Ryan's Secret

I locked myself into the bathroom and reached inside my pockets to find the item that had became my best friend. I found it, but it wouldn’t get out, would it? I had to stand up, but that’s just easier to get to the bath really. I bent my knees to help lower myself down and flipped up the penknife. My legs were up against my chest, my knees up. My other arm rested on a knee and I just sat staring at the shiny, silver blade I held. I smiled at it, lifting it nearly an inch away from my skin. I made a long blink and a cut. I winced at the pain but smiled because of the pain. I felt…proud of the blood release. I made a few more cuts, still wincing and smiling at the pain. Brendon Urie won’t care about stupid Ryan Ross, no matter what he’s doing. The door opened. Mom. A towel was already covering the cuts although I had no idea how she got in.

“Hi Ryan,” She smiled at me. Bitch. “Brendon’s here, love.” What? Here now? When I’ve freaking cut myself like this?

Mom put her hands under the taps.

“Mind if I use this towel?” Yes, you bitch. She just took it away though, didn’t she? “Ryan! What’s happened?”

“Why here is Brendon?” I jumbled my words. Thinking of Brendon does weird things to your brain. But…how wonderful would it be to hug him, to kiss him, to fuck him...man.

“What now?”

“Brendon why is here? Kiss to fuck to him him hug to to him him…”

“Ryan! First, get your words right. Secondly, language!”

“Huh?”

“Ryan! There’s blood all over your arm!”

“Yeah. There is.”

“Well, lets get you cleaned up, then.” No! Do you even know why I’ve done this?

I WANT TO FUCKING DIE!