Let Me Know

After the fiasco that was New Year’s Eve, I decided that I had enough socialization for the rest of m life. I had gone thinking that it would cure me of my depressive state, but instead I walked out feeling worse. I didn’t want to see my cousin, much less her baby daddy of a boyfriend. I was already terrified to tell her that I was pregnant, and that happened before they ever started batting eyelashes. Now, I don’t know if I could look at her without spilling everything.

Fate, it seemed, was out to spite me, however, because Chloe had called me every day since then. I almost wondered if it was because she either felt bad for not really hanging out with me on New Year’s Eve, or she was so drunk that she thought we had a great time together and wants to relive it every day. I assumed this meant that Waeden hadn’t told her what had happened on the balcony that night, and I wasn’t entirely sure that I was willing to either. Telling Chloe about everything would completely break her heart, and I wasn’t sure if I could go through this without her.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to worry about seeing her so soon afterwards, because my father had put me back on a strict grounding (partially because the twins had called him that night feeding lies about how I gotten completely wasted and was threatening to drive them over a bridge). I was back to sitting in my room pondering over life’s mysteries, although this time the list had quadrupled. I knew that everyone suspected that that something was up, especially the twins, whom I had dragged away from the party almost an hour earlier than intended. I didn’t lie when I told them that the whole situation was awkward for me, I just didn’t tell them exactly why. However, after the fifth or sixth time that they came in badgering with me with questions, I threatened to expose their homemade “doggy” videos, and they quickly dropped the subject.

I wasn’t at peace for long, however, because a week had gone by and before I was able to create an excuse school was starting once again. Not only would I have to deal with the family that I was desperately trying to avoid, but also the entire student body. The odds weren’t exactly in my favor, and I knew that it wouldn’t be long before someone figured out I had a dirty little secret.

“Mom, I don’t feel good,” I croaked as I stepped downstairs that first Monday morning. I was the only thing that I could come up with on such a short notice, and while it might have been a long shot, I had seen it work.

“Aubrey, you haven’t been feeling good for the past month. It’s called being pregnant,” My mother replied without even looking up from the pancakes she was flipping.

“I know, but I feel worse than I usually do. Like it’s not just the smell of eggs or Matt’s socks that makes me nauseous, it’s everything. Plus I think I have a fever.”

She took a deep breath before turning around to face me, “Aubrey, hiding from the situation isn’t going to make it better. If anything, missing the first day back to school will make people wonder more, and they’ll figure it out before you’re ready for everyone to know. Plus, we’re talking with the principal on Wednesday, and we can’t exactly have you missing school.”

I didn’t say anything for a few moments and just stared at her with sad eyes, “So is that a no?”

“Exactly,” She replied before turning around and continuing her cooking, “Now go and make sure that you’re brothers are up and getting ready. I won’t have the three of you late on your first day back.”

“They can take all the time they need,” I muttered into my glass before going upstairs and waking them.

The boys were unusually excited about returning to school, and they made it known by continuing the game of 100 questions on the ride there.

“Does Michael know?”

“No.”

“Does Brandon know?”

“No.”

“Does Chloe know?”

“No.”

“Does Waeden know?”

I hesitated for a moment when responding to that one, “No, he doesn’t. Nobody knows except for you two, and we are going to keep it that way until I say so, got it?”

“I just don’t know when you plan on telling them, Bre,” Louis replied as he turned around in the car to face me, “I mean, you can’t exactly wait until you’re giving birth in the cafeteria.”

I crinkled my nose at him, “That’s disgusting, Louis,”

“He’s right though,” Matt continued, “Break would have been the perfect time to let everyone in on the dirty life of Aubrey Hughes. Now the entire school will get involved at once.”

“I think you should have announced New Years Eve. Half the people there were so drunk they probably wouldn’t have remembered it,”

Yes, that would have been a perfect plan. Too bad I was busy making out with my cousins boyfriend at the time, “Look, I haven’t told anyone yet, and I’m not ready to, so if anyone comes up to me and says something, and I mean ANYONE, I will have your heads, Louis and Matthew Hughes.” I grabbed tufts of hair from their heads and pulled for emphasis on my threat, and they both put their hands up as they cried out in pain.

“We got it, jeeze, now please let us go keep secrets in peace.”

“Good.”

The minute we pulled into the parking lot, I began to dread the day more than ever. There were so many people that I hadn’t seen in a month, it was a little unnerving. I prayed that no one would notice that there was something different about me. My cousins saw me all the time, they weren’t looking for anything. These people barely knew me, though, and they’d be able to notice a few gained pounds or a look of utter distress.

The first person I ran into was of course Chloe, and I didn’t think it was a coincidence that she was casually standing in front of the main doors and I happened to walk in. She seemed way to happy to be back at school on this frigid winter day. The Chloe that I knew would be laying in a ball in front of her locker with six different sweaters and a look of pure disgust, but I guess she’s changed into an altogether happier person the past few days. So all I could think of as she approached me with her cheerful smile was how it would destroy her when she found out about Waeden and I’s illegitimate child.

“Aubrey!” She called out, “How are you?”

I glared at her, “Chloe, it’s the first day of school and it’s freezing outside. How are you so chipper right now?”

“Oh, it’s not that bad. Remember the day last year we came in and they had forgotten to turn the heat on so there were literally icicles hanging from the ceiling?”

I didn’t immediately respond, just stared at her with my hands keeping warm under my arms, “Who are you and what have you done with my cousin?”

At that moment, Louis and Matt walked up and wrapped their arms across her shoulders.

“Mornin’, Chlo!”

“Isn’t this just a beautiful day? What a great way to start school.”

“New semester, new year, new life…It’s all just wonderful.”

I glared at the two of them, but Chloe laughed, “See, Aubrey? They’re feeling optimistic too!”

“Optimistic isn’t the only thing they’ll be feeling,” I mumbled under my breath. “Let’s get away from these doors, I’m freezing,”

As we walked away, however, we left the cold and my devious brothers only to run into the last person on earth I wanted to see.

Justice Monterey.

Justice Monterey was that girl, the one that thought she was the hottest piece of bacon and made sure that everyone else knew it. If you weren’t kissing the ground that she walked on, you were staying fifty feet away cowering in fear. Justice made it perfectly clear who she liked and who she didn’t, and Chloe and I were at the top of the wrong list. This was because not only did we keep her from laying a finger on my brothers, Michael, and Brandon, but we weren’t afraid to tell her that she had a Jupiter-sized zit on her forehead. However, this meant that she worked twice as hard to make our lives a living hell.

She looked the two of us up and down before sneering, hands on her hips, “Chloe, Aubrey,”

“Justice,” I replied coldly as we stood our ground.

Justice turned to me and smirked, “Looks like someone had fun this break. Gained a few pounds this winter, did we Bre?”

It took everything in me not to let the worry show on my face, because it had immediately consumed me. I wasn’t sure if she was saying that just to pick at me, or if she could really tell that I was growing a bulge. A big, fat, baby bulge that would grow and grow until I couldn’t see my feet. I knew that I had only gained five pounds since the whole ordeal started, but I wasn’t positive that I wasn’t initially losing weight due to all the throwing up I was doing and all the eating I wasn’t doing.

“We could say the same for you, Justice. Is that fat or are you growing a third boob?”

She glared at us menacingly, “Watch your back, Hughes,” She threatened before turning and strutting away.

“I’ll tell you what,” Chloe said after Justice was out of earshot, “She is one thing I could do without in my life.”

“Agreed.”

The rest of the day went pretty calmly. I only ran into Justice once more, but she was too busy flirting with some male to even notice I was there. After I threatened the boys with severe punishment, they stopped imputing baby comments everywhere, but I knew that it wouldn’t be long before one of them slipped. Generally, though, school was just as it was last semester. No one looked at me differently, or said anything, or guessed that I was pregnant with my cousin’s boyfriend’s child. It was almost relaxing, and I felt like I could be myself.

After the first few days, however, I was getting overwhelmed with the mass of students I saw every day, that which largely included my family. Everyone seemed so happy and exuberant around me, and here I was keeping this huge secret from them. I was waiting for the moment where someone, anyone, would notice that I was getting a gut, or certain foods made me gag, or even that I had that 'glow' of new life. It didn't help that the twins would drop subtle hints every now and then, but while I would plan their deaths in the back of my mind, everyone else just shrugged it off.

One day after a particularly horrid day at lunch, I couldn't stand the smell of chicken that filled the cafeteria and escaped to my next class, which was conveniently empty. I enjoyed having those few moments to myself to collect my thoughts and emotions.

I needed to tell everyone sooner or later. Every day I kept it to myself was another day that this baby was growing, and soon I wouldn't be able to hide it. On top of that, I was sure that no one would appreciate my keeping this a secret for so long.

The first person I needed to tell was Waeden, but every time I saw him Chloe was right there next to him, and she wasn't exactly the first person I wanted in the room. Waeden needed to know before everyone else so he could wrap his head around the whole situation before he was bombarded with whatever was coming his way. For all I knew, the entire population would hate and shin us forever, leaving him and I to move and raise this baby in Iceland. Either that, or no one would care and he'd go on dating Chloe without a single care.

At that moment, Waeden walked into the room, and stopped in his tracks as he saw me.

"Hey," he greeted cautiously.

"Hey."

"Catching a break from the chaos of the first week back?"

"You could say that," There were so many thought running through my head, and so many things I wanted to say to him. I wanted to confront him about new years eve, yell at him for betraying my cousin, tell him about the consequences of our night together.

However, he beat me to it, "Look, Bre, I know there’s been some tension between us, but I wanted to say that I'm sorry about New Years-"

"You're sorry?" The anger inside me began to manifest, "Do you know how guilty I feel every time I look at Chloe? I shouldn't have to keep anything like this from her."

"I know, and it's my fault. I acted upon what I was feeling and I never should have done that."

I paused for a moment, collecting my thoughts. "Waeden, do you even care about Chloe?"

He looked up sharply and gave me a look between anger and amazement, "Of course I care about her. Aubrey I would never use someone like that. What's to gain out of that?"

"You used me," The words just came out like a sneeze, but I spoke defiantly and strong, unwilling to let the real emotions show.

"I never used you, Aubrey. I wasn’t going to take it anywhere, but you told me that it was okay, then you were the one who got all secretive afterwards and was like 'oohh, let's not tell anyone, secrets are fun!'" He mocked me in a high pitched voice.

"I don't sound like that! And maybe I've changed my mind about secrets."

"What are you saying, Aubrey, you want everyone to know now? Let the cat out of the bag? Because we can tell Chloe everything. Hell, I'll tell everyone if that's what you want."

"No, that's not!" I ran my hands through my hair in frustration, "Things have just gotten so complicated."

"Complicated how?"

"They just have."

He paused for a moment, "Aubrey, what is going on?"

I didn't immediately respond, as I wasn't entirely sure what to say. I never would have thought that this would be the way I would tell Waeden, but the conversation had left me no choice. It was either that or dance around the subject until a better time. But there was never going to be a good time for news like this.

Finally, I took a deep breath, "Waeden, I-"

"There you are!"

Both of us jumped and turned as Chloe entered the classroom and sat down next to us. She was my cousin and I love her, but she has the worst timing ever.

"When you weren't at your locker I figured you had escaped up to the classroom, and here you are!" she said to Waeden as she sat down next to him. She then directed her attention to me, “Are you okay? You left lunch pretty quickly.”

“Yeah, just had a headache. I feel better now though,” I lied. If anything, I felt worse than I did before she walked in the room.

Chloe took my answer without question, and she quickly continued talking animatedly to Waeden. He seemed truly interested in their conversation, but every now and then he would glance at me, hoping I would say what I was going to say when it was just the two of us. I didn’t, though. I just listened.

My secret remained a secret for another day.

___________________________________________________

I had only been in the principal’s office once before in my school girl career, which is actually quite amazing considering all the crap the twins and I have gotten into. I was a freshman, and Michael and his friends were picking on me in the lunch room for being a baby in the high school world. Finally, I had enough and impulsively threw my pudding in his face. I probably would have gotten away with it if the strictest teacher wasn’t standing ten feet away and witnessed my outburst of emotion.

So I spent the next twenty minutes listening as Principal Moore lectured me on my inappropriate behavior. I probably would have paid more attention if I could concentrate on anything other than the pudding I had wasted on Michael’s face. Eventually, he let me go with no more than a warning and a hope that he wouldn’t see me in his office again.

Two years later and I was back again, and this time I had brought my mother along, or more like she brought me. I was a lot more nervous this time around, because I really didn’t know what would happen. The most I could get for a pudding fling was a slap on the wrist and a detention or two. For all I knew I could be facing expulsion once he found out about my current situation.

We walked in, and he had this simple smile on his face. One that said, ‘I don’t know why you’re here but I won’t hesistate to go all devild apprentince on you once you tell me’.

“Chloe, Mrs. Hughes, please sit down,” He greeted as he motioned to the two chairs on the opposing side of his desk.

“Thank you for seeing us, Mr. Moore,” My mom replied, and I was truly glad she was here. He might be the principal, but she was my mom, and she wasn’t afraid to rip of heads in a defensive-momma-bear style.

“That’s what I’m here for. Now, what is this meeting today here for?”

“Well, Aubrey has gotten herself into a situation, and we wanted to bring it to your attention before it got…big.”

I put my head down for a moment to hide my inappropriate smile. It was from my mother that us children got our sense of humor.

He leaned back in his chair, ready to pounce, “Okay. What seems to be the situation?”

My mom was quiet for a few moments, and I knew that she was looking for the right words, “Aubrey is eight weeks pregnant.”

He didn’t say anything at first, and I was sure he was going to attack. He didn’t, however, and after a few seconds he replied, “Ahh…well I can see why you wanted to bring it to my attention early. The only thing we can really do at this time is exempt you from physical education, as we don’t want any harm coming to you or the baby. Once this becomes public-“

“You’re not going to expel me or anything?” I blurted out incredulously.

He turned to me and smiled, “Of course not. These things happen all the time,” He then leaned forward in his chair, “You’re not the first student at this school to get pregnant, Miss Hughes.”

I didn’t give him a reply, just a look of understanding. He wasn’t going to kill me, or expel me or even give me detention. If anything, I was getting rewarded because I didn’t have to take P.E. My heart leapt a little bit, and my nerves calmed down. I was going to walk out of this office alive. Now, if only it was going to be this easy when I told everybody else.

“As I was saying, Once this becomes public, we might have some disagreement between other parents in the school, but we’ll take care of that when it comes.” He continued, “For now, this will stay between us. When you feel you are ready, Aubrey, will be when we inform the rest of the faculty.”

“Thank you for everything, Mr. Moore,” My mother replied graciously.

“That’s what I’m here for. Now, Aubrey, have you decided what you’re going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“What you’re going to do with the baby. Are you going to keep it or give it up for adoption?”
That was something that no one had asked me, and truthfully I hadn’t really thought about it, “I’m not sure.”

“Well, let us know when you do. If you do decide to raise it we’ll have to work something out for your senior year. Making sure you graduate is our most important goal.”

“Thank you, Mr. Moore. We’ll keep in touch.” My mother replied, and just like that, the meeting was over.

I, however, had a whole new bucket of questions to think about.