Ha Ha Harlequin

Not having a phone, Harleen had to resort to using pay phones and the landlines provided in the asylum. Needless to say, she was not pleased. The money that she had been saving for a new apartment was now going towards a new phone. She sighed and closed the link on her computer that was displaying the latest in phone technology. A girl could dream.

It was about time for her first session with the Joker since the murder of Schift, which meant more police observation and intervention. She pulled a blond strand of hair away from her face and gathered her things. She left her office and headed in the direction of the maximum security wing where three police officers and an asylum guard were waiting for her. They seemed to be in a conversation that stopped at her arrival.

“The little nurse’s clinic is on the other side of town, blondie,” one of the cops said to her slyly, followed by a whistle from his two friends. “But if you’re here volunteering, I’m all up for a sponge bath.”

“I’ve got a lollipop for you at the end of this check up,” the second cop chuckled.

Harleen grit her teeth and tried her best to ignore them. The amount of sexism and condescension that she has experienced in this field was ridiculous. She thought she was in the 21st century, not the 15th.

“Hey, show a little respect for Ms. Harley here,” the asylum guard snapped at the three cops. It was one of the older guards that she recognized as always being kind to her. The nametag on his uniform read, ‘Hugh.’ She smiled at him, her expression full of gratitude. He nodded an understanding head at her, wrinkles visible in his dark skin, and opened up the door.

“Have fun princess!” the third officer called out, completely disregarding Hugh’s previous comment.

She stopped in the door and yelled over her shoulder as the door closed, “Fuck off.”

Pigs.

And suddenly, it was like she was in a completely different world, as if Gotham had some sort of vortex that took her away from the horrible, dingy city, and into some deceivingly peaceful world that was equally if not more dangerous. The Joker was sitting in his usual spot across from her, except today he looked as if all the energy had been zapped away from him. His eyes swiveled up to her and she could see recognition in them. But he didn’t act on it. The left corner of his mouth simply twitched into a half-smile.

“Mr. J?” Harleen asked curiously, taking a seat and clicking her pen open. When he didn’t respond, she called out to him again. “Mr. J?”

She slowly took note of what was happening, even if she wasn’t sure what it was. Apprehensively, she turned on the tape recorder.

“Ya know…” he said finally, his voice dull and lacking energy. “I like your name, Dr. Quinzel-ah.”

“Oh, and why’s that?” she asked suspiciously, curious to see the direction he was going in. He smacked his lips together a few times before answering, his eye lids looking extremely heavy, like he would fall asleep any second now.

“Harleen Quinzel. If ya…ya take it and do a little, uh, remodeling with it,” he began. “You get Harley Quinn.”

“Like the clown character, harlequin,” she answered, not very impressed. “I know, I’ve heard it before.”

“It’s a name that…” he paused for a second, as if he were gathering energy just to speak. “That puts a smile on my face.” He forced the widest smile he could as if to prove his point.

“I see,” I answered, adjusting my glasses. “I am assuming, from the looks of you, that the doctors have increased your medication.”

“No, no, not increased,” he answered, shaking his head dramatically. “They changed them.”

“To what?” I asked, angered slightly by the fact that nobody had informed her of this. She had expected an increase in his dosage, not a change in the prescription.

He shrugged his shoulders and let them slump back down to their original position. He didn’t seem to be paying me anymore attention, but staring at a mysterious brown stain on his uniform. I turned the tape recorder off, knowing that this would go nowhere.

“Thank you, Mr. J,” I told him, keeping my anger at bay. “That will be all for today.”

I stood up and walked out of the room, ignored the three policeman, and informed Hugh that he could escort the Joker back to his room. I kept walking all the way until I reached Jeremiah’s office.

“What the hell Jeremiah?!” I yelled, throwing the Joker’s file onto his desk, the contents spilling everywhere.

“Please, keep your voice down, Ms. Quinzel,” he told her, irked by what she had done. “And watch the language. I am trying to keep a professional business here.”

“Professional?!” I exclaimed with a laugh. “Professional would have been informing one of your doctors about changing their patient’s prescriptions!”

“This is my asylum, I am allowed to change the prescriptions of my occupants,” he told her, a dangerous glint in his eye. She disregarded it.

“But he is my fucking patient!” she screamed. This was the last straw with him. “How the hell am I supposed to talk to him when he is completely sedated like that! What the fuck were you-”

But she wasn’t able to finish her thought as Jeremiah slammed his hands on his desk in anger, silencing her.

“God damn it Harleen!” he yelled at her, standing up and walking around his desk to face her. Harleen glared back defiantly. She had never seen him look this angry or intense before. Although she wouldn’t let it show, it frightened her. “I am your boss! You will show me some respect! This is my asylum, you are my employee. I am the one who gave you this job in the first place! You think that you are so smart and so clever, and so rebellious, but you’re not. You are just a small child trying so desperately to look like an adult. From now on, you will not be raising your voice at me nor cursing. Is that clear?”

You could cut a knife through the tension in the room. Slowly, Harleen nodded her head. She had to admit defeat, if she wanted to keep her job. Plus, he was right. He was her boss, as much as she hated to admit it, and she needed to start treating him as such.

“Good. Now return to work. I don’t want to catch you in my office again, unless it’s for a real emergency. No more complaining or bitching to me.”

His words cut like a knife, but she obeyed. As he returned to his desk, she picked up the papers that she had so carelessly thrown down.

“Doctor…Dr. Arkham?” Harleen asked on her way out the door, trying to keep her cool. He didn’t say anything, so she assumed it was safe to talk. “I’m sorry.”

“And I appreciate that,” he said, surprising her slightly. She didn’t expect a response. “I understand that you are passionate for this field, Ms. Quinzel, but you need to realize how your attitude towards me is seen through the eyes of the other employees. If a young, inexperienced woman like you can talk to me like that, then why can’t they? Just watch it, from now it. And don’t lose that passion. It’s the reason I hired you.”

Harleen smiled, all of her anger being sucked away by his sudden kindness. “Absolutely, sir.”

She walked back to her office, understanding that she and her boss had a breakthrough in their relationship. Her respected for the asylum owner increased.

When she reached her office, something wasn’t right. Her door was open, and she had specifically remembered closing it. She couldn’t find anybody else in the hallway to help her, so she pulled out the button Arkham had given her that summoned security and held it in her hand, finger hovering over the button. She was going to see if she could handle this herself.

Why would anyone want to break into my office? she asked herself curiously. There’s really nothing in there…just a couple of old case files…

Harleen opened the door wider. There was a man leaning over her desk. Oddly enough, he didn’t look like a robber. He was wearing a green sweater over a white dress shirt, and dark jeans. He wasn’t even wearing a mask. I stepped further into the room, making sure my heels didn’t make a noise on the concrete floor. Suddenly, he began to turn around.

“Hold it!” I yelled at him, holding the button in the air to show him. He put his hands up in alarm. “One press of this button, and security…is going…Guy?”

Guy smirked lightly, startled. “Uh, hey Harleen. I’m sorry, but is this a bad time?”

I began laughing, putting the button back into my pocket. “No, no, no, not at all. I just thought, hehe, that you were a burglar breaking into my office.”

“Ah, I see,” he said, chuckling and putting his hands down. “The secretary at the front desk, Pearl, I think, told me I could wait here while you were seeing a patient. I hope I’m not bothering you.”

“No, you’re fine,” I told him, walking around to the other side of my desk and putting the Joker’s file away. “What can I do for you today, Mr. Kopski?”

She sat in her chair, acting professional. He smiled. He had a really cute smile. She felt a small blush creep into her cheeks. She adjusted her glasses.

Keep it cool Harley.

“Well, at uh, lunch the other day…” He paused and began searching his pocket and pulled out a necklace. Her necklace. “You must’ve left this at the table…or it fell off…but I came here to return it to you.”

“I’ve been missing that necklace for a few weeks, not a few days,” I told him, raising an eyebrow. “Pam has had it and was too lazy to return it to me.”

“Are you sure?” he began, pursing his lips and appearing to be lost in thought. “No, I’m pretty sure that you left it at the restaurant.”

“Or Pam gave it to you so you could see me again.”

Harleen was a strong, independent woman, and was more career oriented than relationship oriented at the moment, but having a man…having him do something like that just to see her again made her feel good on the inside. The only men she had been interacting with for months were the patients in the asylum and her coworkers. It was a refreshing change.

They heard movement outside of the office. Harleen stuck her head out and saw a man, a security guard, walking away.

“Hello?” I called out. “Did you need something?”

He continued walking, not even acknowledging her.

Wrong office. she thought to herself, shrugging.

Harleen continued talking with Guy for another half hour. He was sitting on the edge of her desk, reminiscing about good times at Gotham University.

“Oh my god I had her!” Harleen exclaimed, clapping a hand over her mouth. “She was awful!”

“She doesn’t teach you anything!” he agreed, laughing. “She just uses examples from the book-”

“Examples of problems that we weren’t even tested on…” I shook my head, biting my lip.

“That we didn’t even need to know,” he finished.

Then it got quiet, and the two just sat and smiled at each other. Harleen was about to say something when Guy beat her to it.

“Listen, Harleen,” he began, confidently. “Would you like to go-”

Unfortunately he didn’t get to finish what he was saying. A guard knocked on the door with news of the Joker. Despite the severity of the situation, he didn’t appear to be worried at all.

“He cut his wrists, and is demanding to see you,” he told Harleen nonchalantly, leaning casually against the door frame.

She stood up quickly and told him that she would be there immediately.

“I’m really sorry, but I need to go,” she told Guy hurriedly, smiling apologetically.

“Oh no, I, I understand,” he said, standing up to leave. “I am invading on your work time.”

“Let me leave my phone number with you,” she said, hoping to compensate with that. It wasn’t until she was halfway to the Joker’s room when she remembered that the Batman still had her phone.