Fate & Control

Nay found it a tad bit pathetic that she was dreading walking into her own apartment. She had just gotten engaged and should have been ecstatic to spend time with Oli. But now it felt like all she wanted to do was avoid him or just run for the hills. He’d been struggling with no signs of changing; she thought that him proposing meant that he was willing to change. That he was willing to work on fixing himself and their relationship. The only thing he seemed to be doing was the exact opposite. Oli seemed to be getting worse and Nay didn’t know what to do about it. Every attempt she at helping in had failed and sometimes she didn’t know why she didn’t just pack all her shit and leave. But at the end of the day reason why was simple.

She loved him.

Nothing more and nothing less. Nay loved Oli and she couldn’t picture her life without him. No matter how hard it got at times, she was determined to never give up on him. The man she was with now wasn’t her Oli. This man was just having a rough time lately and wasn’t himself. Nay was determined to bring him back to how he used to be.

Nay sighed as she turned the key in the lock to her front door. She took a deep breath before she opened it and was instantly greeted with the strong scent of booze. Her nose crinkled in disgust from the smell and the sight of empty bottles and others leaking onto the floor. As she walked further into the apartment she noticed the living room was trashed. The coffee table was flipped over and a vase that was once filled with roses was now scattered and broken on the beige rug.

She was pissed that her fiance had managed to trash their apartment in such a small period of time. Nay realized Oli was most likely high when he’d done it but that still didn’t change the fact that she knew she’d be the one that ended up cleaning up his mess. Stepping over the mess she headed towards the bedroom where she assumed her fiance was. This wasn’t a new occurrence for her to find her home like this. Sadly so was more surprised when her home wasn’t like this. When Nay entered her bedroom, she sighed heavily and sadly at the sight of her fiance passed out on top of their bed.

The position he was sprawled out in looked everything but comfortable and she refused to maneuver him so he would wake up comfortable. Nay dropped her bag to the floor in annoyance and moved towards her dresser to change into her sweatpants and a t-shirt. Once she’d finished changing she went to the closest to collect material to clean up Oli’s mess. It was frustrating to have to do this so regularly and she was getting fed up with it.

You’re clearly out of your mind for staying with this man.

Nay was tired of living like this and putting up with Oli’s shit. But every time she wanted to leave there was always something that kept pulling her back in. She let her mind wander as she cleaned up with her headphones in. Nay wanted to drown out the world as she worked and for the most part it was working. She was half way through vacuuming the living room when she’d shrieked from the feeling of arms snaking around her waist. She shut off the vacuum and stood up straight body going tense in her fiance’s arms.

Oli took her headphones out of her ears and placed her phone on the couch. “It’s not really nice to have the vacuum going while someone is sleeping, Babe.” he murmured nuzzling his face into her neck..

“It’s also rude to trash our home, while leaving me to be the one to clean it all.” she snapped, not in the mood to deal with her fiance’s bullshiit. Whatever he was under the influence of previously was still in effect, he was too carefree about the situation and it was pissing her off. “Oli just go back to bed or stay in the bedroom while I finish cleaning your mess” she growled, leaning down to turn the vacuum back on. Nay tried to make out of his embrace but Oli just held onto her tighter and squeezed his arm tighter around her stomach.

“I’m sorry, Babe” he tried to sweet talk her but she wasn’t having it. “I just got a bit upset while you were away”

“That’s not an excuse to trash the fucking house!” she shouted managing to yank herself out of his hold to turn around and face him. “Oli, you can’t keep going on like this. We can’t keep going on like this. I love you and its killing me to see you destroying yourself like this. You need help.”

The playful expression on his face died and was replaced with annoyance and anger. “I’m fucking fine, you need to stop acting like a bitch and worrying over nothing. Its getting annoying” He was slowly starting to back her up against a wall as he spoke and it was making her nervous.

“Well sorry if me caring about my fiance is annoying. I’m just scared I’m going to come home to find you dead cause you overdosed on whatever the fuck it is you’ve been taking!” her eyes were welling up with tears as she spoke. They’ve had multiple arguments about Oli’s drug use and every time it felt as if she was talking to a wall. He flat out refused to listen to her concerns and would just brush everything she said to the side.

Oli had her pinned between them against the wall and she gulped, Her heart rate started to increase and she felt as if it would break out of her chest. Nay glanced up at the man she called her own and didn’t recognize him. The man she loved was a shell of his old self and she didn’t know what to do to make him better again.

“”There is nothing fucking wrong with me. If anything its my way of dealing with you smothering me all the goddamn time. There is nobody else out there that could possibly put up with you, so don’t try and push your fucking luck. You need me. Don’t forget I can have anyone I want. I could leave you at any second, so don’t push me” Oli practically yelled in her face before pushing himself off the wall and heading back towards their bedroom.

Nay flinched when she heard their bedroom door slam shut. Her body was shaking and she was breathing heavily as she slide down to the floor. She could feel herself coming apart at the seams and she didn’t know what she could possibly do to make things better. She hadn’t been happy in so long and it was almost like she couldn’t remember what a happy and healthy relationship looked like. Her and Oli were far from that and she was scared that it would only be a matter of time before they two of them crashed and burned. .