Betrayal

"Rose?"

My eyes lifted from the candy I had previously been surveying. I decided it was wise to stalk up on my candy stash since we stopped at a gas station. Besides, due to my current emotional state, all I seemed to eat was loads of candy and sweet things.

"Rose, listen to me. I know Jimmy fucked up. And I mean, really fucked up, but you've got to let him talk to you! Let him explain things or something. He's- he's fucking hurt, Rose. You've got to fo-" I cut Johnny off.

"I don't have to do anything. I'm hurt too, Johnny. Besides, your just speaking to speak at this point considering I already forgave him." I gathered multiple packages of candy into my arms.

"You have?"

"The moment he confessed what he did." I grabbed more appetizing looking treats.

"Then why is he still fucking miserable?" He was being quite dramatic, flailing his arms about and such.

"Well, there may be a few reasons for that." He followed me to the icee machine, where I preceded to pour myself some off the frozen liquid. "One, he may feel guilty for how he's hurting me. Two, he may be hurting since he hurt me. Or three, which I assume it's this one, he's dealing with the fact that he ruined anything and everything we had, besides friendship, or course." I know. I can be a bit dramatic as well.

"Friendship? So you're still friends?" He continued to follow me as I made my way to the counter to purchase all my candy and drink. I nodded to him as the man behind the counter rang everything up. I handed him a bill from my wallet as Johnny spoke. "Then why haven't you talked to him in the last few days?" The man handed me my change and a plastic bag filled with my snacks. I thanked him and made my way to the buses with Johnny following me.

"I've talked to him! Just not much. Nor for very long. Or in the last two days." I muttered the last bit. Johnny rubbed his face as he groaned in frustration.

"Rosie- He's fucking shit right now, babe."

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?"

"Talk to him!" Again with the flailing of the arms.

"I can't, Johnny! He needs time to heal. Time away from me." He sent me a look of confusion and bewilderment. "What?" I questioned.

"How can you be so calm and collected? You both were never apart for months! You always shared "I Love You's" and were so fucking loving. Yet the moment he fucks it up, your completely chill. You don't seem to react. There's no pain, no anger, no tears. What the fuck's up with that?" He waited for a reply.

"Because, dear Johnny," I began calmly. "I know that if it was meant to be, then it would've happened. But it didn't! And that's okay! He'll always be my best friend. Well, after he moves on that is. We just turned out to be sort of stepping stones for each other. So, it wasn't meant to be. Oh, well!"

"Now, I know you're a good actress, Rose, but you sure as fuck suck at lying. You're in denial." He could see right through me.

"Well, Johnny, the buses are about to leave, so I better get back on mine. I'll see you later!" I avoided what he said completely.

No, I wasn't in denial. I just liked to pretend all of my emotions about what he did didn't exist when around others. Shannon and Alex were understanding, and good about giving me my space. They understood that I needed time and space to heal.

I made my way to my bunk. I gave up my attempt to abstain from my old bunk awhile ago. Of course it still smelt of him, but that's the reason I couldn't leave it. His scent offered a comfort that I needed. I removed my hoodie from my body to reveal the large black shirt of his that I wore. It too smelt of him.

I crawled into the sheets and looked above to see my homemade collage of photos. My fingers traced my favorite one of Jimmy. The one I took when we went on a picnic. He tried to make it a perfect date, but of course he dropped the sandwiches on the ground and set the blanket out on top of an ant pile. Nevertheless, I still managed to get the most beautiful photo of him. He wore a wide, goofy smile, and his blue eyes were brighter than the sky.

I quickly shook the thought out of my head and grabbed a bag of skittles. Our Candy.

I groaned in frustration at myself. I've turned into a little heart broken girl. All I do is relate anything and everything to him. Of course the candy had brought back memories of us always playfully fighting over the last one. I sent a glare to the offensive candy and dropped it back into the plastic bag. I lost all appetite for candy with the memory.

I reached out and pulled my teddy bear to me. I clutched it to my chest, and inhaled the soft scent of perfume it still held. Jimmy had helped me build it one day when we stopped for lunch. The restaurant was near a mall, and inside the mall was a build-a-bear. We dressed him in a red and black tie only, and named him James Owen Sullivan, Jr. "Our Baby", as Jimmy had said. I sprayed him of the perfume Jimmy had helped me pick out that day.

Suddenly, my phone had vibrated. I pulled it out of my sweatpants pocket and pulled up my inbox.

James, My Love <3

I sighed. Part of me wanted to read it. But I knew I probably shouldn't. But I did.

I love you.

It was a small gesture. One that he knew would have me soaring, if the circumstances were different. My teeth latched onto my lip as I contemplated whether to reply or not. A heavy sigh escaped my lips as my thumbs began to type away, something my brain argued against, but my heart fought for.

I love you, too.