Normal

“I think she looks like a man,” Olimpia says while tapping the window with her nails, glittering lavender today. Her nose scrunches and her lips tighten as she looks over across the isle with narrowed eyes. There’s a resentful undertone to her words that’s easily picked up and she isn’t exactly trying to hide her dislike.

Vicki shakes her head, disagreeing, and scoffs with a slight smile. “You just think that because she’s sitting behind Jules.”

Olimpia grumbles and Vicki knows this as true, that when she got on the bus the girl was determined to get any seat near the blond boy, only to watch as the last spot was robbed right before her eyes. By Savannah, who laughed and pulled some Stephanie girl beside her as if it were no big deal.

“Like she can sit where she wants,” Olimpia had mumbled when she first took her spot at the very back of the bus, arms crossed over her chest. “Which she can’t, I mean, I pretty much already mentally called dibs.”

Vicki had only laughed, actually a little relieved inside that the girl had stolen their spot. She’s not sure why, but that Savannah girl always causes this nervous knot to form in her stomach. It might be because of her confident air or the people she hangs around with or how perfect her skin is, but she scares her.

“I think her jaw is just way too boyish, like very square and masculine, just look at it, it’s completely- what the hell is she doing?” Olimpia’s voice shifts into a hiss as her light brown eyes snap to Savannah’s hands, now toying idly with the wisps of hair belonging to Jules.

“She’s playing with his hair?” Vicki’s not sure if the question's rhetorical or not and finds herself incredibly glad that the acidic stare directed across the bus isn’t on her person. She’s almost expecting Savannah to spontaneously combust under the intense pressure she’s obliviously receiving.

Vicki’s glad when a few moments pass and the girl’s insides remain on her inside.

Mr. Obo had, almost at random, announced that the class would be off to the city zoo the day before, handing out permission slips to be signed, most of which were haphazardly scribbled moments before he collected them that morning. Vicki guesses that it’s just a break for the weary old man, pawning off his entire class to other teachers to deal with because he’s already pulling out his thinning hair trying to deal with the teens. She reasons that he sort of deserves it too, considering the people he deals with on a daily basis.

Jules and Olimpia both in one class: the two people whose lips never seem to stop moving.

Vicki’s never been to the zoo before, either, and is actually a little excited to finally see all the animals. She’s never even crossed over the city lines, let alone ever laid eyes on exotic jungle cats or monstrous sea creatures or even a monkey. She really just wants to see a monkey. She will consider this trip a good one if she sees a monkey, any breed really, just a monkey.

Olimpia’s more excited for an entire day with Jules, no “stupid interruptions” like class to get in her way, as she liked to put it. Not that it ever got in her way before, though.

“I always knew our first date would be romantic, all the animals in love surrounding us, so cute,” the girl gushes with a wistful sigh, tightening her grip on the cream coloured scarf wrapped around her neck. Olimpia’s gaze rolls over the scenery falling from the window, a dreamy look in her eyes.

“It’s your first?” Vicki asks while toying with the hem of her sweater, barely paying attention. She has other things on her mind of much more importance, the same thoughts that have been plaguing her since the other morning. But she asks anyways, because she’s trying to make conversation and she can’t deny the curiosity itching in her throat.

Olimpia always has the most interesting things to say, really.

“Well, duh,” she says as if it’s clearest things in the world, rolling her eyes in an obvious matter. “I mean, it’s our first time out together ever since we confessed to each other. I’m pretty sure it’s a date, it’s got all the workings of one at least.” The grin splitting across her face is devilish, rivalling that of dear ol’ Cheshire.

It’s another one of those moments for Vicki, where she’s not sure if she should laugh or be concerned. On the tip of the tongue is the word “we” doused in curiosity. If she remembers correctly, it’s generally more of an unrequited crush of Olimpia’s, and sometimes she wonders to if the girl's actually drowned herself that far into delusion.

Either way, she laughs it off like always, shaking her head. For the time being, Olimpia’s sanity is the least of her worries, and she finds herself a lot more selfish as she tries pathetically answer the question that has been looming over her head, taunting her.

And the rest of the ride there is filled with useless chatter courtesy of the brunette girl, jumping to new topics every couple minutes like she always does. And Vicki tries to listen, she really does, but all she can do is nod and smile and pretend.

All that’s on her mind is Mark, about those secret nights in dark rooms with sweet kisses. And more importantly, the knowledge somehow holds about them. Just that little thought causes for her chest to constrict, almost like an invisible bind is wrapped around her.

The bus finally stops and everyone climbs off, each standing in front of the gate with anticipation. Tickets are being handed out and a teacher, Mrs. Martel who Vicki remembers having the year before, is standing before the crowd. She’s feebly trying to lay down some ground rules but none of the students care, and are much more interested in feeding the animals their French fries and hoping to see someone get attacked.

“I’m so excited! I can’t wait to see the giraffes… or the lions, or maybe even a cheetah!” Olimpia has her hands tightened into fists and is rubbing them together, a broad smile infecting her face.

Vicki nods her head and takes a ticket from one of the teachers. “Do you think we’ll get a chance to see all of them?”

Olimpia nods but her eyes are searching through the crowd and the girl has a feeling inside her bones that it won’t be just the two of them admiring the animals, not that she’s surprised anyways.

As soon as they’re allowed in, the giant swarm pushes forward and Vicki can feel someone’s elbows digging into her side, another person bumping into her shoulder. She makes sure that she doesn’t lose Olimpia, grabbing a hold of her wrist firmly she tries to go breathe amidst the people, slowly getting pushed forward without her own accord.

As soon as they break free, Vicki doesn’t have much time to decide on which path to go or which animals to see because the brunette at her side has already acquired a death grip on her arm and is pulling her down one of the trails. She isn’t surprised to see a mop of blond hair before them.

“Let’s go hang out with Jules,” Olimpia says with a smile, eyes wide and innocent.

Vicki rolls her eyes but manages out a mumble of agreement, a chuckle laced with her words. Though even when she makes an effort to keep up Olimpia still continues to tug her down the gravel path, her eyes on the prize.

The Asian girl tries to absorb as much as she can and she’s pretty sure she’s seen a couple birds in passing plus a few mammals she can’t really put a name to. She doesn’t think she’ll be coming back so she tries to take in as much as she can, and hopes that maybe Jules likes animals too. Maybe he has a deep dark fascination with them and wants to see every single animal in the zoo. Or well, at least, it would be a nice idea.

Though she most likely figures he’ll only be excited to harass the larger animals that can’t do anything about it.

Finally when they’re only a few steps away, Olimpia calls out his name one last time and he turns, their eyes meeting and a raised eyebrow. Vicki can see Wyatt and Savannah on either side of him, both glancing over their shoulders at the sound and coming to a stop. Vicki tries to slip her arm from the girl’s grasp and bows her head forehead, hiding as much as she can under her bangs. Embarrassment rises to her cheeks in the form of a rosy blush.

“I thought it would be fun if we all hung out together.” Olimpia blinks with the utmost purity, a childish smile on her lips as she looks up at the boy with hope.

Jules takes a deep breath and Vicki has no doubt in her mind that he’s going to shoo her off, whether or not politely she can't be positive about. But irratation is written across his face by her mere presence, if that's any indication.

Vicki's gaze slides over to Wyatt, whose face is, as she usually notices, empty. He doesn't seem to care if they tag along, not that it's any of her worries.

But before the boy can get a word out, Savannah pipes up and interrupts him. “Of course!” she agrees for Jules brightly without even a glance at the blond boy.

No one can mask their surprise; even Olimpia herself pauses for a moment in confusion. Of course this moment is short-lived because only seconds following and she’s saddled up beside Jules, an adoring glint in her eyes.

“Of course?” he asks blankly, awkwardly taking a step away from her and casting a look to Savannah as if to question her sanity.

Vicki almost feels bad for him, but not quite.

“Well, the more the merrier, right?” Savannah shrugs as if no damage has been down, and casts a glance over at Vicki and gives a smile.

Noticing the sudden attention, Vicki quickly averts her eyes on the ground, not sure what to do. Her plans to have a calm and peaceful time at the zoo have obviously been ditched and now Savannah's being nice to her, and her mind is sure how she's supposed to react.

“This is going to be so much fun!” Olimpia’s excitement is soaking from her pores as she grabs onto Jules’ arm, who gives her another incredulous look, and they take off down the path.

Everyone else follows and Vicki allows the pent up breath to push from her lips, swallowing the lump that's unconsciencely formed in her throat. All these people make her nervous.

Oddly enough though, as the day expires and the seconds fly by, Vicki does begin to enjoy herself. Apparently there are more than a thousand animals in the zoo, and every corner she turns is a new sight to see and a new animal to admire.

Savannah too, has revelaed to be extremely nice- reading little excerpts on the animals, giving Vicki a few almonds and even making small conversation with her between exhibits.

Of course Vicki is still a little apprehensive, but she finds her shoulders relaxing and actually holding some sort of conversation with the blond girl. Olimpia's much too preoccupied, anyways, to notice.

Even Jules looks like he’s enjoying himself, after he surrendered and allowed his arm to be conquered by Olimpia, who also took her eyes off the boy momentarily to see the giraffes, her favourite animal. He even makes a few jokes with girl, whose eyes seem to sparkle at the attention she's recieving.

The all stand in the dark room, staring into the illuminated tank before them, the blue light spilling onto their faces. Penguins slice through the water elegantly, almost dancing with each other in their own penguin way. Vicki looks up in wonder, her fingertips brushing over the cool glass.

“Did you know that penguins stay with their mates forever?” Olimpia sighs, pressing both her palms against the tank in amazement.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s mentioned one in every three romantic comedies,” Jules muses, crossing his arms, but still tilts his head to the side a little as his ice blue eyes follow one of the penguins through the water.

Vicki’s always been a little jealous of his eyes, their almost crystalline and the lightest shade of blue she’s ever seen on anyone. Hers were almost completely black, the pupil hardly noticeable. Maybe that’s why Olimpia’s so infatuated with him, she mentions them enough.

“I think it’s really cute,” Savannah smiles again, looking over at Vicki who noticing the pair of eyes on her, nods.

Mark’s eyes are a startling green, not even a speck of brown but just this very pure colour. Maybe he’s her penguin, she like to think to herself with a slight grin at her cheesy thought, but it’s a nice one.

And Olimpia seems to be softening up to Savannah too, if only a little bit but she still pitches a glance over and her lips quirk upwards, pleased. Her eyes are no longer narrowed in a murderous glare, which could be considered a development.

Vicki steps back and bumps into Wyatt accidentally, who only glimpses at her for a moment before stepping to the side, hands stuffed into his pockets. Vicki murmurs a quick apology and crosses over to where Olimpia is, trying to calm the red surfacing onto her cheeks.

She’s seen him snap once, a pretty boy taunting him foolishly who wasn’t so pretty afterwards, and she's not even sure if that's all he's capable of. What also scares her, more than a bit actually, was the insanity that clouded his eyes when she saw him tear apart that boy.

Sometimes she wonders if maybe the people aren’t as normal as she thinks them to be.

Another hour or so passes, and soon they’ve wandered off in front of where the gorillas live. Vicki watches as they lounge about, chewing on leaves and completely at ease. One of them is staring into the group of people while another is sleeping off to the side.

She wonders if she’d rather be an animal living in a zoo or free, completely in the wild. The first, everything is certain and provided for, bred in complete structure. The other is risky and daring, but much easier to slowly fade away into the chaos until all that’s left is a body with too many scars and too many secrets.

It slightly reminds her of her parent’s house, with a china cabinet that was dusted everyday and a cream coloured carpet that never saw any sort of dirt. Shoes neatly packed into a closet and homework completed, organized on a desk without even a ghost of dust.

And her uncle’s, leaning much more into the filth and anarchy of the wild.

“Gorilla’s are ugly as shit,” Jules concurs, pleased with his observation as he leans in close to the glass. He taps it a few times, and then a few times more with a lot more force, a smug smile on his face before turning his back. “Hey Wyatt, do you think that maybe you’re half gorilla?”

“You’re fucking hilarious,” the other boy deadpans, laughing dryly with a glare in his eyes.

“I thought so too.” Jules spreads his hand over his chest, feigning modesty.

He makes fun of Wyatt a lot, Vicki’s notices with surprise, but the other boy never does anything other than a light punch in the shoulder and a fierce glare. She wonders why, to herself, but decides she’d rather not get into their business.

She has her own, of course, so many of her own problems running wild in her mind and creating havoc in her peace that she wonders if any good can come of it. How could someone know, she ponders the thought, how could someone find out?

They were always so sure no one knew, she doesn’t even know if she can tell him, or if she should. A moment, and she decides she’s going to keep it to herself. It’s nothing; she reassures herself, nothing of concern.

A large smack surprises everyone and rips Vicki from her thoughts, echoing through her mind. Jules jumps, almost out of his own skin, and makes a grab for Wyatt, who even looks a little bit shocked himself. Olimpia screams and Vicki doesn’t know whether it’s her or the sound that’s causing all the commotion. Either way, her eyes are wide and her mouth slightly severs in astonishment.

“Oh my fuck!” Jules let’s out a girlish noise and grabs tightly onto Wyatt’s shoulder, genuine fear drowning in his eyes.

There before everyone stands one of the gorillas, and Vicki is almost positive that the creature is frowning, an almost disappointed in humanity type of frown. His nostrils flared and his eyes glassy, the gorilla frowned at them all.

Almost like he knew of the filth she was.

Whether it was the feminine noise Jules made or the angry gorilla or the entire situation itself, Olimpia begins to laugh. At first it’s just a giggle, like she’s trying to confine them to her throat, but they breed so quickly that soon the thunderous laughter she owns is rolling off her tongue.

And if anyone ever hears Olimpia laugh, the sort of laughter that isn’t just a giggle or a chuckle but an actual full-blown laugh, they know that she’s loud. Extremely so, to the point where every passer by gives her strange looks as both her hands clamp down on her mouth, the sound still leaking through her fingers.

And it becomes almost contagious.

Savannah begins to giggle, a lot quieter, and soon Jules joins in too. Even Wyatt releases a little chuckle of his own. Vicki smiles and, as she turns, it blossoms into a grin.

Because there, right in front of her, is a monkey. Her monkey. And it gives her even the smallest little satisfaction that something can go right in her life, and that’s all she needs.

.
.
.
.

Vicki sits in her room, her back pressed up against the pale walls, her knees brought up to her chest. The room itself is bare and she picks at the grey carpet on the floor, fraying near the edges of the room. The window above her reveals a midnight blue the sky has painted itself, the fuzzy echo of the moon behind the clouds. Her eyes are settled on the door opposite of the room, off-white with the paint chipping near the left corner.

Her nails trail over the thin skin stretched across her wrist, pink scars tarnishing the creamy flesh. She pushes her foot against the carpet, digging into the dirt hiding between. All she can see is the door, her mind visioning what’s behind.

Tomorrow, she tells herself, her heel pressing as hard as she can into the floor, tomorrow. Mark will come tomorrow, he most likely got caught up with some trivial affairs and misses her has much as it burns in her stomach. She knows he feels it too, she can almost feel his breath wash over her shoulder.

A knock on her door captures her attention, and soon a man is standing in the frame. His eyes are dark in unforgiving, exactly like hers.

“Don’t go downstairs,” he warns her just like every other night, no room for argument in his voice.

She can tell its because he doesn’t want his world to infect her, to taint her purity, but it’s too late. Her uncle’s words mean nothing to her now.

The clean, virgin girl who did her homework every night and never even thought of whispering a swear was left at her parent’s house, cleaning her drawers and helping out with dinner. It’s almost like a distant dream when she tries to pick up the faint memories, like watching someone else’s life. All that’s left is the waste she’s become with every night that passes.

But she has Mark, beautiful and smart Mark. He’s a business man, works for a very powerful company. She knows in her mind that when she’s finally of age, they no longer have to pretend.

He will be the one of save her from the dirt that she is, he has to be.

The door closes shut and his footsteps echo in the hollow corridor.

Sighing, she slides her fingers under the bed beside her until she bump into the cooling metal hidden underneath. With swift movements she brings the small little razor to her coal black eyes, the ones that Mark always stares into with something she'd like to believe is love. A smile tears across her face as she lightly presses into her fleshy forearm, a trickle of blood surfacing from underneath.

Vicki winces as her mind registers the pain, but nonetheless continues, running over previous nights she can faintly remember. Her mind slowly spins until she can hardly feel anything, and with every breath it’s almost like her ghost is seeping from her lips, watching the soulless body from across the room.

Before it can dribble onto the ground, she brings it to her lips and gives the skin a long lick, savouring the metallic flavour on her tongue.

Apparently, as someone has made it clear, they know. Written across the blackboard the two seemingly simple words have been impressed into her mind, and the paranoia is slowly crawling up her spine. A little voice in her mind is telling her that someone in that class knows about Mark, because she’s sure that it’s directed to her.

They know of her little voyages downstairs and they know of the room they hide away in. They know of his wife resting at home and of the cologne he sprays on his wrists to hide her skanky scent on him. They know.

But she wonders to herself, do they know how fucked up she really is?