Let Me Know

I spent the next day at school cowering in fear, waiting for someone to approach me and ask if the rumors were true. Just one suspicious glance-and-whisper combo was all I needed to tell me that Justice had spread the word about my pregnancy. I tried to convince myself that even this was too cruel, even for her, but the sensible part of my mind couldn’t believe her. Justice was the epitome of evil, and she was waiting for the right moment.

Brandon was the first person to notice my shady behavior, and after third period he pulled me aside.

“What’s going on with you, Bre? You look like you’re waiting for the police to come and arrest you.”

I laughed not only because the idea was funny, but my nerves had been on such high alert that this was the only way they knew to relax. I would rather get taken away by the police than have to face Justice at this point. At least it might make an awesome story if the cops burst into school and dragged me away in a lit up car. Reality was only going to cause me embarrassment and ridicule.

“Don’t be extreme, Brandon,” I chided him, thinking on the fly, “I just know that Betty will be looking for me to submit an essay for that magazine she loves, and I don’t really want to run into her.”

He chuckled, “You look like a madman, Bre. I thought you were avoiding Justice or something, but that’s not like you.”

I couldn’t help as my eyes widened in shock of the fact that he guessed right, but he didn’t notice.

Instead, he grinned as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, “Just as long as you’re not in trouble. I don’t want to have to hurt anybody.

“Brandon, you couldn’t hurt a fly. Leave the bullying to our bothers and stay innocent, okay?”
“Whatever you say, Bre.”

I hated lying to my family, and as he walked away, I was instantly filled with grief. One could only hope that when the truth comes out, they understand why you -lied instead of hating you for it. The only advantage I had going on was that they were family, and you can’t hate your family. It’s just not possible. If this were true everyone would have turned their backs to Aunt Katie a long time ago. Instead, we continue to invite her to everything so she can manipulate and gossip some more, and she’s not even blood related.

I didn’t run into Justice once that day, and while it made me a little relieved, I didn’t once let my guard down. I knew how the woman worked, and she would give me time to sweat with fear, then calm down, thinking she would keep it in. Then, when I was least expecting it, she would announce it with a megaphone or have her daddy pay for a billboard to put in front of the school, because nothing was done half-assed when it came to Justice, including her hobby of ruining lives. It was part of the reason why I hated her so much.

With all my energy focused on avoiding Justice, however, I completely forgot that I still needed to talk to Waeden. While he had been momentarily bumped down on my list of things to freak out about, it was still important. As the final bell rang and I caught a glimpse of him leaving the building, I realized I only had one more day to tell him before everybody else. If I had to, I would hunt him down until he was alone, then force him to listen to me.
Still, despite the impending doom that was quickly arriving at my heals, I left the campus with a bit of relief, knowing that I would live to see another day.
_____________________________________________________________________

Later that night, Chloe came over so I could help her study for the French test we had the next day. It was the first time I had spent a substantial amount of time alone with her since new year’s, and it made me more uneasy than it should have. This was my best friend, and the fact that I had to clean up and hide pills, books, and pictures from her showed that something was wrong. It also didn't help that Justice had taken over my thoughts recently, and i was still acting weird even though her presence wasn't looming over me like at school.

After a while, however, I began to relax and become myself again. I had almost forgotten how comfortable I could be with Chloe when Waeden and everything he stood for was there. It was the reason we had such a strong connection compared to our other female relatives. If it weren't for our drastic differences in appearance, one might think we were twins.

"I don't understand any of this!" Chloe shouted as she threw her papers across the floor.
I laughed, "Yes you do, and you’re doing fine. You just need to work on your verb tenses."
She glared at me as she crossed her arms, "Why did I agree to take this language with you again? We could be watching The Lion King right now, like Brandon."

"It was your idea too! Remember, we decided that we were going to take French so when we went to France after graduation we wouldn't get lost!"

"Oh my god, I forgot about that!" she replied, laughing. "That way, when the French men would fall completely in love with our American beauty and knowledge, we'd know what they were saying when they told us, 'tu es le soleil de ma vie!'"

"Oui, mon ami!" I replied, throwing my hand out dramatically.

We continued to laugh hysterically, and it was only after we calmed down did Chloe speak again, "I don't think Waeden would be very pleased with that idea now, though."

I looked down to hide the frown that immediately appeared. It was the first time he had been mentioned all night, and just the sound of his name brought repressed guilt. For a few moments, I had completely forgotten about everything that had to do with him, Chloe and me.

"How is everything with Waeden?" I asked after a few moments, trying to not only ease the newborn tension but also continuing as the friend I wanted to be to her.

"Oh Aubrey, things are so wonderful between us!" She exclaimed excitedly, and a new kind of smile covered her face, "I mean, I know about that with every new guy I date, but he's different. He's kind of quiet, like Brandon, which is probably why they're such good friends, but he's not intimidated by my craziness. It's perfect."

"That's good," I replied, but inside I was screaming how bad everything was. I hadn't just envisioned a perfect world for the two of them, it was real. And here I was, about to shatter it.

"And I know we only started dating, but I think I'm ready to take it to the next level," she whispered, leaning closer to me. "It might be jumping into things, but I really think I'm ready. We've kind of talked about it, and can you believe he's only been with one other person?"

"No, I can't," I replied truthfully. That meant that one person was me, something he never mentioned that night. I wondered why he would waste it on me when he really wanted Chloe, but maybe that was the reason why. It was a sense of manliness, and he didn't want to seem like a poor, inexperienced boy. "Did he say who?"

She shook her head, "No, just that it was someone he really cared about. I can't remember who he's dated, though."

I resisted the urge to scoff. If Waeden really cared about me, then I was living in an alternate universe. However, there was a small voice in the back of my mind that brought me back to New Year's Eve and what he had told me. Maybe at one point he did have some kind of affection for me, but that was gone as soon as he left my bed. Waeden belonged to Chloe now, and any feelings that may or may not have been there disappeared as soon as she said yes.

"I'm happy for you, Chlo," I said after a few moments, and while it might not have been true, I wanted it to be. I wished for a world where I could be happy for my cousin and her blooming relationship, where this baby and everything it brought didn't exist.

A few hours and many French verbs later, Chloe finally left with a confident head on her shoulders. What she didn't take with her, however, were the thoughts of our earlier conversation. I knew I had to tell both her and Waeden about my pregnancy, and I knew it would hurt them both. What happened between us was in the past, that's why I had made the decision to keep it a secret. Yet here it was, sticking it's big, ugly truth in between the three of us.

As I continued to think about it as I laid in bed that night, a new feeling of sadness joined my already massive collection of emotions. However, it had nothing to do with the baby and more with Waeden and Chloe's blossoming relationship. And was there a hint of...jealousy? No, that wasn't possible. Waeden and I had nothing but a onetime rendezvous, and Chloe was my best friend. I should want nothing more than happiness for them.

Still, I couldn't shake the feeling, and Waeden's words continued to resound in my head. New Year's Eve he not only called me amazing but hinted at having feelings for me, and today Chloe said that he had spent the night with someone he cared about. If I had acted sooner, it might be me happily holding his hand instead of her.

The fact of the matter was, however, that it was Chloe and not me. Any chance I may or may not have flew out the window the day they got together. To ask Waeden to forget about her and be with me would be selfish. And that's exactly what this baby was going to do.
So, as I drifted off into a restless sleep, I made a decision.

_________________________________________________________

The next day at school, I tried to find a moment to talk to Waeden alone, but every time he seemed to evade my gasp. I’d catch him at his locker, but on my way there some kid with a massive wall of hair would step directly in my path, and by the time I got around, Waeden would be gone. Normally he was following my every move, hiding just out of view with all the symbolism and thoughts he embodied. Today, however, I couldn’t even get him to even look at me.

What made matters worse was that, after our bonding/study session, Chloe decided that we didn’t spend nearly enough time together, and followed me around like a puppy, chatting about this or that. Granted, most of it was asking me French questions for the test that she was still freaking out about, but every now and then she’d throw in her two cents on who was wearing a hideous sweater, or how she couldn’t believe two people were actually going out. While it was nice to have my cousin back, and I did enjoy the company she brought, as it had been a while since we were like this, I couldn’t help but think that this was the worst day for her to rekindle our friendship. How was I supposed to ask Waeden for a moment alone when his girlfriend was nipping at my heels everywhere I went?

My perseverance paid off during lunch, however, when he arrived later than the rest of us, jumping in line while we already had our food. I made an excuse about forgetting to grab a fork before sneaking up behind him.

"Waeden," I whispered as I scooted up next to him in line.

He turned to me and smiled, "Hey what's up?"

"I need to talk to you today. It's important."

A look of surprise crossed his face, and he nodded, "Of course, what, like, after school?"

"Can we go somewhere private? Like a cafe or something."

"Aubrey what's-"

"Please, Waeden."

He didn't reply at first, and he looked concentrated as he stared at me. I felt uncomfortable, but I wasn't going to break. This needed to be done. He would understand later.

"Okay, I'll meet you after school." He replied, and I walked away with another weight lifted off my shoulders.

As I sat down at the table, however, a wave of nausea hit me, and I gagged, "Oh my god, what is that smell?"

"You mean this?" Brandon picked up his bowl and held it closer to me.

I shoved him back in repulsion, "Yes, that, it smells awful. What is it?"

"It's just clam chowder, Bre, and it smells just fine to me. I thought you liked this stuff."

I did once upon a time, but apparently my baby doesn't, “yeah, well, I've changed my mind, and I don't want that anywhere near me. I'll just stick to my pie, thank you very-"

"Aubrey? Aubrey Hughes?"

I dropped my fork in complete terror as I turned towards the voice. There, standing on the opposite side of the cafeteria, was Justice.

'Please don't, please don't, please don't" I chanted in my head, hoping she could hear me. I was so close to telling everyone, I did not need her doing this now.

"Aubrey, what's going on-" Chloe tried to whisper to me, but Justice continued before I could respond.

"Oh, there you are! I just wanted to make sure you were eating right, no tuna or anything. Wouldn't want to hurt the baby, now would we?"

Oh god. That was it.

The entire room was silent as every pair of eyes was focused on me. I looked down at my plate, trying to think of what to do, and I could see the looks of shock that consumed those at my table. Sure, I could lie and feed Justice some line about how immature she was, but I knew that would hurt more when I did tell the truth.

"Aubrey-"

"I've got to go."

I practically ran out of there, trying to avoid the gazes that I knew were following. Someone would follow me, I was sure of it. I needed a moment, just one moment, though, to stop my mind and heart from racing.

This was it. This was the end. If I didn't die from the humiliation and heartache that was to follow, then I must be a god.

I made it to the third floor classroom and exhaled as I sat down. I wanted to cry, and the urge to was consuming me with every millisecond that passed by, but I wouldn't. I tried to tell myself that I needed to be strong; this was not the end of the world.

As my entire family plus Waeden ran into the room, however, all of that courage vanished like smoke.

"Aubrey, don't listen to her-"

"She's a coldhearted bitc-"

"-Doesn't know what she's talking about."

"Guys," I shouted, and everyone got quiet. I glanced to Matt and Louis, whom I thought would be eager for this moment, but actually seemed nervous and apprehensive.

I had to tell them now, distill the worry and rumors. While I would have wished for a happier ending where I was in control, I knew that imaginary ship had sailed. Justice had won.

"Guys, she was right," I whispered, forcing myself to look at all of them Instead of the desk, "I'm...I'm pregnant."

Everything was silent as the shock began to settle in for all of them. Then, as quickly as they went away, the questions began once more.

"Are you serious?"

"Aubrey, why didn't you tell us?"

"I tried to!" I cried. "I tried to tell you, but it never felt like there was a right moment. That's why I wanted everyone to get together tomorrow, so I could tell you all. I was too late, though."

"Does anyone know?" Brandon asked.

"We do, but we were sworn to secrecy," Louis replied, "The whole family knows,"

"Oh, Aubrey," Chloe cried as she ran around and threw her arms around me. I held on tightly, knowing that the inevitable question was to come, and she wouldn't be as comforting. "I can't believe you thought you couldn't tell me, I’m so sorry!"

"Who's the dad?"

"Is it that asshole Thomas? Because I can set him straight if you want me to."

"No, it's not Thomas."

"Then who?"

I looked at Waeden, and I knew that he knew. He knew on that November night that he was the first and everything after began to put itself in place. I could the pleading on his face, though, and he was begging me to be wrong, to not ruin his life.

"Wait," I heard Brandon say, and I knew that he had understood, "Are you saying that...He's the...Waeden?"

"Waeden?" I finally let go of his gaze, and I could see the hurt and disbelief as Chloe looked between the two of us.

"Yeah," I whispered, putting everyone’s wandering minds to rest. "It's him."

"Woah," Michael, Louis, and Matt said simultaneously.

Chloe looked at me, and I wasn't sure whether she was going to slap me, scream at me, or cry. I wanted to comfort her, but there was nothing I could do. I broke the rules.

She didn't do anything, but turned and gave Waeden the same pained look. He tried to explain, "Look, Chloe,"

"Don't," she replied, stepping away from all of us as she continued to exchange looks between me and Waeden. "I've got to go," she said once more before turning and leaving the room.

I looked at Brandon, and while he didn't quite understand what was going on, I could see nothing but concern on his face, "Aubrey-"

"Go after her, Brandon. She needs you more than I do," I replied, and it was true. I had a month to deal with this and the implications it had. Chloe didn't.

He nodded, then gave me one more sympathetic look before following After Chloe.
"Well..." Matt said, and I knew the situation had gotten awkward even for them. "Were going to go, we’ll give mom a call, let her know what's happened."

"Maybe she'll make you some comfort cookies,"

I tried to smile, but my heart wasn't in it. As much as they tried, there was nothing they could do at this point.

"Come on, Michael, let's go," Louis said as he grabbed his cousins arm, and the three of them left.

I turned to Waeden, and he was still looking at me with shock. I wanted to say something, but the right words escaped me. I hated putting him in this situation, and for the first time, I wished the whole thing has never happened.

"I guess we don't need to talk after school, then," he whispered after a few moments.

The tone of his words stung me, and I winced, "I'm sorry, Waeden. I meant to tell you before everyone else, it's just... I could never catch you alone, you were always with Chloe, and I couldn't exactly ask to be alone with her boyfriend." I put my head in my hands, "This is all so wrong."

"How did this happen? I thought we were careful."

"Apparently not careful enough."

"And you're positive-"

"I'm positive." I replied defiantly. I know that I easily rolled into bed with him, but the subliminal accusation still hurt.

Silence filled the room once more, and I tried to understand what was going through his head, but his face remained blank.

"So, what do we do now?"

"What?"

"Like, as far as preparing. I mean, you'll obviously take care of it for the most part, but you'll need a break every now and then." He ran a hand through his hair. "Are you going to take next year off? Maybe I'll do the same-"

"No," I shouted as all of my emotion turned to unexplained anger, "That won't be necessary. I've already decided to give it up?"

He turned to me in shock, "What? But Aubrey-"

"No, Waeden. Do you really think I can raise a baby with you?" My voice got louder as I became more hysterical. Who did he thing he was that he could just jump in and play the role of a father. "We know nothing about one another other than the fact that we can reproduce just fine."

"Aubrey, just give me a chance,"

"No, Waeden, I've made up my mind. It's what's right for both of us."

"What's right for both of us?" He yelled back, and I could tell he was getting just as angry as I was, "You said yourself you don't know anything about me, so how could you know what's right for me?"

The thought of Chloe and her pained face crossed my mind. "I just do."

He was going to retaliate, but the school bell rang and other students began to fill the classroom, not hesitating to first gawk at me. Realizing that the conversation was over, Waeden went and took his seat, and I sunk deeper in mine.

I watched as Chloe entered the room, and as she went to her seat she didn’t even glance at Waeden or me. She covered it up well, but I could tell by the blood in her eyes that she had been crying. I wanted nothing more than to run over and comfort her, because that’s what I wanted as well.