Let Me Know

“Aubrey, let’s go! We told Grandma we’d be there in half an hour!”

“Coming!” I managed to yell out before sticking my head back into the toilet. I knew that morning sickness was brutal, but I didn’t know that it wasn’t just for mornings. I took a few deep breaths, making sure that I was finished before looking in the mirror. My hair was a mess, and my face was a bit pale, but I knew that no one would really notice. That was the advantage to having a huge family. So I quickly brushed my teeth and wiped the sweat off my face before heading down with the family.

“Let’s go, Aubrey,” My mom was chattering at me, “With how late we are Ethan and Hillary will beat us there,”

“What were you doing, anyway?” Louis asked as him and Matt snuck up behind me.
“If you really must know, I was doing number two.”

Matt scoffed, “Girls don’t poop, everybody knows that.” I rolled my eyes
“Plus, it sounded more like you were-“

“I call the middle seat, Blake!” I interjected as I ran to the car. The twins were catching on, and while they might be idiots, they’re not dumb.

Louis and Matt settled in next to me, and I avoided their knowing gaze as much as possible. I was afraid that one of them would talk bring up my hold-up, and I didn’t want my mother to be all over me about it. One year, I had gotten a bruise on my arm because I had snuck out and gone sledding with the boys when I was supposed to be asleep. When she saw it, she gave me the Spanish inquisition until I went crazy from her nonstop questions and finally gave her the truth. I didn’t want that to happen now. Christmas is my favorite holiday, but I didn’t exactly feel in the spirit today. Probably because of my death day looming closer and closer.

The ride to my grandma’s house wasn’t long, as they lived near the edge of town on a ranch. My grandparents bought it when they got married, unknown to them that they would need all the room they could get to raise five children. It also gave all of us grandchildren a place to be together without looking like a cult.

As soon as I stepped into the house, I didn’t have time to worry about what happened earlier. Everyone swarmed over to us and we were passed down a line for hugs. First my grandma and grandpa, then Aunt Katie and Uncle Joel, whom I wasn’t surprised were there. They’re always the first ones to anything. It’s strange really. I also noticed that Chloe’s parents were there, but I didn’t see her around. I felt slightly relieved, knowing that I had a little bit longer before I went head-to-head with the demon that is Waeden.

Finally, the line of greetings ended, and I was met with my oldest brother Ethan and his wife, Hillary. They got married about a year ago, and it was the first wedding that I had been to. At first, I didn’t think that I was going to like someone taking my brother away from me, which is a strange fear when you have five more to lean back on. But as time went on, I realized that Hillary was a lot like me. Where I have six brothers, she doesn’t have any siblings. So for both of us, we got the sister that we had never had.

“Merry Christmas, lil sis,” Ethan said as he wrapped his arms around me and picked me up. I grew fearful for a moment, afraid that he would somehow be able to feel something in my stomach, or even that he would kill it or give it brain damage. I let go of my fears, though, and wrapped my arms around him tightly.

“Merry Christmas, Ethan.”

“My turn,” Hillary then gave me a hug, and I smiled. She smells nice. She always smells nice. Why is it that I can never smell as good as her? The thought of telling her crossed my mind, but I knew I couldn’t. She would have to tell my brother, and he would tell my parents, and then things would hit the fan.

“Alright, where’s my hug?”

I was still holding on to Hillary, but I stopped as soon as I heard that voice. I turned around, and my heart skipped a beat as soon as a saw the face smiling at me.

“Ryan!” I ran into him and jumped desperately into his arms.

Ryan was my brother’s best friend, and I’ve known him ever since I could remember. He was around all the time, and he became a role model for me. While my brothers would pick fights or tease me about my hair, he was the one who would come and comfort me and tell me “don’t listen to them, they’re just big meanies”. As I got older, my admiration turned into something more. Soon enough I was in love. Cliché, I know, but when you’ve got six of them, it’s hard not to fall for one of their friends.

Unfortunately, He’s been dating Chloe’s sister, Olivia, for a few years now. Unfortunately, Olivia is one of my favorite cousins, so I can’t exactly hate her or wish she’d fall down a flight of stairs and break her nose. I’m just waiting for the day when Ryan realizes that we are better off together and he’ll leave her for me. Ethan might not be accepting at first, but then he’ll realize that his sister’s in good hands and pay for our honeymoon.

“Merry Christmas, Aubrey,”

I didn’t say anything, but I held on to him tighter. Ryan was able to make anything better, and I felt like I needed him the most right now.

“Woah, woah, woah, hold on here,” He pulled me back as he looked me up and down. “no Christmas carols throughout the house, no red or green anywhere in your clothes, and not even a Merry Christmas for me? Who are you and what have you done with my Aubrey?”

“I’m just not exactly in the holiday spirit.”

He looked at me sternly for a few seconds, “What’s wrong, Aubrey?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine,” I tried to mask my obvious discomfort, but I couldn’t look him in the face.

“Bre, I’ve known you since you were six. I can tell when you’re lying. Now what’s going on?”

Tears brimmed in the corners of my eyes, and I whispered, “I can’t tell you, Ryan. I just can’t.”

Ryan watched me for a few seconds, and as much as I wanted to I couldn’t look away. He looked around quickly to make sure no one was watching us before he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door, “Follow me.”

As we left the house, a shiver went up my spine from the cold December wind. I couldn’t help but admire the untouched snow that covered the ground. My grandparents owned a huge ranch for just the two of them, so there was a lot of space they didn’t venture to.

We turned the corner towards the back yard, and a soft smile appeared on my face as I realized where we were heading. The horse stables were my favorite place to hang out when I was younger, and my brothers and I usually snuck out to play there while the adults were talking about boring things like politics and healthcare. My grandparents only owned two horses, Heathcliff and Catherine, named after my grandmother’s favorite book. Both of them are old now, so we’re unable to ride them like we used to. They do, however, keep some of the best company.

Ryan shut the door behind us then turned towards me, “Alright, Aubrey, what’s going on?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“You can tell me anything. It’s just us here, you have nothing to worry about.”

I looked up at him, and he was watching me with such worry and concern, that I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I’m…you know,”

“Um, no, Bre, I don’t know. That’s why we’re spending Christmas with the horses.”

Damn Ryan. He wasn’t going to make this easy, “I’m…pregnant.”

He didn’t speak for a few seconds, “Oh. I didn’t know you had a boyfriend?”

“I don’t,”

“Who’s the father then?”

Your girlfriend’s sister’s boyfriend. That would go down smoothly, “I can’t tell you.”

He narrowed his eyes, “Aubrey, were you-“

“No! no, god no. I was…consenting?” He still looked down at me sternly, “Look, Ryan, please just trust me when I say I can’t tell you. Not right now, at least.” I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.

His look softenened, and he pulled me into a hug. I held onto him tightly in hopes that he would be able to make everything go away. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

“No it’s not. This is the end of my life as I know it.”

“Have you told your parents yet?”

I laughed coldly. “Are you crazy? My mother will disown me as soon as she finds out. I wanted to wait until after the holidays so I could see my family one last time."

“Aubrey, she will not,” He pulled me away to look me in the eyes. “No matter what you will always be her daughter and she will always love you. She wouldn’t try so hard for you just to give you up with one mistake. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll come over and be there when you tell them.”

“That would mean so much to me,” I said as I wrapped my arms around him once more. I wished that I was having his baby rather than Waeden’s. I knew that he would be there for me, and he’s practically family already. We could get married and move to a cottage in the woods where we’d live happily ever after. Or something like that.

“Come on,” Ryan said after a few moments, “We’d better head back before they start wondering what’s up,” I nodded, and he gave me his jacked before we headed back to the house.

“There you are!” It was my mother who first noticed our return, “I was wondering where you headed off to.”

“Sorry Anne, we went to visit the horses before everyone got here.”

“Oh, that’s alright dear,” She leaned in and gave him a motherly kiss on the cheek, “Merry Christmas Ryan,” She then turned to me, “Aubrey, Aunt Heather is hear and was looking for you.”

I nodded and turned to look for her, but my search didn’t go very far. There was Waeden, standing on front of me. And he definitely saw me.

It was him who spoke first, “Hey.”

“Hi,” was all I could reply. He hadn’t spoken to me for a month, and here he was, talking to me like we were best friends or something.

“How’s your break been going?”

Oh, not bad. I’ve been throwing up every day with morning sickness and afraid to leave my house because we had sex and now I’m pregnant with your child. “It’s been alright. What about yours?”

“So far so good,” He shuffled his feet as he averted my gaze. There were a few seconds of silence before he spoke again, “I’m going out with Chloe.”

“I know.”

“It just sort of happened.”

“Just like we sort of happened?” The words came out harsher than I had intended.
He stared at me in shock, “Aubrey, I-“

“I have to go find my aunt,” I interjected before walking away quickly. I didn’t want to hear what he was about to say I knew what had happened was a mistake, but I wasn’t quite ready for him to admit it as well.

I only made it to the other room before I got knocked forward as someone jumped on my back and wrapped their arms around me. I yelled in surprise as I balanced myself, and a voice behind me laughed manically. Turning around, I smacked the figure angrily.

“Michael Wesley Reed!” I shouted as I beat him some more.

He continued to laugh, “Come on, Bre, it’s all fun and games. Scared you pretty good, didn’t I?”

I glared at him, but the devious smirk never left his face. Stupid git. “It’s not funny! What if I had fallen and…and…broken that lamp?”

“One, grandma hates that lamp. Grandpa bought it for her one day, and she loves him too much to tell him it’s hideous. You’d probably be doing her a favor.” How did he know these things? Mind reader crossed my mind, but I quickly concluded that Michael was just nosey, “and two, it wouldn’t be the worst thing that’s happened in this house on Christmas that’s my doing.”

I shook my head, “You are impossible, Michael.”

He put his hand on his heart, “Why thank you! But surprisingly, I didn’t come solely to make your life hell, although that is my job in life. I came to ask where your brothers are.”

“I don’t know, they’re either looking through the presents, trying to steal food, or snooping through my dad’s old room. We’ve been here for a while, so grandma’s probably caught them attempting the first two, so I’m going to go with the last one.”

“Thanks, Bre,” he then pulled me into a hug, “Merry Christmas, kid.”

“Don’t touch me,” I replied, but I smiled as he pulled me closer before walking away.

“Aubrey!”

I turned around to find the preferred Reed brother coming my way, and instantly sighed in relief. Finally, I was with someone sane that I could talk to without worrying about my life.
“Brandon, I’m so glad I found you-“

“No time to talk. Come on,” He said as he grabbed my hand, “It’s almost time to eat, so we’ve got to get our seats next to Chloe and Wade.” He paused for a moment, “You’ve met Waeden, right?”

Not only have I met him… “Yeah, I think once or twice.”

“Good, it won’t be awkward then. Apparently half of the family’s in a twist about him being here. Mom, of course, is trying to convince everyone that he’s a ‘sweet boy’ and ‘he might look like his father but he’s not’ while others like your dad and Uncle James are proposing we should burn him on a stake outside.”

Great, if that’s what my dad says when he simply comes to Christmas, I can’t even imagine what he’ll do when he finds out we procreated.

“But anyways, let’s go. I don’t want to be stuck in the broken chair like last year.”

_________________________________________________________________

Brandon was absolutely wrong, and dinner was as awkward as the time I had walked in on Louis tweezing he's eyebrows. I tried to not look at warden as much as possible, but I also didn't want to put of the aura that I was avoiding him. I could tell that he was doing the same, and he'd look at me when I spoke before quickly turning away. It was hard to not let Chloe or Brandon know that I knew that his favorite Color was red, or that he secretly loves cats, or that he was sensitive right below his jaw line. Or that I was carrying his child. By the look on Waeden’s face, he felt the same way, and I think it took everything in us to not stand up and scream "we had sex"

Chloe, however, was the happiest that I had ever seen her. She was laughing and smiling and making jokes about Santa’s sleigh crashing. She was sitting next to Matthew and didn't once make a comment about his 'backstreet boy haircut' like she does every time they’re in a room together. And while it was Waeden that made her happy, I was happy for her. Maybe now she'd mellow down a little bit.

"So Ethan and Hillary, how has everything been going as a newlywed couple?" I drew my attention away from the talk of school to listen to the conversation between the adults.

"it's been going good so far," my brother replied, "were finally starting to get everything situated at the house."

"so then," my aunt Katie continued, "when will the children be coming along?"

The table laughed, and my brother shook his head, "not for a few years. Hillary wants to finish getting her degree before we completely settle down."

"God bless," it was my mother who spoke this time, "I don't think I'm ready for grandchildren yet. Let me get the youngest out of high school first."

The table continued to laugh, but I felt like I was going to be sick, and Ryan looked uncomfortable as he shifted in his seat.

It's official. I’m dead.

"Bre, are you okay? You look a little pale." I turned back to Brandon, who was watching me with worry.

"yeah, I just think I’m coming down with something.” I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I can only imagine it looked like I just got back from the dentists. “I’ll be fine.”

The rest of the evening went along without anything interesting. After dinner, all the grandkids went and gathered around the tree, waiting in anticipation while the adults cleared off the table and cleaned dishes. The twins, of course, were the closest, grabbing each present and shouting out guesses as to what it could be. They swore they heard a bark come from one, but when it came time to open it was actually a video game accessory. They were a little upset.

We were some of the first ones to leave, as my mom and dad had to get up early the next morning for work. While my dad and Ethan loaded up the car, the rest of us went around and said our goodbyes, although they all gave the same, “Be safe, happy holidays, I’ll see you in a few days!”

Once I got to Ryan, I gave him the biggest hug I could. I didn’t care if I was killing him or the thing growing inside me, this was what I needed.

“I’ll come around in about two days to help you tell them.” He whispered into my ear when he was sure no one was watching.

“Thank you.”

“It’s what I’m here for. Now you be safe, and stay strong, okay?”

I nodded my head, and then gave him one last hug before we left.

Two days. I had two days until my parents know.

It’s going to be the longest two days ever.