emerged for breakfast, but that didn't change the fact that the events of last night were hanging over our heads, unspoken. The twins, of course, would try to bring it up as much as they could, but every time they opened there mouths to speak, my mom would turn around and give them a glare so deathly it turned them into a couple of cowering puppies. I wanted to apologize to my mother, as I was sure the family feud was stressing her out the most, but there was no point when I knew it would be a lie, and that hours later the problem would still be there. I had reasoning behind my argument, and I wasn't about to back down simply because my father was throwing a temper tantrum.

School was just about as worse as being at home. If I thought that after a 3-day weekend people would forget about Friday’s catastrophe, I was wrong. Everywhere I went, stares and looks surrounded me like a magnet. At one point, some freshman girl I had never seen before shouted “Isn’t that the pregnant girl?” as I passed by. It was like I had sprouted a giant horn on the top of my head. Justice was the worse, though, as every time I crossed paths with her she would make a point to say something like, “Aubrey, can I see that photo again?”

Time had, however, given the rumor mill time to create a million ridiculous, outlandish fallacies. Michael heard some boys in his class saying that the father of my baby was a downtown hobo who convinced me to have sex with him with a sob story about his terminal prostate cancer. Louis also heard that I was carrying quintuplets, each a different race, which was so unbelievable I was sure he had started that one himself. At one point, Chloe ran up to me, claiming that the girls in the bathroom were discussing my love affair with international soccer player Hugo Boulder.

“Why couldn’t that be the truth?” I shouted as I slammed my locker shut. “At least then I’d be rich and illegitimately famous!” I looked over her shoulder to a group of sophomores who were huddled in whispers, watching me intently.

Chloe turned around and glared at them, “Why don’t you go make out with your boyfriends or something? I didn’t give you permission to stare!” They gave her a nasty look, but eventually dispersed from their lookout.

If I was glad about one thing, it was that Chloe and I were on speaking terms, if not closer than we were when everything started. The mass of gossip-hungry high school students was more than one person could handle, and she was there as the all star on my defense team. Her comebacks were quick and nasty, and eventually people learned that unless our backs were turned, it was best to do nothing. Even Brandon, who was usually very calm and collected, would shout at people to mind their own business.

The only person I hadn’t really talked to was Waeden, although I wasn’t entirely sure whether that made me hate him more or less. On one hand, I felt like he should be enduring the torment and ridicule with me, because this whole thing was, after all, his fault. On the other hand, after living a day in hell, I didn’t want to drag not only him, but Chloe as well, into the burning flames. While it might bring me instant gratification to bring him into the mix, the longitudinal consequences weren’t worth it. We had enough problems as it was; there was no need to get the rest of the school involved.

Still, Waeden was the only one whose eyes weren’t glued to me, and that bothered me. Wasn’t he preparing to have a baby with me four days ago? That’s kind of hard to do when he can’t even speak to me. It was moments like this when I missed the old Waeden; the one I met at the party, the one who drew me in like a moth to a flame, and even, for a moment, the one who was kissing me on the balcony.

I realized, however, that bringing them in would not only cause more trouble than it was worth, but also might push away the boy I desperately wanted to meet again. So I stuck my head up with pride, put a smile on my face, and accepted things the way they were.

If I thought the students were going to be my only problem, though, I was very, very wrong. Whether Mr. Moore had informed them or they heard what was floating through the rumor mill, the teachers soon knew about my situation, and they were more aggravating simply because I couldn’t turn my back on them. Class wasn’t the escape into knowledge I thought it was going to be. Instead, I spent my time receiving curious, disapproving, and pity every time a teacher scanned the room. It wasn’t the only one who noticed either. When this happened, the rest of the class looked at me in anticipation, waiting for me to either break down in tears or kick my desk up and scream with rage.

Worst of these was my History teacher, Mrs. Ackman. She was an anciently old woman who still upheld the values of the 13th century, and the fact that I was a pregnant, unmarried minor obviously meant that I was a disgrace to mankind. I swear she spent half of the period looking at me with a disapproving gaze that said ‘you will never be redeemed’, then shook her head and gave a few quiet ‘tisks’ as she turned away. What made it more of a living nightmare was the fact that I was all alone. Other than Ethan and my mom, I was the only one in my entire family to enjoy history and the only one to take it was an elective. As time when on, however, I desperately wished I would have taken Home Economics with Chloe. At least then I’d have food to cure my misery.

After a few days, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I tried to block her out of my mind and focus solely on what was on the board, but she was like that little gnat that continuously buzzed in your ear. It got to the point where I was ready to jump out of my desk and attack if I heard one more ‘tisk’ muttered out of her mouth. I knew it would blow over soon, but for now it was so much stress in such a shot amount of time that I needed a break.

“Mrs. Ackman,” I finally said one day,” I need to go to the nurse.”

She gave me her all-to-familiar pity eyes as she replied, “Of course, dear.” As I got up left the room, I heard one last sound of her voice before I closed the door.

The first thing I did was take a relieving breath of fresh air. No longer did I have to worry about my memories of King Henry VIII clouded by that awful woman’s woeful cries. There was no one around to stare at me and ogle. I could finally be alone, even if only for a short half hour.

Of course, I wasn’t actually going to the nurse’s office. I still had nausea on a near-daily basis, but I’d become so adapted to it that there was nothing they could offer me other than a cot to nap on, and even there I’d feel extremely conscious. No, I needed a place where I was completely alone, absolutely no disruptions from the outside world. I knew exactly where I was going.

At the end of the hall on the second floor was an abandoned office that hadn’t been used in years. Chloe and I happened to find it one day when we were hiding from Michael after stealing his lunch, and when neither he nor my brothers knew about the dingy space, we knew it was golden. No one seemed to notice or care about the room, and the teachers probably just assumed it was locked. It was always my place to go when I needed a quick escape, and although I hadn’t been back in a while I knew that now was the perfect time to return.

As I quietly closed the door behind me, I took a deep breath of freedom as the smell of dust and wood filled my senses. I set my books down on the table and eased into a chair with a quiet smile on my face. Yes, this was what I needed. It wasn’t ideal, but this was much better than sitting in that horrible woman’s class. No one would disrupt me here.

"Oh, Hey."

I looked up to find Waeden entering the room, books in hand and it took everything in me not to groan and slam my head back down. So much for being alone.

"Hey," I replied, unsure of how to react. I hadn't really spoken to Waeden since everyone found out, including him, Not really sure of what position we held. He was dating Chloe, and while I had encouraged it, it didn't make the truth any less awkward. There was one topic that was sure to come up in a conversation between the two of us, and it was the one thing I didn't want to talk about.

"I didn't know anyone else knew about this place," he replied as he tossed his books on the table and sat down.

"Neither did I."

"So, what are you skipping to spend your fifth period in the dingy little room?”

“History. My teacher’s a hellish old lady who refuses to treat me like a normal human being after…you know.” I mentally scolded myself. Here I was bringing up the subject I wanted to avoid the most.

“Oh, right, I’m sorry. That’s got to be hard, dealing with everyone.”

I didn’t know how to answer, so I looked down and pretended that I was doing homework. Thankfully, he didn’t question my unresponsiveness and opened his book at the opposing side of the table.

After a few minutes of silence except the sound of pencil on paper, I chanced a glance at him. Waeden was looking up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head, and his char was tilted back slightly. Truth be told, it was a rare scene to see Waeden this care-free and mellow. Whenever I saw him in class he was hunched over, vigorously taking notes or watching the teacher intently. It was like there was always something on his mind, or he couldn’t let anyone see what he was really thinking. Waeden Sorenson, a complete conundrum.

“By the way,” he spoke suddenly, causing me to quickly avert my gaze to my book before looking back up at him. Did he catch me watching him? “Chloe told me about what happened on Monday. I just wanted to say thanks, I guess.”

I sat bewildered for a moment, but soon my heart filled with glee. For the past week I had been having an internal debate on whether or not I had taken the right road in the argument with my father, and Waeden’s appreciation showed me that I was right in defending him.

“It was nothing, really,” Although I was overwhelmed with pride, I decided to take the modest route in denying my assurance.

“Even still. All of my life I’ve been trying to establish that just because I’m my father’s son and look a lot like him doesn’t mean I’m a carbon copy. We’re different in a lot of ways.”

“How?”

He leaned back in his chair as he collected his thoughts, “Well, as you know, my dad was a bit more of a villain in his younger years than I am. Part of that’s because my dad mellowed out while raising me, part because I got my mom’s caring nature. I guess I’m also a lot more studious and driven, but my dad didn’t need to be.”

“What do you mean?”

“My dad knew that he would take over my grandfather’s business, and he reveled for it. You know how it is; your company’s stayed in the family circle as well. Difference is, you’ve got enough relatives that your grandfather doesn’t have to worry about who takes over. My dad has one son, so I’m pretty much obligated to take his place, but…”

“You don’t want to?” I asked curiously. This was a side of Waeden that I never even contemplated much less knew, and it left me yearning for more.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, necessarily, but who’s to say I don’t want to do something else. Maybe I want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or even a mailman. My dad sees one direction for me. I just hate the idea that my future is set in stone. I don’t want to settle down so easily.”

“Really? You realize that having a baby means settling down, right?” I wanted to smack myself as soon as the words came out of my mouth. Like an idiot, I was bringing up the one topic I wanted to avoid. Again.

“That’s completely different.”

Well, there was no avoiding the situation now. “How? Having a baby means our actions are restricted. While everyone is going to college, partying, enjoying their roaring twenties, I’m stuck at home reading nursery rhymes.”

He chuckled softly as he shook his head, “You’re seeing it as a prison. I see it as a chance for growth. I mean, sure, you may miss out on a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean you’re locked at home every second of every day. Having a baby gives you the opportunity to grow, see something new every day, and watch as something you created blossoms in front of your eyes. You really don’t want that?”

I gnawed contemplatively on my lip, “I don’t know.”

He sat up straight to look at me, and his gaze made me squirm with intimidation and a bit of embarrassment, “Aubrey, is bad all this really means to you?”

I took a moment before responding, “It means I have to grow up before I’m ready. What does it mean for you?”

He watched me with adoring eyes, and it was same look he gave me on the balcony New Year’s Eve. For a moment, I thought he was going to lean over and kiss me again, and even though I would see it coming, I wasn’t sure I’d resist.

“It means-“

He didn’t get to finish, however, because the bell rang, drowning out his voice; it also brought me back to reality. I felt my face turn red as a shot backwards in my seat and scrambled to get my books together. Although no physical contact was made, I couldn’t help but feel like I helped Waeden cheat on my cousin for the second time.

“I really should get going to class,” I muttered quickly as I threw everything into my backpack. “I’ll see you around,” I said, giving him a casual goodbye before I scuttled out the door, leaving him sitting in his chair, bewildered.