Save Your Heart.

“I have something to tell you,” Zack says, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he talks to Jack, his best friend, as they stand outside of Holly’s locker.

“So do I,” Jack says with a grin, “so do you want to go first?”

“No, you go.”

“Ah, well,” Jack starts, before he leans in close and whispers in Zack’s ear, “I’m gonna ask Holly to marry me at prom.”

“Oh.” Zack replies, pulling back and blinking a few times, looking away from Jack to see the blonde girl in question a few feet away down the hall.

“What did you have to tell me?” Jack asks, not looking at the boy in front of him as he turns to take hold of his girlfriend’s hand.

Zack sighs.

“It-It doesn’t matter, okay?”

And with that, Zack disappears off down the corridor, eyes downcast and glassy.

Jack frowns after him, up until Holly squeezes his hand and his attention shifts.

Jack does propose at prom (and Holly, of course, says yes) and it’s beautiful, cute, perfect, whatever other sickly sweet adjective Zack decides to pull from the confines of his mutinous mind.

And of course, he’s Jack’s best friend, and being a best friend requires him being at both the wedding and the reception, because over everyone else, Jack chose him to be his best man.

They’re both eighteen now, have been for a while, but it doesn’t stop the way that Zack’s heart stutters when he sees Jack. He should probably get that checked out.

It’s at Holly’s dress fitting (she’s decided she wants a male opinion, and who better than her fiancé’s best friend?) when he realizes all his feelings are, in fact, for nothing, because Jack cares about this girl and not him. And wow, that hurts more than he thought it would.

“I don’t know, I feel like it bulges all weird.” Holly complains, frowning at her reflection. She looks great. No, really. He’s not just saying that.

“It looks fine,” Zack says with a small nod, “Jack will love it, I know it.”

Holly gives him a small smile, because they’ve never really got along all that well, but she appreciates the effort.

At the wedding, Zack figures he’d be better off just shooting himself in the head and getting it over with, because anything has to be better than the knife digging deeper and deeper into his chest, slotting nicely against his ribs.

Rian notices the way his eyes are trained on the floor, eyes glazed with fresh tears as he fights to stop them from spilling over. He reaches over, squeezes Zack’s knee gently, and in that instant, the blonde boy knows that he knows. Rian always knows, he never has to be told anything.

Alex however, is the complete opposite. Zack told him, right after Jack proposed, in the few fleeting moments he thought he maybe still stood a chance. But no.

There’s the small problem of the fact that Zack still has a speech to give –or rather, improvise, since he never got around to prewriting one. It was too difficult.

“If there is any reason why they may not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Zack wants to stand, wants to scream out ‘because I love him! Not her, me!’ but he doesn’t. Because he can’t ruin his best friend’s special day because of his stupid feelings.

Rian squeezes his knee again, harder.

The reception is difficult, more difficult than it should be. Jack insists he’s not going to change now that he’s a married man, and that comment just twists the knife deeper into Zack’s chest.

Zack slips away for a moment, on the premise of ‘goin’ for a smoke’ and finds himself sitting on the sidewalk outside the hotel, eyes watering and fingers knotting in his thick, blonde curls.

“You love him, don’t you.” Rian’s voice comes, and Zack knows it’s not a question. It never is with Rian.

“Since I first met him.”

“You were eleven.”

“That’s not the point, Rian.” Zack sighs. He does that a lot lately. “Even then, I knew. I could tell.”

Rian smiles slightly, sits down beside Zack on the sidewalk and absently rests his arm around the younger boy’s shoulders.

Zack frowns at the road and then at Rian, only for a second, before forcing himself to his feet.

“I can’t do this.”

“But it’s his wedding day.”

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t do this.”

Rian stands then, presses his palms hard into Zack’s shoulders.

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I can’t. Rian, you’ve never watched the person you love sign themselves off to someone else. You have no idea whether I can do this or not.”

Zack pushes Rian’s hands away and looks at the older boy with sad eyes.

“You give the speech. You’re a better friend to him than I am.”

“Zack, you know that’s not-”

“Please, Rian.” Zack interrupts, eyes glazing over again. “I’m not strong enough. Please.”

“Alright,” Rian replies eventually, albeit reluctantly, “how am I going to explain it, though.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Zack says with a small nod, sniffing and wiping his eyes, “I’ve already dealt with that.”

And with that, Zack forces out a small smile and turns away from the hotel, disappearing off into the night.

Rian returns inside just as everyone is taking their seats for dinner. His shoulders droop slightly when he notices the empty seat beside Jack with Zack’s name tag there. He notices the younger boy frown, but then Holly smiles at him and all seems to be forgotten.

They wait, for a time, to see if Zack shows, but he never does, just like Rian and Alex knew he wouldn’t. Jack frowns at the wall opposite and starts to play with his own name tag, folding and unfolding the rectangle of cream card.

It’s then that he notices Zack’s handwritten print on the inside. He unfolds it again, to read the writing there.

‘You were always my everything. My whole world, wrapped up inside one person. I’m sorry. –Zee’

Jack raises an eyebrow, tucks the card in his pocket and leans across the empty place setting to talk to Rian.

No one sees or hears from Zack in the two years after the wedding. Jack thinks he’s gone to England to visit his cousins, Rian assumes the worst and Alex thinks he’s gone to college in some far-off state (and for once in his life, he’s not far wrong.)

It’s on one of the rare occasions Zack is in Baltimore when he runs into Jack –sans Holly.

It’s a long moment of frowning across the street until Jack recognizes the blonde boy with his head down and his eyes fixed on the floor.

“Zack? Zack Merrick?”

The blonde snaps his head up, narrows his eyes for a moment before his gaze falls on Jack and his expression softens a little as the younger crosses the street to talk to him.

“It really is you, huh?” Jack asks with a small, disbelieving smile. “Where did you go?”

“College. In California. I needed... I needed a break.”

“What from?” Jack asks softly, biting his lip and taking a tentative step towards Zack –who steps away from him quickly.

“Everything.” Zack says, running his fingers through his bright blonde, sun-lightened hair. “How’s Holly?”

Jack sighs, bites at his lip and tugs his fingers roughly through his dark hair.

“She left me last year, actually. On our wedding anniversary.” Zack gives him a pitiful expression. “Yeah, I know. Great timing, right?”

Zack wants to reach over and hug him, but that would just be weird.

“She said it was because I’m in love with someone else. Someone that’s not her. And she’s right.”

“But who-”

Zack looks up to see Jack holding a now tattered and dog-eared piece of card from his wedding day.

“You were always my everything, too.”

“No, no I wasn’t.”

Jack sighs, pushes his fingers through his hair and stares at Zack for a moment.

“Please don’t lie to me, Jack. I left so I could get over you.”

And with that, Zack turns and leaves Jack’s life again just as quickly as he had returned.

Jack stares desperately after him, eyes filling with the same tears he’s been crying for two whole years, except this time with a whole new level of sheer upset he didn’t know he knew how to feel.

He’s sitting on the same sidewalk a few hours later when a figure stops in front of him.

“You meant it, didn’t you.” Zack says. “I talked to Rian about it. He told me everything.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry.” Zack says in a tiny voice, shifting to sit beside Jack. “Really. For everything.”

“I know.” Jack replies, just as quiet.

And it’s then that they’re kissing, on some awkward angle in the middle of a dark, empty street in central Baltimore, both of them crying tears that have been praying for freedom for years now.

And for once, the world doesn’t matter, because they have it all right in front of them.